This is basically a vent and I kind of wonder what other people would do or think of this situation I am about to describe...
I have a few male friends that I wanted in our wedding as ushers (my FI obviously has his friends as groomsmen, but I wanted to somehow include my couple of guys friends, too). They might as well be groomsmen, though because they are just as much a part of all of the things the rest of the wedding party generally takes part in. I have been friends with both of them for a long time and it was really important to me that they somehow be included as more than just guests.
Well, getting to the point, I put them on the guest list for my bachelorette party that my MOH wanted me to put together for her. They got invitations and they were supposed to RSVP. It was past the RSVP date and my MOH contacted me to let me know they hadn't responded to her yet. I tried to contact them a few times, as well as another friend of mine who is also a bridesmaid (she is also friends with these guys, too). Neither of them ever answered our calls/texts. Finally, one of them gets back to me about a week later, telling me that they will both be coming. So first, I was a little disappointed they didn't have the courtesy to RSVP to my MOH. However, that was something small that I got over because most people typically have one or two friends who are a little flaky like that.
This next part I am about to describe is the main thing I need to vent a little about. My bachelorette party was this past Saturday. My bridesmaids made reservations for dinner at a restaurant for 7pm before we went out and started drinking. One of the guys didn't show up until about 8:15pm. We sat around and waited for them because we wanted to make sure they ate before they started drinking. We just ordered some appetizers and hung around to stall things a little. We ordered our entrees immediately after the first guy showed up. Then, the other guy friend of mine didn't show up until around 9ish...2 hours after the reservation, mind you. From what I gathered, my MOH made the schedule known to everyone who was planning on coming (I was unaware until the last minute because the actual schedule of what my bridesmaids had planned for me was supposed to be a surprise). So, all we wanted to do at this restaurant was eat pretty quick and then start drinking at other places...but, we were stuck there until about 10ish because we waited around for my two guy friends who were extremely late. I could tell the bridesmaids were getting a little peeved when we were holding out with ordering food to try and wait for them, but silly me tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and kept assuring people that they'd be there soon.
So finally, after everyone who was supposed to be there got there and was fed, at 10pm, mind you, we went to another bar. The place we went to is primarily known for beer, but that wasn't the only thing they served. These two guy friends that I invited do not like beer, so my MOH let them know that the bar had $3 rail cocktails, thinking maybe they weren't aware of that (they do not frequent the area of the city in which we were drinnking). One of guys was like, 'um, no thank you'...making it seem like he was too good for rail alcohol. The other guy just said 'no, thank you'.
The things I have mentioned above are a little rude, but really not that big of a deal, but it was necessary for me to mention them because they build on what happened that actually bothered me. After we were at this second place drinking for about an hour, one of these guy friends of mine asked me if I wanted to go to a near-by gay club (both of these friends of mine are gay). It sounded like a fun idea to me, as well as most of the other girls who were there. But, one of my cousins was not really feeling it. She has nothing against gay people, but she is from a smaller town where they don't have gay clubs. She just isn't used to the atmosphere. And because she is one of my bridesmaids, she had been chipping in to pay for me all night (which I didn't expect, but no one would allow me to pay for anything), and she travelled pretty far to be there for me and hang out last weekend, I wasn't about to force her to do something she wouldn't be comfortable doing.
Well, the one guy friend of mine kept nagging me about going to a gay club and wouldn't shut up about it. I really didn't want any drama, so I kind of just said I didn't know and it would have to be something everyone wanted to do. I thought if I kind of just blew it off a little bit, he would eventually just stop pushing the idea. But he didn't. I finally did get a moment alone with him away from my cousin who just wasn't cool with going, and just explained the situation that it's not something she was used to and that I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Well, instead of just saying 'oh man, that's too bad, but it's all good. I'm fine with just staying here', he told me that it was snotty and uptight. And I tried to explain to him that's not how she is at all and that it's just not her thing. Well, that didn't matter because he continued to tell me what he thought of it. At that point, I just shrugged my shoulders because it was my bachelorette and I was trying to avoid people dragging me into drama (this particular guy friend of mine is famous for starting drama and making mountains out of molehills).
After that conversation between he and I, he kind of seemed to drop it, so I thought these two guy friends of mine would be okay with hanging out at straight bars for one night, since it was my bachelorette and not just a random get-together. And let me say, too that there was no one in any of these straight places we were in making comments about them or making it a hostile environment. The place was chill and everyone was minding their own business. I can understand if these guys were uncomfortable if there was someone who was making them feel uncomfortable or threatened...but there wasn't. Well, I'm at the bar with another one of my bridesmaids getting a drink, and the one guy's boyfriend (who tagged along with him), the guy who kept nagging me about going to a gay club, came up behind me and announced that they were going to a near-by gay club and that we should all come with them. So basically, while I was getting a drink at the bar, my two guy friends and the boyfriend of the one guy all decided that they were just going to leave my bachelorette and just go to the gay club they wanted to go to, whether we agreed to go or not.
So, in a nutshell, they basically said goodbye to me and the rest of the girls real quick and left abruptly...they ditched my bachelorette because they were apparently too good to hang out at a straight place for one night. They tried to make it seem like they wanted to take me to the gay club because they wanted me to have fun, but because they ditched me, it was obviously because they were bored and didn't feel like staying where we were hanging out. Now, I've been friends with these two guys for a really long time and yes, they have always been a little on the flaky side and the one who kept pushing the idea of going to a gay club actually has done some things to myself and some of our other friends that I think most other people may not have the patience for (I guess we may be too nice at times, and it's mistaken for weakness, lol). But, it has mostly just been small things that I have been able to get over and give them the benefit of the doubt on, basically being adult about it and telling myself that some people are just a little flaky, but it's not that they don't care and they really are good guys when it comes down to it. Well, because that's always been what I've told myself, I figured since it was my bachelorette (something I only plan on doing once in my life, so I saw it as somewhat of a special occasion), they would be there for me and have a good time with me. I also don't get to see either of them very often, either because we are all busy...so, it was important to me that they be there.
But because they just straight-up ditched me in the middle of my bachelorette, I'm beginning to think that they may not actually care. I feel like I have always cared deeply about them, so it does hurt a little that they did what they did. Some of my girl friends have told me that I should stick it out for the wedding since they are pretty much in my wedding party and cut ties with them afterwards. I know this post was ridiculously long, but I am just venting and also wondering how others would handle this situation. I will say, though that my night was not ruined by all of this...I was having a good time and I really didn't think about it until the next day when I was more sober, lol. So, am I being too sensitive about this? Or should I feel legitimately slighted by these guys?
