First let me give you some background insight.. my wedding is in Hawaii this July 2010.. I have been planning it for a year and half. So when I finally picked the destination I asked my two younger (college aged) sisters to be my bridesmaids. At that point my mother agreed to pay for thier flights and hotel so that the whole family could be at my wedding. My youngest sister 'Chelle' moved to Germany to go to college there about 6 mths after we started planning the wedding. Because my sisters are in college and they really don't have any income I have purchased both of their bridesmaids dress, accessories and have paid for everything for the wedding. All they really have to do is show up, I felt that since they werent in a fiancial postion to pay for these items I would to make it easier for them to be part of my big day.
Well my mother already booked the hotel accomodations for my sisters and she was trying to book the flights last week. She was able to find flights from Houston To Hawaii for $400 a person- so that was a good deal for her, my stepdad and my other sister that resides in Texas. Well then she went to go book my sisters flight from Germany to Hawaii which was $3000, so she tried to book it from Germany to Houston then Houston to Hawaii.. that was $2700. My mom was a little over whelmed with the cost of the flight when the tickets for her, my stepdad and sister plus the hotel didn't end up that much. So she sent an email out to my sisters and me saying she needed help finding a cheaper flight.. because she didnt budget for that $. My sister and I start looking for flights that were cheaper.. after spending a couple hours looking we found one for $800 if she came two weeks before the wedding in Hawaii and then she could fly with us to Hawaii.
Well we thought that would work out great because the original plan was she was gonna stay after Hawaii two weeks for the reception back home. So when my mom proposed this plan to her she shot it down. After multiple calls and emails she told me there is no way she is coming early for the wedding and that she thinks mom should just schedule her flight the week of the wedding regardless of the price. I was FURIOUS!! I mean first I pay for everything for them to be in the wedding, then my mom goes out of her way for them to get there by paying for the flight and hotel and she can't even move her schedule around.
After 4 days of her telling me she wasn't going to be coming on the flight that we found at the cheapest price.. and much crying I just decided to demote her as a bridesmaid. I mean she shouldn't be so selfish as to not come when she isn't even paying for anything. On top of that she hasn't helped me with anything that pertains to the wedding and she can't even show up to support me. So I called the planner, the florist , the spa..etc and removed her as the other bridesmaid (I still have my other sister as a bridesmaid). My mom thinks I am making hasty descion, but I feel like she is being selfish. I told her and my mom that if she comes great she can be at the wedding.. but if she doesn't I am not going to feel one way or another. I feel this is the best stance for me since for the past year she has said she will be there and then all of sudden she has changed her mind. I can't keep spending money on her thinking she will be part of the bridal party to come and find out she isn't coming. Plus, it is emotionally taxing to have it up in the air and if I don't expect her to come I won't be let down if she comes or doesn't.
I have talked to some of my closests friends about the situation and they agree that my sister is being unreasonable and that I should stand my ground. But then there is my mom who thinks I should still have her in the wedding party regardless of her selfish child like behavior- my mom just wants to make everyone happy. My mom even asked that I call her this week and talk to her.. after last week she already told me that she isn't coming early to be here for the wedding and to Piss off. I feel like I dont need to call her and she owes me an apology and that I should keep her out of the bridal party.
Any advice?