Brides maid troubles

alexandravgl

-I have a bridesmaid (one of my Fiance's friends from childhood) who has been nothing but trouble since the start. She has done nothing but complain about everything to do with our wedding, complaining that its to expensive. But yet she wants to be part of our day. Well last week she tells us that she will let us know 2 weeks before our big day if she is actually even going to make it! We get married the start of August! What should I do???  Should I just cut her from the wedding party?? HELP

banana468

NO.  Don't cut her from the wedding.

Just say, "Well, I'll be really sad if you can't make it but I understand if that's what you have to do."

And then drop it.  I'll admit that it's flaky to not know if you can meet a commitment but sometimes there are big things out there in a person's life.

All you can do now is relax and go with the flow.  If she doesn't make it, you'll still be married.  :-)

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5a59e8fd-b04e-43a4-95f8-492143f99615Post:bf847694-ab28-4991-a9a8-61d2b3f32288">Bridesmaid from hell</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a bridesmaid (one of my Fiance's friends from childhood) who has been nothing but trouble since the start. She has done nothing but complain about everything to do with our wedding, complaining that its to expensive. But yet she wants to be part of our day. Well last week she tells us that she will let us know 2 weeks before our big day if she is actually even going to make it! We get married August 6th! What should I do???  Should I just cut her from the wedding party?? HELP
Posted by alexandravgl[/QUOTE]

<div>No, you do NOT cut her from the wedding. #1, she shouldn't even be a bm, she should be a groomswoman. She's not your friend, she's your FI's friend. </div><div>
</div><div>Second, did you ASK her what her budget was? Maybe she's complaining about it being too expensive because it IS too expensive. Did you just pick out a dress and tell her to deal with the cost? </div><div>
</div><div>Lastly, if you kick her out (whether she's your friend or not) it's going to scar the friendship she has with your FI and it's a very public thing. You will look like a bridezilla and she will probably not even come to the wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>Just deal with it. Really, all she's doing is venting. Didn't your mother ever tell you to just ignore people?</div>

stina93446

And ditto banana, so what if she doesn't show? You'll still be married. 

emilyinchile

If she tells you two weeks ahead of time, you have time to let your RD and wedding caterers know not to includer her in the final guest count, and you can wait until she confirms to get her BM gift (although it would be nice of you to give it to her regardless). You might not be able to cancel her bouquet, but in the grand scheme of things, that won't exactly make or break your budget or how much you enjoy your wedding, whereas losing her as a friend after kicking her out could well affect your FI's happiness.

emilyinchile

And you look like a child when you delete your post. It's also already been quoted, so you still look bad for what you originally said...all you've done is make yourself look worse.

stina93446

Really?! No one said anything remotely bad to you. What a baby

SheDiva4

Maybe she was hoping everyone would validate that it's ok to cut the BM from the wedding. 

I think the advice was honest and kind.

aerinpegadrak

DH's brother wasn't able to make the wedding, even though several people offered to cover his costs.  He was still listed as a groomsman in the program, and while DH was hurt, it didn't negatively impact the wedding day or their relationship.

We also chipped in to cover expenses for a couple of the attendants who were going through rough patches.  My MOH was facing eviction for her whole family (her, her husband, her infant daughter, and her parents), and couldn't tell me until about three days before the wedding whether she was going to make it.  When I told her that she was my MOH no matter what, she cried.  Sure, it was a little stressful not knowing whether she was going to be there, but it was nothing compared to what she was going through, so I swallowed my own irritation and simply repeated "It's okay, I understand" as many times as necessary.

Here's an idea, how about you try showing some compassion for someone who is clearly important to your FI?  Honestly, if I treated any of my husband's friends so callously, he probably wouldn't have married me in the first place.

CTGirl30

Too late, OP - you were quoted. Which means we can still see what you originally wrote.

Don't cut her - if she doesn't make it, she doesn't make it. It sucks to not have a solid answer but it's not the end of the world and the other ladies have given you good advice - you can still let the venues know that she won't be in the final count 2 weeks out, usually...and it would make you look really bad if you kick her out. Maybe FI should be addressing these issues with her since it's his friend.

ETA - and by issues I mean whatever concerns she has about it being too expensive. If she's a good, long-term friend of his and he really wants her to be part of it he should talk with her after the two of dicuss your budget and see if there's some way to help out if expenses are a concern for her.