Birth Child's Role in Wedding

tsampsont1

My birth daughter and I keep in contact and see each other a few times a year as a result of an open adoption. I have let her guide the relationship in terms of intensity and frequency. Her adopted mom revealed to me that the daughter is hoping to have a role in the wedding which came as a surprise to me. I would like to make her feel special but not necessarily a jr bridesmaid. This also will be the first time most of the family meets her. I was thinking of her escorting the ringbearer (who will be nearly 4) down the aisle but not sure if this is a good idea or not. I'm open to other suggestions. She is 13 years old. What would you do in a situation like this?

AdeleDazeem

Can she do a reading? 

itzMS

Ulitimately ask her directly (through her mom, if necessary) what role she'd like to have. But certainly first consideration should be as a bridesmaid.

mattycam

I was thinking bridesmaid as well.

TheVirginians

Another vote for bridesmaid.

BostonGIrl4732

Another adoptee voting for bridesmaid!

tsampsont1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_birth-childs-role-in-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:60c771f8-3e48-48dc-af2b-4e19f478abd7Post:c83611e5-783e-4aed-97b3-b4dd7c4bb012">Re: Birth Child's Role in Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait.  What?  You don't know why your child wants to be involved in your wedding?  omg she's 13, such a sensitive age.  Make her a bridemaid.   I may seem harsh, but I'm a child of adoption too.  What she wants, truly, is your acceptance.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

Thanks Covejack- a bit of harshness is perhaps what I need! Your last sentence is most profound.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_birth-childs-role-in-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:60c771f8-3e48-48dc-af2b-4e19f478abd7Post:1332bffe-f8c2-4df1-848c-9b21826c52fe">Re: Birth Child's Role in Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Ulitimately ask her directly (through her mom, if necessary) what role she'd like to have. But certainly first consideration should be as a bridesmaid.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

I like this suggestion, talk to her to see what type of role she would be comfortable with doing. Come up with options you are comfortable with. Some ideas as, bridesmaid, reader, pass out programs, or whatever other way she might be able to help. But in the end, you figure out what options are good for you & then give her an option. This way you aren't putting her into a role she isn't comfortable with.

tkingrqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_birth-childs-role-in-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:60c771f8-3e48-48dc-af2b-4e19f478abd7Post:c83611e5-783e-4aed-97b3-b4dd7c4bb012">Re: Birth Child's Role in Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait.  What?  You don't know why your child wants to be involved in your wedding?  omg she's 13, such a sensitive age.  Make her a bridemaid.   I may seem harsh, but I'm a child of adoption too.  What she wants, truly, is your acceptance.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>i'm a child of adoption too. THIS is almost exactly what I was going to say.</p>

tsampsont1

Thanks all for your feedback. I'm happy to report last night I asked her to be my jr bridesmaid!

skv38866

I like her being able to walk down in some way.  I think after that she could either do a reading that she (or you and her together) pick out or if she would prefer to be a bridesmaid she could do that.  A bridesmaid might be a little awkward since you and her won't have the same sort of closeness that you have with the other bridesmaids.  If you are comfortable with either option then I would let her choose. 

I think its important to make her feel involved and that you aren't ashamed or anything like that.  Her mom may have some insight into this too.  13 is a tricky age.