Maids driving me MAD!

DevMar88

Hi All! I'm writing in this topic because I'm sure I'm not the only bride who has experienced this.

To clear things up before you read on--

**My MOH has asked to host a shower for me, as well as plan a bachelorette party with the rest of my girls. Both of which I was told are to be a surprise.

***I in no way have dictated what the girls are to wear at my wedding. I have given them free reign of all attire and looks. All have agreed to choose what they wear together. They have a text messaging chat going where they talk about wedding details together. I am not invovled with that imessage.

I am getting married in 3 1/2 months and the drama and complaining amongst my bridesmaids had already begun.
Here are some examples of what they have been arguing about amongst eachother:
 "I can't wear those kinds of shoes."
"I'm not spending $50 on a pair of shoes I'll never wear again."
"Why should I have to dye my shoes?"
"If your shoes are covered most of the time why can't I wear the ones you picked out?"
"I don't want to walk down the aisle with him!"
"I'm broke."
"I can't afford catering for the shower" (which would be $25 a maid, where all other maids are on board with catering)
"We shouldn't go there for your bachelorette, so-and-so wouldn't like it."
"We all need to agree on *insert wedding detail here* before we choose."

These are just a touch of what I am hearing, as most do not come directly to me PHEW! No matter how many times I ask my girls to keep me out of their bickering and complaining I still get phone calls. I don't want to hear that someone doesn't have the money for something (especially when I know they go out and spend $$ on the weekends), or someone doesn't like what I picked out for MY wedding (*decor/bouquet, etc). I am feeling very hurt over the words and wedding ideals some of my maids have. I had always envisioned that my bridesmaids would just be happy for me, proud to be in my wedding and support the choices I make.

 I truly feel that I have been so kind and generous to my girls and I am not recieving the same treatment. I had them pick a dress they all liked at an affordable price ($70-which can be worn again and again elsewhere), the shoe bickering left me with the decision to have them all pick their own shoes from David's Bridal (they have full choice of price and style that suits them), I also persuaded my MOH to host an affordable shower at the local Elks club. I have 6 atendants alltogether; four are in school and working part time, the other two are working professionals. Each woman accepted back in August-living in the same situation they are all in now.

The money complaints are bogus and I feel that some other complaints should have been left unsaid. I can't imagine what else could happen as we are still 100 days out. I have some pretty strong-minded friends. I am timid and always try my best to avoid confrontation. I don't want to argue or fight with my ladies so close to my special day. I don't know what I could possibly do or say to stop all of this. I wish they could all go with the flow, like me, but I feel like I've chosen a bunch of complainers. I feel that they are not focused on me at all, rather on themselves and their own accomodations.

HELP! Any advice? Thanks for reading

mlg78

I am horrified by your post!  Do you realize that you're in the wrong in many ways and NOT your bridesmaids?

You can't dictate how your girls spend their money on their own so you have no right to judge them for that.  Let them wear shoes they already own.  I'm sure a pair of black/silver/neutral colored heels they already have will look just fine.  You PERSUADED your MOH into throwing you a shower?  Uh, it's supposed to be offered, not coerced.  These girls are students.  I was lucky to have food in my fridge when I was in college, let alone be able to drop money for a BM dress, shoes, pitch in money for a shower, and a wedding/shower gift on top of that!  Oh, and the bachelorette party too...I assume they're throwing that as well?  You're asking a lot of these girls, much of which should have been offered by them if they wanted to do it. 

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:00d6d2da-da10-4ff5-86d6-545f5bfa7290">Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All! I'm writing in this topic because I'm sure I'm not the only bride who has experienced this. I am getting married in 3 1/2 months and the drama and complaining amongst my bridesmaids had already begun. Here are some examples: "I can't wear those kinds of shoes." "I'm not spending $50 on a pair of shoes I'll never wear again." "Why should I have to dye my shoes?" "If your shoes are covered most of the time why can't I wear the ones you picked out?" "I don't want to walk down the aisle with him!" "I'm broke." "I can't afford catering for the shower" (which would be $25 a maid, where all other maids are on board with catering) "We shouldn't go there for your bachelorette, so-and-so wouldn't like it." "We all need to agree on *insert wedding detail here* before we choose." These are just a touch of what I am hearing, as most do not come directly  to me PHEW! No matter how many times I ask my girls to keep me out of their bickering and complaining I still hear it. I don't want to hear that someone doesn't have the money for something (especially when I know they go out and spend $$ on the weekends), or someone doesn't like what I picked out for MY wedding. I am feeling very hurt over the words and wedding ideals some of my maids have. I had always envisioned that my bridesmaids would just be happy for me, proud to be in my wedding and support the choices I make.  I truly feel that I have been so kind and generous to my girls and I am not recieving the same treatment. I had them pick a dress they all liked at an affordable price ($70-which can be worn again and again elsewhere), the shoe bickering left me with the decision to have them all pick their own shoes from David's Bridal (they have full choice of price and style that suits them), I also persuaded my MOH to host an affordable shower at the local Elks club. I have 6 atendants alltogether; four are in school and working part time, the other two are working professionals. Each woman accepted back in August-living in the same situation they are all in now. I am begining to regret their gifts because I don't feel like they are here for me. The money complaints are bogus and I feel that some other complaints should have been left unsaid. I can't imagine what else could happen as we are still 100 days out. I have some pretty strong-minded friends. I am timid and always try my best to avoid confrontation. I don't want to argue or fight with my ladies so close to my special day. I don't know what I could possibly do or say to stop all of this. I wish they could all go with the flow, like me, but I feel like I've chosen a bunch of complainers. I feel that they are not focused on me at all, rather on themselves and their own accomodations. :( HELP! Any advice? Thanks for reading :)
Posted by DevMar88[/QUOTE]<div>You need to kick these b!tches out. I will be your bridesmaid. I have a lot of free time on my hands right now, and I promise to bow to your will w/o complaint. 

</div>

bunni727

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:00d6d2da-da10-4ff5-86d6-545f5bfa7290">Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All! I'm writing in this topic because I'm sure I'm not the only bride who has experienced this. I am getting married in 3 1/2 months and the drama and complaining amongst my bridesmaids had already begun. Here are some examples: "I can't wear those kinds of shoes." "I'm not spending $50 on a pair of shoes I'll never wear again." "Why should I have to dye my shoes?" "If your shoes are covered most of the time why can't I wear the ones you picked out?" "I don't want to walk down the aisle with him!" "I'm broke." "I can't afford catering for the shower" (which would be $25 a maid, where all other maids are on board with catering) "We shouldn't go there for your bachelorette, so-and-so wouldn't like it." "We all need to agree on *insert wedding detail here* before we choose." These are just a touch of what I am hearing, as most do not come directly  to me PHEW! No matter how many times I ask my girls to keep me out of their bickering and complaining I still hear it. I don't want to hear that someone doesn't have the money for something (especially when I know they go out and spend $$ on the weekends), or someone doesn't like what I picked out for MY wedding. I am feeling very hurt over the words and wedding ideals some of my maids have. I had always envisioned that my bridesmaids would just be happy for me, proud to be in my wedding and support the choices I make.  I truly feel that I have been so kind and generous to my girls and I am not recieving the same treatment. I had them pick a dress they all liked at an affordable price ($70-which can be worn again and again elsewhere), the shoe bickering left me with the decision to have them all pick their own shoes from David's Bridal (they have full choice of price and style that suits them), I also persuaded my MOH to host an affordable shower at the local Elks club. I have 6 atendants alltogether; four are in school and working part time, the other two are working professionals. Each woman accepted back in August-living in the same situation they are all in now. I am begining to regret their gifts because I don't feel like they are here for me. The money complaints are bogus and I feel that some other complaints should have been left unsaid. I can't imagine what else could happen as we are still 100 days out. I have some pretty strong-minded friends. I am timid and always try my best to avoid confrontation. I don't want to argue or fight with my ladies so close to my special day. I don't know what I could possibly do or say to stop all of this. I wish they could all go with the flow, like me, but I feel like I've chosen a bunch of complainers. I feel that they are not focused on me at all, rather on themselves and their own accomodations. :( HELP! Any advice? Thanks for reading :)
Posted by DevMar88[/QUOTE]

The only unreasonable complaint from your BMs that I saw was not wanting to walk with a certain person.

The rest are things that they have a right to complain about. You should buy their shoes if you are being very specific, shoes are very personal as to which ones a person may be able to wear, there's nothing wrong with trying to ensure attendees enjoy a party, and there is absolutely no rule saying they all have to pay for your shower.

Peledreamsofrain

For the sake of humanity, I am deciding that this is MUD.  Nobody decides they are a financial psychic, and therefore know everyone's finances.  Nobody cares that much about shoes, and nobody is that spiteful over shoes.  

SlothGoals

Sweet baby Jesus. OP you are a piece of work fo' sho'. I think you should kick them all out and hire people to be your BMs if you're going to be acting like this. At least they'll be getting paid to deal with you.

ETA: Spelling fail.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:73541115-bea4-4227-aebd-606d1ea8978b">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]For the sake of humanity, I am deciding that this is MUD.  Nobody decides they are a financial psychic, and therefore know everyone's finances.  Nobody cares that much about shoes, and nobody is that spiteful over shoes.  
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>OP, look how mean this girl was to you. She doesn't even think your problem is real, AND she thinks if you're real, humanity is doomed. </div>

DevMar88

I'm sorry my post came off as if I have been demanding. I wanted to minimize the story and didn't include all of the information neccesary to explain myself. I hadn't persuaded my MOH to host a shower. She had approached me a few months back about hosting one for me. She wanted to have it as a plated event and I called her crazy. Having had my other girls in mind I told her I did not want any kind of shower she had proposed. I suggested a low key, inexpensive shower. She got upset with me because I asked her to change her plans.
All of the girls decided that would like the same shoes, so I attempted to choose one they could all check out to see if they liked, which they didn't. They bickered amongst themselves to the point where I said they could choose whichever shoe they wanted.

They are not complaining about me, rather about eachother, which is why I mentioned that I feel they are not focused on me. They are also all planning a bachelorette party together for me. I have not asked anything of them. My MOH has decided to take the reign of my shower and bachelorette. They are both to be a surprise, so I am becomming frustrated with all that I am hearing when I do'nt know what is going on.

My intention was not to post to be ridiculed as being a bridezilla. I don't believe I have been. I have been very gracious and accomodating to all of my attendants. I will say again that I have not asked them of anything, I should have made that clear in my post.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:3a2aca65-c7b4-4085-a488-dc45b1c01b01">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry my post came off as if I have been demanding. I wanted to minimize the story and didn't include all of the information neccesary to explain myself. I hadn't persuaded my MOH to host a shower. She had approached me a few months back about hosting one for me. She wanted to have it as a plated event and I called her crazy. Having had my other girls in mind I told her I did not want any kind of shower she had proposed. I suggested a low key, inexpensive shower. She got upset with me because I asked her to change her plans. All of the girls decided that would like the same shoes, so I attempted to choose one they could all check out to see if they liked, which they didn't. They bickered amongst themselves to the point where I said they could choose whichever shoe they wanted. They are not complaining about me, rather about eachother, which is why I mentioned that I feel they are not focused on me. They are also all planning a bachelorette party together for me. I have not asked anything of them. My MOH has decided to take the reign of my shower and bachelorette. They are both to be a surprise, so I am becomming frustrated with all that I am hearing when I do'nt know what is going on. <strong>My intention was not to post to be ridiculed as being a bridezilla. </strong>I don't believe I have been. I have been very gracious and accomodating to all of my attendants. I will say again that I have not asked them of anything, I should have made that clear in my post.
Posted by DevMar88[/QUOTE]
Yeah, Scribe! You don't call her a bridezilla b/c that's not why she posted!

DevMar88

@Liatris2010

I had asked them all if they'd like to wear flip-flops at the start of all of this. I figured summer wedding and flip flops would be cool. All but one said "No, we should wear heels." This is a constant, and when one dissagrees they all fight. Perhaps I should've approached this post as a problem with my maids fighting? None of my maids have an issue with me or the way I am managing my side of things. All of the dissagreements they are faced with are having to do with the shower/ bachelorette that I have been told by all of them to stay out of b/c it's a surprise. I royally screwed up this post!!! I'm not mean, I promise!

mlg78

Some of these things ARE issues that have come about by your decisions!  What color is your bridesmaids dress?  I'm sure they all have shoes in their own closet they could wear that would look just fine -- especially if this dress is super wearable again!

If it is just among them fighting then stay out of it.  You don't need to be a part of that argument if, as you said, they're not arguing with you, right?

lindseymon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:5ef58768-7fd7-4c9f-b976-78814b227c36">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : Yeah, Scribe! You don't call her a bridezilla b/c that's not why she posted!
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]


Omg Addie do you have no life? Quit busting this girl's chops, she's already been slammed enough. Get over yourself!

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:45dc7ed6-c4fb-4c4c-ab81-46fdcaa9167e">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]@Liatris2010 I had asked them all if they'd like to wear flip-flops at the start of all of this. I figured summer wedding and flip flops would be cool. All but one said "No, we should wear heels." This is a constant, and when one dissagrees they all fight. Perhaps I should've approached this post as a problem with my maids fighting? None of my maids have an issue with me or the way I am managing my side of things. All of the dissagreements they are faced with are having to do with the shower/ bachelorette that I have been told by all of them to stay out of b/c it's a surprise. I royally screwed up this post!!! I'm not mean, I promise!
Posted by DevMar88[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think the easiest way to solve the shoe problem is to tell all of them that you would like them to wear whatever feels comfortable and that they in no way have to wear the same shoe.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, I agree with Lia that you should tell your MOH to cool it and that if any BMs can't contribute that is totally okay.

</div>

DevMar88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:a074cfae-4efb-4b8b-a275-c6e89384cbba">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I  really  want to give you the benefit of the doubt .... Are you asking your BMs to dye their shoes a certain color?  If I were them, I'd be less than pleased, too.  Are you also asking them to buy new shoes for your wedding?  That's definitely a bit much to ask for. Your bridesmaids have no obligation to pay for ANYTHING for your showers.  My showers were hosted by family friends; I didn't expect my bridesmaids to host (or spend money on) any showers.   You cannot make any claims to the validity of their money concerns.  You found them a reasonably-priced dress, for which I commend you.   You're 100 days out.  Your maids shouldn't even have an idea about how they will walk down the aisle.  And, TBH, they are not supposed to be focused on you right now.  They are in the midst of their own lives.  The only "attention" on you that they are required to give is during your wedding ceremony.  The rest is just a bonus.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Thanks TXK. I believe I have gone over my own head here and made myself out to be someone I'm not through writing! The girls are making their own choices, some want to make those choices individually, some want all the choices to be made TOGETHER between all of them. They chose the dress, they chose the shoes. ome want dyed shoes, some don't. I was going to approach posting this topic as how to manage the disagreements between my girls. I am giving them full freedom, yet they are all fighting about it. I just don't like it. My "go with the flow"  comment was not intended to say they should do what I want them to do, rather agree with eachother. They don't know yet, but I am paying for their hair and makeup, which they will manage at their discretion as well. As of right now I'm sitting behind the scenes watching madness.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:1f7f1b31-a754-41d8-9823-a149923636d9">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : Omg Addie do you have no life? Quit busting this girl's chops, she's already been slammed enough. Get over yourself!
Posted by lindseymon[/QUOTE]

<div>Addie's comments are actually part of an invisible sidebar conversation.</div>

DevMar88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:826199c4-b56e-4e53-87fb-73a8d7fe954a">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : How old are these girls?  And (no offense) why are they so wrapped up in your wedding??
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Hi TX. FI sister 22, my sister MOH 19, MOH 25, 25, 24, 24. I'm 25.

DevMar88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:7e2603ce-e7b6-4ff3-817f-c71845140fd4">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]Some of these things ARE issues that have come about by your decisions!  What color is your bridesmaids dress?  I'm sure they all have shoes in their own closet they could wear that would look just fine -- especially if this dress is super wearable again! If it is just among them fighting then stay out of it.  You don't need to be a part of that argument if, as you said, they're not arguing with you, right?
Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

No, Mlg, they aren't arguing with me. However, I just don't like/can't figure out why they continue. Last week I had one phone call a day about person a from person b. Next day it was the other way around. They all bring it to me and I don't know how to stop it.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:1f7f1b31-a754-41d8-9823-a149923636d9">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : Omg Addie do you have no life? Quit busting this girl's chops, she's already been slammed enough. Get over yourself!
Posted by lindseymon[/QUOTE]

<div>I love how even if I attempt to side with the OP, I get called out. </div>

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:2d22b53d-fcc5-4924-92ed-44bcfd6d8b36">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : I love how even if I attempt to side with the OP, I get called out. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>You can't win! I think that we should just choose an "I h8 Addie day", make it official and be done with it.</div><div>
</div><div>(kidding, of course)</div>

mcda04

Here are some examples: "I can't wear those kinds of shoes."
Let them pick out their own shoes.

"I'm not spending $50 on a pair of shoes I'll never wear again."
Again. Let them pick out their own shoes or wear what they already own.

"Why should I have to dye my shoes?"
They shouldn't

"If your shoes are covered most of the time why can't I wear the ones you picked out?"
Shoes are not important. Nobody will notice what their wearing on their feet. Not even you.

"I don't want to walk down the aisle with him!"
Let them walk alone. The girls walk, then the guys, or one guy, one girl and so on.

"I'm broke."
Let them choose a dress in the same color as the rest of the girls within their budget. Did you ask their budget individually beforehand?

"I can't afford catering for the shower" (which would be $25 a maid, where all other maids are on board with catering)
Nobody should be forced to pitch in. If they can't afford to throw a shower, you don't get one.

"We shouldn't go there for your bachelorette, so-and-so wouldn't like it."
You shouldn't be involved in the planning. Your other BM's should say "This is the place we've all agreed on so I really hope you can join us"

"We all need to agree on *insert wedding detail here* before we choose
This sounds like a conversation between your girls. Let them hash it out amongst themselves and tell them you don't want to hear any gossip or crap talking.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:aa10ff04-727e-444d-b5d6-2ec51dc172d1">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : You can't win! I think that we should just choose an "I h8 Addie day", make it official and be done with it. (kidding, of course)
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

<div>Can we have a cake?  I flucking LOVE cake. </div>

AJuliaNJ

In Response to Re:Maids driving me MAD!:[QUOTE]Sweet baby Jesus. OP you are a piece of work fo' sho'. I think you should kick them all out and hire people to be your BMs if you're going to be acting like this. At least they'll be getting paid to deal with you.ETA: Spelling fail. Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

That sounds like a fantastic business idea! If your bridesmaids won't cooperate, back out, or are just too ugly, just hire someone. I guarantee you could find someone on the Google or Craigslist to do this.

DevMar88

I have edited my OP. Thank you for all of your advice.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:00d6d2da-da10-4ff5-86d6-545f5bfa7290">Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All! I'm writing in this topic because I'm sure I'm not the only bride who has experienced this. I am getting married in 3 1/2 months and the drama and complaining amongst my bridesmaids had already begun. Here are some examples:<strong> "I can't wear those kinds of shoes."</strong><font color="#0000FF">
<font color="#000080">If they can't wear certain shoes, why make them wear those shoes!</font></font><font color="#000080"> </font>
<strong>"I'm not spending $50 on a pair of shoes I'll never wear again."</strong>
<font color="#000080"> If you make your BP wear specific shoes, you should pay for them.   "</font>Why should I have to dye my shoes?" "If your shoes are covered most of the time why can't I wear the ones you picked out?" "I don't want to walk down the aisle with him!"
<strong>"I'm broke." "I can't afford catering for the shower" (which would be $25 a maid, where all other maids are on board with catering)</strong>
<font color="#000080">If your girls are low on funds, you should respect that. Did you ask what their budget was before picking out attire?  Did you demand that they throw you a shower? The maids need to figure it out for themselves, and if they can't afford to host, they should step down from hosting and not be made to feel guilty about it. </font>
 "We shouldn't go there for your bachelorette, so-and-so wouldn't like it." "We all need to agree on *insert wedding detail here* before we choose." These are just a touch of what I am hearing, as most do not come directly  to me PHEW! No matter how many times I ask my girls to keep me out of their bickering and complaining I still hear it.
<strong> I don't want to hear that someone doesn't have the money for something (especially when I know they go out and spend $$ on the weekends)</strong>,
<font color="#000080">It's Nun-ya bidness what they spend their money on. You aren't their husband or their mother. If you were their friend you'd realize they may have other priorities. And how do you know they spend $$ on the weekends? Do you ask them what their weekend budget looks like?</font>
or <strong>someone doesn't like what I picked out for<u> <em>MY wedding</em></u></strong><em><u>.</u></em>
<font color="#000080">Sure it's YOUR wedding, but it's not THEIR weddings, KWIM? Just becasue you're getting married doesn't mean that their world revolves around you. </font>
 I am feeling very hurt over the words and wedding ideals some of my maids have. I had always envisioned that my bridesmaids would just be happy for me, proud to be in my wedding and support the choices I make.  I truly feel that I have been so kind and generous to my girls and I am not recieving the same treatment. I had them pick a dress they all liked at an a<strong>ffordable price ($70 </strong><font color="#0000FF">(<font color="#000080">the only nice thing I've heard)</font></font><strong>-</strong>which can be worn again and again elsewhere), the shoe bickering left me with the decision to have them all pick their own shoes from David's Bridal (they have full choice of price and style that suits them),<strong> I also persuaded my MOH to host</strong>
<font color="#0000FF"><font color="#000080">Persuading to host is like saying "Hi, you're going to give me a gift because I want it, it's not my birthday or anything, I just want this present and here's exactly what it's going to be"- isn't that kinda rude?</font>
</font> an affordable shower at the local Elks club. I have 6 atendants alltogether; four are in school and working part time, the other two are working professionals. Each woman accepted back in August-l<strong>iving in the same situation they are all in now</strong>.<font color="#000080"> Are you sure it's the exact same situation? I look like I'm in the same situation I was a year ago, but in fact I'm in a COMPLETELY different financial setting.</font> I am begining to regret their gifts because I don't feel like they are here for me. <strong>The money complaints are bogus and I feel that some other complaints should have been left unsaid</strong>.<font color="#000080"> It's true, maybe some of the whining should be left unsaid or be used as impetus to find a compromise, but you can't judge a person's finances unless you are a joint owner of their accounts</font>. I can't imagine what else could happen as we are still 100 days out. I have some pretty strong-minded friends. I am timid and always try my best to avoid confrontation. I don't want to argue or fight with my ladies so close to <strong>my special day.</strong> I don't know what I could possibly do or say to stop all of this. I wish they could all go with the flow, like me, but I feel like I've chosen a bunch of complainers<strong>. I feel that they are not focused on me at all, rather on themselves and their own accomodations<font color="#000080"> </font></strong><font color="#000080">Darn right they're focused on themselves! how else should they live their lives?</font>. :( HELP! Any advice? Thanks for reading :)
Posted by DevMar88[/QUOTE]

All I can say is good luck. You say you're a go-with-the-flow type gal, but here it seems like anything but. I'll give you this vent, because hey, we all get a little zilla-ish from time to time, but now that you've pouted and stomped your feet, please reassess the situation. You BM's should be your FRIENDS first, attendants 2nd or 3rd on the list. These ladies are your nearest and dearest. Grab a glass of wine with each one separately and try and <u><em><strong>focus on them</strong></em></u> for the evening. You may be surprised if they act differently the next time they're all together. I'm sure you can find six nights out of the next 100 to carve out a few hours for each of them.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:05ff3781-90f3-4ae8-bea3-75231f54b891">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : I think you should tell your MoH to slow her roll because she seems to be under the impression that the BMs have to do what she says.
Posted by missax[/QUOTE]

<div>This, but the way Kristan said it. Given her age, I am betting your sister has gotten caught up in the excitement and "importance" of being your MOH and has probably read too many bridal magazines. She probably thinks she is doing you a favor and is trying to "be a good MOH." Let her know she doesn't have to work so hard at this. </div>

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:0061c1e2-ca2e-476c-a395-bcf4a0d06a6b">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : Okay, this (and the age) helps. First off, reinforce the fact that they are to choose their own shoes.  <strong>Nobody has to dye. </strong> NOBODY CARES.   Who is the "instigator"?  From what you said about your MOH wanting a formal shower, I'd guess it's her.  SInce it's your younger sister, take her out for coffee (poor thing can't have wine).  Tell her to stop micromanaging your friends.  Be form and say that what goes on their feet is absolutely none of her business.  And, unless they offered to help with the shower, NONE of them owe for the catering.   Am I right in envisioning this??? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP4Uf6YTgk8" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP4Uf6YTgk8</a> (and I really just laughed realizing your MOH was still in diapers when this episode aired)
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

That's right OP! Nobody has to dye for your wedding to go well! ;)

DevMar88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:0061c1e2-ca2e-476c-a395-bcf4a0d06a6b">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : Okay, this (and the age) helps. First off, reinforce the fact that they are to choose their own shoes.  Nobody has to dye.  NOBODY CARES.   Who is the "instigator"?  From what you said about your MOH wanting a formal shower, I'd guess it's her.  SInce it's your younger sister, take her out for coffee (poor thing can't have wine).  Tell her to stop micromanaging your friends.  Be form and say that what goes on their feet is absolutely none of her business.  And, unless they offered to help with the shower, NONE of them owe for the catering.   Am I right in envisioning this??? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP4Uf6YTgk8" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP4Uf6YTgk8</a> (and I really just laughed realizing your MOH was still in diapers when this episode aired)
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Thanks TXK. I have two MOH. My 19yo sister(not as invovled due to her age) and my 25 yo established best friend. She has told me to but out (nicely) and trust her. The 25yo is managing the shower/bachelorette. She may be micromanaging the shower, however, the shoes is another one! I told my MOH I'm about to sit them all down to say something. I don't know what "something" is.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:bc90b1a7-57ca-4f1d-841f-f7ec06299100">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : Thanks TXK. I have two MOH. My 19yo sister(not as invovled due to her age) and my 25 yo established best friend. She has told me to but out (nicely) and trust her. The 25yo is managing the shower/bachelorette. She may be micromanaging the shower, however, the shoes is another one! I told my MOH I'm about to sit them all down to say something.<strong> I don't know what "something" is.</strong>
Posted by DevMar88[/QUOTE]

Your MOH should apologize if she's been pushy and tell them that they can choose whatever shoes they want in x color (I agree with them that flip-flops have 0 place at a wedding ceremony) and that they don't have to financially participate in any of the prewedding parties if they choose not to.

DevMar88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:6ea4963f-7059-44a1-9c52-83342249c357">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Maids driving me MAD! : All I can say is good luck. You say you're a go-with-the-flow type gal, but here it seems like anything but. I'll give you this vent, because hey, we all get a little zilla-ish from time to time, but now that you've pouted and stomped your feet, please reassess the situation. You BM's should be your FRIENDS first, attendants 2nd or 3rd on the list. These ladies are your nearest and dearest. Grab a glass of wine with each one separately and try and focus on them for the evening. You may be surprised if they act differently the next time they're all together. I'm sure you can find six nights out of the next 100 to carve out a few hours for each of them.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

Thanks, Syn. I hope you were able to read my edited post. I was trying to minimize my story length and I'm not a very good blogger.  Expressing my emotion on this kind of forum does not work well for me I guess. My girls have full reign of their attire. They are arguing amongst themselves and bringing it back to me to complain about it because they cannot all agree together. I spend time with these girls weekly, sometimes together, sometimes separately.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-driving-me-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:672f2e81-b877-4bf3-9564-67f9f511f9c0Post:f545904c-c904-4c30-a777-e8dd29e377cf">Re: Maids driving me MAD!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maids driving me MAD! : Can we have a cake?  I flucking LOVE cake. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Obviously we can have cake. All the words will be spelled in internet-speak with and there will be an abundance of exclamation points and pictures of your face!</div>

itzMS

I will never understand why being a bride causes an otherwise (presumably) sane woman to micromanage her friends and care about things like matching dyed shoes and making sure each bridesmaid pays her share for a catered bridal shower.

I would assume this phenomenon existed prior to the actual Bridezillas TV show...but my gosh the sense of entitlement is exhausting.

OP, please PLEASE just focus on your love for FI and stay out of anything having to do with bridesmaids or their opinions.