RB/FG at reception

kdnyyfan

I was just casually talking to the mother of my RB who is also one of my bridemaids. I was talking to her about him at the reception when she told me he'll only be there for an hour then she is having him picked up so she can party. the issue is my hall will expect payment for anyone at the reception. At $175+ a plate I would find it very rude to pay for him and not have him there the entire time to actually consume the meal I'm paying for when it's simply so "mommy can have fun" My flower girl will be there throughout the reception as her father is the Best man. Would anyone else find this to be rude?

aragx6

I find it very hard to believe your venue is charging $175 for a child's meal. Have you spoken with the venue about the cost of meals for the kids?

At the end of the day many people will leave after dinner, or even after the ceremony, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I absolutely don't see this as rude -- many people simply don't want their children out terribly late.

Maggie0829

How old are your RB and FG?  If they are young then most likely they won't be wanting to eat the $175 a plate food but rather chicken nuggets and fries.  I would talk with your venue to see if children plates are offered and if so how much they run.

As for your BM wanting to send her son (your RB) home after a certain time, that decision is up to her and her alone because it is her son.  Sorry.

Maggie0829

And just because I am curious, what all do you get for $175?  Is it multiple courses?

GoodLuckBear14

So you'd rather had a RB who will probably be tired and cranky there and his mother spending all of her time trying to get him to calm down so you can get your money's worth?  I agree with PPs that I find it impossible to believe that is what they are charging for a child's meal.

kdnyyfan

It's $175/head up to guarantee, if children are included in guarantee I pay full price for them, beyond guaranteed head count they are discounted.

aragx6

Sounds like you should be pissy with your venue not your bridesmaid. That sucks that you'll likely be charged so much, but I still think your BM is entirely in the right. Sorry!

mbcdefg

It doesn't matter if you/anyone else find it to be rude. The point here is that you can't dictate when people are allowed to leave a party you are throwing. So you're just going to have to let it go. Plus, In the grand scheme of things, is 175 really all that much? Especially when it means the difference in the comfort of both a friend and her young child? Really, do yourself a favor and don't dwell on this any longer.

mbcdefg

In Response to Re:RB/FG at reception:[QUOTE]Sounds like you should be pissy with your venue not your bridesmaid. That sucks that you'll likely be charged so much, but I still think your BM is entirely in the right. Sorry! Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE] Oh and I agree with this. I'm from north jersey and our plate prices are very high, even for kids, but $175 for a kid is just ridiculous. Talk to your venue about this and try to negotiate.

I am guessing that you mean that the kid will count as an adult if you don't meet your minimum, right? Makes sense, we had to do this too. But it's not the mom or kid's fault that you had other people decline and you're short on your minimum.

ETA" And if you don't meet your minimum, then you're out the $175 anyway. So it sounds like you'll either be paying for a totally empty seat, or paying for a kid who doesn't wind up eating his meal/who eats a kid's meal.

If you pay for seats that aren't filled or meals that aren't eaten, see if they'll wrap them up for you to take home. Or if you can negotiate something additional at your cocktail hour, like an extra hors d'oeuvres, an extra dessert station, or if they can upgrade the booze a bit.

kdnyyfan

I can understand that she may want him to go home early, I guess I was just put off my the "so mommy can party" remark. Would it be rude to explain the situation to her and request that she either send him home after ceremony(in which case I wouldnt pay) or ask her to at least let him eat?

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_rbfg-at-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:71cd74ab-9151-4be2-9fe1-fc31bfeb8f7fPost:d4ac927e-b358-4d16-9866-021f93257e81">Re: RB/FG at reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I can understand that she may want him to go home early, I guess I was just put off my the "so mommy can party" remark. Would it be rude to explain the situation to her and request that she either send him home after ceremony(in which case I wouldnt pay) or ask her to at least let him eat?
Posted by kdnyyfan[/QUOTE]

Extremely.  If you are already paying $175 a head and there is a minimum you had to have been planning on paying this much anyway. suck it up, don't breathe a word of this to her and pay it for him.

ems27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_rbfg-at-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:71cd74ab-9151-4be2-9fe1-fc31bfeb8f7fPost:ee4bc18a-3e3e-4974-b13d-f398a82fca9f">Re: RB/FG at reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RB/FG at reception : Extremely.  If you are already paying $175 a head and there is a minimum you had to have been planning on paying this much anyway. suck it up, don't breathe a word of this to her and pay it for him.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Plus mommy is totally within the right to have a chance to party :-)

Is there any way to get some of his food boxed up and sent home with him if he leaves before food is served?  It would be worth asking your venue- and I'm sure the babysitter wouldn't complain!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_rbfg-at-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:71cd74ab-9151-4be2-9fe1-fc31bfeb8f7fPost:d4ac927e-b358-4d16-9866-021f93257e81">Re: RB/FG at reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I can understand that she may want him to go home early, I guess I was just put off my the "so mommy can party" remark. Would it be rude to explain the situation to her and request that she either send him home after ceremony(in which case I wouldnt pay) or ask her to at least let him eat?
Posted by kdnyyfan[/QUOTE]

Yes it would be extremely rude.  She has every right to send her child home to be with a sitter so she can enjoy herself without worrying about her son.

And I am still confused about why he wouldn't eat?  What time are you serving dinner that he would be at your reception for an hour but still wouldn't have eaten dinner?  Are you saying he will be there for cocktail hour but not the actual reception?

kdnyyfan

Exactly, our timeline is photos, ceremony, an hour and a half long cocktail hour, then the recep is 5 hours and a 1 hr afterparty

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_rbfg-at-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:71cd74ab-9151-4be2-9fe1-fc31bfeb8f7fPost:0063728b-36e6-42f9-a0cd-93bf79b98925">Re: RB/FG at reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Exactly, our timeline is photos, ceremony, an hour and a half long cocktail hour, then the recep is 5 hours and a 1 hr afterparty
Posted by kdnyyfan[/QUOTE]

Honestly, if he is leaving before the reception starts I just wouldn't include him in your final head count.  It's not like he will be throwing back 100 crabcake balls or anything.Since he won't be there for dinner there is no point in paying for him, thus there is no issue anymore.

Also, by the time the reception starts he will probably be ready to pass out because that is a long day for a small kid.

mbcdefg

In Response to Re:RB/FG at reception:[QUOTE]I can understand that she may want him to go home early,nbsp;I guess I was just put off my the quot;so mommy can partyquot; remark. Would it be rude to explain the situation to her and request that she either send him home after ceremonyin which case I wouldnt pay or ask her to at least let him eat? Posted by kdnyyfan[/QUOTE]

Yes, it's rude.

Because again you don't have the right to tell people that they need to stay at your party if they'd rather leave. Whether its a cheap BBQ or a 175pp wedding.

Really, do yourself a favor here by letting it go and not saying anything. The drama is not worth 175.

Summer2011Bride

It's not rude for her to decide what to do with her own child. When you book a venue that has a minimum, you know you run the risk of not fulfilling it and having to pay for things or people who aren't there. That isn't the mother's fault. Don't say a word to her or ask her to take her child home at a certain time. That's totally up to her.

I also agree that your reception is very long. Why does cocktail hour need 1.5 hours? Most are an hour, tops. Plus the RB would have been there all day, probably early for pics and what not. That's a long time for a little kid. I don't blame Mom at all for wanting to take him home early.

lpowers1118

No offense, but I am glad I don't live in a place where 175$ is the normal price for a plate.  YIKES!

Simply Fated

If there is a chance he won't be there for the reception, I wouldn't count him in the head count. If his mother changes her mind at any point, you can always add him in, even the day of. 

If you don't hit your minimum requirement, talk to your venue about paying the money, but having it go towards something else instead of uneaten dinners.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_rbfg-at-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:71cd74ab-9151-4be2-9fe1-fc31bfeb8f7fPost:63fe7956-163b-44ac-80c5-51e653566c02">Re: RB/FG at reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RB/FG at reception : Honestly, if he is leaving before the reception starts <strong>I just wouldn't include him in your final head count</strong>.  It's not like he will be throwing back 100 crabcake balls or anything.Since he won't be there for dinner there is no point in paying for him, thus there is no issue anymore. Also, by the time the reception starts he will probably be ready to pass out because that is a long day for a small kid.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

I was going to say this exact thing.  They won't be counting people at the door, if he's not going to be there for dinner you don't include him in the headcount, simple as that.

swimmy1988

Holy crap $175 per person! I'd hope you're getting quite the extravagant meal for that. I'm getting a three course gourmet meal plus dessert for $33 per person. Then again, it seems like Nova Scotia food is inexpensive compared to other places.

As for the head count, if he's leaving after an hour, which would be your cocktail hour anyway, just don't include him in the final head count. And for his mother, wouldn't you want her to party and have fun at your wedding?