I am FED UP with my Maid o Honor. She is a friend who is, herself, engaged, and she had already asked me to be her MOH if / when she and her man ever chose a date for the wedding, and honestly, I asked her to be my MOH only because she had asked me to be hers. She and I live 90 miles apart, and she lives in the town where the wedding will take place.
I picked out the girls' dresses (a cute, versatile $50 black cocktail dress that suits all of the girls' body types and can DEFINITELY be worn in their futures) the first week of Febraury. I gave her the site link so she could view it, review how to take her measurements, and order it. Six weeks later, she had looked at the dress, but had not ordered her dress, or even taken her measurements. Ladies, if you have measured your hips, waist, and bust, you know it takes 45 seconds. She continuously cited being "too busy". She worked 4 hour shifts, twice a week at the time. I work two jobs, and have had two days off work in the past six weeks. I had to measure her and order the dress myself. She did not say "thank you."
Shortly after this, sensing I might have a problem, I e-mailed her links to six different websites detailing the MOH responsibilities. So far, even today, she has accomplished none of them. She has given me the line, more than once, that she has never done this before and doesn't know what to do. I thought those websites would help, even just by providing information.. And besides - not knowing what to do doesn't mean you should fold your arms and choose to do NOTHING. Right?
I had talked to her for four weeks about the bachelorete party - what I would like, what I would NOT like, etc. During this time, she had not talked to the other two bridesmaids about making plans. We were getting down to the wire, so I spent the brief amount of time I had between my two jobs one day, calling various salons to find a location that could accommodate the four of us on that date (peak of prom season), and found one. Just one. I had to book it myself, for all four of us. That's right, I had to book my own main bachelorette event. I *informed* my MOH, and she did not even grasp the degree of wrongness in the fact that I was forced to do this myself. My MOH didn't ask me about it at all, and as the day approached (May 15th), I realized that she had not organized any food or any events outside the salon trip, nor had she contacted the other two girls to coordinate any other details, so it became clear that essentially, I would have to drive 180 miles round trip to have my nails done, with no guarantee of food, and then go back home that same afternoon. I canceled the whole event.
My church canceled on me last week. My wedding is five weeks away. I texted my MOH to let her know. How does she respond? "Oh that sucks." "I can't believe they did that to you." "Seems like everything is falling apart for you." Pity is nice, I suppose, but it accomplishes NOTHING. I received more help and suggestions and offers of assistance from strangers on FACEBOOK than from my MOH.
I am absolutely astonished by her lack of cooperation, motivation, consideration, and help. She does not know, nor has she asked, that my parents has agreed to host the wedding at their farm, that one bridesmaid has volunteered herself and her husband to go up there the week before the wedding to overhaul the house to make it guest-friendly, or that the other bridesmaid has offered her family's tents, tables, and chairs to make this situation work. She hasn't asked ANY question, on ANY occasion about the wedding, in fact. The only reason she has known any detail is because I got ahold of her to let her know.
How do you manage a disinterested MOH? At what point do you kick someone out of your wedding? The amount of time and stress I have invested in babysitting her, coddling her, and talking her thru what I expected of her, and then, her failure to complete even the simplest of tasks has utterly exasperated me. Also, is it kosher to bump her out of the wedding, or at least, DEMOTE her, if her fiance is one of the groomsmen? How do you approach a situation like this, where being honest could potentially destroy the friendship?