Wedding Party

Maid of Honor SUCKS

I am FED UP with my Maid o Honor.  She is a friend who is, herself, engaged, and she had already asked me to be her MOH if / when she and her man ever chose a date for the wedding, and honestly, I asked her to be my MOH only because she had asked me to be hers.  She and I live 90 miles apart, and she lives in the town where the wedding will take place.

I picked out the girls' dresses (a cute, versatile $50 black cocktail dress that suits all of the girls' body types and can DEFINITELY be worn in their futures) the first week of Febraury.  I gave her the site link so she could view it, review how to take her measurements, and order it.  Six weeks later, she had looked at the dress, but had not ordered her dress, or even taken her measurements.  Ladies, if you have measured your hips, waist, and bust, you know it takes 45 seconds.  She continuously cited being "too busy".  She worked 4 hour shifts, twice a week at the time.  I work two jobs, and have had two days off work in the past six weeks.  I had to measure her and order the dress myself.  She did not say "thank you."

Shortly after this, sensing I might have a problem, I e-mailed her links to six different websites detailing the MOH responsibilities.  So far, even today, she has accomplished none of them.  She has given me the line, more than once, that she has never done this before and doesn't know what to do.  I thought those websites would help, even just by providing information..  And besides - not knowing what to do doesn't mean you should fold your arms and choose to do NOTHING.  Right?

I had talked to her for four weeks about the bachelorete party - what I would like, what I would NOT like, etc.  During this time, she had not talked to the other two bridesmaids about making plans.  We were getting down to the wire, so I spent the brief amount of time I had between my two jobs one day, calling various salons to find a location that could accommodate the four of us on that date (peak of prom season), and found one.  Just one.  I had to book it myself, for all four of us.  That's right, I had to book my own main bachelorette event.  I *informed* my MOH, and she did not even grasp the degree of wrongness in the fact that I was forced to do this myself.  My MOH didn't ask me about it at all, and as the day approached (May 15th), I realized that she had not organized any food or any events outside the salon trip, nor had she contacted the other two girls to coordinate any other details, so it became clear that essentially, I would have to drive 180 miles round trip to have my nails done, with no guarantee of food, and then go back home that same afternoon.  I canceled the whole event.

My church canceled on me last week.  My wedding is five weeks away.  I texted my MOH to let her know.  How does she respond?  "Oh that sucks." "I can't believe they did that to you." "Seems like everything is falling apart for you."  Pity is nice, I suppose, but it accomplishes NOTHING.  I received more help and suggestions and offers of assistance from strangers on FACEBOOK than from my MOH.

I am absolutely astonished by her lack of cooperation, motivation, consideration, and help.  She does not know, nor has she asked, that my parents has agreed to host the wedding at their farm, that one bridesmaid has volunteered herself and her husband to go up there the week before the wedding to overhaul the house to make it guest-friendly, or that the other bridesmaid has offered her family's tents, tables, and chairs to make this situation work.  She hasn't asked ANY question, on ANY occasion about the wedding, in fact.  The only reason she has known any detail is because I got ahold of her to let her know.

How do you manage a disinterested MOH?  At what point do you kick someone out of your wedding?  The amount of time and stress I have invested in babysitting her, coddling her, and talking her thru what I expected of her, and then, her failure to complete even the simplest of tasks has utterly exasperated me.  Also, is it kosher to bump her out of the wedding, or at least, DEMOTE her, if her fiance is one of the groomsmen?  How do you approach a situation like this, where being honest could potentially destroy the friendship?

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Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS

  • Oh for the love of little green apples...

    Cliff's Notes- MOH has opted to not be considered free slave labor, Bride wants to know if she can kick her out due to not responding well to being given several websites detailing the duties expected of her.  Seriously. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:2f4207ee-b103-4439-9ff7-3d72b394fcd7">Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am FED UP with my Maid o Honor.  She is a friend who is, herself, engaged, and she had already asked me to be her MOH if / when she and her man ever chose a date for the wedding, and honestly, I asked her to be my MOH only because she had asked me to be hers.  She and I live 90 miles apart, and she lives in the town where the wedding will take place. I picked out the girls' dresses (a cute, versatile $50 black cocktail dress that suits all of the girls' body types and can DEFINITELY be worn in their futures) the first week of Febraury.  I gave her the site link so she could view it, review how to take her measurements, and order it.  Six weeks later, she had looked at the dress, but had not ordered her dress, or even taken her measurements.  Ladies, if you have measured your hips, waist, and bust, you know it takes 45 seconds.  She continuously cited being "too busy".  She worked 4 hour shifts, twice a week at the time.  I work two jobs, and have had two days off work in the past six weeks.  I had to measure her and order the dress myself.  She did not say "thank you." Shortly after this, sensing I might have a problem, I e-mailed her links to six different websites detailing the MOH responsibilities.  So far, even today, she has accomplished none of them.  She has given me the line, more than once, that she has never done this before and doesn't know what to do.  I thought those websites would help, even just by providing information..  And besides - not knowing what to do doesn't mean you should fold your arms and choose to do NOTHING.  Right? I had talked to her for four weeks about the bachelorete party - what I would like, what I would NOT like, etc.  During this time, she had not talked to the other two bridesmaids about making plans.  We were getting down to the wire, so I spent the brief amount of time I had between my two jobs one day, calling various salons to find a location that could accommodate the four of us on that date (peak of prom season), and found one.  Just one.  I had to book it myself, for all four of us.  That's right, I had to book my own main bachelorette event.  I *informed* my MOH, and she did not even grasp the degree of wrongness in the fact that I was forced to do this myself.  My MOH didn't ask me about it at all, and as the day approached (May 15th), I realized that she had not organized any food or any events outside the salon trip, nor had she contacted the other two girls to coordinate any other details, so it became clear that essentially, I would have to drive 180 miles round trip to have my nails done, with no guarantee of food, and then go back home that same afternoon.  I canceled the whole event. My church canceled on me last week.  My wedding is five weeks away.  I texted my MOH to let her know.  How does she respond?  "Oh that sucks." "I can't believe they did that to you." "Seems like everything is falling apart for you."  Pity is nice, I suppose, but it accomplishes NOTHING.  I received more help and suggestions and offers of assistance from strangers on FACEBOOK than from my MOH. I am absolutely astonished by her lack of cooperation, motivation, consideration, and help.  She does not know, nor has she asked, that my parents has agreed to host the wedding at their farm, that one bridesmaid has volunteered herself and her husband to go up there the week before the wedding to overhaul the house to make it guest-friendly, or that the other bridesmaid has offered her family's tents, tables, and chairs to make this situation work.  She hasn't asked ANY question, on ANY occasion about the wedding, in fact.  The only reason she has known any detail is because I got ahold of her to let her know. How do you manage a disinterested MOH?  At what point do you kick someone out of your wedding?  The amount of time and stress I have invested in babysitting her, coddling her, and talking her thru what I expected of her, and then, her failure to complete even the simplest of tasks has utterly exasperated me.  Also, is it kosher to bump her out of the wedding, or at least, DEMOTE her, if her fiance is one of the groomsmen?  How do you approach a situation like this, where being honest could potentially destroy the friendship?
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]
    I did not make it the whole way through this but all she has to do is get the dress.  Those lists are made up by the wedding industry and bridezillas.  While people commonly do those things for their friends, they shoudl not be expected or required.

    She does not have to plan a bachelorette, stop bringing it up.

    You cannot remove or demote a wedding party member.  If she does not purchase the dress she has removed herself from the wedding party.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:2f4207ee-b103-4439-9ff7-3d72b394fcd7">Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am FED UP with my Maid o Honor.  She is a friend who is, herself, engaged, and she had already asked me to be her MOH if / when she and her man ever chose a date for the wedding, and honestly, <strong>I asked her to be my MOH only because she had asked me to be hers.</strong>  She and I live 90 miles apart, and she lives in the town where the wedding will take place. I picked out the girls' dresses (a cute, versatile $50 black cocktail dress that suits all of the girls' body types and can DEFINITELY be worn in their futures) the first week of Febraury.  I gave her the site link so she could view it, review how to take her measurements, and order it.  Six weeks later, she had looked at the dress, but had not ordered her dress, or even taken her measurements.  Ladies, if you have measured your hips, waist, and bust, you know it takes 45 seconds.  She continuously cited being "too busy".  She worked 4 hour shifts, twice a week at the time.  I work two jobs, and have had two days off work in the past six weeks.  I had to measure her and order the dress myself.  She did not say "thank you." Shortly after this, sensing I might have a problem, I e-mailed her links to<strong> six different websites detailing the MOH responsibilities</strong>.  So far, even today, she has accomplished none of them.  She has given me the line, more than once, that she has never done this before and doesn't know what to do.  I thought those websites would help, even just by providing information..  And besides - not knowing what to do doesn't mean you should fold your arms and choose to do NOTHING.  Right? I had talked to her for four weeks about the bachelorete party - what I would like, what I would NOT like, etc.  During this time, she had not talked to the other two bridesmaids about making plans.  <strong>We were getting down to the wire, so I spent the brief amount of time I had between my two jobs one day, calling various salons to find a location that could accommodate the four of us on that date (peak of prom season), and found one.  Just one.  I had to book it myself, for all four of us.  That's right, I had to book my own main bachelorette event</strong>.  I *informed* my MOH, and she did not even grasp the degree of wrongness in the fact that I was forced to do this myself.  My MOH didn't ask me about it at all, and as the day approached (May 15th), I realized that she had not organized any food or any events outside the salon trip, nor had she contacted the other two girls to coordinate any other details, so it became clear that essentially, I would have to drive 180 miles round trip to have my nails done, with no guarantee of food, and then go back home that same afternoon. <strong> I canceled the whole event</strong>. My church canceled on me last week.  My wedding is five weeks away.  I texted my MOH to let her know.  How does she respond?  "Oh that sucks." "I can't believe they did that to you." "Seems like everything is falling apart for you." <strong> Pity is nice, I suppose, but it accomplishes NOTHING</strong>.  I received more help and suggestions and offers of assistance from strangers on FACEBOOK than from my MOH. I am absolutely astonished by her lack of cooperation, motivation, consideration, and help.  She does not know, nor has she asked, that my parents has agreed to host the wedding at their farm, that one bridesmaid has volunteered herself and her husband to go up there the week before the wedding to overhaul the house to make it guest-friendly, or that the other bridesmaid has offered her family's tents, tables, and chairs to make this situation work.  She hasn't asked ANY question, on ANY occasion about the wedding, in fact.  The only reason she has known any detail is because I got ahold of her to let her know. <strong>How do you manage a disinterested MOH?</strong>  <strong>At what point do you kick someone out of your wedding?</strong>  The amount of time and stress I have invested in babysitting her, coddling her, and talking her thru what I expected of her, and then, her failure to complete even the simplest of tasks has utterly exasperated me.  <strong>Also, is it kosher to bump her out of the wedding, or at least, DEMOTE her, if her fiance is one of the groomsmen?  How do you approach a situation like this, where being honest could potentially destroy the friendship?
    </strong>Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]

    I barely have the energy for this.
    1- YOU made the mistake of asking someone for the wrong reasons. this is YOUR Bad, not hers.

    2- MOH only has to get a dress, show up, hold your flowers, and sign the license. Yes, they traditionally do more, but they don't have to. Not throwing you a party =/= being a bad friend.

    3- If no one planned to host your b-party, then you don't get one. End of story. You are right that its wrong to plan your own. I'm glad you cancelled it before you got any more AWish and rude.

    4- What the heck did you expect her to accomplish about the church  on a moments notice in a text message? I don't think I would say anything different. She is not a bad friend because she doesn't immediately think of a new place for your wedding. That's not her job anyway. Its for you to plan.

    5- It is never ok to bump anyone from the wedding unless they sleep with your FI or set your dress or house on fire. She doesn't have to be interested in your wedding. Its YOUR wedding, not hers. She doesn't have to throw parties.

    She also doesn't need to be subjuected to your 24/7 wedding pestering. You sent her 6 webistes with lists of stuff for her to do??? Talk about overwhelming and micromanaging. That's like screaming "You WILL do all this stuff for me. Celebrate me, dammit", which sounds more like a 2 year old than someone who is mature enough to get married.

    Is it possible she is totally burnt out on weddings? Do you ever get together to talk about anything BUT the wedding?

    I think you need to take a look at yourself and see why she may not want to be around you as much anymore.
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  • How about this, then.  I *asked* her to handle the bachelorette party, and she said she would.  Then she stopped.  I *asked* her to contact the other girls, to set a date, to book a location, to figure out something fun to do, and she just plain DID NOT do it.  She accepts certain responsibilities, but whenever I check back with her, she has not fulfilled them.  She doesn't know the status of my dress, where the wedding will take place, what food we will have, what the flowers look like, that we are writing our own vows, or how many people will be there.  I think my problem with her is not even so much the MOH aspect of it, but that she has pooped out as a friend.  I feel that she doesn't care and just wants to show up without helping at all.  I'm sorry, but I know I wouldn't have made her feel like this if she was getting married.
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    If you're going to make up MUD, at least get a few more posts under your AE so it's believable.

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  • Sarah has clearly said it all. Please reread this post several times and remind yourself that you are being a jerk. The end.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:8583a8cd-2e12-44f5-b004-5cc0a4e72bfc">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]How about this, then.  I *asked* her to handle the bachelorette party, and she said she would.  Then she stopped.  I *asked* her to contact the other girls, to set a date, to book a location, to figure out something fun to do, and she just plain DID NOT do it.  She accepts certain responsibilities, but whenever I check back with her, she has not fulfilled them.  She doesn't know the status of my dress, where the wedding will take place, what food we will have, what the flowers look like, that we are writing our own vows, or how many people will be there.  I think my problem with her is not even so much the MOH aspect of it, but that she has pooped out as a friend.  I feel that she doesn't care and just wants to show up without helping at all.  I'm sorry, but I know I wouldn't have made her feel like this if she was getting married.
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]

    So you asked her to throw a party for you? RUDE

    Also, she doesn't need to know what's on the menu, what type of flowers there are unless she is allergic, what the vows say, or how many people will be there. Why on earth would she need to know these things. THey have nothing to do with her at all.

    MOH, is an honor, not a job. Its your fault that you gave the honor to someone you feel didn't deserve it, but that's not her fault. Because its not a job, she doesn't have to help. She needs to be your friend, but it doesn't all have to be wedding related.

    If you never want to speak to her again.. like EVER, then you can tell her to get lost and not even invite her. But to demote her would be to dishonor her for YOUR mistake.
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  • [QUOTE]How about this, then.  I *asked* her to handle the bachelorette party, and she said she would.  Then she stopped[/QUOTE]
    That was inappropriate.  You should not ask someone to plan a party in your honor.
    [QUOTE]I *asked* her to contact the other girls, to set a date, to book a location, to figure out something fun to do, and she just plain DID NOT do it[/QUOTE]
    She's a big girl.  Let her plan events on her own if she chooses to do so.
    [QUOTE] She accepts certain responsibilities, but whenever I check back with her, she has not fulfilled them.  She doesn't know the status of my dress, where the wedding will take place, what food we will have, what the flowers look like, that we are writing our own vows, or how many people will be there.[/QUOTE]
    She does not need to know any of these things.  She should know the date and time of the wedding and whether she has her own dress.  Your FI, on the other hand, should know these things.
    [QUOTE]I think my problem with her is not even so much the MOH aspect of it, but that she has pooped out as a friend.  I feel that she doesn't care and just wants to show up without helping at all.  I'm sorry, but I know I wouldn't have made her feel like this if she was getting married.
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]
    You're expecting way too much.  It sounds like she does not have an interest in your wedding and that is perfectly fine.  It's okay to be disappointed that she doesn't care about it but not to get angry about it or kick her out over it.
  • Please consider paragraphs.  I gave up reading that wall of text.

    What I surmise, based on the replies is that you have some seriously inflated views of what a MOH should do.

    Here's the truth:

    A MOH's responsibility's being and end with the ceremony.  MOH needs to wear the attire, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully during the ceremony, and smile for photos.  That's it.  Everything.  Total.

    ANYTHING pre-wedding or post-wedding is YOUR responsibility.  A MOH does not have to attend venue searches, attend tastings, go to bridal shows, go bridal dress shopping, attend hair or make-up trials.

    A MOH does not have to make favors, address envelopes, stuff envelopes, make CPs, arrange flowers, chauffeur guests to and from airports, or make up OOT bags.

    A MOH does not have to plan, throw, or attend pre-wedding parties, including e-parties, b-parties or showers. 

    A MOH does not HAVE to provide "emotional support"~which is silly to me at all when you're talking about marrying someone you love enough to pledge the rest of your life to.  Why in the name of all that's holy do you need Emotional Support for that?

    Your emotion support system and your co-planner is your FIANCE.

    Okay, I'm done.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:8583a8cd-2e12-44f5-b004-5cc0a4e72bfc">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]How about this, then. <strong>I *asked* her to handle the bachelorette party</strong>, and she said she would.  Then she stopped.  I *asked* her to contact the other girls, to set a date, to book a location, to figure out something fun to do, and she just plain DID NOT do it.  She accepts certain responsibilities, but whenever I check back with her, she has not fulfilled them.  <strong>She doesn't know the status of my dress, where the wedding will take place, what food we will have, what the flowers look like, that we are writing our own vows, or how many people will be there. </strong>I think my problem with her is not even so much the MOH aspect of it, but that she has pooped out as a friend.  <strong>I feel that she doesn't care and just wants to show up without helping at all.</strong>  I'm sorry, but I know I wouldn't have made her feel like this if she was getting married.
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]

    -So you are pretty much asking to be thrown a party. How not rude of you!

    -Really? You want her to know the status of<u><em><strong> your </strong></em></u>dress. Really? You want her to know what kind of food you are having? Really? You want her to know that you are writing your own vows? Really? You want her to have an exact head count? Really? You are her MOH. Where is her dress? What kind of food does she want? Is she writing her own vows? How many people does she want to invite? SELFISH YOU- SHAME!

    - Um. A MOH's responsibilities are to show up in dress on time, walk down aisle, hold bouquet, and smile pretty for pictures. This is your wedding. You and your FI plan it. No one will be as excited about your wedding as you are.
    Anniversary
  • edited May 2010
    I'm guessing MUD on this one and that wall of text made my eyes hurt. 

    However,  in case OP is indeed real and not a troll - stop trying to micromanage adults and take your expectations of the bridal party's "duties" down to a realistic level - as in, all they HAVE to do is obtain the agreed upon attire by the wedding date, show up on said date, participate in the photos, the end.

    The less you try to control and freak out over the better. Sounds like you picked her for a silly reason anyway - MOH is supposed to be your closest friend. Not someone you feel obligated to ask b/c you were in their wedding. Or the person whom you think would throw you the best parties...or who could be really awesome at invitation addressing / favor assembling / bridal show attending....
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
  • Good lord.  If a bride sent me links to six different sites detailing all the crap I was supposed to do for her, I'd change my email address and phone number and consider witness protection.

    BACK.  OFF.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You e-mailed her lists of  MOH duties. That was rude. You harangued her for four weeks about throwing a bachelorette party. That was rude. You expected her to find you a new venue for your wedding. That was rude. You have been consistently rude throughout the wedding planning process go ahead and kick her out of your wedding party. She'll probably be relieved.
                       
  • I heart you MariePoppy
    Anniversary
  • I have a headache. Please make it go away.
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  • I apologize for the formatting of the post.  It was properly formatted when I copied and pasted it from a text file, but it was not after I pressed the "post" button.

    I am penalized for providing too much information, and then for omitting other pieces to shorten the post.  If I try to explain everything, this would be intolerably long.

    I never asked for her presence or assistance with food, clothing, stationery, flowers, or setup.  The bachelorette party was HER idea, not mine.  She asked when it would be and I told her I did not care about having one.  SHE insisted that I should have one - if for no other reason, so all the girls could meet one another.  I agreed, and we discussed what I would or would NOT like to have.  I asked her to make the arrangements.  She asked what she would need to do.  I told her she would need to find out everyone's availability and plan around that.  I ended up getting that information and giving it to her so she could do the next step.  She had indicated that she would take care of the details.  I did not ask for a party!!  She had pressed me about having it, and I relented, and I asked her to arrange the thing.  How you think I *asked* to be thrown a party is beyond me.  Good grief.

    So the simple answer is that there is no tactful way to revise the bridal party then - okay, I get it.  Good enough.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:8583a8cd-2e12-44f5-b004-5cc0a4e72bfc">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]How about this, then.  I *asked* her to handle the bachelorette party, and she said she would.  Then she stopped.  I *asked* her to contact the other girls, to set a date, to book a location, to figure out something fun to do, and she just plain DID NOT do it. 
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]
    Gee, I don't know where we could have possibly gotten the idea that you asked her to throw you a bachelorette party.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Is this a serious post? It seems to include everything that could possibly piss off other posters for being repetitive, bridezilla-ish, and just plain whiny. Surely you did that on purpose.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:5176eec9-1ec6-43dc-83f4-f2095613e751">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE] How you think I *asked* to be thrown a party is beyond me.  Good grief.
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]

    um those words came from you sunshine. Either you are flat out lying or trying to back peddle to cover your a$$.
    Anniversary
  • You suck.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:5176eec9-1ec6-43dc-83f4-f2095613e751">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]I apologize for the formatting of the post.  It was properly formatted when I copied and pasted it from a text file, but it was not after I pressed the "post" button. <strong>I am penalized for providing too much information, and then for omitting other pieces to shorten the post. </strong> If I try to explain everything, this would be intolerably long. I never asked for her presence or assistance with food, clothing, stationery, flowers, or setup.  The bachelorette party was HER idea, not mine.  She asked when it would be and I told her I did not care about having one.  SHE insisted that I should have one - if for no other reason, so all the girls could meet one another.  I agreed, and we discussed what I would or would NOT like to have.  I asked her to make the arrangements.  She asked what she would need to do.  I told her she would need to find out everyone's availability and plan around that.  I ended up getting that information and giving it to her so she could do the next step.  She had indicated that she would take care of the details.  I did not ask for a party!!  She had pressed me about having it, and I relented, and I asked her to arrange the thing.  How you think I *asked* to be thrown a party is beyond me.  Good grief. So the simple answer is that there is no tactful way to revise the bridal party then - okay, I get it.  Good enough.
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]

    Didn't you learn in school how to include the proper information when you write ANYTHING?

    Anyway, even if the Bach party was her idea and she decided she didn't want to plan it anymore, that's her perogative.  Even if she just stinks at planning, oh well. 
  • Haha, "back peddle".  "Pedal" perhaps?

    I asked the girl to handle the organization.  I didn't ask for a party.  I didn't want a party.  :)

  • Wow, "perogative"?  Maybe you mean "prerogative"?  Thanks for making this fun again!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:7909b233-4ccf-4431-afbd-2902cfd770f0">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, "perogative"?  Maybe you mean "prerogative"?  Thanks for making this fun again!
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]

    hmmm. when Bobby Brown sings it, it sure sounds like perogative.

    But way to get into spelling mistakes when you can no longer defend yourself! We answered based on what you told us. And you told us you asked. Case closed.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:2c8960a7-76ce-40b4-9546-0fc30c86098e">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]Haha, "back peddle".  "Pedal" perhaps? I asked the girl to handle the organization.  I didn't ask for a party.  I didn't want a party.  :)
    Posted by SarahSonger[/QUOTE]
    So what would she be handling the organization of, if not the party?  If you asked her to coordinate details about your wedding itself, you also overstepped your bounds.  That's not her job, if you and your FI can't handle it you should hire someone.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:2604e9e3-2dfc-4241-8388-3b0d944f7d64">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS : <strong>hmmm. when Bobby Brown sings it, it sure sounds like perogative.</strong> But way to get into spelling mistakes when you can no longer defend yourself! We answered based on what you told us. And you told us you asked. Case closed.
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    That song will be stuck in my head ALL DAY.

    OP is correct.  It is spelled "prerogative."  That is the only thing OP has been correct in saying thus far.  OP, let's chat. 

    Your initial post was atrocious, regardless of the formatting.  You came in, guns blazing, over a girl who hasn't done anything wrong.  She's  not interested in your wedding and isn't helping you plan.  That's okay.  She doesn't have to.  You told us twice that you asked her to plan your bachelorette party, then got angry when you were told that was rude.  Nobody can give you an answer based on anything other than the information which is given.  If you feel that more information is necessary, provide that information.  If that additional information portrays you in an even more unflattering light, that's nobody's fault but your own.   

    The ladies answering your questions answer these same questions, day in and day out, to no end.  It becomes frustrating and stirs the fire in their bellies when there is a sticky at the top of the page answering your question, as well as 5 posts on the first page asking the very same thing.  It's best to lurk for awhile and see if your question has been answered.  If it hasn't, then by all means, ask away...but don't get upset when nobody agrees with you.  If you are asking a question but will only accept an answer that agrees with your POV, what's the point in asking? 

    I'm sorry that you expect more out of your MOH then she wants to give, but there are very few requirements which you can make of her (and those have been detailed in previous posts: buy a dress, show up).  Anything outside of that isn't her "job."  You picked her, albeit for the wrong reasons, and now you are stuck with her.  If you are getting married for the right reasons, the fact that your MOH didn't plan a bachelorette party or ask 4 times a day about your flowers will not matter.  Take a few deep breaths and enjoy your planning with your FI. 
  • Oh no I was called out for pedal ::tear:: Way to grasp for anything there.

    You stated that you "asked her to handle the bachlorette party." Even if you did ask her to handle the "organization" you are still asking for a party. Sorry but you still look like the bad guy in all of this.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-sucks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7995a7f1-ef5f-4bd6-9422-430363de7604Post:c7f1bee8-424e-48c7-b29a-8aff08bc59c5">Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor SUCKS : You picked her, albeit for the wrong reasons, and now you are stuck with her.  If you are getting married for the right reasons, the fact that your MOH didn't plan a bachelorette party or ask 4 times a day about your flowers will not matter.  Take a few deep breaths and enjoy your planning with your FI. 
    Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

    <strong>This -  x100.</strong>
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