Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding?

tkowal24

Here's the rather complicated situation.  I am having a destination wedding with a reception at home a month after.  My one friend and bridesmaid is attending the wedding, but didn't realize she was booked on a cruise departing the day of my reception.  If she stands as my bridesmaid at the wedding, and isn't at the reception, is it unacceptable to ask another girl to fill in?
If someone else can fill in, do I need to get them the dress or can they borrow the 1st bridesmaids dress ( if they fit it )?
It's such an awkward situation!  Help!

KappaK

Why would you need at stand in at the reception?  Don't ask someone else to fill in.  That is completely unnecessary.

TiffannieF

I seriously chuckled when I read this headline...sorry OP but it is kind of funny because it sounded like as if it were all on the same day.

No, do not have a "fill in".  If people ask if you had a BM just tell them the truth...this way you don't hurt the "fill in's" feelings and your BM.

tkowal24

Ok, guess I should have mentioned a few other details.  There's been a plan in place for the bridal party to be QUITE involved in the reception, including a bridal party choreographed dance that won't work out without even numbers.  We're doing all our own decorating and needing a lot of hands for that, and all of them have an assigned reading, joke, etc throughout the night. Because 90% of the guests wont have been at the wedding itself, the reception is going to be a much bigger deal than normal.  There will be more for her to "DO" as a BM at the reception than at the wedding.

As far as hurt feelings go, honestly, if she can't be there she couldn't have hurt feelings about it in all fairness, and the fill in would likely be the grooms sister ( who has 4 kids and can't attend the wedding ).

chirpchirp

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:747a9289-5c65-4af8-8219-aa572c0005c7">Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the rather complicated situation.  I am having a destination wedding with a reception at home a month after.  My one friend and bridesmaid is attending the wedding, but <strong>didn't realize she was booked on a cruise departing the day of my reception</strong>.  If she stands as my bridesmaid at the wedding, and isn't at the reception, is it unacceptable to ask another girl to fill in? If someone else can fill in, do I need to get them the dress or can they borrow the 1st bridesmaids dress ( if they fit it )? It's such an awkward situation!  Help!
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

I would have booked a cruise leaving that day too if I was expected to do that crap at your at home reception.

rsanna

The only thing a bridesmaid needs to DO is show up at the wedding. They aren't free labor. Now if your BM asked/offered to help that is different. But you may just need to make due with the people willing to help you.

tkowal24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:512009e3-7552-4d3d-af80-3677e8b07228">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding? : Oh good lord.  Why are you using your friends as unpaid help?  I would be very grateful to not be a BM in these shenanigans.  So, no, I wouldn't ask anyone to stand in.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

I'm very grateful that all the party has offered to do this with me, I didn't have to ask.  They're more excited than me about decorating and came up with most of the ideas themselves.  If you don't know the whole story, there's no need to be rude in stating your answer to my question.

tkowal24

[QUOTE]<strong>The only thing a bridesmaid needs to DO is show up at the wedding</strong>. They aren't free labor. <strong>Now if your BM asked/offered to help that is different.</strong> But you may just need to make due with the people willing to help you.

1st - reception is usually considered part of the wedding, no?
So she technically isn't doing the one thing you say she has to.  Rather than reduce my wedding party by 2 people, I'm trying to nicely sort out a way around it.

2nd - They all did ask and offer to help, and I stated in another post, came up with ideas on their own. 

3rd - Main thing is the <strong>program</strong> for the night is affected, it's not all about the help setting up.

rsanna

Sorry, I can't quote, I am on my phone. People may disagree about the wedding/reception thing, especially because your reception isn't right after your ceremony. I woukd still handle it like anythig else guest/BM related. Why make Blist bridesmaid for the sake of a program? That seems rude, just explain that your friend can't be there, but is in spirit or something. It is not that big of a deal. Also, I am sorry I didnt see your response, no need to flip.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:747a9289-5c65-4af8-8219-aa572c0005c7">Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the rather complicated situation.  I am having a destination wedding with a reception at home a month after.  My one friend and bridesmaid is attending the wedding, but didn't realize she was booked on a cruise departing the day of my reception.  If she stands as my bridesmaid at the wedding, and isn't at the reception, is it unacceptable to ask another girl to fill in? If someone else can fill in, do I need to get them the dress or can they borrow the 1st bridesmaids dress ( if they fit it )? It's such an awkward situation!  Help!
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

This is wrong in soooo many ways.

You get ONE wedding day.  That's it.  You made the choice to have a DW, then to have an AHR.  You are coming across as greedy by trying to have another wedding while at your AHR.  I think it is inappropriate for a DW bride to wear her gown for the AHR and to have your BM wear her dress again.....and even worse if you have someone else fill her spot.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:ecf90324-ea86-4604-af18-53968fbe36e8">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, guess I should have mentioned a few other details.  There's been a plan in place for the bridal party to be QUITE involved in the reception, including a bridal party choreographed dance that won't work out without even numbers.  We're doing all our own decorating and needing a lot of hands for that, and all of them have an assigned reading, joke, etc throughout the night. Because 90% of the guests wont have been at the wedding itself, the reception is going to be a much bigger deal than normal.  There will be more for her to "DO" as a BM at the reception than at the wedding. As far as hurt feelings go, honestly, if she can't be there she couldn't have hurt feelings about it in all fairness, and the fill in would likely be the grooms sister ( who has 4 kids and can't attend the wedding ).
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

This sounds like the least fun ever for these poor people.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:ecf90324-ea86-4604-af18-53968fbe36e8">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, guess I should have mentioned a few other details.  There's been a plan in place for the bridal party to be QUITE involved in the reception, <strong>including a bridal party choreographed dance that won't work out without even numbers.  We're doing all our own decorating and needing a lot of hands for that, and all of them have an assigned reading, joke, etc throughout the night.</strong> Because 90% of the guests wont have been at the wedding itself, the reception is going to be a much bigger deal than normal.  There will be more for her to "DO" as a BM at the reception than at the wedding. As far as hurt feelings go, honestly, if she can't be there she couldn't have hurt feelings about it in all fairness, and the fill in would likely be the grooms sister ( who has 4 kids and can't attend the wedding ).
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

So you ARE having two weddings then.


Again, YOU made the choice to have a DW and now you ARE in fact being greedy by having an AHW&R.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:8bb2f918-87cd-4248-841d-c724158d606a">Re:Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE][QUOTE] The only thing a bridesmaid needs to DO is show up at the wedding . They aren't free labor. Now if your BM asked/offered to help that is different. But you may just need to make due with the people willing to help you. 1st - reception is usually considered part of the wedding, no? So she technically isn't doing the one thing you say she has to.  Rather than reduce my wedding party by 2 people, I'm trying to nicely sort out a way around it. 2nd - They all did ask and offer to help, and I stated in another post, came up with ideas on their own.  3rd - Main thing is the program for the night is affected, it's not all about the help setting up.
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

1) Your'e right.  A reception is part of a wedding.  You're throwing a party one month after the wedding - that's not part of it.  It's a lot to ask someone to go to a destination wedding and then block off another weekend (possibly longer, if they have to decorate and learn a choreographed dance) to come to your second wedding.  You get a day - not as many parties as you want.
2) Fine.  I actually have no comment on that as, if they chose to do it, they made their beds and can lie in them.
3) If you care more about a program than a friend, go ahead and replace her.  But, if I were your friend and spending money to go to your destination wedding, but then was replaceable when you want to have a second party, I'd be really hurt and upset.  Just be prepared, if you want to just go for your numbers game, that you could end up having to replace her at the first wedding too, b/c, if it was me and I was the replaceable program prop, I'd skip both weddings.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:ecf90324-ea86-4604-af18-53968fbe36e8">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, guess I should have mentioned a few other details.  There's been a plan in place for the bridal party to be QUITE involved in the reception, including a <strong>bridal party choreographed dance</strong> that won't work out without even numbers.  We're doing all our own decorating and needing a lot of hands for that, and all of them have an assigned reading, joke, etc throughout the night. Because 90% of the guests wont have been at the wedding itself, the reception is going to be a much bigger deal than normal.  There will be more for her to "DO" as a BM at the reception than at the wedding. As far as hurt feelings go, honestly, if she can't be there she couldn't have hurt feelings about it in all fairness, and the fill in would likely be the grooms sister ( who has 4 kids and can't attend the wedding ).
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

Please don't take what I'm about to say as rude, please don't take it personal, please read with an open mind:

I *personally* do not like choreographed dances or WP dances.  I'm married, if a friend asks me to be part of their wedding that is awesome i don't mind walking down an aisle for 1 minute with a person who is not my H but I do NOT want to dance with a person who is not my H. 

I understand that you will need help to set up (I did too) but making people do work just because they are in the WP is not fair to them.  Now if they have volunteered then that is different but making people is not appropriate.  Some people text messaged me the day before the wedding asking me if I needed help and I said yes...I treated them to lunch as well.  ETA:  Just noticed your post that they volunteered.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:b085e8cf-3875-44d7-8a30-978a3b247522">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding? : So you ARE having two weddings then. Again, YOU made the choice to have a DW and now you ARE in fact being greedy by having an AHW&R.
Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

Yuuupppppp

Ashleigh828

OP - have a question: the girl who you want as your reception BM, is she attending the actual wedding? Or is she unable to go? If she is unable to attend the actual wedding, then I don't see anything wrong with having the 1 BM at the wedding and then the other one at the reception... but if the "new" BM is attending the wedding, I would say do not make her an "honorary BM" for the reception. If she is attending the wedding, and you did not ask her to be a part of that day as a BM, then I would not ask her to be a BM for your reception. I get where you are coming from with the "program" but think about how you would feel if you weren't "good enough" to be considered for a BM for the wedding but are being asked to be one to complete a dance.

(of course I'm offering this advice based on whether or not she was asked to be a BM for the wedding and whether or not she can attend the wedding)

tkowal24

 Please don't take what I'm about to say as rude, please don't take it personal, please read with an open mind: I *personally* do not like choreographed dances or WP dances.  I'm married, if a friend asks me to be part of their wedding that is awesome i don't mind walking down an aisle for 1 minute with a person who is not my H but I do NOT want to dance with a person who is not my H.  I understand that you will need help to set up (I did too) but making people do work just because they are in the WP is not fair to them.  Now if they have volunteered then that is different but making people is not appropriate.  Some people text messaged me the day before the wedding asking me if I needed help and I said yes...I treated them to lunch as well. 
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]



Thank you for responding.  I am going to just do what I should have done in the first place, and ask my BM herself what she thinks I should do. As awkward as that kind of thing may be, at least my friends all know the whole story.  I'm feeling very attacked on here.  Yes, I should have posted every single detail about me, my BM's, wedding plans, the fact that I'm paying for all of their weeklong, 5* vacations for the wedding, their dresses, shoes, and jewellery; and they wanted to decorate and do a cool program at the reception.  But I'm being portrayed as greedy, selfish, horrible, and near-sighted for wondering if I can keep the programming the same for the other people that WANTED to do it this way.  I'm actually the type of person who goes crazy trying to keep other people happy and stress free, and hate that everyone thinks I'm a huge B!%ch for asking this question!  Got jumped all over!!  Yeesh.

If I knew how to delete this, I would.

msuprincess04

The sister doesn't have to be a bridesmaid just to take part in the reception festivities. I think it'd be fine if you want to ask her to be part of your day. Please don't make it sound like she's a stand-in or b-list bridesmaid. Let her wear what she wants, she is, after all, a guest who is helping you out. Remember she's got 4 kids at home, she may not want to do all the work you are requiring for your party and decline. That doesn't mean you keep asking till you find someone to fill a spot.

tkowal24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:d9b66d1c-26f5-46c8-be62-84d10d2191f8">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - have a question: the girl who you want as your reception BM, is she attending the actual wedding? Or is she unable to go? If she is unable to attend the actual wedding, then I don't see anything wrong with having the 1 BM at the wedding and then the other one at the reception... but if the "new" BM is attending the wedding, I would say do not make her an "honorary BM" for the reception. If she is attending the wedding, and you did not ask her to be a part of that day as a BM, then I would not ask her to be a BM for your reception. I get where you are coming from with the "program" but think about how you would feel if you weren't "good enough" to be considered for a BM for the wedding but are being asked to be one to complete a dance. (of course I'm offering this advice based on whether or not she was asked to be a BM for the wedding and whether or not she can attend the wedding)
Posted by Ashleigh828[/QUOTE]

She is attending the wedding ( and thought the reception too, in face she came up with a lot of the program ideas and deco herself - discovered later she had planned her dates wrong and will be gone for it :(  )  I get the hurt feelings thing, that it's a huge concern for the people reading this - but I did mention earlier what I'd likely do is get the grooms sister who can NOT attend the wedding but CAN attend the reception to be bridesmaid for that.  She likely would have been asked to be at both but couldn't attend both, making her the perfect fill in without hurt feelings. 

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:6d8c3c0f-5f5d-4430-99d5-7cdd91753f57">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE] Please don't take what I'm about to say as rude, please don't take it personal, please read with an open mind: I *personally* do not like choreographed dances or WP dances.  I'm married, if a friend asks me to be part of their wedding that is awesome i don't mind walking down an aisle for 1 minute with a person who is not my H but I do NOT want to dance with a person who is not my H.  I understand that you will need help to set up (I did too) but making people do work just because they are in the WP is not fair to them.  Now if they have volunteered then that is different but making people is not appropriate.  Some people text messaged me the day before the wedding asking me if I needed help and I said yes...I treated them to lunch as well.  Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE] Thank you for responding.  I am going to just do what I should have done in the first place, and ask my BM herself what she thinks I should do. As awkward as that kind of thing may be, at least my friends all know the whole story.  I'm feeling very attacked on here.  Yes, I should have posted every single detail about me, my BM's, wedding plans, the fact that I'm paying for all of their weeklong, 5* vacations for the wedding, their dresses, shoes, and jewellery; and they wanted to decorate and do a cool program at the reception.  But I'm being portrayed as greedy, selfish, horrible, and near-sighted for wondering if I can keep the programming the same for the other people that WANTED to do it this way.  I'm actually the type of person who goes crazy trying to keep other people happy and stress free, and hate that everyone thinks I'm a huge B!%ch for asking this question!  Got jumped all over!!  Yeesh. If I knew how to delete this, I would.
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

You can't delete it.

Understand that the reason you are being portrayed as selfish is b/c many of us are married....and it lasted ONE day.  I had a DW too but I invited every single person that I would have, had it been in my hometown.  It's fine to have a DW and then an AHR, but what you are doing is essentially re-creating your entire wedding day over again.  It seems selfish.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:a398ac50-bee6-4e98-b503-9862433fd71d">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding? : She is attending the wedding ( and thought the reception too, in face she came up with a lot of the program ideas and deco herself - discovered later she had planned her dates wrong and will be gone for it :(  )  I get the hurt feelings thing, that it's a huge concern for the people reading this - but I did mention earlier what I'd likely do is get the grooms sister who can NOT attend the wedding but CAN attend the reception to be bridesmaid for that.  She likely would have been asked to be at both but couldn't attend both, making her the perfect fill in without hurt feelings. 
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

Again, if it were me and I ended up mixing up dates and not being able to attend after having helped plan a lot of the activities, I would be REALLY upset to be told "oh, no worries, we have a good fill-in."  I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm just saying that is how I would feel, no matter how you worded it.  I think that a previous poster's suggestion of having the sister do the dance and all and be listed as an "honored guest" or even just "sister of the groom" would be much better and much less offensive.

I understand that you paid for everything for their trip and all, but do try to be understanding that it's still a big commitment. Example: my FI only gets 2 weeks off from work - no sick days, no holidays, nothing else.  His brother and sister-in-law just had a baby and my sister is about to have one.  He's probably going to be taking unpaid days as is, without all the weddings we have to go to this year, and none of those are week long destination weddings..  So, while you paid for the trip, people are still having to get time off from work, which not everyone has tons of.  Your friend probably planned this trip a while ago, and, rightfully so, deserves some time to do her own thing, not related to other people's lives and plans.  So, if you can, try to be a little understanding that she's trying to take what time she has for you, most likely, and just can't handle the time needed for a double wedding.

**Edited because I realized that lack of sleep from travelling to visit aforementioned baby has made my brain sort of jello like and hard to understand...

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:ecf90324-ea86-4604-af18-53968fbe36e8">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception than at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, guess I should have mentioned a few other details.  There's been a plan in place for the bridal party to be QUITE involved in the reception, including a bridal party choreographed dance that won't work out without even numbers.  We're doing all our own decorating and needing a lot of hands for that, and all of them have an assigned reading, joke, etc throughout the night. Because 90% of the guests wont have been at the wedding itself, the reception is going to be a much bigger deal than normal.  There will be more for her to "DO" as a BM at the reception than at the wedding. As far as hurt feelings go, honestly, if she can't be there she couldn't have hurt feelings about it in all fairness, and the fill in would likely be the grooms sister ( who has 4 kids and can't attend the wedding ).
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

<div>Holy cats.  I'd book a vacation to get out of that, too.</div>

rsanna

My biggest issue is you are just fine picking a B list bridesmaid. It appears to dishonor your friend and the person replacing her. Because your friend can just.be replaced like she is a prop. That is the atttidue you seem to be giving off.

QueerFemme

I suggest not having a fill in. And if you can't do your corny dance with uneven partners, maybe ask one of your groomsmen to sit out.  I'm sure you'll get plenty of volunteers. 

Every person I know that has ever done one of those choreographed dances for a wedding reception has hated every minute of it.

mbcdefg

I don't get why you bothered asking this question, if you didn't want to be told that you were wrong.

lbarr088

This is not attacking, this is people not validating what you would like them to.  Read this with an open mind and realize for what you are disclosing all of the advice is fitting.  

bonge

I didn't know there was such a thing as bridesmaids for an ahr. 

It is extremely offensive to "replace" a bridesmaid because they have other obligations for other wedding events. Would you "replace" her if she couldn't come to the shower or anything else too?

You do NOT need a choreographed dance. You can drop that easy peasy. You can also ask his sister to help set up if you need help.

You should NOT wear your dress again, your bridesmaids should NOT wear their dresses for the ahr. Essentially doing those things makes you have another 'wedding". Why have a destination wedding if you are treating the reception as if it was your 'wedding"? Makes no sense. 

You most certainly can have a party & have people come celebrate your marriage but that is just what it is, a party, not a place to re-enact a wedding. 

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:3186b001-82a5-44e0-9166-85f33232ecb4">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't get why you bothered asking this question, if you didn't want to be told that you were wrong.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

Really?  Some brides mistake TK as being Validation Central.

Habs2Hart

choreographed dances make me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon. 

Ashleigh828

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:a398ac50-bee6-4e98-b503-9862433fd71d">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding? : She is attending the wedding ( and thought the reception too, in face she came up with a lot of the program ideas and deco herself - discovered later she had planned her dates wrong and will be gone for it :(  )  I get the hurt feelings thing, that it's a huge concern for the people reading this - but I did mention earlier what I'd likely do is get the grooms sister who can NOT attend the wedding but CAN attend the reception to be bridesmaid for that.  She likely would have been asked to be at both but couldn't attend both, making her the perfect fill in without hurt feelings. 
Posted by tkowal24[/QUOTE]

OP - I wasn't attacking you... and what youj described is what I was saying I would do. :) If his sister cannot attend the DW but can attend the AHR, then go for it! I personally do not see anything wrong with this.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-have-a-different-bridesmaid-at-the-reception-than-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c6141a2-c4b2-4945-af51-200e9f2e05e2Post:afcc221c-3ef3-4689-aa30-fdc7328f0791">Re: Can I have a different bridesmaid at the reception ( 1 mo later ) than at the destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]choreographed dances make me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon. 
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]
"Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more!"