MOH CHANGE UP??

Madda7

When we started planning our wedding we decided to have a more traditional wedding. About a month into it, we decided that it was going to cost us 35k to have what we were planning so we decided to have a destination wedding. So when we told our wedding party my MOH decided she couldnt go, with her being a nurse and her hubby being a Dr i was a little confused by why couldnt come but whatever I understood it is a lot of money to travel these days. So my question is, is it ok to ask someone else to be my MOH and if it is, should my ex MOH play a part in the AHR other than being just a guest?

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-change-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c8a10e3-2223-4aa8-9d34-ebb057dc8b97Post:e2d861c8-a2be-4887-a21d-a67e1057a686">MOH CHANGE UP??</a>:
[QUOTE]When we started planning our wedding we decided to have a more traditional wedding. About a month into it, we decided that it was going to cost us 35k to have what we were planning so we decided to have a destination wedding. So when we told our wedding party my MOH decided she couldnt go, with her being a nurse and her hubby being a Dr i was a little confused by why couldnt come but whatever I understood it is a lot of money to travel these days. So my question is, is it ok to ask someone else to be my MOH and if it is, should my ex MOH play a part in the AHR other than being just a guest?
Posted by Madda7[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Don't replace her and "bestow" the title on someone else. That person will just feel like a second rate understudy. She was your MOH for a reason, but when you changed your original plans on her, she was unable to make the travel due to job constraints, money, etc. (Student loans are the bain of FI's and my existence.) At the AHR, she can be your MOH.

</div>

Madda7

thank you for the tip. :-)

aerinpegadrak

Destination weddings can be extremely expensive for your guests, so you may find that more people than you expected will give you the same answer.  If you really want her there, then keep looking for other options that she'd be able to attend, or see if you'd be able to help cover some of her costs.  (Although it might just be a time issue; the health industry isn't known for flexible scheduling.)  If you're set on your plans, then accept that she's still your MOH even if she can't attend.  Don't name a different MOH unless you want to cut ties with her permanently, it's just insulting for everyone involved.

GoodLuckBear14

It might not be the expense.  Doctors and nurses do not exactly have the easiest time getting time off and they may have already planned a vacation for their allowed vacation time.

Madda7

it is over a year away, i also work in the medical field so I know it is possible to get the time, but i do understand not wanting to spend the money, she had a baby a year ago so i think she doesnt want to leave him, but still doesnt want to pay to bring him. Which i understand too. the rest of the bridal party is coming, and we are aware that not everyone that we want to be there will be able to come. For that reason we are having an AHR at our local park district. I just didnt know if it was ok to pass the torch so to speak, because of how much of a role the MOH plays in listening to the bride go over details all the time haha! I didnt want to do that with her and have her feel bad about not coming. like rubbing it in her face.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-change-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c8a10e3-2223-4aa8-9d34-ebb057dc8b97Post:947cc55a-1d76-41d5-8376-63ceb24509ac">Re: MOH CHANGE UP??</a>:
[QUOTE]it is over a year away, i also work in the medical field so I know it is possible to get the time, but i do understand not wanting to spend the money, she had a baby a year ago so i think she doesnt want to leave him, but still doesnt want to pay to bring him. Which i understand too. the rest of the bridal party is coming, and we are aware that not everyone that we want to be there will be able to come. For that reason we are having an AHR at our local park district. <strong>I just didnt know if it was ok to pass the torch so to speak, because of how much of a role the MOH plays in listening to the bride go over details all the time haha!</strong> I didnt want to do that with her and have her feel bad about not coming. like rubbing it in her face.
Posted by Madda7[/QUOTE]
The MOH is not required to do this.  She usually does because she's the bride's friend, but not because it's her job.  The only people required to assist the bride with planning are the groom and a paid coordinator if you have one.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-change-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c8a10e3-2223-4aa8-9d34-ebb057dc8b97Post:947cc55a-1d76-41d5-8376-63ceb24509ac">Re: MOH CHANGE UP??</a>:
[QUOTE]it is over a year away, i also work in the medical field so I know it is possible to get the time, but i do understand not wanting to spend the money, she had a baby a year ago so i think she doesnt want to leave him, but still doesnt want to pay to bring him. Which i understand too. the rest of the bridal party is coming, and we are aware that not everyone that we want to be there will be able to come. For that reason we are having an AHR at our local park district.<strong>I just didnt know if it was ok to pass the torch so to speak, because of how much of a role the MOH plays in listening to the bride go over details all the time haha!</strong>I didnt want to do that with her and have her feel bad about not coming. like rubbing it in her face.
Posted by Madda7[/QUOTE]

That's not part of the role of MOH.  The MOH is the one nearest and dearest to you and you choose her (or him) for no other reason.  If you need someone to bounce ideas off of or help planning your wedding, you need to tell your FI to step it up.

Madda7

I know that she is not required to come. My FI does help with wedding ideas too, but he is not good with decorating or putting a reception together. He picked our ceremony site, the dinner cruise we are taking all of the guests on and the luau we are taking our guests to after our ceremony. In my book he is doing his part. So i bounce ideas off my MOH, my other brides maids,  my mom, and my aunt who are all helping put the reception together.

Madda7

I am also not expecting her to come... I was just asking if i should ask someone else, because she wont be able to come or if I should just leave it and have only bridesmaids. The reason she can not come is not my buiness and i understand that she can not.

runpipparun

Bridesmaids! Bridesmaids!

OliveOilsMom

You can have another BM play MOH for the day of your wedding - sign the marriage license and hold your bouquet.  But keep that BM as a BM.  And keep your MOH as is.  If you have a program, keep your MOH's name in it and give her one when you return to show her you were still thinking of her that day even though she couldn't make it.  Then for your AHR, she will be there.  But note that for your AHR, the BP doesn't need to wear their dresses again, it may look a little silly.

runpipparun

You could also potentially list her in your program, "in abstentia." 

pkontk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-change-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c8a10e3-2223-4aa8-9d34-ebb057dc8b97Post:738516b4-accc-4c22-8df8-07816645148c">Re: MOH CHANGE UP??</a>:
[QUOTE]You could also potentially list her in your program, "in abstentia." 
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]

I 100% agree.  I'm sure she's feeling a little sad that she can't make it after all, and will appreciate this gesture.

Madda7

I really appreciate all the opinions. I never thought of the programs so that is a good idea that I might use. Thank you all