Asking too much? Kinda long...

FutureMrsBoucher

So when we were 14, my best friend and I pinky swore that whoever got married first, the other would be her MOH. Then my dad's job moved us across the states. She still lives in Cali, and I'm gettig married in NC. We're still really close and see each other every couple years and it doesn't seem like any time has gone by, but for some reason she assumed that I was going to ask someone else to be MOH. When I told her that I still wanted her, she thought it was out of obligation to the pinky promise we made almost 10 years ago. I told her no way! I still want her to be my MOH, it wasn't obligation, it's because I love her dearly!
She has been kind of vague and hasn't responded much lately, and I wonder if I've asked too much of her. I offered to help her pay for the plane trip, but I'm not sure how much that's going to help her. She will still be in school, so she'd be missing days, plus work, in addition to the fact that she really doesn't have money. I was emotional and excited when I insisted (it was right after he proposed), and now I'm realizing the probable unneeded stress I'm causing her. I want to make sure she didn't agree out of obligation, but how do I do that tactfully? I feel really bad now, because I was so set on having her as my MOH that I didn't even stop to think about her...

bablingbrooke

Based on what you've written it kind of sounds like she never accepted the title.  If your MOH's response to you asking her is "This is because you promised me when we were 14, isn't it?" she probably isn't that into it.  I don't think it's that you're asking too much of her as much as it sounds like she isn't interested.  Talk to her and ask her how she feels about it.  

Objectively, no, I don't think it's causing her too much stress to ask her to be MOH and (by the sound of it) just buy the dress and show up.  But if she has to take days off from school, it might be a problem so in her situation this might be too much.  I'm in grad school now and while this year it wouldn't be an inconvenience to take a couple days off, last year it aboslutely would have been.

suz62984

Ditto on Brooke. She is wise!

FutureMrsBoucher

bablingbrooke - you are a plethora of wisdom.
she has accepted the position, she just text me to ask me when she needs to order her dress by. i'll be calling her tonight to talk to her about it. i love her to death, but i don't want to inconvenience her. thank you!

FutureMrsBoucher

suz62984 hey look! we're getting married the same day! yay!

bablingbrooke

Glad it all worked out!  Good luck!

trix1223

OP, sounds like you've made a good decision. Good luck talking with your friend tonight.