Is this tacky or helpful?

irisleaf

So I have asked 3 of my friends to be BM's and my FI's sister to be MOH!  They are all very excited but none of them know each other.

I am planning on a get to know each other day, starting with dress searching and then I have planned a day at the spa on me as a surprise for the BM's & MOH! 

Now since they all don't know each other I thought I would put to together a little questionnaire for them to fill out and then they share it with each other.

On the questionnaire are things like:
Full name
phone #
email
favorite color
how do you know the bride?

and so on...
So is this really tacky to have them fill this out and share or do you think this will be helpful so they all know each other and can contact each other if they need to?

stina93446

I don't think it's tacky, but I do think it's unnecessary. Your bms don't need to get along or be friends. Knowing you is enough in common. And you need to know that not all your bms may be able to attend the same day of dress searching. And while I am sure your friends are lovely, there are some brides that have bms that HATE spending time together. So just take it as it comes.

gottahavashorti

I don't think they really need to get to know each other, but since it sounds like the reason you're getting together is to look for their dresses the spa would be a fun treat as long as they're not anti-spa.

I'd skip the questionnaire and just give them each other's contact info if they ask for it.

Licia&Wayne

Yeah, I don't know that I would do that, though the intention behind it is nice. I don't think it's tacky, but agree with Stina that it is unnecessary. People aren't always going to be best buds, no matter how much you want them to be.

I think if they need to get in touch with each other, they can just ask you for contact info.

spinner84

The day at the spa is really nice of you.

That said, it's only 4 of them, so I'm sure they'll chat and get to know each other enough to learn each other's names and how they know you.

You may want to send an email with contact information though. I find it useful to have that stuff on hand.

suz62984

I think the spa and dresses would be nice but the questionaire seems strange. I was never a fan of the stand up in slass and say your name, your favorite color, and what you like to do outside of school; this feels like the same thing to me.

My BMs are spread all over. I sent out an email to everyone with names and emails. They have all friended each other over Facebook and have gotten to know each other through emails and chats on there. If they want to be friends they will.

MyNameIsNot

Why do I get the feeling you work in HR?

Not tacky, but a little annoying.  Remember, your BMs are your friends.  They are not going to all become friends with each other.  Assuming they are all nice people, they will make conversation and get through the dress shopping and anything else they end up doing together.  Most adults can make conversation without an ice breaker.  

And while the spa idea is really generous, don't get upset if someone decides they'd rather not attend.  Your friends love you, but they may not be up for making good friends with your other friends.  

leeshab1982

The spa treat is great as long as they're all spa-goers.  I think that exchanging contact information is a good idea, but you could do that via email if it's easier.  It seems like what you've got planned is thoughtful (and not tacky), but don't feel like those are things that you have to do.  I'm sure the girls will get to know each other a bit just from the chit chat during the spa time and dress shopping.   

megk8oz

I'm with Stina ... not "tacky" per se, but kind of unnecessary. Being in your wedding isn't a corporate retreat, your BMs don't need to come out of it being best friends. If they want to be in contact with each other and/or get to know each other, let them do that of their own accord, not because they were prompted to by an "ice-breaker activity".

I know that my girls would have wanted nothing to do with something of this nature ... and that if a bride had asked me to do something like this, I'd probably being doing it in the mindset of "Ok, I'll humor her", but I wouldn't be excited about it or find it fun. It doesn't mean I don't love them any less, it just means that's not my way of socializing.

However, these are your girls, and you know them way better than us, so if you think they'd be into something like this, go for it. Just try not to be too upset if it turns out somebody isn't into it, or not everybody can coordinate their schedules to be all together at the same time.

irisleaf

Thanks everyone! 

All the BM's have agreed to spend the day together, and dress shop.  I originally setup the day just so they could all meet for the first time, and have a BM luncheon the spa treat was a last minute idea since a deal landed in my lap.

I know all of them really well and they all love the spa so it isn't going to be a problem.

I think I might keep the questionnaires though, cause it gives me a little better info on some of my girls for BM gifts, but I will think about it.

Our day together isn't until June so, I have time to mull it over.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_this-tacky-helpful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:82b96afa-8e6e-4506-9817-a27ad563631bPost:9f8873d7-93f0-450d-8f7f-4b965e9c6fc8">Re: Is this tacky or helpful?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's tacky, but I do think it's unnecessary. Your bms don't need to get along or be friends. Knowing you is enough in common. And you need to know that not all your bms may be able to attend the same day of dress searching. And while I am sure your friends are lovely, there are some brides that have bms that HATE spending time together. So just take it as it comes.
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

I would send an e-mail to all of them asking if they're interested in the activities you're talking about and if so when would be a good date. That way they'll have each other's e-mails to get in touch amongst themselves. That's really all they NEED to know about each other.

irisleaf

Okay, i think you ladies are right I'll ditch the questionnaires.

No I am not in HR, but I am in customer service.  LOL 

Thank you everyone!

Blueyed228

If you handed me a questionaire I would not be happy.  That being said, only you know how your friends will react to it.

Adults don't need help interacting in a social setting.

mizri

I agree with PPs.  I have MOH and one BM and they've never met, but they don't like each other.  They both agreed to keep opinions to themselves for my sake, though.  I'm not planning on getting them together much prior to the wedding.  MOH did ask me what I thought about her adding BM on FB, but she hasn't done it.  Maybe have them share contact info, but the rest is a bit unnessasary.

riverjib

I hate to say it, but this sounds really lame. Take it with a grain of salt--I HATE shower games, and I don't think they help people bond.. If you want them to meet and get to know one another, plan a night for dinner and/or drinks. Don't default to third grade :-)

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_this-tacky-helpful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:82b96afa-8e6e-4506-9817-a27ad563631bPost:f9aef21a-8e84-465d-ae20-9385a5a8a390">Re: Is this tacky or helpful?</a>:
[QUOTE] I think I might keep the questionnaires though, cause it gives me a little better info on some of my girls for BM gifts, but I will think about it. Our day together isn't until June so, I have time to mull it over.
Posted by irisleaf[/QUOTE]

<div>I know you already said you're ditching the questionnaires, but I'd like to point out that this whole "bm gift" idea.....makes no sense. The only real info you would be getting from it is color, and I hope to god you're not getting them the same thing in different colors. (Unless they all like the same thing) This is not meant to be snarky at all, but rather pointing out that I think if you spend an hour with your friends, you should have a good idea of what they would like. No need for a silly questionnaire. Glad you dropped it, and bring back any questions.</div>

davis2cruz

It's not tacky at all -- however, it might be nice to leave those kinds of questions for them to talk about when they're together... instead of having all that information given to them on a piece of paper.