Am I overreacting?

jazmarie718

 

Hello,


My wedding is coming up really soon. So I am seriously on crunch time. Recently I asked one of my bridesmaids if it were possible if she could assist our photographer for a bit to point out all of our guest so he can get familiar with who's who.. Instead of just responding "NO"... She stated that "isn't it enough that I'm standing in 4 inch heels?".. I tried my best to remain calm and overreact and just told her that if she just wanted to say NO .. thats all she had to do. Her response was then "Well, not that many people will be in the wedding anyway so I don't understand why he needs any help". Followed by, "did you ask anyone else to do this?....How long would I have to stand? If I do, I'm wearing flats so can I have someone help?"...

At this point, I'm sure any bride would be frustrated. Mind you, I have not asked ANY of my bridesmaids to assist with anything with the wedding planning ..all I asked was for them to get their dresses and THATS IT!.



Am I wrong for wanting to kick her out of my wedding?? And this is not the first time she's been a u know what.... Am I overreacting? 

All comments and thoughts are appreciated.



Thanks

 

UPDATED MESSAGE AS OF 8-23-10

Thank you all for your responses. After reading my post again and reading your answers, I do realize I was overreacting. Please understand that I was very upset and frustrated as I am sure many brides can understand my pain. I will be sure to talk to my bridesmaid about this topic so theres no hard feelings and apologize to her so we can have a happy wedding and friendship. I will be sure to ask someone else to assist the photographer so everyone is happy! 

For the record... the girls LOVE the shoes! .. and she was exaggerating when she said they were four inches..(I think its a tad under that ) lol

To all who felt I was "yelling" "being bratty" etc. Bite me..lol seriously..  Understand that I was having a moment for the situation was still fresh in my mind.Thanks for your response but be nice to the brides on here.  When we are going thru it we don't need your negativity. Be truthful at the same time but be respectful Don't make matters worse! 

and to all who gave great advice ! I appreciate it. Thank you so much. It's nice to know I can come on here and be judged .. I mean.. expect great feedback ::just trying to add a lil humor to this silly post::.. LOL Thanks again everyone!

 

Much Love!

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8728180a-bfef-4c56-8a43-1e8874531982Post:a72a362c-3176-4fe7-ad12-415589465381">Am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]  Hello, My wedding is coming up really soon. So I am seriously on crunch time. Recently I asked one of my bridesmaids if it were possible if she could assist our photographer for a bit to point out all of our guest so he can get familiar with who's who.. Instead of just responding "NO"... She stated that "isn't it enough that I'm standing in 4 inch heels?".. I tried my best to remain calm and overreact and just told her that if she just wanted to say NO .. thats all she had to do. Her response was then "Well, not that many people will be in the wedding anyway so I don't understand why he needs any help". Followed by, "did you ask anyone else to do this?....How long would I have to stand? If I do, I'm wearing flats so can I have someone help?"... At this point, I'm sure any bride would be frustrated. Mind you, I have not asked ANY of my bridesmaids to assist with anything with the wedding planning ..all I asked was for them to get their dresses and THATS IT!. Am I wrong for wanting to kick her out of my wedding?? And this is not the first time she's been a u know what.... Am I overreacting?  All comments and thoughts are appreciated. Thanks
Posted by jazmarie718[/QUOTE]

Have you asked anyone else?  What were their reactions?  If you knew this was her attitude when you asked her to be a BM, you can't be surprised at her reaction.  And, no, as tempting as it is, you can't kick her out.

AdeleDazeem

If you want to kick her out of your wedding over this, then yes - you are over-reacting.

She doesn't want to do it.  Clearly.  Ask someone else (like a family member or someone who is more than happy to help) to do what you need. 

And, if I was answering honestly, I'd be a little annoyed at having to babysit the photographer and point out who is who.  My sister didn't need anyone to do this at her 150-person wedding and everything turned out lovely.

gottahavashorti

Yes, you're overreacting.  If your photographer is a professional, he/she will figure out who the family members are without being babysat.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8728180a-bfef-4c56-8a43-1e8874531982Post:22221db1-82ea-4bbc-bad1-37de286e2ad3">Re: Am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, you're overreacting.  If your photographer is a professional, he/she will figure out who the family members are without being babysat.
Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]


100% this, but I also think your friend is an ass.

banana468

I think your friend over-reacted. 

However did you actually tell her to wear 4 inch heels or did she pick them?  If she didn't get a say in that aspect of the attire it may be her way of saying that she already thinks she's doing enough.

And while I think her tone was poor, if you think her one reaction is cause for dismissal then I think you are definitely over-reacting.

janedoe1113a

I personally think both you and your friend are overreacting.  She could have responded in a nicer way and you shouldn't be thinking about kicking a friend out of your wedding party over something so stupid.

If your photog is a professional, he can figure this out on his own.

megk8oz

Yes. You're over-reacting. And, regradless of her response, you never should have asked her to do that anyway.

ETA: Why is she wearing 4" heels? Did you require her to wear specific shoes?

trix1223

She over-reacted.  Now you're over-reacting.  It's a tie.  Game over.  No penalty shoot outs.  Let it go.

aerinpegadrak

If a bride tried to make me wear 4" heels, I'd be out.  No friendship is worth potentially twisting my ankle or blowing out my knees.

Viczaesar

Wait a sec, are you making her wear 4" heels?  A lot of her comments seem to stem from being afraid of being uncomfortable from wearing those heels (asking how long she would have to stand if she did it, and talking about wearing flats).  If that's the case then I don't blame her at all for not wanting to take on a job that's not her responsibility that will cause her pain.  I don't blame her for not wanting to do it at all, actually, but I understand her particular comments more if that's the case.

jagore08

Yes, you are overreacting.  

No, you shouldn't kick her out.

Ask your mom or someone in your immediate family to help you with this.  My photographer ask me to do something like this too so I had pictures of all the important people but it was just for formal pictures.  My sister got everyone that was needed to stay after the ceremony for pictures so we weren't waiting around for everyone to come back.  

If this isn't the first time she's acted like this then you shouldn't be surprised that she responded this way.  I understand your frustration, especially since you're wedding is so close and I'm sure the stress is building but just let it roll off your back and find someone else.

suz62984

Just curious...Did you tell them that they had to have certain shoes? perhaps 4 inch heels? Is she used to wearing 4 inch heels or is she wearing them because you told her they were the ones you wanted?

I think she is overreacting a little. I could understand her frustration if you dictated that she must wear 4 inch heels and stand around with the photographer; however she went a little overboard. I think you are overreacting also. The photographer is a professional who knows how to shoot weddings. Trust him a little here. Nothing she said warrants her being kicked out. She may be a jerk but just deal with it and move on. Kicking her out will end the friendship...is it really worth ending things?

jazmarie718

As far as the shoe situation goes... ALL OF THEM AGREED ON THE SHOES AND LOVED THEM. I picked out a gorgeous shoe...asked all of them if they loved it and they all said yes! The shoes were not "mandatory". I specifically asked all of the girls to pick out a comfortable shoe for them to wear. The one they picked happens to be a lil less than four inches. So to answer your question aerinpegadrak.. NO ONE FORCED HER!

 

As far as the photographer goes. He was the one who requested an assistant. Not for him to have one all night long but to point out everyone and he would take it from there. 

At this point, I will talk with her and ask her what is she comfortable with doing since everything else seems to be "too much". Perhaps some of you were right when u said I should have thought about this before picking her as my bridesmaid!

BeeBee22

You should stop SHOUTING. Makes you sound bratty. 

Since she clearly isn't interested in doing this, ask someone else.

BTW, in back to back sentences, you say you chose the shoes and that they did...confusing.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8728180a-bfef-4c56-8a43-1e8874531982Post:03c6347e-b3eb-4cef-bca5-f84b9e814a31">Re: Am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as the shoe situation goes... ALL OF THEM AGREED ON THE SHOES AND LOVED THEM. I picked out a gorgeous shoe...asked all of them if they loved it and they all said yes! The shoes were not "mandatory". I specifically asked all of the girls to pick out a comfortable shoe for them to wear. The one they picked happens to be a lil less than four inches. So to answer your question aerinpegadrak.. NO ONE FORCED HER!   As far as the photographer goes. He was the one who requested an assistant. Not for him to have one all night long but to point out everyone and he would take it from there.  <strong>At this point, I will talk with her and ask her what is she comfortable with doing since everything else seems to be "too much".</strong> Perhaps some of you were right when u said I should have thought about this before picking her as my bridesmaid!
Posted by jazmarie718[/QUOTE]

All she has to do is stand up there.  What else are you asking people to do here?

jazmarie718

I am not asking my bridesmaids to do anything! . I simply asked for a favor. You would think as a bridesmaid people would want to help you out. If I were a bridesmaid and if I were asked to help out a tad I wouldn't be nasty about it. I would just help the bride out. I didn't think there was a problem with that. 

 

and I asked her if she could do it. No one said she was required to do it. Did she really have to get so nasty? Thats my point. It's just frustrating when your wedding is very close and you have to deal with people being difficult. 

jazmarie718

On that note.. thanks to all who responded. I really appreciate your feedback!

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8728180a-bfef-4c56-8a43-1e8874531982Post:7238e4ff-c9da-4a09-bd25-d33baf72faa2">Re: Am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I am not asking my bridesmaids to do anything! . I simply asked for a favor.</strong> You would think as a bridesmaid people would want to help you out. If I were a bridesmaid and if I were asked to help out a tad I wouldn't be nasty about it. I would just help the bride out. I didn't think there was a problem with that.    and I asked her if she could do it. No one said she was required to do it. Did she really have to get so nasty? Thats my point. It's just frustrating when your wedding is very close and you have to deal with people being difficult. 
Posted by jazmarie718[/QUOTE]

You yell by typing in all caps.

Asking for a favor is asking for something.

You also shouldn't ask your BMs to do anything more than stand with you and smile for the photog.  Ask a friend who isn't in the bridal party if he/she wouldn't mind helping out.

Also, you're not the only one whose wedding is close sweetie.  You're just the only one here losing your shiiit where you are most likely the one in the wrong.

jazmarie718

Losing my shiiiiit? ok, that's real mature. 

 

And yes, I can admit I might have been in the wrong as to why I asked for help from other brides.I am not perfect and clearly neither are you! It wasn't for you to get nasty. It's really not that serious. Your sarcasm and your messages are so unnecessary. All you had to do was give your opinion which I'm totally for! Thats why I put the post up. But u went a lil over board. Chill out! thanks for your answers thou! 

jazmarie718

and is this a tag team here? is this what you ladies do? attack people in groups? lets get serious here. people come on here for help on different topics. Maybe some people will agree with the post and others many not.. thats fine! We can all agree to disagree..but please don't be disrespectful! 

If you feel the post is "immature" "stupid" .. "silly" whatever... don't comment. Its as simple as that! All that extra nonsense was so unnecessary. All you had to do was answer to the post with your opinions. I'm not being rude to anyone on here so I would expect the same respect from everyone!

gottahavashorti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8728180a-bfef-4c56-8a43-1e8874531982Post:107d22a6-9413-42ec-b588-1744a31c822a">Re: Am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]Losing my shiiiiit? ok, that's real mature.    And yes, I can admit I might have been in the wrong as to why I asked for help from other brides.I am not perfect and clearly neither are you! It wasn't for you to get nasty. It's really not that serious. Your sarcasm and your messages are so unnecessary. All you had to do was give your opinion which I'm totally for! Thats why I put the post up. But u went a lil over board. Chill out! thanks for your answers thou! 
Posted by jazmarie718[/QUOTE]
You're getting really worked up (or have maybe calmed down)?  Take a break, grab a glass of wine with your FI, a bubblebath, don't think about it for a few days until it's not fresh on your mind.

It's possible that the BM isn't comfortable walking in 4" heels but felt obligated to say yes because everyone else wanted them.  It does sound like she's hesitant about wearing them.

Ask someone who is not in the WP to help out the photographer.  Enough of their day will already be spent away from most of the guests between getting ready, the ceremony, and any pre-ceremony and post-ceremony pictures.  See if someone else like a cousin, sibling or aunt would be okay spending a few minutes with the photographer.  Yes, she overreacted when you asked, but she also has the right to decline.

aerinpegadrak

If she loves the heels, why is she complaining about them?  "Isn't it enough that I'll be wearing 4" heels?" says pretty clearly "I don't want to wear these, but I'm doing it for you.  Don't ask anything more of me."  Unless that's not actually what she said, in which case nothing in your original post can really be trusted, can it?

banana468

Jaz, you don't have to like the advice stated, but the use of profanity isn't OK.

Please watch it - final warning.

jazmarie718

Wait a minute here. So my prick is considered profanity but to the one who said I'm losing my shiiitt..is okay? 

right! I love how you ladies pick sides! I believe based on your pictures you ladies are at least in your 40s acting like this? this is ridiculous. Please delete me ..ban me.. do as you will. I could honestly care less. You can call me immature ..say what you want.. I honestly don't care... I am done being attacked over the Internet!

banana468

There is a difference between saying one is "losing her whatever" and calling someone names.

It's a fine line, but you're physically swearing at people and that's not OK.

You weren't being attacked.  The issue is that some things weren't explained clearly so people are questioning what you say.

And how lovely that based on my photo you think I'm in my 40s.

jazmarie718

Excuse me? did I target someone in particular by saying "don't be a prick" ????that was general .. not to any one in particular...smh

and noticed I said Ladies...When referring to being in your 40s.. I was actually talking about the women who were attacking me . If you felt that was made personally to you..well you know what they say about ppl who assume.. Plus I'm very much done having to explain myself over and over again about the same things.. SHeeshh! This is getting way too out of hand for noooo reason!

 

I thought this site was suppose to be encouraging.. I mean, I did expect ppl to tell me I was exaggerating which I can admit my wrong but all of this?? Completely unnecessary! Ppl are entitled to their opinions which I respect but don't be rude. 

 

Let's just please leave it at that ...please... If and when I do decide to post anything again I will be sure to explain myself in detail and I will be sure to NOT vent on here since I will be judged and attacked! A lesson well learned! 

banana468

Jaz, you have a PM.

gottahavashorti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8728180a-bfef-4c56-8a43-1e8874531982Post:456b880f-1462-41ed-b963-ea3285a34ba1">Re: Am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]Excuse me? did I target someone in particular by saying "don't be a prick" ????that was general .. not to any one in particular...smh and noticed I said Ladies...When referring to being in your 40s.. I was actually talking about the women who were attacking me . If you felt that was made personally to you..well you know what they say about ppl who assume.. Plus I'm very much done having to explain myself over and over again about the same things.. SHeeshh! This is getting way too out of hand for noooo reason!   I thought this site was suppose to be encouraging.. I mean, I did expect ppl to tell me I was exaggerating which I can admit my wrong but all of this?? Completely unnecessary! Ppl are entitled to their opinions which I respect but don't be rude.    Let's just please leave it at that ...please... If and when I do decide to post anything again I will be sure to explain myself in detail and I will be sure to NOT vent on here since I will be judged and attacked! A lesson well learned! 
Posted by jazmarie718[/QUOTE]
You are being encouraged.  You're being encouraged to respect your BM and not overreact in the same way that she did.  Giving advice that's contrary to what you want doesn't mean that advice is rude.  And yes, it does help when posts are clear about things like whether she got to choose her own shoes - it's not possible to guess those things without clarification when not given the information.

jazmarie718

With all due respect.. I am done with this topic. 

 

Thank you for your feedback thou.

 

Much respect!

banana468

Jaz, I'm glad that the matter is closed for you.

If you want to check your Private Messages, it's the tab on the left of the screen.