Just family or include friends??

lburke82

Hi.  This is my first post.
I'm looking for wedding party advice.  I've always wanted to have a small wedding party.  Currently, the BMs are my fiance's two sisters and my one cousin.  On his side it are his two brothers and my brother.  I'm confused on if I should ask any of my friends or keep it just family, nice and small.
I'm questioning asking my friends because they both married and have young ones.  My closest girlfriend's baby is just over a year - and they plan to try for another soon (the wedding is Nov. 27, 2010).  She is also not that girlie.  The other friend just had her baby 3 months ago. 
His friends are all out of state.
The advice I would like is are we going to regret not having friends and sticking with just family?  Is there any reason to have more people in the wedding party?  I would definately sit my friends down and explain that we wanted a small party and stuck with just family.
Sorry if this is too long!!  I just wanted to explain the situation.

ANGEL006

Have whomever you would like, but did you select those who you are closest to or just those individuals because they are family ?

gottahavashorti

Ask the friends if you want to.  Children shoudn't prevent them from being able to stand up at the wedding.  Worst that could happen is your closest friend might need a maternity dress or have to make a day of wedding call about whether she's able to participate if she gets pregnant right away.

gottahavashorti

Oh, and don't explain to them why they're not in the wedding party - that could be taken as an insult even if you don't mean it to be that way.  They'll figure it out when you don't ask.  And even if they do ask you who is in the wedding, you can tell them it's just your siblings and a cousin.

aerinpegadrak

Factors you should consider in selecting bridal party:
- emotional closeness to the person
- potential drama factor (sometimes it will cause less drama to just ask the person than not to)

Factors that shouldn't be part of the decision:
- physical distance
- financial situation (if it's more than they can afford, that's their decision, and you can always do what you can to accommodate them)
- physical handicaps (including illness or pregnancy; again, they can decide whether or not they can handle it)
- ability to assist with wedding planning
- ability to throw parties
- gender
- numbers

Also, don't take the initiative to tell anyone why they weren't included.  That talk never ends well.  If you want to keep it small, that's entirely your prerogative.

emilyinchile

Ask whoever you're closest to. Don't base your decision to ask on whether you think someone's girly/into weddings or whether you think having kids might make it hard - it's an invitation, not a requirement, and they can turn you down if they don't want to. You also aren't obligated to ask family (unless you already have, in which case you can't unask), have even sides, or have sides of only one gender.

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_just-family-include-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:88a23ade-ae2a-49f2-ba0f-a092c66a0c30Post:ceff9e4c-8c89-40a4-85f2-62528068185b">Just family or include friends??</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi.  This is my first post. I'm looking for wedding party advice.  I've always wanted to have a small wedding party.  Currently, the BMs are my fiance's two sisters and my one cousin.  On his side it are his two brothers and my brother.  I'm confused on if I should ask any of my friends or keep it just family, nice and small. I'm questioning asking my friends because they both married and have young ones.  My closest girlfriend's baby is just over a year - and they plan to try for another soon (the wedding is Nov. 27, 2010).  She is also not that girlie.  The other friend just had her baby 3 months ago.  His friends are all out of state. The advice I would like is are we going to regret not having friends and sticking with just family?  Is there any reason to have more people in the wedding party?  I would definately sit my friends down and explain that we wanted a small party and stuck with just family. Sorry if this is too long!!  I just wanted to explain the situation.
Posted by lburke82[/QUOTE]

Think about the people whom you are closest to (and I don't mean by proximity) and ask them if you cannot imagine getting married without them by your side. This can be friends / family / this can mean you have your best guy friend stand on your side and your FI has a girl stand on his side. Wedding parties are about honoroing the people close to you in your life. They are not about symmetry or any of that. If you are happy as it stands, that's okay. If you think you'd regret not having your friends up there with you, then ask them.

Don't make assumptions in your head about your friends simply because they're married with small children. If you really would like to ask them, go ahead and do so and they will let you know if they would prefer to attend as a guest. My guess is that they would be honored you asked, though.
If your FI wants to ask friends, he should ask them - doesn't matter if they live out of state. My FI's best man lives on the opposite coast and one lives in another state. Doesn't matter. They'll be there for the wedding...what do they need to be around for before that? You can accomplish alot via phone calls and email and really, the guys don't need to do much. They can call in their tux measurements to the shop and that's it - they're done.

aerinpegadrak

I should add that by the time of the wedding, my MOH's daughter will be 9 months old, and my sister's daughter will be 5 months old.  If they bring the babies (MOH is considering leaving her with Grandma for the weekend), they'll figure out who will be caring for them while we're doing wedding stuff.  It's a minor complication, but not really my problem, and not a huge deal.

MyNameIsNot

Aerin is wise.  She said what I was thinking in her first post.

lburke82

I'm not too worried about what they'll do with the kids - they both have husbands that are capable of carring for them.  The reason I put that in is that it makes us all not as close.  All my friends have been married for awhile, and I have been with my fiance for awhile.  He is my best friend, the person I am closest too.  If I had been getting married 5 years ago - when all my friends did - then there would be no question if I should ask them.  Now I just feel as though I would ask them because we were best friends back in the day.
I just don't know!!  This is an issue I go back and forth on.  What is really the significance of having them stand up??  What is the point in a large wedding party??  Am I wrong in my thinking?

kmm2150

I think family is easy and a nice clean break- no "if I ask Susie, then I have to ask Janie or her feelings will be hurt," no worry (or hopefully not much of one)that when you show your grandkids the wedding pictures you won't remember who those people are, etc.  If you've asked your relatives already, and you're not totally confident about the other friends, just leave it with family.  Maybe your friends could be readers, and if they offer to do something else wedding related like a shower or bach. party, go for it.

jeannigirl

Aerin said it so perfectly and I second that. Well said!