Wedding Party

I need more bean dip....(long)

Why are FI's friends (or friend's wives) total crazies?!

So, FI's friend is married. This friend very well may be a GM, we haven't picked out WP yet, but it's someone FI has known since HS and it's a name that has been tossed around. If he isn't a GM, he is going to be an usher and if we decide not to have ushers (but I think we will because of the way our location is set up) he's still invited to the RD and so is his wife because they are coming from OOT. Either way! He is somehow involved.

His wife keeps making references to becoming a bridesmaid. Which is strange, because we haven't even asked her husband to be a GM. Here are the things she keeps saying, "I'll make you look really skinny by comparison, B." "I'm really organzied, just sayin'." "If you need someone to make you look amazing in your dress, I'm the girl to go to, just sayin'" I've just been laughing, followed up with a "Who needs a beer?"

Now, memorial day weekend we're going to visit another one of FI's HS friends in Upstate New York. We're going with this other couple. We're making arrangements via e-mail and she replies to all (me, FI, her DH, and Friend we're visiting) saying: "Maybe this trip will seal the deal and I'll get a wedding promotion. Remember, I'll make you look really skinny B!!"

HER DH replies to all of us saying, "B doesn't need any help looking skinny. The joke is getting old"

And, she says, "Who's joking? lol"

....
I haven't said anything. I was thinking of saying "So, about that wine tasting...." but, I'm kind of fed up and I don't know how I am going to handle a long weekend of this. Honestly, I thought she was over it by now. I am not going to ask her to be a BM, I feel like she should just instinctively know this. Her husband told her to stop and she didn't get it. I don't want to flip out on this girl, but it makes everyone feel a little awkward.

I would feel like a bitch asking FI to talk to her DH but I have the heebity jeebities, a little.

Re: I need more bean dip....(long)

  • I would have your FI talk to her DH, maybe she will listen this time.

    I suck at bean dipping* so I generally avoid WR issues by saying that we haven't been doing any planning lately and aren't even thinking about it right now or saying what we are doing.  Then I awkwardly stare at the ground until FI and FBILs save me or the topic is changed.  Not the best solution but if the issue at hand were pressed I'd probably get angry.

    * A couple months ago someone used the actual bean dip line when there was no bean dip and the person she was bean dipping thought she was nuts.  Maybe you can make your friend think you're seeing bean dip and have worse things to worry about right now.  Or just tell her you're taking a break from the wedding planning that weekend and don't want to hear anything about it.
  • Why do people do that?!
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
  • Can you just fling bean dip at her?  
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    I don't know. Also, within the past two years, I think I have spent collectively like 24 hours with her at the most. It's SO weird. FI says he thinks she doesn't have any girlfriends.

    Gotta, you're right. I'll be like "Oh, these dudes don't want to hear about wedding planning." or "Hey look! Shiny objects!" if it persists, I'll start talking imaginary bean dip.
  • Wow, that sounds really awkward.  I thought it was bad when people invited themselves to the wedding, but I guess this is 10x worse.  And it looks like  asking her DH to talk to her might not even change things since he has already hinted for her to stop.  Maybe you could say "Sorry, but I already have some people in mind".  I'm guessing that you haven't picked out bridemaids yet since you have more than a year till your wedding, but it wouldn't be a complete lie.  I'm guessing you have people in mind, like friends and family that you are planning of asking in the future?  

    But yeah, I stink at bean dipping too.  I'm just a little too awkward. X_X 
  • Wow, she seems really insecure.  Especially with the whole "skinny by comparison" thing.  I kind of feel sorry for her.  But I can see where it would get obnoxious REALLLY fast.

    I think at this point you're pretty much in your right to say, "Look, we're not picking the bridal party any time soon.  We're not even thinking about it right now."  And change the subject.  If she brings it up again, just don't even acknowledge it.  Enough is enough.
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-bean-diplong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b6412c3-1124-4223-9e66-e9dc36cfb379Post:39bae4ad-9130-4e2e-bb62-a556f980a370">Re: I need more bean dip....(long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can you just fling bean dip at her?  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    Yes, please. I will keep some in my pocket.

    I'm bad at bean dipping, too. I get really SAP about it, instead of gracefully changing the subject I blurt out something from left field. True story:

    "I can't wait to rage at your wedding. Open bar!" (this person is not invited)
    Me: "Cliff Lee doesn't play for the Phillies anymore. Wow." (and...walk away)
  • haha - I had a situation where I kept bean dipping someone and they didn't get it. The next time she brought up the subject I just said "AWWWKWARRRRD(insert high, songlike, funny voice here)!!! Hey butterflies" and walked away. She got the message.
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  • Maybe they will eventually get it, especially if your left field is out of the park.
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-bean-diplong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b6412c3-1124-4223-9e66-e9dc36cfb379Post:966a2b9d-bf90-4ae6-9e05-12e629395686">Re: I need more bean dip....(long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe they will eventually get it, especially if your left field is out of the park.
    Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

    "I should be promoted to bridesmaid, or some such similar jargon."
    "Have you ever read, he's just not that into you?"
  • Give her the new bean dip!
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha

  • "I can't wait to rage at your wedding. Open bar!" (this person is not invited)
    Me: "Cliff Lee doesn't play for the Phillies anymore. Wow." (and...walk away)

    HILARIOUS!!

    I suck at it too - I've pulled the "I think my phone is ringing" line. Oy.

    Anyways - that's so weeeeeeeird!! Why would she be so pushy/how has she not gotten the hint!! That's nuts. I have no real solid advice to give other than keep bean dipping!! Or just tell her that you guys have not even thought about WP yet you're just having fun thinking about your wedding.

     Good luck.
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-bean-diplong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b6412c3-1124-4223-9e66-e9dc36cfb379Post:5a42cfcd-1146-4a96-a881-862ec5b5b94b">Re: I need more bean dip....(long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Give her the new bean dip!
    Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

    No, please!!!!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-bean-diplong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b6412c3-1124-4223-9e66-e9dc36cfb379Post:3b7e00f6-5311-4826-818a-e271cc9aaee9">Re: I need more bean dip....(long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need more bean dip....(long) : Yes, please. I will keep some in my pocket. I'm bad at bean dipping, too. I get really SAP about it, instead of gracefully changing the subject I blurt out something from left field. True story: "I can't wait to rage at your wedding. Open bar!" (this person is not invited) Me: "Cliff Lee doesn't play for the Phillies anymore. Wow." (and...walk away)
    Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]
    I read this to FI, and he cracked up.  You be funny.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    edited April 2010
    I had a friend that really pushed the issue of being a BM (She's otherwise known as "My BSC friend" in these parts, lol), because I was one for her.

    She was sooooooo annoying about the whole thing. Up until I picked a date, she always made comments like "Oh, well, just remember, when I'm in your wedding, I'm going to show you how to be a good bride" (She was a total bitch on wheels for her own wedding, so I really didn't want her pointers), so I'd just say "Dude, (yes, I call my friends 'Dude', lol) we don't even have date yet. I'm not picking anyone or anything until there's a date", to which she always said "Well, just remember, I've done this already ... you really couldn't forget seeing as you were in my BP". Then when we picked a date, and I picked only "the sisters" (My 2 and his 1) she constantly tried to get me to go over wedding stuff with her, and actually booked an appointment for me to go to David's Bridal with her so she could "try stuff on and give me ideas". Hell no.

    I never wanted her in my BP. The only reason DH and I even talk to her after her wedding (Which really did a number on the friendship) is because we get along with her husband so well. After a while, we actually did wind up enlisting her husband to help "deflect the crazy". It felt like a cop-out, but it really wasn't until my shower (2 months before the wedding) that she seemed to finally "get" that I wasn't changing my mind and asking her.

    For the longest time I didn't even know why she wanted to be in my BP, because to hear her tell it, she essentially expected me to be a nit-picky bridezilla that had no taste, lol. Then it kind of clicked that 4 other friends of hers/her husbands (Including another 1 of her BMs) got married within the past 2 years and nobody asked her to be in their BP,  I was the "last" wedding, and therefore her last "chance" any time soon.

    Either way, long story very short, since you're saying she doesn't really have a lot of girlfriends, it's probably a somewhat similar situation, she's just looking for some kind of connection with somebody that has a vag.  But obviously, don't ask her if you don't want her (As you can see regularly here, it never works out, lol). Just keep bean dipping the crap out of her (I actually like the Phillies line, lol), and if it gets to a breaking point, there's really nothing wrong with asking her DH to step in and "deflect the crazy". Desperate times, dude, desperate measures.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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  • SCnPMSCnPM member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-bean-diplong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b6412c3-1124-4223-9e66-e9dc36cfb379Post:36b4d4c0-f8d5-499a-ae0f-1a88c17d898a">Re: I need more bean dip....(long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why do people do that?!
    Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

    I was going to say the same thing.. Why in the world do people do this??
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