To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???

mrssmiff

My FI and I will be married in July 2012. I did not want my BMs (or his GM) to have to handle things at the last minute so we held a meeting in August this year telling them about all the plans for the wedding. Specifcally, I told my BMs what dress they needed to purchase, how much it was and by what date they needed to order it. Which was Nov. 2011. (the bridal shop is very busy). I thought this was more than enough time for them to prepare. Needless to say, 4 of them still have not ordered their dresses, including my MOH. I extended the deadline to Dec.1 and asked them to contact me if they were not going to be able to meet that deadline. Still no orders and no contact. I have tried my hardest to be patient with them. They all say that I will be a bridezilla. I'm trying very hard not to be but I don't know how else to get results. I really dont know what to do at this point. Can anyone give advice? Were you in a similar situation?

OBX2011

You have 7 months, 1 week and 1 day to go.  Your BM's have plenty of time to get their dresses ordered.

Also, the Holidays are here so I am sure people are shopping, running errands, traveling, etc.

I would wait until the New Year before you said anything more to them.

You don't need to be a bridezilla and what results are you expecting?  They do not work for you.  This is not a job.

msuprincess04

Did you ask them their budget before you picked the dress? Did you ask what styles they prefered or suggestions? If you didn't, then, yes, you are a bridzilla and making your BM buy and wear a uniform without their input is mean. If you did, and honestly took that into consideration when choosing the dresses, then you still have to consider it's the holidays and already a hectic/expensive time of the year. Relax, call the shop and find out when the last date to order is, and then let the girls know. It's that simple. They don't do it, it's their problem to remedy. But since your wedding isn't until July, I'd guess they have well into January/early Feb to get it ordered (no matter what the sales people tell you.)

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:6474e43b-c441-46bf-969b-7c3d7c0bdb69">To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I will be married in July 2012. I did not want my BMs (or his GM) to have to handle things at the last minute so we held a meeting in August this year telling them about all the plans for the wedding. <strong>Specifcally, I told my BMs what dress they needed to purchase, how much it was and by what date they needed to order it. Which was Nov. 2011. </strong>(the bridal shop is very busy). I thought this was more than enough time for them to prepare. Needless to say, 4 of them still have not ordered their dresses, including my MOH. I extended the deadline to Dec.1 and asked them to contact me if they were not going to be able to meet that deadline. Still no orders and no contact. I have tried my hardest to be patient with them.<strong> They all say that I will be a bridezilla</strong>. I'm trying very hard not to be but I don't know how else to get results. I really dont know what to do at this point. Can anyone give advice? Were you in a similar situation?
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]


Did you ask them what their budgets were before choosing a dress?
This is a TERRIBLY tight time of year to cough up money for extras and there's no need for the dresses to be ordered right now for a July wedding.  I think you need to give them some breathing room before you prove "them" right.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:38586851-c07e-4550-b73b-7c3e53c68438">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Did you ask them their budget before you picked the dress? Did you ask what styles they prefered or suggestions? If you didn't, then, yes, you are a bridzilla and making your BM buy and wear a uniform without their input is mean.</strong> If you did, and honestly took that into consideration when choosing the dresses, then you still have to consider it's the holidays and already a hectic/expensive time of the year. Relax, call the shop and find out when the last date to order is, and then let the girls know. It's that simple. They don't do it, it's their problem to remedy. But since your wedding isn't until July, I'd guess they have well into January/early Feb to get it ordered (no matter what the sales people tell you.)
Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]

And all of this too ;)

MyNameIsNot

Yeah, you are being ridiculous and a bridezilla.  Be happy that your friends have the balls to stand up to you rather than to just take it and quietly let it impact your friendship.  Many woman have behaved like you and simply woken up to find that they don't have any friends anymore.

Apologize for acting so crazy and for treating them like this, ask them for budgets, and give them a reasonable deadline to order a dress (for July, March would be reasonable.)  

Then, no more talking to your WP about the wedding.  Let them see that you have seen the error of your ways.

Juris11

You have sooo much time left for them to get the dresses. Seriously. And this is such a bad time of year to spend money, what with everyone buying Christmas presents and all. You need to slow your roll and relax. They are right about you being bridezilla.

mrssmiff

*** MyNameIsNot, you cannot have friends AT ALL. From your reply to this and other responses, you are a very rude person. Dont assume you know what is right and what my actions may have been.
 I have not done anything to them. I talked to them over and over about the dresses and budget. WE set a budget and picked a dress together. The dress even turned out to be $50 less than we were originally told. Once the dress was picked out by us then I gave them a schedule that would be conveinent for them . I gave them 3 months to come up with half of the money. I see these girls EVERY week. Sometimes more than that and I NEVER bring up the dress or the wedding. They are my friends and 2 of them are my cousins. I love them dearly and would never treat them as my employees. But I do expect them to communicate with me. If they have other expenses then say that but to not respond to me at all , I think is rude. I set the order date for Nov. 5 to avoid the holiday rush. And that to me is reasonable. The bridal shop is one of the busiest in the area and I chose this location because they do free alterations, again thinking of them. I did ask for advice, not assumptions and criticism.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:df8ba5d9-5544-44d8-8bdb-d36f68798a87">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]*** MyNameIsNot, you cannot have friends AT ALL. From your reply to this and other responses, you are a very rude person. Dont assume you know what is right and what my actions may have been.  I have not done anything to them. I talked to them over and over about the dresses and budget. WE set a budget and picked a dress together. The dress even turned out to be $50 less than we were originally told. Once the dress was picked out by us then <strong>I gave them a schedule that would be conveinent for them</strong> . I gave them 3 months to come up with half of the money. I see these girls EVERY week. Sometimes more than that and I NEVER bring up the dress or the wedding. They are my friends and 2 of them are my cousins. I love them dearly and would never treat them as my employees.<strong> But I do expect them to communicate with me. </strong>If they have other expenses then say that but to not respond to me at all , I think is rude. I set the order date for Nov. 5 to avoid the holiday rush. <strong>And that to me is reasonable</strong>. The bridal shop is one of the busiest in the area and I chose this location because they do free alterations, again thinking of them. I did ask for advice, not assumptions and criticism.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

Tsk Tsk Tsk

Why do brides come on a public forum to ask US questions yet when they don't get the answer they were looking for, they get all pissy to other posters?  Whhhyyyyy???

Re-read the bolded parts.  Hence, you are being a bridezilla.

Question:  do <em>you </em>not think you are being a bit rude yourself to call a complete stranger "rude" and to say "you cannot have any friends at all" 

Pot meet kettle.

tldh

MNIN - I'll always be your friend.

Mrs.B6302007

3 months for the half the money would be very difficult for me. We have a very tight budget. Perhaps they are in the same boat and just can't do it right now. You really need to work with them rather than tell them this much by this time. As far as not communicating, maybe they're scared of your reaction so avoidance is their way of telling you that you're being too demanding.

ElisabethJoanne

3 or 4 months doesn't seem like enough time to save up for the dress, especially if there's then 8 months until the wedding.

Also, I totally get the "one meeting and done" approach to involving friends and family in wedding planning. I wish I could do this. But it can come across as, yes, bossy, to give people so many instructions and expenses all at once.

mrssmiff

I did come to the forum and ask for advice but you Brides and former brides are very judgemental and quick to assume. So, I'm being a bridezilla by NOT yelling, screaming, constantly texting/calling or bringing this up when I am in their presence? Seriously, get real. Why is it a crime for me to want communication? That is the key to any relationship and yes a friendship is a relationship. And yes weight can fluctuate but the alterations are FREE so it doesnt matter. It is not too early, they are actually borderline late. And again I didnt want them to be last minute and have to rush. I asked for ways to help me better communicate with my BMs and I have gotten no help with that. Just a bunch of assumptions and ridicule. Thanks for nothing so far. Anyone with any realy advice, please post. Thanks!

BTW, I'm not getting pissy. Im just not one of those brides who will read your responses and pretend to not see them. You can reply all you want, but so will I.

MandJS

I think you still have plenty of time. But then, my entire engagement was only 4 months. We got not only the BM dresses ordered/altered/etc. on time, but my dress, too. Calm down about it. You told them and it sounds like you've reminded them, at least once, about ordering. They are adults. If they neglect to take care of things, then THEY can pay the rush charge to get the dress on time. 

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:92a7d15c-5f54-4f1b-a9b1-a9bb870e4f30">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]I did come to the forum and ask for advice but you Brides and former brides are very judgemental and quick to assume. So,   I'm being a bridezilla by NOT yelling, screaming, constantly texting/calling or bringing this up when I am in their presence? Seriously, get real. Why is it a crime for me to want communication? That is the key to any relationship and yes a friendship is a relationship. And yes weight can fluctuate but the alterations are FREE so it doesnt matter. It is not too early, they are actually borderline late. And again I didnt want them to be last minute and have to rush. I asked for ways to help me better communicate with my BMs and I have gotten no help with that. Just a bunch of assumptions and ridicule. Thanks for nothing so far. Anyone with any realy advice, please post. Thanks! <strong>BTW, I'm not getting pissy.</strong> Im just not one of those brides who will read your responses and pretend to not see them. You can reply all you want, but so will I.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

Yes, you're quite the picture of calm, clearly.

You need an attitude adjustment and fast -- the fact that you immediately went into personal attack mode is rather illuminating about your character, frankly.

vsgal

My MOH got her dress in three weeks.  The truth is that the bridal salons want you money fast so they will tell you that you are late 8 months out.  The fact that you attacked strangers so fast speaks volumes to your character.  People tend to be more polite to people they don't know.  I can only imagine how you really treat your friends.  Denial does not remedy your actions.

tldh

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:92a7d15c-5f54-4f1b-a9b1-a9bb870e4f30">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]I did come to the forum and ask for advice but you Brides and former brides are very judgemental and quick to assume. So,   I'm being a bridezilla by NOT yelling, screaming, constantly texting/calling or bringing this up when I am in their presence? Seriously, get real. Why is it a crime for me to want communication? That is the key to any relationship and yes a friendship is a relationship. And yes weight can fluctuate but the alterations are FREE so it doesnt matter. It is not too early, they are actually borderline late. And again I didnt want them to be last minute and have to rush. I asked for ways to help me better communicate with my BMs and I have gotten no help with that. Just a bunch of assumptions and ridicule. Thanks for nothing so far. Anyone with any realy advice, please post. Thanks! BTW, I'm not getting pissy. Im just not one of those brides who will read your responses and pretend to not see them. You can reply all you want, but so will I.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

<div align="left">Bridezilla is not a term limited to foot stomping screamers.  It's reserved for any bride who can't see beyond the orbit of her little world.  Call the dress shop, ask them for the drop dead date for ordering the dress, let your BMs know this is the absolute last day that it can be ordered and then do nothing.  If they don't have the dress then they have removed themselves from the wedding.  This wedding may be your entire world but it is barely a blip in the stars for your BMs right now.  Deal.</div></div>

Mrs.B6302007

I had a 4 month engagement. There was plenty of time for everyone to get WP attire.

parrothead84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:6474e43b-c441-46bf-969b-7c3d7c0bdb69">To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I will be married in July 2012. I did not want my BMs (or his GM) to have to handle things at the last minute <strong>so we held a meeting in August this year telling them about all the plans for the wedding</strong>. Specifcally, I told my BMs what dress they needed to purchase, how much it was and by what date they needed to order it. Which was Nov. 2011. (the bridal shop is very busy). I thought this was more than enough time for them to prepare. Needless to say, 4 of them still have not ordered their dresses, including my MOH. I extended the deadline to Dec.1 and asked them to contact me if they were not going to be able to meet that deadline. Still no orders and no contact. I have tried my hardest to be patient with them. They all say that I will be a bridezilla. I'm trying very hard not to be but I don't know how else to get results. I really dont know what to do at this point. Can anyone give advice? Were you in a similar situation?
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

You held a meeting?! Lol.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:b4e8d815-fc89-42ae-a4ff-01bda8bf78f5">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]MNIN - I'll always be your friend.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

<div><3  Thanks.</div>

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:92a7d15c-5f54-4f1b-a9b1-a9bb870e4f30">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]I did come to the forum and ask for advice but you Brides and former brides are very judgemental and quick to assume. So,   I'm being a bridezilla by NOT yelling, screaming, constantly texting/calling or bringing this up when I am in their presence? Seriously, get real. Why is it a crime for me to want communication? That is the key to any relationship and yes a friendship is a relationship. And yes weight can fluctuate but the alterations are FREE so it doesnt matter.<strong> It is not too early, they are actually borderline late</strong>. And again I didnt want them to be last minute and have to rush. I asked for ways to help me better communicate with my BMs and I have gotten no help with that. Just a bunch of assumptions and ridicule. Thanks for nothing so far. Anyone with any realy advice, please post. Thanks! BTW, I'm not getting pissy. Im just not one of those brides who will read your responses and pretend to not see them. You can reply all you want, but so will I.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]
No, it absolutely is not borderline late.  You're being absolutely ridiculous.  If they know the dress and the price and when your wedding is, your involvement with the dress buying process is done.  Back the heck off of them and worry about something else.  If they don't have the dress by the day of the wedding, they've taken themselves out of the wedding.  Either way, it's not your problem. 

lopezalonso

I don't think it's too much to ask that your BM's stay in touch with you. I understand that you are planning the wedding and have a timeline. Therefore you want to make you know what is happenning with all the pieces of the wedding. 

I think you should just tell them what the BM shop's deadline for ordering the dress and kindly request they let you know when they have ordered it. 

I ordered my dresses on Halloween weekend for my December wedding and they came in last week. Well.. they came in the wrong color but even with that they will be in, in March so it's not so bad. You DO have plenty of time. 

orangecrush32

A bride who holds meetings and sets deadlines sounds like a bridezilla to me.

Rachmarie23

Communication can be one of the most difficult aspects of planning the wedding.  I would suggest that you find out when the dresses need to be ordered by to have adequate time for alterations.  Then, after the holidays, let your BMs know that their dresses need to be ordered by X date or their will be rush charges.  I would talk to each one individually so they they feel they can be open and honest with you.  You will be more likely to find out the reason for the delay.    

Alternatively, if you really want to get the dresses ordered and think money is an issue, you can offer to pay the deposit, but be prepared that they may or may not pay you back.  I would still have the girls go in an get measured though, and it may be easier for them to go individually.   

zitiqueen

Your bridal shop isn't any busier at this time of year than any other and China isn't closed, which I'm sure will be your next excuse for why the dresses need to be ordered seven months ahead of time.

Your wedding isn't the center of anybody else's universe but yours. Get used to it, princess.

misssunshine17

I bought a dress for a wedding 8 months early and I was piissed every time I basically saw $200 sitting in my closet that I could have used earlier. You're expecting too much from your bridal party. 

kaitlyn&henry

Salons are infamous to make you think you need to order NOW...they work off commission so they will make you think the sooner the better. My BMs didnt get their dresses until 3 weeks prior to the wedding and it was plenty of time to get alterations and what not.

They said yes to be in your wedding...trust that they want to be and will do it. They still have plenty of time They dont want to be dress-less any more than you want them to be

Maggie0829

Find out the absolute deadline for ordering the dress from the shop...then convey this to your BMs.  They are all adults and do not need constant reminders about ordering the dress.  If they wait to order and are rushed to get alterations done then that is on them and something you shouldn't have to worry about, again they are  adults and can do this without hand holding.

mbcdefg

I think you're overestimating just how much everyone cares about your wedding.

Meetings, really? Give me a break.

ftbaby1982

We are getting married 7/28/2012. I understand where you are coming from. You dont want to be stressed out and wait for things to get done at the last minute. Some people are like that. I have sent out maybe 2 text and 2 newsletters which has the order information. If they choose to be late then its on them. I would like everything to go smoothly but these past few months i have learned thats not possible so I have had to role with the punches. I am meeting up with them at DB on Jan 14 and if they order and pay for it at that time then great but if not i would say March is okay. Still gives them enough time to get the dress in. I dont think you were being rude. If I asked for someones advice and they told me im being ridiculous out of the gate then yeah i would be a little upset. I asked for advice and there are nicer ways to give advice. Other than that I would ignore them and keep it moving. I hope this helps. Dont stress. Trust me getting the dresses on time are the least of your worries.

banana468

I think the issue is that you've ventured into Bridezilla territory when you had the first meeting.  It's one thing if you said, "We just want to introduce you guys," but giving a preliminary itinerary is just too much when you're a year out.

Expecting BMs to buy dresses in November for a July wedding is borderline absurd.  Did the dress shop give the deadline or did you?  If the dress shop did, that's when you get to discuss how unrealistic it is of them to expect your BMs to pay for the article of clothing 8 MONTHS in advance.   That's where you tap into your inner bridezilla.

I think your BMs are delaying because they know the deadline was ridiculous and that they can get these dresses if they order by Feburary or even March with no issue.  Expecting them to drop everything for the wedding during the holiday season is asking a lot.  People are tapped out at the holidays and you need to respect that.

Back off.  Remember that your friends love you but they don't appreciate being pushed around or given meaningless deadlines. 

After all, you do want to stay friends with them after you're married, right?