To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???

rebarobert2012

My wedding is in July 2012 as well, and we haven't ordered my bridesmaid dresses yet.  The bridal shop told me it would be fine to order them in January.

I'm not doubting that your bridal shop is busy, but generally you don't need to order the bridesmaid dresses in November for a July wedding.

LoveMuffins

The reall question is "To have or not to have friends after the wedding is over."

Your BMs have already told you they think you're acting Bridezilla-ish. A forum full of recent and soon to be brides have told you that they think you're acting Bridezilla-ish. Sure, sometimes everyone is wrong... but sometimes everyone is right and you just need to face that.

mrssmiff

Thank you to the few of you who have given me some good advice. To those of you who still want to bash me for speaking on a situation that is important to me, thanks to you too.
 
I thought this was a place for brides to come and be able to speak openly on what concerns them and what they are worried about but I guess I was wrong. I have said this over and over and I will say it again. I HAVE NOT SPOKEN TO MY BMs ABOUT THIS AT ALL. I gave them the information and a reminder, ONCE. That is it. My problem is communication. That's what I was looking for help with. To communicate with them in a non- bridezilla way. These young ladies are my friends and family and they have lives of their own and I respect them for that. One of my BMs just got accepted into nursing school and has major fees. I know she cant afford the DP and I offered to pay it for her because school comes first. And it would not matter to me if she paid me back or not. I just want her to be there. I have never disrespected them or forced my wedding or info about on them. We talk about it when they ask or when something major happens that I want to share with them.

And contrary to what some of you may think, this wedding is not the center of my universe. Having my life set up for afterwards is. I work and go to school just like the majority of you.  If I didnt have a wedding I would still be getting married and still have to rest of my life to prepare for. That's what I focus on.

Yes I did have a meeting. But it was not a formal thing at all. We were all together for about 4 hours and the wedding stuff lasted 30 mins. If that long. We had a meet and greet for all of the BP to get to know each other. I cooked, had music, games. We had fun. It was not a militart style you do what I say way. A lot of the stuff I mentioned to them was changed because they wanted it to be. They are telling me what they want for the ceremony and reception. They want to pick the song they come down to aisle to, they want to do a group dance at the reception. While this is our day, our friends are sacrificing a lot to be with us and we want them to feel just as much a part of this because we love them.

Once again, thanks for the good advice but I will think twice about asking you judmental brides for advice again. Have a great life, I will!!

Beth0413

Today is my last day until Tuesday - WOO HOO! After work I am heading to the chiro & then I really need to finish wrapping gifts tonight!

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:daf9c9a5-4aa8-45f0-9564-5b0f421d571e">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you to the few of you who have given me some good advice. To those of you who still want to bash me for speaking on a situation that is important to me, thanks to you too.   I thought this was a place for brides to come and be able to speak openly on what concerns them and what they are worried about but I guess I was wrong. I have said this over and over and I will say it again. I HAVE NOT SPOKEN TO MY BMs ABOUT THIS AT ALL. I gave them the information and a reminder, ONCE. That is it. My problem is communication. That's what I was looking for help with. To communicate with them in a non- bridezilla way. These young ladies are my friends and family and they have lives of their own and I respect them for that. One of my BMs just got accepted into nursing school and has major fees. I know she cant afford the DP and I offered to pay it for her because school comes first. And it would not matter to me if she paid me back or not. I just want her to be there. I have never disrespected them or forced my wedding or info about on them. We talk about it when they ask or when something major happens that I want to share with them. And contrary to what some of you may think, this wedding is not the center of my universe. Having my life set up for afterwards is. I work and go to school just like the majority of you.  If I didnt have a wedding I would still be getting married and still have to rest of my life to prepare for. That's what I focus on. Yes I did have a meeting. But it was not a formal thing at all. We were all together for about 4 hours and the wedding stuff lasted 30 mins. If that long. We had a meet and greet for all of the BP to get to know each other. I cooked, had music, games. We had fun. It was not a militart style you do what I say way. A lot of the stuff I mentioned to them was changed because they wanted it to be. They are telling me what they want for the ceremony and reception. They want to pick the song they come down to aisle to, they want to do a group dance at the reception. While this is our day, our friends are sacrificing a lot to be with us and we want them to feel just as much a part of this because we love them. Once again, thanks for the good advice but I will think twice about asking you judmental brides for advice again. Have a great life, I will!!
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

Okay, the title of you post is whether or not you should be a bridezilla. leading to the content which said you were pissed off that your BMs haven't ordered their dresses 9 MONTHS before your wedding...and yet you are surprised that people gave snarky responses??

All I can say is, LOL.

zitiqueen

You spoke openly about your concerns and were told many times over why those concerns were unfounded... by people with experience. You're butthurt because we didn't pat you on the head and say "Poor you, your BMs are big selfish meanies, don't they understand how much more important your wedding is than their stupid lives?!? They should just cancel Christmas for their families so they can buy their BM dress and let it hang in the closet for seven months!"

If you want blind validation for a crappy attitude towards people who are supposed to be your nearest and dearest, head over to the Wedding Bee.

graysquirrel

OP-- I understand your frustration, but based on the original post, I can see why you got the responses you did. This is an open forum. You will get responses on anything and everything that you post. By giving details like those you did (which did make you sound like a zilla, btw), you will get responses like the ones you did. Nobody knows what you are really like, what you have done for/to your WP, and how you treat friends. All we had was the first post, which made you sound like a sergeant major dictating what to buy, how much to spend, when to do it, etc.

PPs are 100% right that it is too early to expect them to order dresses. Money gets tight this time of year and they have SO much time left. I got married in July and my girls got dresses in Feb/March. They had plenty of time to alter them. The best thing you can do is to be a information-giver. Find when the rush date is and let them know that on X date they will have to pay rush fees. Then it is up to them. Good communication with BMs is pretty informal. I would not gather them for meetings-- just give them a call if there is something really important. They are grownups and know what they need to do. They will ask if they dont.

Habs2Hart

OP - You have to remember that you posted on the internet to a bunch of strangers.  We don't know you.  We don't know your true intentions.  The ONLY thing that the people here can respond to is your post.  Re-read your original post from the stance of a stranger and maybe you'll understand why you got the responses you did.

Don't ask if you are being a bridezilla if you don't want to hear "no", because you'll hear it. 

It's far to early to order dresses.  Let it go for the holidays and then talk to your salon and ask them when the very last date is to get it.  Give that date to the girls.  Salons will blow so much smoke up your ass about how it needs to be ordered 8 months in advance and that's crap.  They just want commission. 

Simply Fated

Wait, wait, wait. Go back to the first post... you held a meeting? It's a wedding. A marriage between two people. Not a business merger. I have a feeling that the way you approached your bridal party is the reason why you're giving off bad vibes to everyone here. Tell your girls the deadline and move on. It's not a big deal.

frogger6673

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:7827d4a1-5b82-41ab-9265-f77308e5d059">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]You should not be a bridezilla. No one likes those and it isn't cute. You don't get to decide a deadline for ordering the dress. <strong>The dress shop decides. So ask when the dresses must be ordered by</strong> and then tell your bridesmaids. They are adults and are capable of ordering things in time.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]


THIS.

My advise is to go to the dress store and verify that the color, cut and style of the dresses you picked out are going to remain in production and available for ordering through the Spring.  Also I would ask how long it takes for dresses to come in from time of order. 

If this cut/style and color are all planning on being in production through spring, and turn around is short you will be fine.  

In February if they still have not made orders, then I would re-address this with them.   Have faith in your most honored.  :-D

harpsdesire

Since you seem to be having trouble with communication, it might help to send a little note to each of the ladies letting them know when the last day to order with and without rush fees is.  You can email if that's better for people, or send a cute card for them to put on the fridge as a reminder.  As long as it doesn't come across like 'I don't trust you to get this done like an adult', lots of people do well with a visual reminder of something that needs to be done (but maybe can't be done just yet).

iloveu4ever

Wait alittle longer. At least another month.

RamonaFlowers

You held a meeting. Almost an entire year before the actual wedding date.

You're mad that your BMs haven't ordered their dresses. More than 7 months before the wedding. At Christmas time.

And you're wondering why your friends "all said" you're "going to be a bridezilla"? It certainly has nothing to do with the fact that you're kinda-sorta-maybe-already there.

FTR, I didn't have a date set until 5 months before the wedding. My girls ordered their dresses barely 4 months out, and my MOH didn't get her alterations done until the week of the wedding, which actually entailed getting a completely new dress because the original one-that she ordered 4 months out (Note: not 8 months out, 4), no longer fit when the wedding finally rolled around. She'd gotten sick the previous month and lost so much weight the original dress just could not be altered to fit her and still look right.

The wedding is in July. The absolute earliest you get to start worrying about this without looking like a crazy person is still a good 3 months away. Chill the eff out.

P.S. MNIN, you're totes my friend

mrssmiff

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:4bef45aa-6170-4d20-9b90-c39f23dea62b">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]mrssmiff, I am 47 years old, and  have undergone three weddings (widowed once - try that for "stress", and divorced once prior to this.  PLEASE re-read my other post. I DO know what I am talking about, and the only person who can cause your wedding "stress" is YOU. Weddings are a PARTY.  Anyone who gets "stressed out" over planning a party is DOING IT WRONG, and needs to take a deep breath and consider whether she really needs X thing or not if it's causing her that much upset. You will need your friends after the wedding.  The wedding is, again, a one-day party.  After that, you have a marriage, which hopefully will last the rest of your life.  You will have all sorts of REAL "stress" in that.....when you lose a job, have a miscarriage, or your husband has a heart attack.  THAT is when you need your friends, so don't run them off before the wedding.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
I wont be taking advice from you. If you had to do it 3 times then you obviously didnt do somthing right! FYI i'm not stressed about my BMs. I was venting and seeking advice.

mrssmiff

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:aa1c0f04-f639-4eed-89bb-f1db21400a79">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the issue is that you've ventured into Bridezilla territory when you had the first meeting.  It's one thing if you said, "We just want to introduce you guys," but giving a preliminary itinerary is just too much when you're a year out. Expecting BMs to buy dresses in November for a July wedding is borderline absurd.  Did the dress shop give the deadline or did you?  If the dress shop did, that's when you get to discuss how unrealistic it is of them to expect your BMs to pay for the article of clothing 8 MONTHS in advance.   That's where you tap into your inner bridezilla. I think your BMs are delaying because they know the deadline was ridiculous and that they can get these dresses if they order by Feburary or even March with no issue.  Expecting them to drop everything for the wedding during the holiday season is asking a lot.  People are tapped out at the holidays and you need to respect that. Back off.  Remember that your friends love you but they don't appreciate being pushed around or given meaningless deadlines.  After all, you do want to stay friends with them after you're married, right?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
So, I'm assuming you didnt really read my post. I never expected anything from them BUT communication.

mrssmiff

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:07dd5ad3-082d-4b50-94ca-86d15a179c8e">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]The reall question is "To have or not to have friends after the wedding is over." <strong>Your BMs have already told you they think you're acting Bridezilla-ish.</strong> A forum full of recent and soon to be brides have told you that they think you're acting Bridezilla-ish. Sure, sometimes everyone is wrong... but sometimes everyone is right and you just need to face that.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]
Dont make stuff up. I never said this.. They have not told me anything like that. My friends love me and would tell me straight up if I was being a bridezilla.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:b193694c-095f-416f-a3f7-cb00cda54b05">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla??? : So, I'm assuming you didnt really read my post. I never expected anything from them BUT communication.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

Since you didn't answer any of my questions, I have to wonder if you read mine. Check the attitude. Your comments to Retread were completely out of line. That's your final warning. Make comments like that on any forum I moderate and you'll need to find a new venue for your venting.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:1ac3cd6d-fbc0-489b-82d3-8334ca2c8e6d">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla??? : I wont be taking advice from you. If you had to do it 3 times then you obviously didnt do somthing right! FYI i'm not stressed about my BMs. I was venting and seeking advice.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

<div>Just so you know, one of her husbands passed away, so you should feel great about yourself for that little jab. =/ </div>

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:1ac3cd6d-fbc0-489b-82d3-8334ca2c8e6d">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla??? : I wont be taking advice from you. If you had to do it 3 times then you obviously didnt do somthing right! FYI i'm not stressed about my BMs. I was venting and seeking advice.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

I can't believe you went there.  She is a widow of one.  Just pray to God that you don't have to go through that.  You are truly rude and out of line.   Hope you feel better having said that.   Do you pull blind punches like that with your friends?

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:1ac3cd6d-fbc0-489b-82d3-8334ca2c8e6d">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla??? : I wont be taking advice from you. If you had to do it 3 times then you obviously didnt do somthing right! FYI i'm not stressed about my BMs. I was venting and seeking advice.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

Hey, 'zilla, she clearly said she's been widowed once. It must have really sucked when the doctor told you that none of the donor hearts were a match and you were just going to be stuck with that cold piece of granite in your chest for the rest of your life.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a092cfc6-6b96-464d-9328-d04a38c8563ePost:1ac3cd6d-fbc0-489b-82d3-8334ca2c8e6d">Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Be or Not to Be... a Bridezilla??? : I wont be taking advice from you. If you had to do it 3 times then you obviously didnt do somthing right! FYI i'm not stressed about my BMs. I was venting and seeking advice.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

WOW!  That is just downright mean and nasty.  No one here has attacked you in such a manner, rather we have tried to offer advice. 

My suggestion is to step away from the computer for a few days and come back and re-read this entire thread and maybe then it will click for you.  If an entire board of absolute and complete strangers are all telling you the same thing, maybe you should consider what has been said. 

No one here is intentionally trying to upset you, hurt your feelings, demean you or call you names.  We are trying to help you out here, ok?  We HAVE in fact been there and done that, so please listen to the good advice you have been given.  You will thank us later for this and so will your friends :)

run262131

Ok reality check for Zilla

I totally completely understand the need and desire to plan and have everything taken care of well in advance. I am in grad school and getting married in June. I SO GET IT!!! Especially if you are a plan a head kinda of gal. My best advice is first take a big ole deep breath. Its ok really! And give the ladies a realistic dead line (ie about three months in advance) in which the dress needs to be purchased. Its the holidays, money is tight, people get preggers and gain /lose weight. Worse comes to worse; you pick a different dress or not every one can participate who intended on doing so. Life will not end and it really will be ok. Hey, in the process of this whole wedding thing my best friend of ten years totally ditched me for no reason and LIFE STILL WENT ON as did all the wedding plans. You wedding day will be fantastic!!! PROMISE!!

Now for the rest of the advice----it is in very poor taste to bash another bride based solely on the number of time she has been married. Actually, I would kinda trust her advice over many first timers. The reality is you cant know and dont know why those marriages ended and what happened. It is quite unfair even in a moment of anger to lash out in such a way. As a soon to be second time bride myself the judgement we get from some people is enough without the unpleasentness of having it thrown in out faces on an open forum. My first husband was very mean and I was extremely young when I married him. Because we have a beautiful daughter together and live in a small town, I have decided to not openly discuss the reasons for the divorce. The point? You never know where a person has been or the stuff they have been through-- so please please please spare us your nasty remarks regarding how many times we have been married. I pray you are lucky enough to avoid the kind of very real heart break many people face.

Best wishes and Good luck. May your union be blessed

mbd0913

Relax honey, your wedding is going to be awesome! It's wonderful that you have your best friends and family gals around you at this time, and the other posters are right about giving them the outline and deadline and then letting them handle it! This far out is way too early, and I'm sorry the dress shop is stressing you out this way.  They tried to do the same to me until my sisterinlaw (and a decent seamstress) talked some sense into the situation.  My wedding is 4 mos out and we just ordered all the dresses. 

Remember, the more you're able to delegate jobs, however big or small, to people around you willing to help, the less stressed and wrinkled you'll be on your beautiful day!  Hang in there Lady! And remember to breeeathe!