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Wedding Party

WP struggles

currently WP is lopsided (which bothers me a lot) and has some issues (so far all the planning has been complicated unfortunately).

my side (6):
~My sisters -Maid and Matron of honor- LOVE THEM SO MUCH
~friend#1-long time friend, recently we wne ton a trip together and discovered tension we never knew was there..we butted heads a lot
~friend#2 no problems..love her
~friend #3 has announced that she recently backed out of another friend's wedding and although we are getting married in a year she may not be able to afford to stay in the wedding..but don't worry she will give me "enough notice" and of course still attend the party and the wedding etc.    
~ my FI's sister-we were strong armed into asking her by his mom.  she has around 8 monthes sober i think..and only a couple sober outside of a treatment house.  she is in recovery for a very serious addiction and in the 8 years we have been together she has been MIA for most of it.  I don't know her well and i have resentments for what i watched everyone go through in her absense.  I am keeping my mouth shut because i am polite.  I do care about her. 

Junior Bridesmaid (FI's niece who will be 14 i think) We love her so much!

FIs side (5):
His best man/best friend (great guy)
his two best buddies
a friend of ours (someone i grew up with that my FI is friends with now too)
my brother in law (we're a close family.. FI's idea..i had nothing to do with who is in his groomsmen)

I am hoping he can come up with a 6th..however.. with my friend announcing she may not be able to do it...

Another one of the girls (she hasn't said anything) is on a VERY tight budget and one of my sister's is financially strapped most of the time.  And his sister's sobriety..who knows ...

It could be a disaster.  I am very very nervous with such a possibly unreliable WP.  I really wanted balanced numbers..it is something that is important to me.  ANy suggestions how i can at least speqak with my one bridesmaid who might bail??  any suggestions as to how to stablize the WP?

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Re: WP struggles

  • You really need to get over this "my sides aren't even" thing. It is SO not a big deal. Friends don't come in pairs. Please don't make him find another person just so that you can have even sides. It's weird to just pick someone because you need their body.
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    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
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  • Get over the uneven sides.  It's something you won't notice the day of or care about the day after.  You won't lament when you look at your photos and, guess what, when you do you won't be counting heads.  You'll be looking at faces.

    If you asked your BM for her budget and she gave it to you and you worked with it, leave it alone.  It's on her to get the money and the outfit.  But she's an adult--treat her like one.  No one likes a boss who hovers over her shoulder asking if that project is done, and no one likes a bride who hovers over her to ask if the dress has been paid for.  

    My DH and I had a nearly stress-free wedding experience by following the One Day Rule.  If something was not going to matter One Day after the wedding, we didn't get to stress.  We'd have to let it go.  Wasn't always easy, but worked like a charm.  I suggest you give that a go.
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  • Chill out and realize that it's not all about numbers, and you will be a LOT happier about all this.
     
    Or, stress about who might not show up, stress about uneven numbers (that aren't going to cause one bit of harm in the end), and just generally be stressed out and also annoy everyone around you who has to deal with you being a bundle of nerves over a bunch of "what ifs?" and "OMG the WP is uneven how awful!!!!!"

    I highly suggest the former.
    image
  • In Response to WP struggles:
    [QUOTE]currently WP is lopsided (which bothers me a lot) and has some issues (so far all the planning has been complicated unfortunately). my side (6): ~My sisters -Maid and Matron of honor- LOVE THEM SO MUCH ~friend#1-long time friend, recently we wne ton a trip together and discovered tension we never knew was there..we butted heads a lot ~friend#2 no problems..love her ~friend #3 has announced that she recently backed out of another friend's wedding and although we are getting married in a year she may not be able to afford to stay in the wedding..but don't worry she will give me "enough notice" and of course still attend the party and the wedding etc.     ~ my FI's sister-we were strong armed into asking her by his mom.  she has around 8 monthes sober i think..and only a couple sober outside of a treatment house.  she is in recovery for a very serious addiction and in the 8 years we have been together she has been MIA for most of it.  I don't know her well and i have resentments for what i watched everyone go through in her absense.  I am keeping my mouth shut because i am polite.  I do care about her.  Junior Bridesmaid (FI's niece who will be 14 i think) We love her so much! FIs side (5): His best man/best friend (great guy) his two best buddies a friend of ours (someone i grew up with that my FI is friends with now too) my brother in law (we're a close family.. FI's idea..i had nothing to do with who is in his groomsmen) I am hoping he can come up with a 6th..however.. with my friend announcing she may not be able to do it... Another one of the girls (she hasn't said anything) is on a VERY tight budget and one of my sister's is financially strapped most of the time.  And his sister's sobriety..who knows ... It could be a disaster.  I am very very nervous with such a possibly unreliable WP.  I really wanted balanced numbers..it is something that is important to me.  ANy suggestions how i can at least speqak with my one bridesmaid who might bail??  any suggestions as to how to stablize the WP?
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]

    JIC
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    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
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  • maybe.. how does the procession work with a lopsided party?

    also it should be noted that if my FI asks someone else it would not be because i make him, nor would it be a stranger..it would someone he cares abotu and wants there.

    I just prefer an even balance.
    I also am very weary of up to 3 birdesmaids pulling out (2 because of money and his sister is unrelaiable in the past)

  • i have no idea their budget....i only asked them if they would be by my side.. i have had no further discussions about money or dresses or plans with them other than to give them the date.
  • If up to 3 of your BMs might have to drop out due to the cost, then your wedding costs too much and you need to scale the costs back (less expensive dresses, don't require specific shoes, etc.).  That isn't normal.

    How we did our processional with uneven sides:

    Processional: GM stood at the front with DH and BMs walked in solo.
    Recessional (which, btw, no one pays attention to): BMs and GM paired up and the last GM scooped up two BMs.

    Even sides isn't about balance.  And even if it was, what is the worst thing that will happen if your sides are uneven?  What aspect of your marriage would be impacted by that?

    If your DH has friends he wants up there who haven't been asked, why doesn't he just ask them now?  I hope you haven't "capped" his side for him.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE]i have no idea their budget....i only asked them if they would be by my side.. i have had no further discussions about money or dresses or plans with them other than to give them the date.
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]
    You need to talk to each one privately about what she can afford to spend on a dress.  Then pick a dress that costs less than the lowest number you got.  That's called being a considerate bride and good friend.  You'll find that it's very unlikely anyone will have to drop out after that, unless something unexpected comes up.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • how do i ask about a budget.. i have never really discussed money with friend sbefore.. on rare occsion someone mentions something.. as it is..she mentioned this (or rather sort of blurted it out) while we were a t a bar having drinks while our guys shot some pool.  i said nothing.. i had no idea what to say..
  • You can do a weave where everyone walks separately, or you can do a trio (one guy would escort two girls).  But that's something that you can figure out at the rehearsal, it's silly to worry about it now.

    You and your FI should ask all of the people you care about and genuinely want up there.  If you would only ask them to fill out the sides, then you don't "genuinely" want them.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE]maybe.. how does the procession work with a lopsided party? also it should be noted that if my FI asks someone else it would not be because i make him, nor would it be a stranger..it would someone he cares abotu and wants there. I just prefer an even balance. I also am very weary of up to 3 birdesmaids pulling out (2 because of money and his sister is unrelaiable in the past)
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]

    You wouldn't believe it but MANY girls do this. 
    As for your bms, I agree with pp. You're stressing over something that hasn't even happened yet. Why not wait until it does, IF EVER?! Then deal with it. 
    As for the processional, we had our bp walk down by themselves. No one needs to be coupled up. OR you could have two bms on the arm of one gm. Then he looks like a stud!
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE]how do i ask about a budget.. i have never really discussed money with friend sbefore.. on rare occsion someone mentions something.. as it is..she mentioned this (or rather sort of blurted it out) while we were a t a bar having drinks while our guys shot some pool.  i said nothing.. i had no idea what to say..
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]
    I didn't ask mine the dress budget when I asked them either.
    I sent each one an email saying, "So excited you'll be in the wedding, was starting to brainstorm dresses, wondered what your budget is so I have an idea of what to look for."  Each one gave me a price ceiling.  It's not a big deal and doesn't have to be.  
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Uneven sides is way better than kicking someone out or asking someone just because.  Your wedding party should be people that you want up there with you, not bodies so your pics look good.  You have already asked everybody, so now you just go with the flow.  FI doesn't need to find someone else to fill a slot.  If recovering sister can't make it, then so be it. 

    By the way, you need to support her in her recovery and not  judge her.  The things she did while she was on drugs was not the real her.  Drugs have an uncanny way of making people not themselves.  When they lash out or do crazy things, it is the drug that is affecting them and not their coherent mind.  As an outsider, it is hard to see that because all you are seeing is the person.  Most family and friends make drug addiction personal and it is not.  You will do well to get over your resentment towards her.  She needs love, forgiveness, understanding and support in order to make it. 
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • You need to pull each girl aside and just ask. It's as simple as that.

    Rabbit- Hey Mary, I am SO thrilled that you're gonna be my bm. So, since we have to look for dresses I need to know what your budget is so we don't look at dresses that are too expensive.

    Mary- Oh, that's so thoughtful of you. I can save up $150.

    Rabbit- Great! 

    See?
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    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE]how do i ask about a budget.. i have never really discussed money with friend sbefore.. on rare occsion someone mentions something.. as it is..she mentioned this (or rather sort of blurted it out) while we were a t a bar having drinks while our guys shot some pool.  i said nothing.. i had no idea what to say..
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]
    As I said in the WPBP, I didn't discuss budget with my girls, because I just told them to wear black and left the budget up to their discretion.  (One girl wore something she already owned!)  While the groomswoman and I were trading links to dress ideas, I said something like, "What are you looking to spend here?  I don't want to be sending you links to dresses you can't afford."

    Be sure to ask them one-on-one, so they don't feel bad about giving a lower number than the other girls if their budgets are tighter.  You may also want to set aside some of your own wedding budget toward helping the attendants that you know have financial issues; DH knew from the start that he was going to be paying for his best man's tux, and planned accordingly.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited August 2010
     yikes.. somehow i have conveyed that i am bullying ppl about who is to do what.. i haven't said boo to anyone (mostly i have skimmed the internet day dreaming overpictures)..

    i have no idea what dresses cost.  i would ghuess under 200 dollars.. i have no intentions of buying expensive gowns.. i planned to pick a length and a color and letting the girls pick out their own dress. 

    i am not a bridezilla.. i just like stability..girls dropping out or not showing up is an upsetting thought for me.  i chose these ppl to share in my day because i care about them and want them there (and bottom line we love FIs sister..just very wary)/

    the even numbers.. i just think about things like the processional (i didn't think about having ll the guys already up there) and that dreaded wedding party dance (i was actually thinking of having my party dance with their prospective dates if they prefer.. forcing them to dance together always seemed weird..although it is appealing to the eye to have all the matching outfits on display. 

    Howevr the responce to my post is strong and i am feeling slightly defensive.. but on the other side..food for thought.. odd numbers could be alright afterall..

    great ideas for how to discuss money!
  • In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE] yikes.. somehow i have conveyed that i am bullying ppl about who is to do what.. i haven't said boo to anyone (mostly i have skimmed the internet day dreaming overpictures).. i have no idea what dresses cost.  i would ghuess under 200 dollars.. i have no intentions of buying expensive gowns.. i planned to pick a length and a color and letting the girls pick out their own dress.  i am not a bridezilla.. i just like stability..girls dropping out or not showing up is an upsetting thought for me.  i chose these ppl to share in my day because i care about them and want them there (and bottom line we love FIs sister..just very wary)/ the even numbers.. i just think about things like the processional (i didn't think about having ll the guys already up there) and that dreaded wedding party dance (i was actually thinking of having my party dance with their prospective dates if they prefer.. forcing them to dance together always seemed weird..although it is appealing to the eye to have all the matching outfits on display.  Howevr the responce to my post is strong and i am feeling slightly defensive.. but on the other side..food for thought.. odd numbers could be alright afterall.. i still don't know how to talk to my bridesmaids about money.
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]

    PLEASE don't have a WP dance. No one likes them. NO one! Not even when you're dancing with your actual date. Just skip it. It will not be missed. They are awkward!
    And as for the money, there is nothing to worry about. Just ask. If you don't ask, you're very likely to go over someone's budget.
    And dresses can definitely rack up costs. True, you can find inexpensive dresses, but many middle ranged dresses are over $200. Vera Wangs go for $400. Davids sells some dresses under $100, but some are still higher. You NEED to ask them.
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • I e-mailed my two BMs privately and said, "What can you afford for a dress? We will only look for dresses that fit into both your price ranges." Luckily they gave me the same price quote, so that made it easy. Otherwise I would've stayed under the lower of the two girls' quotes.

    Don't require them to pay for anything other than the dresses - which means, don't tell them to buy specific shoes, or tell them that pro hair and makeup and nails are required. Anything beyond the dress that you're requiring, you must pay for. Period. You can give them options ("I am getting my hair done at Fancy Pants Salon if you want to join me" or "I blocked off rooms at Sweet Dreams Hotel for the wedding night if you want to stay over") but you can't demand anything.

    You CAN specify the shoe color (pick a neutral like black, silver, gold, whatever coordinates with the dress), but you can't demand a specific shoe unless you pay for it in full. You can't say, "You have to wear dyeables to match the dress but you can pick the style" - you still need to pay in that case. You can't say, "You must get pro hairdos/you must use Fancy Pants Salon, but you can pick the style" and not pay.

    As far as the processional, don't worry about it. People can double up (if there are more girls, then some guys can each escort two girls), or everyone can walk solo, or people can walk in same-sex pairs side-by-side (doesn't mean they have to link arms, two girls or two guys can walk side-by-side even in a church).

    Or have the men up front waiting, only the girls can be in the processional, and then you can figure out the recessional however it works out (when your guests will be gathering up their stuff and won't even be paying attention to the recessional).
    image
  • I have never been to a wedding where someoe actually had a bridal party dance
  • PLEASE don't do the WP dance.  No one likes to do it and no one likes to watch it.  

    You've been given tips on how to approach the budget.  Just literally follow them like a script.  I promise you it wont' be weird.  Do it over email if it's that awkward for you.  But if these are your best friends, not only should it not be weird to say, "I don't want to pick something that's too expensive so tell me what your price ceiling is," it would be rude of you not to.

    No one dropped the B-word or anything like that so stop being defensive.  We're telling you what bridal mags and TK won't tell you, because what we tell you involves spending less money on their advertisers :)

    It's absolutely understandable that the thought of them not being able to attend is upsetting.  But you (hopefully) don't obsess over the what-ifs in other parts of your life, so why do it here?  Life may throw you curveballs at any time.  What if you had even sides and one WP member had to have an emergency appendectomy the night before the wedding?  There go your even sides.  What do you do?  Do you grab someone at the RD and make her a BM, or do you just roll with it?  The latter, right?  Same if someone drops out a week or three months before.  You roll with it.  But the odds of that happening decrease significantly if you consult them on their budgets and stick with them.  Or pay the difference if you fall in love with a dress that's way over everyone's budget.  

    And have faith in your friends to come through for you.  Remember that weddings are on a plane separate from other events in your life.  One of my BMs is chronically late to everything, but on the day of the wedding she showed up on time.  I didn't give her hell to do it--she just knew it was important to get there on time so she did.  She did it because she's a good person and wanted to come through for me.  If you treat your friends like they can't be trusted, guess what--it's going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • If you don't want to talk to them about money, then don't.  You can just tell them to wear a color family (black, or any shade of blue, red, green, etc, which looks awesome), or give them a paint chip or fabric swatch and tell them to find something that matches.  But really, the money talk doesn't have to be scary. 

    As far as what they cost, call up a couple of bridal salons in your area and find prices.  But again, you don't necessarily have to go through a bridal designer; places like Target, J. Crew, Ann Taylor, and Express carry bridesmaid dresses, or regular dresses that can work for bridesmaids, and those will all be cheaper.  You just need to start doing your research.

    As far as the WP dance, in the name of all that's holy, skip it.  No one has ever liked it in the history of ever.  Spotlight dances are boring, and spotlight dances where the partners barely know each other are excruciatingly awkward for both the participants and the observers.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • You can get nice dresses for the BMs at absolutely any price. Heck, if they could only spend $25 apiece, there are ways to get them nice dresses.

    Don't limit yourself to only "bridesmaid dresses" - ANY dress suitable for the occasion will be fine. My BMs wore Ann Taylor cocktail dresses, a few girls here told their BMs to pick any black dress, I've heard of BMs finding awesome dresses on eBay and at yard sales for a dollar.

    Find out their budgets and then start looking. People on this board, as well as the Attire board, will be happy to help you find nice dresses in whatever price range you ask for help with.

    In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE] the even numbers.. i just think about things like the processional (i didn't think about having ll the guys already up there) and that dreaded wedding party dance (i was actually thinking of having my party dance with their prospective dates if they prefer.. forcing them to dance together always seemed weird..although it is appealing to the eye to have all the matching outfits on display. 
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]

    I haven't seen a wedding party dance since the early 1990s. I've NEVER heard someone comment on how they missed it if it wasn't there, or how much they loved it if it WAS there. To 99.9% of wedding guests, it's just one more even to have to sit through and stare at instead of starting on their dinner ... and to pretty much every wedding party member, ever, it's very awkward and embarrassing to have to participate in.

    If you insist on doing a WP dance, then having them dance with their dates is a nice idea. Otherwise, I highly suggest skipping it. Nobody will miss it, I promise. I didn't do one and I didn't hear a peep about it. (I also skipped a formal intro into the reception hall, a bouquet toss and a garter toss, and nobody commented.)

    I also think you're overestimating how much wedding guests care about little details like who's paired up with whom, or who's dancing with whom, or whether all the girls' dresses match. They're there to see you get married, then eat and drink and have fun afterward. They're not there to judge your girls' outfits or count heads. Have YOU ever cared about this stuff as a wedding guest?
    image
  • BONUS!  i hate the WP dance but i thought it was mandatory or something (i have been to 8 weddings and watched 8 WP dances!)  i actually have something else in mind if my WP (or some of them) are willing to get really crazy and silly with me and my FI..if not we can skip it no prob. 

    SPotlight dances.. father daughter and mother son?  those i like..they get me choked up to watch.. i am mushy like that.  anyway i think i have all the advice i need.. lopsided BP be damned and talk shop with the girls.. which is probably easier than i think.. i tend to worry a little too much about hurting ppl's feelings etc.

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2010
    Yay Rabbit!  I think you'll be happy with your decisions :)  Most, if not all, of us are advocating things we did ourselves and wouldn't recommend them if they didn't work.  Best of luck!  Stick around :)

    I'm not a fan of the mother/son and father/daughter but it would have killed our parents to not have them so we did. That's a far cry from making the WP dance with people they barely know, know what I mean?  

    ETA: Nothing is mandatory in a wedding other than you two, a couple of rings, a licensed officiant, and a couple of witnesses.  
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • i hate the bouquet toss.. been trying to think of something esle that is actually fun to do rather than watch my guests dive for a poorly made bunch of flowers.

    i have done a few tosses, never caught the bouquet..always felt stupid standing there in front of ppl.

    i have ideas about that too..but this is the wrong thread..anyway again thank you all.. this question was rapidly answered.. and gave me a lot of good ideas and things to rethink :)
  • In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE]BONUS!  i hate the WP dance but i thought it was mandatory or something (i have been to 8 weddings and watched 8 WP dances!)  i actually have something else in mind if my WP (or some of them) are willing to get really crazy and silly with me and my FI..if not we can skip it no prob.  SPotlight dances.. father daughter and mother son?  those i like..they get me choked up to watch.. i am mushy like that.  anyway i think i have all the advice i need.. lopsided BP be damned and talk shop with the girls.. which is probably easier than i think.. i tend to worry a little too much about hurting ppl's feelings etc.
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]

    The girls on here have given you great advice. Do not worry about numbers and even sides - if you do worry that, you may as well just hire models to stand in for you instead of friends.

    The processional really isn't a big deal. Have them walk alone, or walk in trios. You can mix it up! Have two walk together, then three. No one will care!

    As for the budget- you can just give them a colour (and even length if you want) and tell them to find a dress based off that. Then you don't need to ask for a budget.

    Otherwise, you will need to ask them privately what they are comfortable spending on a BM dress. Consider the idea of alterations as well!

    Good for you for skipping the WP dance. Many people do not like it.

  • Ditto Babling, the legal stuff (license, officiant) is the only mandatory stuff to get married.

    If you're inviting guests, the only mandatory things are to seat them, feed them and provide a bit of entertainment (DJ, band, iPod, solo guitarist, xylophone player).

    Beyond that, whatever you want to do is fine, as long as you're not hurting anyone. 8 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen? Sure! Bridesmaids in mismatched dresses, awesome! Garden wedding instead of a church wedding, no veil, sneakers instead of heels, skipping some of the spotlight activities like the cake feeding or the wedding party dance, a vintage bus instead of a limo ... all totally up to you! (I'd actually suggest checking out another cool wedding site, Offbeatbride.com, for photos and stories from weddings that were a little - or a lot - outside the box, and those folks are just as married as anyone who had a more "traditional" wedding: http://offbeatbride.com/)

    Don't worry about what you "should" do (aside from taking care of your guests and being nice to people). Worry about what you WANT to do, and worry about how your friends and family will feel about what you choose to do. As long as you are kind and considerate to people - especially when it comes to how they spend their time and money when it comes to your wedding and their involvement in it - you will be just fine and you'll have a great wedding. And more importantly, these people will all want to be your friends AFTER your wedding!
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  • edited August 2010
    Everyone has said everything I would say. 

    But also, please don't stress so early!  If you're wedding isn't until next August, you will be way burnt out by then if you worry about this your whole engagement. 

    As far as the friend you're afraid will bail, can you talk to her?  Just say, "You know how you told me you were worried about staying in the wedding?  I just want you to know that I really want you to stand with me, because you're one of my best friends.  Is there anything I can do to help?"  Ask her about her dress budget (everyone gave you great ideas on how to do that), and if she's struggling with anything else, maybe you could quietly help her out within your budget.  I wouldn't announce at the shower, "Hey everybody!  I bought her shoes!!" but I don't think it would be a big deal, if you can afford it, to help with some smaller expenses. 

    Seriously, go up and re-read Brooke's One Day Rule.  I'm adopting that, as well. :-)

    Edit--all kinds of stuff was posted while I was writing, so nevermind on most of this, and good luck!
  • In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE]i hate the bouquet toss.. been trying to think of something esle that is actually fun to do rather than watch my guests dive for a poorly made bunch of flowers. i have done a few tosses, never caught the bouquet..always felt stupid standing there in front of ppl.
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]

    We did an Anniversary Dance. The DJ played a slow song and all married couples, including me and my husband, took to the dance floor. He announced anniversary dates one by one, starting with "Anyone married today, sit down" (so me and MH were the first ones out) and then went on: "Anyone married less than 5/10/20/30 years, sit down." The final couple dancing was the one married the longest, and my florist had given me a "toss bouquet" so I gave it to the wife as a prize. Some couples give a bottle of wine or champagne.

    Another idea could be a fortune bouquet. Loosely tie together a few stems of flowers, and on each one attach a little ribbon or tag with a fortune/wish (You'll have success with money/you will have lots of luck in love/blah blah blah), and invite anyone up who wants to participate. When you throw it, it'll break apart, and lots of people get one flower each, and it's not a "You'll get married next, Loser Single Lady!" thing, but just a good wish for your friends.
    image
  • In Response to Re: WP struggles:
    [QUOTE]i hate the bouquet toss.. been trying to think of something esle that is actually fun to do rather than watch my guests dive for a poorly made bunch of flowers. i have done a few tosses, never caught the bouquet..always felt stupid standing there in front of ppl. i have ideas about that too..but this is the wrong thread..anyway again thank you all.. this question was rapidly answered.. and gave me a lot of good ideas and things to rethink :)
    Posted by Rabbit79[/QUOTE]

    We also hated the tosses. DH didn't want to dive under my sweaty dress for my garter in front of grandparents and I didn't want to make my single friends dive on the ground and embarrass themselves. We opted for an anniversary dance. Every married couple starts dancing on the floor and then the DJ says "anyone who's been married less than 5 years, please sit down." The couple who is still standing at the end wins the bouquet as long as they provide you with advice to a happy marriage. (it's usually always "she's always right.)
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
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