How to heal a hurting sister?

mrmrsbauer

I always told my sister she would be in my wedding but (too late) I found out she assumed she would be the MOH. My sister is one of my bridesmaids, however I selected my best friend to be my MOH and now my sister is extremely hurt.
I am not traditional and do not hold the same value of the MOH position as my sister does. Maybe it was my mistake but I didn't think
Althought my best friend would be disappointed, she is a wonderful friend...should I ask her to give it up in order to make my sister happy? 
I don't want to take it away from my best friend since I already asked her, but I don't want my sister to be so hurt over this either.

Any advice?

gottahavashorti

You can promote but you can't demote.  So if you want to ask your sister to be co-MOH, go ahead as long as it won't hurt your friend's feelings.

jagore08

I agree with shorti.  Ask her to be a MOH too.  

lalap69

I think you're kind of in a no-win situation.  I agree with PP that you can promote, but not demote.  But I think that at this point she may feel that you're only doing it because she was upset (which would be true, wouldn't it?)  However, if you think it will help and you want to, by all means ask her to be co-MOH.

Pirata13

If you're going to do anything, have her be co-MOH as PP said. That being said though, I think you should leave it as is and that your sister needs to grow up a bit. 

I am having 3 bridesmaids, and I was really torn on who to have for #3, my friend G or P. I chose G, and P understood I was keeping it small. If she is/was disappointed that she is not in mine, she has never said a word or let on. She has never guilted me or made me question my decision, nor has it dulled her excitement for my wedding.  She has asked me to be a bridesmaid in hers.  (5 months after my wedding)  Point is. your sister should be honored to stand up for you, and needs to stop making you feel so bad about it.

suz62984

Do NOT demote.  I would also caution you to talk to your current MOH about how she feels to share the title based on the situation.

My MOH was also a MOH for another friend of ours. She is normally laid back. Our friend had a similar situation and suddenly made her co-MOH within 2 months of the wedding. She was really hurt and it hurt their relationship a lot. I don't think it would have been as bad if they had just sat down and talked about the whole thing first.

HisCB

if you want to heal her, then promote... tell her that when you started this wedding planning you had no idea that LOTs of brides have 2 MOHs, that you never even thought it was done, but you LOVE the idea of her and BFF both being MOH. you would love the idea of a FRIEND and  FAMILY member BOTH standing up for you, symbolicly, because your husband will be both your friend and you family, and you wedding party should sybolize both groups supporting your marriage.
say the same thing to ur BFF if she seems upset about sharing the MOH role.

mrmrsbauer

Thanks everyone for your advice. I will talk to the current MOH about the 2 MOH idea.
Although I feel like I have been doing so much to accommodate my sister and show her I love her and sadly she still puts on the guilt trips and is selfish, knowing she is so hurt by this, I want to help her and do what is important to her.
My friend is so loving that I think she will understand sharing the role.
Pirata, although I think you're right and she needs to recognize that just being in the wedding is an honor (and should grow up) I also feel if I don't make a change, she may let this be a wedge that hurts our relationship forever, and that I definitely do not want.

So, any suggestions on how to split the MOH roles?

banana468

Are you sure your sister won't be a pill even if she IS MOH?