Flakey Bridesmaids

rlhutching21

All of my bridesmaids have been on board throughout the wedding up until the dress part came up.

I picked out the 'maids dresses back at the beginning of September, telling all seven of the girls they had to send in their measurements and down-payment BEFORE the end of November; plenty of time, right?

All have committed, except for one.
What's funny is she'll answer me when I talk to her, but if it has anything to do with the wedding, she goes MIA.

With the end of November coming up next week, I'm honestly not sure what to do. I do NOT want to have to pull the "it's all or nothing" approach, but she won't respond to my simple requests. I've offered to help everyone (as so I don't single her out) monetarily, if that's the case, but still... Nothing.

Should I go ahead and have the talk with her or wait it out?

Simply Fated

I would let her know when the deadline is one more time, like give her a specific date and then leave it at that.
Maybe she's just not into wedding talk?

You can have a talk with her and be, like, "I notice you tend to shut down when I mention the wedding. Please let me now why or am I being paranoid?" Or something like that. Promise to fix what ever the problem is. If she swears nothing is wrong, let it go.
It could very well be a money problem, so make sure you talk to her one on one about this.

If she misses the deadline, then you have your answer.

msuprincess04

Did you ask them each individually what their budget was before picking a dress? It could be she's just embarassed because she can't afford it. Not everyone wants to borrow money for a dress they will never wear again anyway. She could also be, simply, wedding-ed out. Tired of hearing about it and bored with the thought of stressing over a party 6 months away. It's not a slight towards you, or an insult, but, really, for anyone not getting married planning a wedding is boring. Plus, as PP said, it's the holidays. Let it go till after Christmas. You'll still have plenty of time.

renegade gaucho

Why are you getting on her case when it's still nearly two weeks until the deadline YOU gave her?  I really don't understand that.  It doesn't matter that everyone else has already ordered their dresses- you gave everyone until the end of the month, and it's not the end of the month yet, so get off her back.

Your arbitrary deadline is ridiculous anyway.  Let her know the date that the salon says she needs to order by to get the dress in with enough time to get alterations done (which shouldn't take more than a few weeks) and trust that she's an adult who doesn't need you to hold her hand for simple tasks.  If she doesn't get the dress in time, then she's choosing to take herself out of the wedding party.

[Deleted User]

I'm assuming that the deadline was set by your bridal shop. One shop I had gone to said that it would take 3-4 months for dresses to come in & then you have to allow time for alterations if needed which can take 2-3 weeks depending on your seamstress schedule.

I would contact her the week of the deadline just to reminder nicely about the deadline & ask her if everything is ok. If she doesn't get it done & they can't get her dress in time, that makes you decision for you if she's still in the party.

rlhutching21

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the attacking? I am just going by what the bridal shop told me - I don't know how long it takes for dresses to come in. By the way, the dress is only $120 and I made sure they were dresses you could wear again. Also, she's had since the BEGINNING of SEPTEMBER. It's not like I just sprung this on her yesterday. Thanks for the helpful tips, for you all that were friendly. As for the snarky, jump-to-conclusion folks; appreciate it.

mabapunta

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_flakey-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dad6c155-dbbe-4fae-8b8c-5f4b6016cd4cPost:ff278d96-2b0f-4fdb-84b6-7d73590f5f4a">Re: Flakey Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the attacking? I am just going by what the bridal shop told me - I don't know how long it takes for dresses to come in. By the way, the dress is only $120 and I made sure they were dresses you could wear again. Also, she's had since the BEGINNING of SEPTEMBER. It's not like I just sprung this on her yesterday. Thanks for the helpful tips, for you all that were friendly. As for the snarky, jump-to-conclusion folks; appreciate it.
Posted by rlhutching21[/QUOTE]

I may be a naggy bride then, too. My BMs are in 3 different states and it took forever to decide on the dress! Based on the bridal shop, they suggested ordering by the end of the month to avoid a delay or rush shipping due to Christmas and Chinese New Year. Plus I'd rather plan ahead and be early, so I told my BMs that the measurements and deposits needed to be in by yesterday. And it was taken care of.

Wait it out tho - only two BMs told me they had called the shop and they actually let me know the 3rd BM had taken care of it as well. I am a planner, so I totally understand wanting to order early, You do have some wiggle room tho, so maybe followup with the store itself at the end of November, and then after a week or so in December, maybe call again...and then if you're still missing the last BM, maybe ask her about it.

kdubya84

I am dealing with the same issue with a BM. The designer has a 4 month delivery - so if ordered in December, the ship date could be April - which is a little close for comfort to me. I am gonna give her until the middle of the month to let me know what's going on before I get ultra worried. 

I am also upset because she agreed to come dress shopping with all my other BM's and no-showed, then made plans to just hang out and no-showed without explanation at all... 

JgButtahz

I agree with people who have said to ask the shop you're ordering from if she has put down the payment.

as for the snarks..dude, what is up with this forum being so snarky anyways..we are brides/bridestobe..we shouldnt be mean..we should be excited for eachother!

bripratt2

im gonna have to agree with op.  You may think youre being helpful but i would take what youre saying as mean.  In fact some of you commented on my post in the same way it was very mean.  Not helpful at all.  I think that perhaps you have some good points but be more tactful.  I would be a little hurt if i was her.