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Would it be too stressful on my friend (whose wedding is 2 weeks before mine) if I asked her to be a

We hang out all the time and I love this girl to death.  She has helped me more than my bridesmaids that I have already chosen.  Her wedding is at a venue and pretty much completely planned for her.  I would love for her to be in my wedding, even though I am not in hers.  She's been engaged well over a year and had her party picked out since then.  Also, her fiance is in our wedding and mine is in hers.  So what I would like to know is even though I am not in her wedding, which is two weeks before mine, would it be acceptable to ask her to be in mine?


Re: Would it be too stressful on my friend (whose wedding is 2 weeks before mine) if I asked her to be a

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    Bold and colored text is very difficult to read.

    If you want her in your wedding, ask.  It's not a subpoena.  If she feels that it would be too difficult or has any other reservations, she can always decline.
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    So you've already asked your other BMs?  How long ago did you ask them?  Does this friend already know you've asked your WP?

    It's up to her if she thinks it would be too stressful to be in your wedding.  Ask her, and if she thinks she'll be too stressed or whatever, then she can decline the offer.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-stressful-friend-wedding-2-weeks-before-mine-asked-her-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e61631c3-08bc-4eb0-9d8c-c62e23229b33Post:2b3e9868-dcb0-4c5f-8097-1874299f98b0">Re: Would it be too stressful on my friend (whose wedding is 2 weeks before mine) if I asked her to be a bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bold and colored text is very difficult to read. If you want her in your wedding, ask.  It's not a subpoena.  If she feels that it would be too difficult or has any other reservations, she can always decline.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this.  Especially the part about the text. 
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    2 of my bridesmaids are my sisters and the other has been a friend for years.  My sisters are useless and my friend knows that.  Sorry, text fixed. I've never posted before and it was simple for me to read.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-stressful-friend-wedding-2-weeks-before-mine-asked-her-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e61631c3-08bc-4eb0-9d8c-c62e23229b33Post:09610fdd-4126-41ea-abbe-5c92dd23590d">Re: Would it be too stressful on my friend (whose wedding is 2 weeks before mine) if I asked her to be a bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]2 of my bridesmaids are my sisters and the other has been a friend for years. <strong> My sisters are useless and my friend knows that.</strong>  Sorry, text fixed. I've never posted before and it was simple for me to read.
    Posted by sarahnbrent[/QUOTE]

    I don't get what that has to do with asking this girl to be a BM?  Are you asking her only so she would help you out with wedding related things?
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    All she has to do is get the dress and show up to your wedding. So as long as she can handle those two things, there's no reason why it should be too stressful for her. But let HER tell you that ... maybe she has the money and time to spare, maybe she doesn't.

    Also, why are you asking her? And why didn't you ask her in the first round of bridesmaids?

    If it's because she's a really close friend and you only hesitated because she's throwing her own wedding and/or because you weren't in hers, then ask her and see what she says.

    If it's because she's been really helpful, then please realize that asking someone to be a bridesmaid is not a reward for their hard work. It's an honor for your dearest friends. If you primarily want to ask her because she's helpful, then I would not ask her to be a bridesmaid ... instead, I'd write her a nice note of thanks or maybe treat her to dinner/coffee or give her a small gift as a thank you.

    Also, when you say she's been more helpful than your existing bridesmaids ... what is there for them to help with at six months out? I understand that you're grateful for her assistance, but from your sentence saying how she's more helpful than the other BMs, I'm wondering if you're saying that this girl is just helpful, or if you're feeling that your other BMs are slacking off? (Which isn't the case, since bridesmaids aren't required to help you.)

    Just making sure you're considering asking her because she's a close friend, not because you think a bridesmaid is obligated to be helpful.
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    Soooo, are you adding this girl to help you plan? Because that is actually NOT what BMs are for. 
    If I were your friend and I knew you already had a WP and "were useless" so you were asking me later.....hmmm. I am trying to put this nicely.....thats just not cool.   I would say no thanks. 

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    It's not your BMs' job to help you plan.

    It's really mean and conceited of you to call your sisters "useless." Especially considering that they'll likely be shelling out their personal money to buy a dress to be in your wedding, plus probably buy you at least one or two gifts and maybe throw you a shower and bachelorette. If you truly feel that they're "useless," do them a favor and tell them to attend as guests, wear whatever they want and please not bother giving you any gifts or throwing you any parties.

    Furthermore, if your wedding is SO complicated that it requires help to plan, then you either need to scale it back or hire someone to help you. Wedding planning is not rocket science.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-stressful-friend-wedding-2-weeks-before-mine-asked-her-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e61631c3-08bc-4eb0-9d8c-c62e23229b33Post:764ba595-f62e-4f3e-aa31-aaca2e38370a">Re: Would it be too stressful on my friend (whose wedding is 2 weeks before mine) if I asked her to be a bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ask her.   She'll tell you if it's too much.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Exactly. Only she can be the judge of that.
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    sarahnbrentsarahnbrent member
    First Comment
    edited November 2010
    I wasn't saying they're useless to be rude about it. They live hours away from me, my mother is too busy and too poor to help.  The wedding is being paid for by me and my fiance. We've both taken on second jobs to pay for it and I am a full time student.  I just want a little help and she's an amazing friend who I've grown close to since the whole wedding planning thing started.  I realize it isn't rocket science planning a wedding but it is my first time and I don't know what I need to do and I would like the opinion of another woman when making decisions.  And I can't really afford a wedding planner.  It's just stressful being 100% alone planning the entire thing.  And I thought a bridesmaid was supposed to be helpful. 
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited November 2010
    A BM is your friend whom you honor by having her stand with you when you get married.  She is under no obligation to help you plan and it's only setting yourself up for disappointment to expect it.  I have never helped a bride plan a wedding, and none of my BMs helped me plan.

    Phrasing it as, "They're useless" carries a connotation that you don't value them as people.  I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but you need to be mindful of how you phrase things and how other people will receive it.

    Honestly, if you need your hand held when picking out flowers because it's just so hard to do it by yourselves, you're taking your wedding waaaaaay too seriously.  Take the marriage seriously, but keep in mind that the wedding is just a party.
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