Picking a bridal party without having anyone feel left out?

chrissyb1113

Me and my fiance are having trouble with the sticky situation of bridesmaids and groomsmen. We want to keep it simple and stay away from drama. Don't want to hurt anyones feelings or have anyone feel left out. I know that a lot of people feel like it's an "honor" to be part of a wedding party - I honestly think it's a burden on them, and don't want to shove people in the wedding just for the sake of having them there. We have it down to 2 couples, his brother and my sister as best man/maid of honor and then our best friends for the second couple. But, he has a few more guy friends and I have one other girlfriend that might be offended that they were not asked to be a part of the party. Truth is, if we invite one more, we gotta invite 2-3 more which would bring us up to 5 couples - way to many in my opinion. 

What are some ways of avoiding that awkward conversation/explaining why or even showing them that they are important to us but we really just want to keep the bridal party to a minimum? Could we maybe get them gifts, or invite them to the rehearsal dinner? I'm torn. I hate having to "rank" our friends, but we honestly just want to keep it small. Not to mention, it'll save us some money if we can stick everyone in one limo as opposed to 2, less bouquets, less dress drama, don't have to worry about them being on time, etc..

graysquirrel

I think that keeping your WP small is definitely a great way to reduce drama. By keeping your party small you can give the excuse that you simply wanted a small WP. It is really hard for people to argue with that. It is really rude of people to ask why they are not in a WP, but if they do, you can easily tell them that you wanted to keep it small and brush it off. Don't feel that you need to go to anyone and explain your decision because you really don't need to and it would create more problems than existed before. Nobody wants to hear why they were left out.

mbcdefg

I kept it small (2 BMs, 2 GMs) and nobody asked why. We asked another friend to do a reading.

Don't make explanations or apologies. It's not rude to have a small bridal party but it IS rude to point out to people why they didn't make the cut.
If someone is rude enough to ask, "We wanted to keep it small" is plenty. Repeat as necessary or just ignore the questions if the person won't quit.

Also, remember that not everyone would love to be in a bridal party. It's a big drain on time and money in a lot of cases. I would be more offended if someone bent over apologizing that they were disappointing me by not asking me to be a bridesmaid, or wanted to "make it up to me" with token roles or gifts. That could risk coming across as saying, "I know you must be devastated to not be in my glorious wedding, so I'm doing this to try and soothe your poor hurt feelings." Nobody's wedding is so important that a non-bridal party friend will die of hurt at not being included.

I think offering someone a reading or song is fine. Maybe including girlfriends at your pre-wedding prep session, or inviting friends to the rehearsal dinner if it's a more casual thing. But I wouldn't go overboard ... if you start trying to think up roles, flowers, gifts, honors, etc., for all these people, they'll start to wonder, "Wouldn't it have been easier to just ask me to be in the wedding party?"

Friends will understand that you can't include everyone. But they may not buy the "We couldn't include everyone" schpiel if you ARE trying to include them in other ways. If you just let them have fun as guests, it makes sense that you couldn't include everyone. But the other inclusive gestures might come across as, "We COULD have easily included you but we just didn't want to, so we made up other roles to keep you quiet." Even though I know you don't mean it that way.

mbody

If you and your FI want to have a small WP, then do so. I don't think you should ever feel the need to explain or defend yourself to anyone. It would be rude for people to ask why you chose (or didn't choose) people. If they do, just simply say, "X and I just wanted to have a small wedding party. We look forward to having you as our guest." Of course, if the person will be invited as a guest.

Maggie0829

You do not have to explain yourself or the decisions you make regarding your WP.  If you want to keep it small then keep it small.  No need explain to anyone why they weren't included.  And honestly I wouldn't get the people you didn't include gifts because that is basically saying, "Sorry I didn't include you in the WP, you mean a lot to me, but just not enought to be in my wedding."  Kind of a slap in the face if you ask me.

RaptorSLH

Small wedding parties are a fine and non-offensive reason to draw your cut-off.  Also, be aware that the kind of people who would make drama over not being invited, are often also the kind of people that would create even worse drama if they are in the wedding party.  Probably smarter to draw the line where you're planning.

AurorasEnvy

I'd keep it small like you guys seem to want.  You don't have to explain anything to them, you don't have to tell people that they AREN'T in the WP, only people who are.  I have a friend who I knew expected to be in my wedding.  She isn't, and I've never had to mention anything to her.

As for the would-be wedding party members, being a guest at your wedding is an honor enough.  I wouldn't invite them to the rehearsal dinner unless they are doing a reading at your wedding or somehow are involved in the ceremony.