Help!

aswift333

okay so my wedding is almost in 100 days (I have prolonged this decision as long as possible) and I am sooo stressed out about the decision of whether or not to have a ring bearer and flower girl.  Mega Mega stressed..to the point I can not think anymore about it..I will try to explain my thoughts about this decision:Okay so the ring bearer would be my godson which he would almost be 3 -i worry if that is too young.. My flower girl will do just fine..The problem is that I want it to be adult reception and the ring bearers parents told me that they feel uncomfortable having someone pick him up after the church part.  (reception different location) Also, my maid of honor is the mother of the flower girl and the ring bearers mother is my Brides maid also and his father is also standing up as a best man.  So if the attendants bring their children (ring bear and flower girl) to the reception part then they will have to take care of them and I just want them to be stress free and have nothing to take care of.. ugh!!!!!!! I dont know what to do.. My options are to not have any at all (which my mother in law to be would I know kinda be upset as she wants my godson to be the ring bearer) or to have them at the church part and hopefully someone will pick them up to babysit after the church part is done...(but like i said earlier his parents feel uncomfortable asking the babysitter to pick him up at church) which would need to happen as all the wedding party is getting into party buss to take us to the church..or just have the ring bearer and flower girl be allowed to come to the reception part..and I just suck it up that theirs children there and maybe another family member can take them their as everyone else will be in the party buss.. Again sorry for all these details...my head is seriously spinning..Im worring about this one. any ideas or thoughts...

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3693e67-f90d-48c3-ac5a-e06d5b204466Post:f3f38e10-32d1-426d-b4b4-bcde7f178b51">Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]okay so my wedding is almost in 100 days (I have prolonged this decision as long as possible) and I am sooo stressed out about the decision of whether or not to have a ring bearer and flower girl.   Mega Mega stressed..to the point I can not think anymore about it.. I will try to explain my thoughts about this decision: Okay so the ring bearer would be my godson which he would almost be 3 -i worry if that is too young..   My flower girl will do just fine.. T he problem is that I want it to be adult reception and the ring bearers parents told me that they feel uncomfortable having someone pick him up after the church part.   (reception different location)   Also, my maid of honor is the mother of the flower girl and the ring bearers mother is my Brides maid also and his father is also standing up as a best man.  <strong> So if the attendants bring their children (ring bear and flower girl) to the reception part then they will have to take care of them and I just want them to be stress free and have nothing to take care of..   ugh!!!!!!!</strong> I dont know what to do.. My options are to not have any at all (which my mother in law to be would I know kinda be upset as she wants my godson to be the ring bearer) or to have them at the church part and hopefully someone will pick them up to babysit after the church part is done...(but like i said earlier his parents feel uncomfortable asking the babysitter to pick him up at church) which would need to happen as all the wedding party is getting into party buss to take us to the church..or just have the ring bearer and flower girl be allowed to come to the reception part..and I just suck it up that theirs children there and maybe another family member can take them their as everyone else will be in the party buss..   Again sorry for all these details...my head is seriously spinning..Im worring about this one.   any ideas or thoughts...
Posted by aswift333[/QUOTE]

I stopped reading right after this part.  They are the parents.  These are their children.  Parents are supposed to watch over their children.  Include the childrem in the WP and let the parents worry about the rest.

You will be so swept up in the moment...your first dance, cake cutting, toasts, etc. that you will not have any time at all to even think about how the WP parents are doing.  They will probably be having a wonderful time, with their children, just as everyone else is doing.

P.S.  My MOH has 2 sons and she had a fabulous time at the reception.  The kids played with the other kids and danced and eventually passed out b/c they were so exhausted.  Let the parents be the parents and YOU focus on being a beautiful bride :)

Kfmarried

First of all, paragraphs are your friend.  

Secondly, I think you should have the ring bearer and the flower girl and have them be the only children at your adult reception.  Your attendants will not at all mind taking care of their own children.  

Kate61487

It's ridiculously rude of you to ask them to send their kids home after the ceremony.  Guests (including children) are either invited to the wedding or they're not; there's no half way. 

Either don't have them (and deal with whatever fallout from your MIL) or ask them to be in the wedding (and invite them to the reception) and let their parents be parents.  They can decide if they want to send them home early, or who will transport them (but I'd be prepared to either let the kids in the party bus or possibly have the parents MIA from the party bus). 

kaitlyn&henry

I had a similar situation and also was worried that my sisters (my BMs) wouldnt be able to enjoy themselves...when i talked to them about it, they said they wouldnt enjoy themselves if their kids werent there because they are moms and dont like leaving their kids unless necessary.

i know its really its weird to understand since we dont have kids yet, but to them they are their whole world. Its not a burden to them.

PLUS you will never notice who is there and if anyone is or isnt having fun because on the wedding day you are sooo wrapped up in the moment and your DH nothing else really matters. (I was the same way, stressed over kids being there...but on the day it really didnt even matter)

AdeleDazeem

You have two choices:

1. Have a ring bearer and flower girl, invite them to the reception.

2. Don't have them in the wedding.

Anything else really isn't acceptable - including sending them home after the ceremony.

aswift333

Thank you everyone for all the ideas and thoughts.  Sorry about not having paragraghs i tried to put them in but at the time my work computer would not allow it ..so sorry if it was a hard read.

That is the last thing I am trying to do is be rude as this whole time planning I have been extremely worried about peoples feelings even with picking my wedding date I went through 25 people DOB's and other special dates in peoples lives to make sure the wedding would not interfere.  

I think Im just at a breaking point and feeling stressed and I am not able to process things clearly.

I know we will make the right decision , thank you all again for you thoughts.

Viczaesar

This should not be something that is stressing you out.  Decide yay or nay and get on with your life.  If you decide yes on having them in the wedding party, then they're also invited to the reception.  No other thinking needed.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]That is the last thing I am trying to do is be rude as this whole time planning I have been extremely worried about peoples feelings even with picking my wedding date I went through 25 people DOB's and other special dates in peoples lives to make sure the wedding would not interfere.   [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is why you're at a breaking point.  You're never going to please everyone.  Worry about truly pleasing yourself and FI, mostly pleasing anyone financially contributing, and sorta pleasing your must-have VIP guests.  Everyone else?  Avoid horrific insults and call it a night.
</div>

saric83

I agree with PP's that the parents will take care of it, and you shouldn't even worry about it (easier said than done though.) 

The only additional suggestion would be to offer to pay their babysitter to watch the kids post-ceremony and at the reception.  I've seen this at a few receptions, and it seemed to work out great.  The kids were still able to be there with the parents, but there was an extra person to take care of them between ceremony and reception. 

Trixeetrix

I agree with PP's.  I have actually been to weddings where they have a babysitter there - in the bridal suite and the children go up with the sitter to play games and such while the adults party.
FI and I have decided to not include any children in/at our wedding since we don't have any and don't want to deal with them.

Maggie0829

1) You will not notice that there are two children at your reception

2) If you include them as part of your wedding them they should be invited to the reception

3) Let their parents worry about their children...this is their job, not yours.

4) If you truly want to have an adult only reception then do not include children in your wedding

Honestly, I think this is a ridiculous thing to stress about.  The real question comes down to what you and your FI want.  Do you want a flower girl and ringbearer?  Stop thinking about everything else that goes along with having kids in the wedding because who watches them is not your concern it is the childrens parents.  If you want them then have them, if not, then don't include them.

I understand that you want an adults only reception but in the grand scheme of things you won't even notice or even care if there are a few kids there.  I had three young kids at my wedding and they had just as much fun dancing the night away as their parents did

I really think you are overthinking this and you need to stop trying to please everyone under the sun when it comes to your wedding because guess what, you will never be able to please everyone.  Just plan your wedding the way you and your FI would like it to be and stop worrying that someone may be unhappy.  This should be a fun and exciting time in your life not something that stresses you out and that you end up hating the whole wedding experience.

MyNameIsNot

FWIW, I think it's really silly to have child attendants at an adult only wedding.  If you've decided to do adults only, people will understand that this is why you didn't ask any child attendants.  

You don't have to have kids in the wedding.  

mbody

First, take a deep breath..

If you decide to have the ring bearer and flower girl in the wedding, then they must be invited to the reception. It isn't right for you to tell their parents to have someone else pick them up.

Leave the parenting to the parents. They will have fun even if their children are at the reception. Their children aren't burdens on them and it seems like they want their children present.

You actually planned around 25 birthdays and other significant dates?! If I did that, I'd never be able to get married! Our wedding is July 13th which is our neice's 13th birthday.. golden birthday. She is in the wedding and was super excited when we asked because she was going to be able to "pick out a new dress to wear on her bday."

Edit: We had to choose July 13th because that's all our venue had for June, July or August still available. Go figure Friday the 13th was the last day taken. Haha!

aswift333

Thanks again everyone for all the help We decided to have them in our wedding I am happy to have them apart of our reception now as well ! Im so glad that decision is made ..I feel so much better..

Thanks again!