Wedding Party



Re: Wow...

  • edited November 2010
    I agree with PPs.  There's so much in life to experience before getting married, and I think that waiting can put both parties in a better position both mentally and financially.  My high school friends didn't marry early, but they did have kids early, like 19, 20.  A former friend of mine from high school had four kids before she was 25.  She and her children's father got together when she was 16...and during their 11+ year relationship, the guy had at least two other kids with other women, and put her life in danger because he was a drug dealer and apparently pissed someone off enough to put a hit out on him.  She finally apparently left him for good a year or so ago (she's 30 now).  All of my friends, while they love their kids, wish they had waited...lived their lives as individual single people, traveled, went to school first, etc., because it's so much harder having kids before you're ready. 

    I think that marriage is the same way.  In college I was in a campus ministry, and in my circle a lot of people get married early because premarital sex is considered by a lot of them to be bad, so it's better to get married than to "succumb to sin." So from this and my other faith-based connections, I know a fair amount of people who got married at around 18-20.  It has worked for some of these couples, and I do know one couple that is a "jet set" couple, so that's cool.  But for some, it doesn't.  I know at least one couple on the rocks and another that is divorced, and I think it's because they got married way, way too early and instead of growing together, they've grown apart.

    ETA:  For me, I'm glad I'm getting married when I am (I'm 29, and I will be 30 by the wedding).  When I was 18, I did want to get married, and I knew exactly who I wanted to marry (we weren't even together...I was a little BSC at the time, but stuff like this was common in my religious circle).  To make a long story short, it totally didn't happen.  In retrospect, it was a good thing.  The guy was a douche and wasn't right for me at all, but more importantly, I got a chance to be single, to travel a little, to finish undergrad and much of grad school, to be on my own, and to get to know who I am as an individual.  That's priceless.   And so when I get married, I (and FI) can do so as whole people, and I think that helps our chances of marital success a great deal.
  • I just don't get the rush. H and I started dating when I was 20, which is pretty young, and after 2 months I knew we were going to get married - to the point where my friends made me sign a contract promising I wouldn't get engaged when I went back to visit him even though I hadn't told them I thought this, they just got that vibe from how I talked about him. So we were basically both certain about marriage for almost 4 years before we got engaged.

    The wait wasn't because we weren't sure, it was because we realized that we should do grown-up things first - graduate college, live on our own, get jobs - in order to develop into adults before taking such an adult step.
  • I'm still with my high school boyfriend. I actually was pushing for us to get married when we were 19/20. Justin, the smart guy that he is was dead-set against it. But I kept pushing and pushing (my logic being that if we are going to get married, why wait!?). It started affecting our relationship negatively, and our immaturity in general affected our relationship negatively. I eventually set an ultimatum that either we go to therapy or we are done. Super mature, I know. Things slowly got better over time both during therapy and after as we both grew up and became more respectful and mature (and I learned a valuable lesson that the harder you push something, the more you push it away...also so happens to be the lesson we try to inform brides of when wanting bridesmaids to be their brideslaves). 

    Anyways, you all are saying how you are glad that you weren't still with high school boyfriend because of how much you changed and matured. I almost feel like I am with a different person because of how much we have changed from before. I totally understand what people mean when they say that marriage should not be super hard work, and if it is you are trying to put a square peg in a round hole, because I have been there. Now, it is not like that AT ALL. No drama. No door slamming. No yelling. No angry text messages. No co-dependency. Just loving, caring, respectful adults.

    If we would have gotten married when I wanted, we would not have made it. Period.

    So, to any young ones who may be lurking, if the guy you are with now is the right guy for you, he still will be in 5+ years. The line you should (and I should have) be repeating to yourself is, if you are going to get married anyway, there is no reason not to wait.
    White Knot
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  • That's great that you guys grew closer as you grew older.  Many people don't.  My HS/college boyfriend and I grew miles apart--by the end we had absolutely nothing in common.  The potential for that is just so high between 18 and 21.  Glad you guys waited and that it's been well worth the wait :)
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  • In Response to <a href="">Re: Wow...</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's great that you guys grew closer as you grew older.  Many people don't.  My HS/college boyfriend and I grew miles apart--by the end we had absolutely nothing in common.  The potential for that is just so high between 18 and 21.  Glad you guys waited and that it's been well worth the wait :)
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    <div>Me too.   :)</div><div>
    </div><div>We just started living together for the first time back in July after we moved to California <span style="font-size:11.1111px;" class="Apple-style-span">(after having been together for 8 years) </span><span style="font-size:11.1111px;" class="Apple-style-span">, and it has been wonderful! And because we haven't lived together before, we both still got the college experience of living in the dorms and all of that, and I was able to study abroad on my own during the summer-time two years ago. </span></div><div><span style="font-size:11.1111px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div><div><span style="font-size:11.1111px;" class="Apple-style-span">I actually don't think I would recommend the whole stay-with-your-high-school-boyfriend thing in general because, while it worked out in our case, there were a lot of factors that lined up just right that made it happen. Partly just because we both have quirky personalities and once we grew up we were still compatible and have a lot in common and share values, etc. and, partly because of the pro-active things we did with the therapy, studying abroad, not living together sooner, etc. I actually hate the term "high school sweetheart." I wish we had met during college, lol. Does this make me weird?</span></div>
    White Knot
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  • Aerin, I can relate to the culture clash thing as well! I'm one of the last of my friends from home to get married (Louisiana) but all my college friends (New York) are hardly even considering getting serious with someone, let alone getting married. 
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