ring bearer with mowhack :-(

susiendanny

Ok we asked our 2 year old nephew to be the ring bearer at our wedding.  By the time the wedding is here he'll be 3.  The problem is his mother gave him a mowhack!!  I thought it was just a one time thing, but no she redid it when the sides started growing out. My FI and I don't want him in the wedding with a mowhack.  Is there a way for us to tackfully let the mom know we want him in the wedding, but not with that hair style.  When we asked he had the typical cute little boy haircut.

heyimbren

I think it would be really rude to ask his mother to change his haircut. Honestly, nobody is going to care. The day after your wedding, is it still going to be bothering you that he had a mohawk?

I'd treat this the same way I'd treat the rest of the WP in regards to their looks: you wouldn't ask someone to grow their hair out or dye it a different colour. I don't think the ring bearer should be treated differently.

aerinpegadrak

I'm not sure what a mowhack is.  A mohawk, on the other hand, is a perfectly acceptable hairstyle.  Telling someone "You can't be in the wedding with that haircut" is pretty much the most bridezilla you can get.

susiendanny

thanks everyone.  Sorry for the spelling error.  :-)

gottahavashorti

Aerin, it's kind of like whack-a-mole, but with mo' whacking.

OP, I hope you remembered to make sure your bridal party signed contracts.  No new piercings, tatoos, hair cuts, hair color or changes in behavior without explicit prior approval of the bride.  Plus, it will aid in sending the signal that looks are more important than friendship.

But really, kids look cute with mohawks and you cannot dictate your WP's hair style.  Let it go.

susiendanny

I'm not being a bridezilla, it just doesn't look right to me. Like ilovemilkduds posted the wedding is still aways away, so who knows what hair cut he'll have

Licia&Wayne

I've noticed that a lot of kid's hair, when they are that little, tend to grow in a mohawk shape anyway. And, I do think it's leaning toward the bridezilla side to want to remove a kid because his mom gave him a certain hair cut you didn't like.

I'm glad that you're looking on the bright side though. He'll be cute, no matter what his hair looks like, and that's a ringbearers real "job".

lisalou402

A three year old with hair like that will be adorable!!!

Manwaithiel

This is one of those "You've got better things to worry about," moments.

susiendanny

You guys are alright!! I guess I was having a moment :-)

vsgal

Considering that our ring bearer carried our rings using devil horns a la Ronnie James Dio style, I have to side with the mohawk on this one.

mbcdefg

I'm glad you've decided to let it go

It wouldn't be a very good life lesson to teach a kid, "I don't want you in our wedding because of the way you look," right? Look at it that way.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-mowhack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f956c79d-4fcc-484e-8da8-6ad264f3d2d2Post:80544ec5-4203-4e55-9bb2-3b5ed1a19e9a">Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]You guys are alright!! I guess I was having a moment :-)
Posted by susiendanny[/QUOTE]

Everyone is allowed their moments. That's what the forum is for.

stina93446

I was IN a wedding with a ring bearer who had a mohawk. He was also wearing a kilt. He was so freakin' adorable!

wwnbw

It's her kid but i see why you would have a problem. you can't do anything about it though. my step son is 3 and his mom likes his hair long  but this weekend i went and chopped it off because i want him to look cute and handsome for the wedding! 

cashmerekisses

wow, wwnbw... way to start off your life as step-mom on the wrong foot.  You totally just passed the message that you don't like his mother's judgement and that you didn't like the way a little boy you're supposed to love looks.  If I was his mother, I'd probably be completely spiteful and refuse to even let him come to your wedding.  Then, I'd ambush you with an electric razor and chop YOUR hair off because I wanted you to look "cute"....  You may be in her son's life, but you're NOT his mother and you had  no right to make a decision like that without consulting her first.

My 4-year-old has a mohawk, and everyone thinks it's cute.  Well, almost everyone.  Know what I say to the people who don't?  Good thing he's MY kid, huh? He wanted one, so he got one. 

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-mowhack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f956c79d-4fcc-484e-8da8-6ad264f3d2d2Post:d6a94482-6abb-490d-af77-9403e9b8f0e7">Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]wow, wwnbw... way to start off your life as step-mom on the wrong foot.  You totally just passed the message that you don't like his mother's judgement and that you didn't like the way a little boy you're supposed to love looks.  If I was his mother, I'd probably be completely spiteful and refuse to even let him come to your wedding.  Then, I'd ambush you with an electric razor and chop YOUR hair off because I wanted you to look "cute"....  You may be in her son's life, but you're NOT his mother and you had  no right to make a decision like that without consulting her first. My 4-year-old has a mohawk, and everyone thinks it's cute.  Well, almost everyone.  Know what I say to the people who don't?  Good thing he's MY kid, huh? He wanted one, so he got one. 
Posted by cashmerekisses[/QUOTE]

You need to relax and read the entire thread before you go posting things that threaten bodily harm. Especially in such an overdramatic manner.

Geeze.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-mowhack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f956c79d-4fcc-484e-8da8-6ad264f3d2d2Post:e9f4bb66-f18b-479b-b510-207ef261ba9b">Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-( : You need to relax and read the entire thread before you go posting things that threaten bodily harm. Especially in such an overdramatic manner. Geeze.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

I agree with you, M.
But I also agree with what the poster was trying to say. I don't think the bride (or step-mom) gets to just chop off hair without consulting the mother about it. I think there are better ways to go about something like that.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-mowhack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f956c79d-4fcc-484e-8da8-6ad264f3d2d2Post:51de66c5-3ab2-4c09-93ef-2970a689a618">Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-( : I agree with you, M. But I also agree with what the poster was trying to say. I don't think the bride (or step-mom) gets to just chop off hair without consulting the mother about it. I think there are better ways to go about something like that.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Yeah, the bride was overreacting, but she came back and said she obviously had a loony moment and it wasn't a big deal once she thought about it and got some opinions. There's no reason to threaten to chop someone's hair off or attack them with a razor. It has nothing to do with the issue.

Edit: Ugh, talking about the wrong bride here. Ignore the first sentence.

Manwaithiel

WWNBW,

Where do we begin? You just cut some kid's hair without talking to his parents? Really?

No...just no.

Edit: Why are you referring to this kid as your stepson? The wedding hasn't happened yet. Or has it?

wwnbw

I talked to his dad and he said it was fine. He has just as much say as the mother. This isn't the first time I have done this either....I waited until he was 18 months before i ever took him. We let it grow (for her) until we can't stand it and then chop it off...this time it just happend to be for the wedding. And you are right he is not my step son yet but he will be in three days and we have lived togher for 2 1/2 years. I consider his brother (10) who lives with us full time to be my son already so i just found it easier to call him that.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-mowhack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f956c79d-4fcc-484e-8da8-6ad264f3d2d2Post:08900deb-db83-4b7b-b10a-99e32b6c3e3e">Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I talked to his dad and he said it was fine. He has just as much say as the mother. This isn't the first time I have done this either....</strong>I waited until he was 18 months before i ever took him. We let it grow (for her) until we can't stand it and then chop it off...this time it just happend to be for the wedding. And you are right he is not my step son yet but he will be in three days and we have lived togher for 2 1/2 years. I consider his brother (10) who lives with us full time to be my son already so i just found it easier to call him that.
Posted by wwnbw[/QUOTE]

Yes, the father has as much say as the mother, BUT you didn't even give the mother a say in this. This is for your FI and his ex to work out- <u>not you.</u> If your FI felt his son's hair was too long he should have talked to her about it. That's what joint parenting is- even when the parents are divorced. Compromise.

aerinpegadrak

I'm guessing we're talking more fauxhawk than liberty spikes.

LD1970

I'm chuckling at the fact that mohawk was misspelled as mowhack... it looks intentional, like she's trying to say the kid's haircut looks like it was done by a lawnmower and was a hack job.

I myself don't mind mohawks - they remind me of the last time they were popular... when I was in junior high in the early '80s.

jaimed99

Little boys with mohawks = super cute. My friend's son has one and it's adorable, and my FSILs fix my son's hair in one all the time and I think it's absolutely adorable.

jsauer74

Ah...that rocks! I think it's adorable! Really...he'll have everyone's attention for the whole minute it takes him to walk down the aisle. After you make your appearance, everyone will be like "what kid with the mohawk?" I think it'll be fine...he gets to show a little bit of himself at the wedding as do you...and I assure you all eyes will be on you and your dear hubby. Have fun with it!!

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-mowhack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f956c79d-4fcc-484e-8da8-6ad264f3d2d2Post:0c282073-ca96-4851-a5d3-b8e8a6c42668">Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-( : Ill be married in May. My FI has 6 nephews which means I have 6 nephews. Whats the problem with calling future family what they are? Should I tell my 3 and 4 yr old nephews they arent allowed to call me Aunt until May even though Ive been with their uncle for over 2 years? Thats a really pathetic and immature comment to make. You obviously dont have any children in the family youre marrying into.
Posted by bfuller1085[/QUOTE]

No, actually it's immature of you to call them your nephews/stepson/whatever until you're actually married. Until I marry my FI, I'm not going to have them call me Aunt Anything until we're actually, you know, married.

You do not have 6 nephews. You have 6 future nephews. You could end up not marrying FI and you would be just as nephewless as you were before.

I don't even know why that's up for discussion.

wwnbw

Even OP put "WE asked our nephew".....i didn't see you calling her out. What a silly thing to have an issue with in the first place!

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-mowhack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f956c79d-4fcc-484e-8da8-6ad264f3d2d2Post:30614379-61e2-49e3-b5ea-2afe5f603121">Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]Even OP put "WE asked our nephew".....i didn't see you calling her out. What a silly thing to have an issue with in the first place!
Posted by wwnbw[/QUOTE]

If you want to call them your nephews within the family, fine. But that's not true for all families, least of all mine and FI's. I'm "like" family to them, but none of the kids are calling me anything other than Kate until we're actually married. And people outside your family are not necessarily going to understand, so you both need to stop getting all uppity about how you do things and the fact that not every outsider "gets" what you're doing, because I certainly don't.

And you certainly have no place, as you are the person in question here, acting like someone's mother when you are not. He has a mother and a father. You are GOING to be his stepmom. You had no right to make a decision without regard for his mom. I don't care that your FI was involved. He didn't involve the right person, if he actually involved you in this. And you can be angry about that all you want, but the kid HAS a mom and you both should have respected that.

jerseydevil

Chill. No one will care and some may think it is cute, which I'm sure his mother does and that's why she gave him that haircut.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-mowhack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f956c79d-4fcc-484e-8da8-6ad264f3d2d2Post:9f27310c-0edc-4e72-9fe7-0bbc86f4a6c8">Re: ring bearer with mowhack :-(</a>:
[QUOTE]Manwaithiel, 2 things.  You know I love ya but... 1) Don't jump up other people's butts about reading the whole thread unless YOU are also going to read the whole thread.  It looks comically bad on your part. And, if someone started messing with my kid's hair without my consent, I think threatening to cut off their hair (be it with a razor or a flowbee) is perfectly understandable.  PP didn't threaten bodily HARM with a razor. 2) I disagree about the title thing.  I've been Aunt Ashley for YEARS now and  called/considered DH's nieces and nephews my own long before the wedding.  So, I think jumping all over the poster and calling her "immature" for that is wrong and judgemental.  When you live and conduct yourselves as a married couple before you are actually married, that kind of stuff is a natural progression.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

1) Agreed. I did miss the post by WW at first and completely misinterpreted it. Will read better next time, because it was very comically bad.

2) First of all, the poster said I was immature and pathetic because I didn't feel like calling my FI's nephews and nieces my own. Well excuse me...but that's not what I'm doing and I'm certainly not going to apologize for it.

All I really care about is that you don't make decisions that are not yours yet. If you're not someone's mom...well then, stop treating them like you are. That kind of thing. Aunts/Uncles/Nephews/etc. are less of a big deal because there's usually no authority question there i.e "Should I cut my niece's hair? I hate the way her parents do it!" because that just doesn't really happen as much. I think you need to tread a little lighter when you're going to be/actually in the position of step-parent.

But also, I don't understand getting all upset and hurt and calling me pathetic because I don't understand why you call them your nephews or whatever already. Not everyone does that and not everyone agrees with it. It's not fair to act like I know nothing of the world just because I choose not to refer to my FI's family's kids as "my anything" yet and it's perfectly logical for me to question it as NO ONE on either side of my family does that and the same goes for FI's. I think it's immature to act like the way you do things is the "known" way and how dare I question you? Especially when I'm right. They technically are your "future *insert relation here*. I think it's perfectly logical to say, "Why are you referring them as 'yours' already?" She could have explained how she is with her nephews and I would have said, "Great, I'm glad you have the relationship with them. But that doesn't change the fact that the FUTURE stepmom completely stepped on this kid's mom's toes."