Hey, banana

sucrets4

Please answer a riddle for me.

If you write something and then delete it (because you realize it could get you in trouble), did it ever really happen?  Kinda like that "if a tree falls in the woods" riddle.

And can you be held accountable for it?

Thx.

Mrs.B6302007

How is a raven like a writing desk?

She's mad, I tell you!  MAD!!

sucrets4

Haha!

In all seriousness, my take on the 'insults' thing is this:

Making a comment about something that a stranger on the internet could not possibly have ANY knowledge of is different than pointing out something that can easily be noticed in a picture.

If someone tells me that they hope I pray that my baby isn't as mean as me, I can't possibly take it personally.  No one knows my personality and how I am in real life and it would be ridiculous to get myself all upset that some stranger called me mean. 

However, if someone looked at a pic of me and said that I needed spanx and a nose job, then it would sting a bit.  Those are things that can be ascertained from looking at a pic and imho are far more below the belt than a hypothetical insult.

I'm sorry to keep this going, and I really don't mean to stir the pot more.  You know I like and respect you, Banana, but I feel like there are some things like this that you pick up after being on here for awhile that new posters don't necessarily 'get'.

banana468

Sucrets, I agree with you.

I think the, "I feel sorry for your FI/Husband/baby" comment is silly.  How can you possibly get all that information?

However when you hurl insults at the way someone looks AND add those insults, you're acting appropriately at all.

And there is something to be said for also lurking a bit before you post. 

Because by lurking, you get to understand the dynamic of the board before you criticize it.

Mrs.B6302007

Going after someone's looks is never okay.

sucrets4

So, we're all playing by the same rules here, right?

I don't expect you to treat me differently because you know me.  And if you gave me a warning and said to me that my comment was out of line, I would respect that, especially since I knew I was treading thin ice on that one.  If I ignored your request and continued saying such things, then I would expect to be banned.

Oh, and one other question:  do you think it's ever appropriate to call someone a retard on here?

beatlesgirl25

Ditto both Sucrets and Banana. This is why I'm not really hurting over being called ugly and terrible, and I don't have closeups of myself for this reason. But the idiot/disabled thing kinda sucked.

And thank you for locking that thread Banana. It was getting out of control (and really annoying, haha).

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hey-banana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fd03fdef-8797-4193-a888-ea61f9fac99fPost:17479cf2-a41a-49ce-91c8-7fe18dab0b12">Re: Hey, banana</a>:
[QUOTE] Oh, and one other question:  do you think it's ever appropriate to call someone a retard on here?
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Was this a banana Q or a general Q?  I'm not all PC all the time but I think that retard/retarded is innappropriate on the boards.  Using it among friends who know you and who aren't affected by the word IRL is one thing.  Using it on a huge forum where someone might actually have a family member with mental disabilities is another.  You have to know your audience.

banana468

It's NEVER ok to call someone a retard.

I think the thread as a whole got out of hand.

But I also think that you can't be an instigator and be upset at the outcome.

I'm not going to yell, "Fire!" in a crowded theater unless I'm prepared that it's going to cause absolute mayhem.

banana468

B-I agree with you as well.

There may be some words that are OK amongst your close group of friends - just as in some crowds it's accepted that they go against etiquette.

BUT, you need to be PC and stick with etiquette unless you know everyone that you're affecting with your actions and comments.

sucrets4

I would like to say that any mention of the word retard in that thread on here (by me and beatles) was a direct reference to when Momo came out of nowhere and called Cew a retard on another board.  Wrong of us to perpetuate it, but frustrating that someone could think that was okay to do and then yell at people for being mean and hurling insults.  We were merely trying to point out the irony.

banana468

Sucrets, I'm sending you a PM.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hey-banana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fd03fdef-8797-4193-a888-ea61f9fac99fPost:1e7fe904-7bf3-4ced-aadc-cfaf49986ab3">Re: Hey, banana</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like to say that any mention of the word retard in that thread on here (by me and beatles) was a direct reference to when Momo came out of nowhere and called Cew a retard on another board.  Wrong of us to perpetuate it, but frustrating that someone could think that was okay to do and then yell at people for being mean and hurling insults.  We were merely trying to point out the irony.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Absolutely, and I apologize if my use of that word was taken in an offensive way. I was careful to use only adjectives (to joke about my taco cat) that I or someone else had been called by Momo and the OP. It was a direct reference to them and their harmful words. I don't call people those things on here, ever.

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hey-banana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fd03fdef-8797-4193-a888-ea61f9fac99fPost:17479cf2-a41a-49ce-91c8-7fe18dab0b12">Re: Hey, banana</a>:
[QUOTE] Oh, and one other question:  do you think it's ever appropriate to call someone a retard on here?
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
This one is so touchy on the knot. I use the word "retarded" in my everyday speech. That movie was retarded, you're so retarded I love you, Ugh, I'm a retard, etc.<div>
</div><div>It's hard to not say "wow, that idea/bm gift/first dance song is really retarded" for me. But I know that someone will find it offensive and then I'll probably get banned. </div>

megk8oz

With my older sister being special needs, I grew up in a house where that word was completely banned ... like I would get grounded for using that word.

Nowadays I actually do use the word in the same way Stina does, but I also use the word "gay" in the same context (I know, I sound like I'm 12), when I'm with my friends so I can see how it's hard in that context not to slip. However, I try very hard to be careful for the same reasons: I don't know who that would offend.

I mean, I'm not opposed to "offending" somebody by not validating them ... but I also fear hitting too close to home with a poor choice of words.

stina93446

Yep, Meg. I use "gay" too. But I would never just write that on the knot. Too many people I don't know that may get offended. Better to just use better english and find an appropriate word. 

megk8oz

I think it's gets hard after a while, because the best PC word I can come up with is "lame" ... and "lame" gets retardedly gay after a while.

Please note: I was being facetious.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hey-banana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fd03fdef-8797-4193-a888-ea61f9fac99fPost:195c0060-a29b-45bf-914a-40827160b8fb">Re: Hey, banana</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's gets hard after a while, because the best PC word I can come up with is "lame" ... and "lame" gets retardedly gay after a while. Please note: I was being facetious.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

I am a big fan of lame, but have realized lately that I use it too much. Barf is another one that's fairly innocuous yet overused. I need to find new tame put downs.

trix1223

I'm going to just jump in here on the "retard" part.  Both of my girls and my wonderful SIL all currently work, or did work, with the developmentally delayed population.  So we have a lot of experience in personally knowing people in that demographic group.

One of my nursery school families has a little girl-going on 2 now-who has Down Syndrome, and she is just the cutest, sweetest little angel.  My heart breaks when I think of a future when someone might use that pejorative in her presence.

So I am admittedly very sensitive, probably over-sensitive to that term.  I guess it's like anything.....once you can personalize something or someone, stereotypes become well-stereotypes.

I know that 99% of the time, people don't mean it personally.  But I just can't get past the word and the 1% of people who use it viciously.

stina93446

And trix is a prime example of why I will never call anyone retard or gay on this site. I wouldn't want to offend anyone....

MomoKubiak

I'm sure she feels much better knowing you'll only use that derogatory term when you are with your friends.  

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hey-banana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fd03fdef-8797-4193-a888-ea61f9fac99fPost:63233007-2b4a-4af9-90bd-66a5deaa81cb">Re: Hey, banana</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sure she feels much better knowing you'll only use that derogatory term when you are with your friends.  
Posted by MomoKubiak[/QUOTE]

Momo, if that's directed at me, back the eff off now. I don't fight with people here, and I'm sure as hell not about to fight with you. Especially over something that is frankly none of your damn business.

MomoKubiak

Suck it.

MomoKubiak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hey-banana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fd03fdef-8797-4193-a888-ea61f9fac99fPost:91a435df-4032-4441-ace1-0143c52046a7">Re: Hey, banana</a>:
[QUOTE]And trix is a prime example of why I will never call anyone retard or gay on this site. I wouldn't want to offend anyone....
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE] But to answer your question, no it was not directed at you.  It was directed at stina.

megk8oz

I told you: back the eff off. I'm not fighting with you.

banana468

Momo, I think the point is that there may be some words that people will use knowing the appropriate audience.  DItto when it's within a certain community group.

If the audience is not one you know and/or you're not in that group, it's not OK to use that word.

But again, the insults aren't OK. 

MomoKubiak

I guess I have a different take on it.  When I used that word, yeah I was way out of line.  Not just because it's in a public forum.  Because it's wrong.   You guys are making it sound like it's perfectly ok to talk like that amongst your friends.  Even I know it's not.  Public forum or not.  Do you use the N word when you're with your buddies too?

MomoKubiak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hey-banana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fd03fdef-8797-4193-a888-ea61f9fac99fPost:73f9949f-4f6f-4ac2-a900-8b0880ba81b0">Re: Hey, banana</a>:
[QUOTE]I told you: back the eff off. I'm not fighting with you.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]Meg, you're funny.

stina93446

It's only ok if you know that it's ok with the audience. If you don't know your audience or your friends well enough, I'd steer clear. 

Why are you instigating a fight, momo? 

banana468

I think the point is that when you're in private, you understand the INTENT behind the wording.  And you're right, the word may not be OK to use - but at least you know the person.

Do you talk about others the way you insulted on the SB board?  You didn't answer my question previously about the mod to whom you were directing your insults.

MomoKubiak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hey-banana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fd03fdef-8797-4193-a888-ea61f9fac99fPost:533b5ec2-31d9-4caf-82b1-230cdca4221e">Re: Hey, banana</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you talk about others the way you insulted on the SB board?  You didn't answer my question previously about the mod to whom you were directing your insults.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
I don't even know what SB means.