Interfaith Weddings

There and Back Again... A Bride's Tale

When my FI and first started dating we were both non-practicing. More or less. He is a non-practicing Methodist and I was a Jew who would go to High Holy Day services and the occasional Shabbat service. This changed when I finished college and became more active in my shul. My FI understands that my religion is important to me and has already agreed to help me raise our future children Jewish but did not plan to convert. We have been taking an Intorduction to Judaism class so that he will be able to fully understand what he was agreeing to.

Now, because my rabbis will not officiate an interfaith ceremony we had been planning to ask a family friend who was publicly ordained in California to officiate in a non-denominational ceremony. Recently FI mentioned to me that he has been thinking of converting before we get married. He has not spoken to the rabbi teaching the class about it yet or taken any steps in the process to make his decision.

The selfish part of me is frustrated because this has stalled any planning I had started (venue might change to our shul, might not, would need more time for guests to arrive so they do not miss a tish or ketubah signing, etc.). Another part of me understands that this is a very personal decision and there is no way that I want to push him into deciding something (either way) that he might regret later on just because I want to go dress shopping now. Since we had hoped to set a date for summer or winter 2012 I am getting a little nervous about him making a decision at all. How can I talk to him about this without being too much of a nudge?

Re: There and Back Again... A Bride's Tale

  • Magdala9Magdala9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    With the right rabbi, you can have a tish and ketubah signing without conversion.  Have you spoken with rabbis outside of your shul?
  • AmitzahAmitzah member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's another dilemma entirely.  I do not feel comfortable having a religious ceremony when only one of us is that religion. I'm more of the all or nothing mentality when it comes to the ceremony.

    I'm happy to have a Jewish wedding if he converts, and I'm equally happy to have a non-denominational ceremony if he doesn't. I just want him to start taking steps to decide if its actually what he wants to do. If he does decide to convert it can be a lengthy process (depending on the individual and whether the mentor rabbi thinks they are ready) or a short one, but we won't know until he talks to the rabbi.

    I don't know how to convince him that he is procrastinating the phone call.
  • edited December 2011
    Well, I suggest to not have a religious wedding if only one is the religion. It causes conflicts that can be avoided. It is a big thing if he is considering converting and not a thing to just jump right into it. Maybe he is just thinking about it. Just discuss how to have the wedding and where, the convert part can take quite a while if he does decide.
     
    I'm marrying a raised practicing Jehovah Witness while I was raised a non denominational Christian, no religion is involved at all in our wedding due to conflicts. Our parents probably won't be thrilled to know we are interfaithing our marriage bc they would like one of us to convert but I don't want to change him and his faith bc I believe that is a personally individual space that I won't change in someone. And he doesn't want me to convert either even though his family want me to. I am believing I will become stronger in my faith as I get older.
    *Singing* I can see clearly now the rain is gone, its going to be a bright.... BRIGHT.... bright sun shinny day!
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