talk to me about the bedekken

sterbs

We're having a reform ceremony and we're still deciding if this is something to incorporate or not. Does it matter that I will not be wearing a veil over my face down the aisle?

I'm looking for a more modern interpretation. What I've read discusses modesty and the bride going "blind" to the groom so he can care for her. That doesnt really appeal to me. Any thoughts on this? Thanks!

LBRM_NJ

The reason for the bedeken goes back to when Jacob thought he was marrying Rachel, but, since Leah was older, he was tricked into marrying her instead because he couldn't see behind the veil.  The purpose of the bedeken is for the groom to place the veil over his bride's face so that he knows who he is marrying.

This and the wearing of the veil are beautiful traditions and I've never been to a jewish wedding (reform included) where the bride didn't have her face covered, but, I know that some don't and, if you don't believe in it and aren't planning on wearing a veil down the aisle, I see no reason to have a bedeken.

jessicabessica

I just got married this weekend, and I had a cathedral length veil with a blusher to go over my face.  We did the bedekin ceremony, which together with the ketubah ceremony was quite lovely (DH jokingly looked at my brothers--I don't have sisters--to make sure he was getting the right sibling).  I removed the blusher part of the veil right after circling, so I was unveiled for most of the ceremony.  

Our program text about the bedekin was (sorry for the giant font; I think I used the Anita Diamant book for guidance):

The bedekin, or the ceremonial veiling of the bride, took place immediate after the ketubah signing. The custom originates from the biblical narrative in which Jacob mistakenly married his true love’s sister.  One interpretation of the bedekin is that it is a commitment to love one another for each other’s qualities that are hidden beneath the surface.   

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_talk-bedekken?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:0cafdcb6-cc7a-4260-ba3e-bf966a6fc4a2Post:f7a387c0-4560-4701-8105-5d1fb96f3025">Re: talk to me about the bedekken</a>:
[QUOTE] This and the wearing of the veil are beautiful traditions and I've never been to a jewish wedding (reform included) where the bride didn't have her face covered, but, I know that some don't and, if you don't believe in it and aren't planning on wearing a veil down the aisle, I see no reason to have a bedeken.
Posted by LBRM_NJ[/QUOTE]

Funny. I don't think I've ever been to a reform wedding where the bride DID cover her face. Personally, I find that tradition really disturbing. OP, I've read that same general reason as the one for veiling the face.

october010bride

We were married by a reform rabbi and cantor and both said bedeken's were common with most of the weddings they preformed. The actual ceremony lasted maybe 5 minutes (was done right after we signed the Ketubah) and was beautiful. I LOVE the pictures from it and thought it was very meaningful and spiritual.

And as for the actual veil- I'm not sure if you can just pick it up after it's put down, you'll have to ask your rabbi about that. I wore a single tiered veil with heavy beading along the edges. I had my seamstress attach a piece of netting (via velcro) over the front- it looked seamless.

boston88

Here's what I wrote in the program.  It feels more comfortable to me, and I did not have a blusher:

"In the Bedeken ceremony, the groom looks at the bride and lowers a veil over her face.  There are a few different explanations of this custom.  One is that Rebecca placed a veil over herself prior to meeting her husband to be, Isaac.  Another story recounts when Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah, instead of Rachel, because her face was covered by the veil.  Another states that placing a veil over the bride is a way for the groom to distinguish her from all others, and creates an intimacy between the bride and groom.  An alternative meaning is that it stresses that the groom is interested in the inner beauty, not just the physical beauty, of the bride.

We have decided to observe this tradition in a modern, more egalitarian way.  We will symbolically unveil our true selves to each other, knowing that the commitment that we make to each other today is full and complete."    

The rabbi suggested we do this since this is what she did, and looked into each other's eyes rather than do the actual motion with the veil.  Hope that helps!

reebsreebs

We did the bedekken. One of my favorite photos from our wedding is looking over my DH's shoulder while he lowers the veil. I'm clearly making eye contact with him while my mom, in the background, looks on. Truly one of the best!

We made it more egalitarian by having me help him into his kittle right before he lowered the veil. I'd made the kittle myself, and so helped him into it and tied the belt for him. That way we were each helping the other to prepare for the chuppah ceremony. Finishing the other's dressing, as it were.

We used the Rachel and Leah explination, and my DH looked me over (and even spun me around) before lowering the viel. It was a nice combination of silly and serious.

I had a long veil with a blusher, both netting that were easy to see through, so made walking in not a problem.

shortee426

We did a bedeken.  Many guests, Jewish or not, said they thought it was the most beautiful/their favorite, part of the ceremony.  We did the signing of the ketubah/civil license, then J left the room with the father and his BM, and they came back in dancing.  My parents whispered stuff to me, his parents whispered to him, and then he placed the veil over my face.  Honestly?  I, too, thought it was one of the best parts of the ceremony.

If you will not be wearing a veil/blusher, though I agree with PPs that there is no point in having a bedeken.

FYI, this is how I put it in our program:

Bedeken: The Veiling of the Bride

The bedeken is the veiling of the bride. After the ketubah is signed, Joshua lowers the veil over Jessica’s face to acknowledge that he is marrying his beloved, unlike the patriarch Jacob who married Leah, rather than his true love, Rachel.

vlevitt

I'll weigh in here and say that i HAVE in fact seen two non-veil bedekkens.  both were quite beautiful.    at one it was after the ketubah signing, at one it was before.   in each case it was more of of a spiritual "unveiling" than veiling.  it was quite a powerful and spiritual moment/

i have to agree with previous posters that the bedekkan is an incredibly moving and beautiful ceremony.  there are a bazillion interpretations of the veil.  some of them problematic, but i chose to have one anyway and understood it in a more positive way.  we were also egalitarian in this, as i placed my husband's kippah on his head before he veiled me.    

one interpretation that i love is that the veil is a symbol of coming to the marriage without relying on your physical, outward appearance.  also, as the bride is in a very elevated spiritual state at her wedding, it is a way for her to continue to focus inwards without being disturbed by outside distractions.

mickeypotter

Loved having a bedeken and kettubah signing. We had just our bridal party, parents and aunts and uncles--very intimate. Some of my favorite photos of my now husband lowering the veil over my face.

ElisabethJoanne

Any new thoughts out there? I just read about the bedeken, and want one, but it will be a logistical nightmare, and I want more to think about as I consider whether it's worth it.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_talk-bedekken?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:0cafdcb6-cc7a-4260-ba3e-bf966a6fc4a2Post:74994080-e919-4180-9614-5298b14b795f">Re: talk to me about the bedekken</a>:
[QUOTE]Any new thoughts out there? I just read about the bedeken, and want one, but it will be a logistical nightmare, and I want more to think about as I consider whether it's worth it.
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

<div>How will it be a logistical nightmare?  Are you having a ketubah signing before the ceremony?  </div>