Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Jewish Weddings
Question about the Kippah?
This is my first post on this board. I am not Jewish but I have a friend who is and she's getting married next year. I was reading her website and it asked for everyone to wear a kippah (male or female) and that she'd have them available for us to wear and keep (as well as lace for women). She also stated that appropriate hats would work for those who feel uncomfortable wearing one (i.e. top hat, bowler, or fedora, since her wedding is black tie optional). Now I personally will wear it out of respect of my friend and her religion but my DF (will be DH by the date of her wedding) wants to know why he has to wear one. As in what is the religious significance behind it? I couldn't tell him because I didn't know.
My DF is not comfortable wearing the kippah since he's:
A) not Jewish
not religious
but he would be willing to wear the hat. I may decide to wear a hat to make him comfortable what would be appropriate? A hat like they wore to the Royal Wedding (though definitely NOT like Princess Beatrice's...what was she thinking?!)?
My DF is not comfortable wearing the kippah since he's:
A) not Jewish
not religiousbut he would be willing to wear the hat. I may decide to wear a hat to make him comfortable what would be appropriate? A hat like they wore to the Royal Wedding (though definitely NOT like Princess Beatrice's...what was she thinking?!)?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Question about the Kippah?
Is your friend getting married in a synagogue? What is her level of observance? Is she requesting that men cover their head for the entire ceremony and reception, or just the ceremony?
I don't see it as an overtly religious gesture when done out of respect. If I am willing to go into an area of religious significance to another religion, I am willing to comply with their dress code requests (like covering shoulders to go into a Baha'i garden). I would suggest to your FI that he find a hat he likes (keeping in mind that at a formal event, a baseball cap is not really appropriate) or wear one of their kippot. If you want to just wear the lace that they provide, I would fold twice and pin it to the top/back of your head--I think that's a nice way to wear them.
But maybe do a little research together so that you both understand the significance. I think that would make it less awkward for him. The "For Dummies" line of books has a "Judaism for Dummies" that is pretty good at explaining the common customs in a way that anyone can understand. (My FMIL is reading it now actually, and it's making her very excited that we're having a Jewish wedding!) If you read the chapter on weddings before hand, then you'll be prepared for what you're seeing and you will understand what is happening and why.
Jewish custom has people cover their hair or head for modesty (a lot of married Jewish women wear head coverings, as well as most men).
I think "a lot" is an overstatment. I know orthodox women do, but I've never met a reform woman who did. I don't know where conservative women fall on that spectrum, though I would imagine it's a mix.
In any case, if your friend wears a kippah on an everyday basis (I can't quite tell if he does from your post), it would be extraordinarily disrespectful to ask him to remove it. I can't think of any way for you to take offense by someone wearing one, though it reads as if your FH is looking for a way.
Re the dress, you can always cover a sleeveless dress with a dressy sweater and call it a day.
I think FI is being difficult just to be difficult to pick on me, he does that from time to time. It drives me nuts cause then he gets upset cause I'm mad at him. Um, Hello? You started it and you knew it would make me mad so why do it? And IDK if friends FI wears 1 on a regular basis the first time I'll actually get to meet him will be my wedding. The only way I could see offense taken is if it was the National Anthem (cause ppl remove their hats) but if it's worn for religious purposes it's not considered a hat. And yeah I could wear a dressy sweater but it gives me a good excuse to buy a new outfit lol and I'll take any excuse I can get.
[QUOTE] And yeah I could wear a dressy sweater but it gives me a good excuse to buy a new outfit lol and I'll take any excuse I can get.
Posted by sevatipari[/QUOTE]
Ah, I misunderstood -- I thought you didn't want to buy a new dress. Yes, I'm always up for a good excuse to go shopping too <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">Tenofcups put it well:</div></div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_question-kippah?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:c662c73f-5566-4a09-a6c7-08425b9b03c7Post:dcc48d01-1f6e-4857-a0e2-45cb3b79bb0f">Re: Question about the Kippah?</a>:<div>[QUOTE]Wow, sounds like your FH is really looking for a quid pro quo here. I don't get it. I would imagine if your religion or ceremony called for something outside your friends' norm that wasn't directly in conflict with their belief system they'd do it -- for example, I'm happy to stand when others do at a Catholic ceremony as a sign of respect but I won't go up for communion. In any case, if your friend wears a kippah on an everyday basis (I can't quite tell if he does from your post), it would be extraordinarily disrespectful to ask him to remove it. I can't think of any way for you to take offense by someone wearing one, though it reads as if your FH is looking for a way.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
</div>
[QUOTE]I think FI is being difficult just to be difficult to pick on me, he does that from time to time. It drives me nuts cause then he gets upset cause I'm mad at him. Um, Hello? You started it and you knew it would make me mad so why do it? And IDK if friends FI wears 1 on a regular basis the first time I'll actually get to meet him will be my wedding. <strong>The only way I could see offense taken is if it was the National Anthem (cause ppl remove their hats) </strong>but if it's worn for religious purposes it's not considered a hat. And yeah I could wear a dressy sweater but it gives me a good excuse to buy a new outfit lol and I'll take any excuse I can get.
Posted by sevatipari[/QUOTE]
Jews who wear a kippah all the time dont take it off for the national anthem.
TSA doesn't make people take off religous head coverings. Why would you?
[QUOTE]The only way I could see offense taken is if it was the National Anthem (cause ppl remove their hats) but if it's worn for religious purposes it's not considered a hat.
Posted by sevatipari[/QUOTE]
Jews are not required (nor is anyone else) to remove a hat for a national anthem. It is not a hat at all. It is a symbol of a person's faith and beliefs.
If your FI wants retribution for being asked nicely to wear a kippah, I am sad for you.
[QUOTE]Question--I noticed that the OP's friend is also requesting that married women cover their hair. I'm married, and I don't cover my hair, and I'm not sure how I feel about this request. But I don't have a problem with asking all men to wear a kippah during a service or wearing otherwise modest dress (knees and shoulders--maybe elbows--covered), so I'm not sure if I'm just being inconsistent. Thoughts? And, on the OP's question, with the new info, I say your FI is just being a PITA about this. This isn't someone asking him to adopt Jewish customs, this someone asking him to show respect for their customs.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
OP mentioned that her friends FI was more orthodox(or his family was), and in most orthodox circles, or even in conservative (I think) married women cover their hair. If not all the time, at least during religious ceremonies, including weddings. In a sense, it is a modesty issue the same as how your dress would be modest. At least IMO. I don't think you're being inconsistent on your opinion though. I know people who wear shorts and short sleeves yet cover their hair on a regular basis. That, to me, is inconsistent, but I guess to each his (or her) own and you do what you're comfortable with.
[QUOTE]The only way I could see offense taken is if it was the National Anthem (cause ppl remove their hats)<strong> but if it's worn for religious purposes it's not considered a hat.</strong>[/QUOTE]
As you can see I stated that it's not a hat and it's for religious purposes. I know it's not considered the same thing I was just stating that that was the closest thing I could come to where it WOULD be disrespectful because people remove their hats during the Anthem as a SIGN of RESPECT. And FI doesn't want retribution for him having to wear a kippah....he was just being a smart a$$ who thought he was being funny. We've been together 3 years he should know by now Religion and Politics...those are 2 things you DON'T joke about around me.
And Idk about the head covering for women...I know my friend covered hers the 1 passover I went to with her because she was leading the sader (sp?) since she was the only Jew present (it was when she lived by herself in an apartment).
Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale