How do I handle this sticky situation?

Ash61612

Back story: FI went to a military college where most of friends commissioned into the military. Most of our groomsmen are military and some of our guests are military. One friend of ours who is coming was deployed over a year and got back last August. While he was deployed his wife cheated on him and when he come home for his R & R, she told him about and promised not to do it again. Well, when he came home for good in August, she admitted she cheated again and was done with their marriage. We all felt really bad for him because he is such a sweet, good guy who would do anything for anyone.

Here recently, there have been pics of them back together on FB. I talked to him a couple weeks ago about it and he said they were not getting back together and they were done. Well, it turns out another mutual friend of ours found out they are getting back together! When I sent the STD, they were separated and I only addressed it to him. Bottom line, we don't want her at our wedding. But I don't see any way around this. I know it would be rude of me to only invite him but come on now, she has to know it would be uncomfortable and awkward for her to come. Any suggestions?

Shanee18

If they are in a relationship when invites go out, I think you pretty much have to invite the little skankypoo.  I wish I had better advice, but it would be hard to get around that even if you don't like her.  ..But who knows, maybe he will get a reality check in the next couple of months.  And just because she attends the wedding, doesn't mean you have to spend time with her.  Just a gracious "thank you for coming" and you can enjoy the rest of your beautiful wedding celebration.

BrooklynNovia

That's so unfortunate for him because it seems like he may want her back.  Not knowing anything about this situation, I hope he finds someone who can be faithful to him. Sheesh!

About extending the invitation to her for your wedding, I'd say you're good on not inviting her until he tells you they're back together.  If you're seeing pictures of them together and a mutual friend is confirming it, I can only assume he's denying it because he's either embarrased about her choices [cheating], his [forgiving/getting back together], or he's just not sure yet.

As your mail date for invites gets closer, you'll have to get confirmation from him directly.

k3MySailor

I think that it would be awkward and uncomfortable no matter what you do. If you don't invite her, you will put your friend in a very unfair situation-chooseing between his wife and your wedding. As much as I understand not wanting this woman at your wedding, you shoould probably invite her if they are together at the time. She may not even go, and givin the way their relationship has been going, its likely that even if they do get back together it will be over again by June.

eltar08

Looking at this from a totally different perspective, I assume if you guys know about their sordid relationship, that your other guests/members of the WP likely do as well.  Maybe he has been denying it because he doesn't want to have to deal with the scrutiny the two of them would face by attending your wedding together.

As far as the invites, I agree with PP that you should have a more definitive direction as you get closer to the date.  But I would ask him prior - if he denies it again, then address it just to him.  If he really wants her to come, then he will call you and ask.  But I wouldn't invite someone just because 3rd parties have confirmed.  He might not want her to come with for his own reasons...when it comes to rocky relationships, people tend to not want to be judged and would rather avoid the confrontation than to show their "thrice rekindled love" to the world lol.

doeie04

I agree with all of the above posters, but wanted to say that people that cheat on their SOs while they are away, fighting for their country, make me sick!

Shanee18

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_handle-this-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:699042e1-f0a8-4ef4-87f3-c4257deed35cPost:75bc8dc7-20ff-4241-9345-7d81d755248e">Re: How do I handle this sticky situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with all of the above posters, but wanted to say that people that cheat on their SOs while they are away, fighting for their country, make me sick! :(
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

<div>AGREED!  FBIL's ex (who we knew was a lying ho-bag from day 1) slept with multiple people while he was in Iraq, and when he came home she had a new boyfriend...yet he was still paying for her home, her car, and all other life expenses.  Seriously makes me feel sick and VERY angry that some people can be so disgusting and deceitful.</div>

diamondx423

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_handle-this-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:699042e1-f0a8-4ef4-87f3-c4257deed35cPost:75bc8dc7-20ff-4241-9345-7d81d755248e">Re: How do I handle this sticky situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with all of the above posters, but wanted to say that people that cheat on their SOs while they are away, fighting for their country, make me sick! :(
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

try having one of these trashbags be your FSIL. haha ohhhh life.

Ash, I'd hold off until the last second to get that invite addressed, based upon what he tells you; not 3rd parties.

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_handle-this-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:699042e1-f0a8-4ef4-87f3-c4257deed35cPost:75bc8dc7-20ff-4241-9345-7d81d755248e">Re: How do I handle this sticky situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with all of the above posters, but wanted to say that people that cheat on their SOs while they are away, fighting for their country, make me sick! :(
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

this is what makes FI (and I) so furious.
Thanks for all the great advice. I agree with what everyone has said, I just needed to get it out there and see what y'all thought. Thanks again. I will wait till we get closer to the invite deadline and ask again.

midgedenver

I have a simliar situation. These are the times when I hate wedding ettiquette. haha

acaponi87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_handle-this-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:699042e1-f0a8-4ef4-87f3-c4257deed35cPost:705ece26-7350-46ca-a2c8-67a124473394">Re: How do I handle this sticky situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]If they are in a relationship when invites go out, I think you pretty much have to invite the little <strong>skankypoo</strong>.  I wish I had better advice, but it would be hard to get around that even if you don't like her.  ..But who knows, maybe he will get a reality check in the next couple of months.  And just because she attends the wedding, doesn't mean you have to spend time with her.  Just a gracious "thank you for coming" and you can enjoy the rest of your beautiful wedding celebration.
Posted by Shanee18[/QUOTE]

HAHAHA

Poor guy. Hopefully he wakes up and finds someone who deserves him. Invite her if they're stlill together when invites go out. Hopefully they break up again or she doesn't come.

Melissa603

I have nothing more to add other than I love the word skanypoo

Shanee18

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_handle-this-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:699042e1-f0a8-4ef4-87f3-c4257deed35cPost:78a16ead-336e-4c51-a0e6-3da619356d7d">Re: How do I handle this sticky situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have nothing more to add other than I love the word skanypoo
Posted by Melissa603[/QUOTE]

<div>Why, thank you!  :)</div>

Zimsgirl26

I would address it to just him and guest in case they aren't together but he wants to bring someone

MMRoberts11

First off... thank you Shannon for making me familiar with the term "skankypoo,"  it made my day.

I would just hold off inviting the invite until you have to.  If they are together when the invites go out, I would just really hope she wouldn't come.  But if she does, I'd just be civil and not say much else to her beyond "thanks for coming."

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_handle-this-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:699042e1-f0a8-4ef4-87f3-c4257deed35cPost:b3f71c05-6459-4f8a-bac2-4dee755d5166">Re: How do I handle this sticky situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I handle this sticky situation? : <strong>try having one of these trashbags be your FSIL.</strong> haha ohhhh life. Ash, I'd hold off until the last second to get that invite addressed, based upon what he tells you; not 3rd parties.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

That would really suck. I hate seeing people in your situation. :( At least my FSIL is just a biitchface, she doesn't cheat on her husband.

julbgordo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_handle-this-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:699042e1-f0a8-4ef4-87f3-c4257deed35cPost:a284401c-2d71-4993-921f-7a254c4f7899">Re: How do I handle this sticky situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would address it to just <strong>him and guest </strong>in case they aren't together but he wants to bring someone
Posted by Zimsgirl26[/QUOTE]

<div>This is what I was thinking as well.  Since they are no longer married and he's denying the relationship, they aren't an outright social unit.</div>

Megbo2012

He's telling you they aren't in a relationship, so just give him a plus one.  That really sucks though, what a hoe.