money dance ??

julianahenao881

So Fi family wants us to do the money dance....which im not very happy for. He said eveyone in his family has done it and think is a tradition that we should not skip. My family has never done it, so i don't know how I feel about because we are having a formal reception and i just don't think it would be a good idea...but since FI has made me so happy approving everything I want for the wedding I may do it idk ...we will see


Are any of you doing the money dance ??

DrPB2b13

Can you explain to him that you're afraid your family will be displeased, or even offended by one?

I'm not doing one; FI said his dad started them at each of his sister's weddings, and I asked him to politely mention that I do not want one at ours, and my family will find it tacky and offensive.

Zimsgirl

I see nothing wrong with it. I wanted to do it but I don't think FI does so we probably won't

midgetthemighty

I'm so glad that neither family involved with our wedding do dollar dances. If you feel that your family would find this offensive, I would try to portray that to your FI and FILs. It really turns some people off and they should be able to respect that.

bchbride062012

My BFF had one at hers and it was actually fun. Her family had always done it and the groom family had never heard of it but participated in fun. It got the party started.

kelsey+brandon

We won't be doing one. I honestly think they're tacky. I know it's a regional/cultural thing, but I don't really care. I wouldn't do one ever. Talk about money grabby.

HarperBargo

I don't like them. I never have. I also think it can ruin the flow of the reception.

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:c5b6b8c2-ce6b-419a-a888-c600a5026955Post:7e3005e9-8d13-495e-8fa1-881e759ce7a1">Re: money dance ??</a>:
[QUOTE]My BFF had one at hers and it was actually fun. Her family had always done it and the groom family had never heard of it but participated in fun. It got the party started.
Posted by bchbride062012[/QUOTE]
I agree it's a great way to get things started and it's also nice to get to spend a little time with the bride or groom.

kipnus

I'd never heard of these before coming on The Knot. Definitely not something we do in my area.

chelseamb11

I've never been to a wedding without one, so there's that haha.
WE're doing one, but it's not uncommon here.

littleluckypenny

Never heard of it until FI mentioned it.  Apparently it's the norm in this area.  I however think they are very tacky and money-hungry.  My family has never heard of this and I think they would be mortified if something like this happens at the wedding.  His family would be offended if we DIDN'T have it. 

Not really sure what we'll end up doing.

midgetthemighty

My family has no problem getting the party started without them. I find that to be a silly argument.

Zimsgirl

It's just a fun game and most people don't mind helping the  couple out

midgetthemighty

That's not the way that all people see it Zims. I know that in some circles it's fine, just not in ours. I have seen people get so upset about it that they leave the room. It doesn't bug me that much but I would never participate in one. Some people look it them as very money grabby.

Zimsgirl

Wow I've never seen anyone have a problem with it. I think that's a bit of an overreaction to leave the room. They can simply not participate. To each their own I guess

sleblanc72

We won't be doing one and I've never seen one done.  I've actually never heard of it until coming here.  Also like Jess neither of our families has any problem "getting the party started."

LOTON01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:c5b6b8c2-ce6b-419a-a888-c600a5026955Post:603cc3c8-4d7f-447f-bbeb-4bdfa1a0cfd7">Re: money dance ??</a>:
[QUOTE]We won't be doing one. I honestly think they're tacky. I know it's a regional/cultural thing, but I don't really care. I wouldn't do one ever. Talk about money grabby.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

I am not doing one. However, it is something that has been done plenty of times at wedding in my family and friends wedding I have been to. I don't think its done to be gift grabby but ment to give every a minute to slow dance with the bride or groom. Although I could see it as coming of money grabby, I don't think that is everyone's intention.  

doeie04

In my circle, they are acceptable. We won't be doing one, since FI doesn't like to dance. I left that decision up to him out of respect.

I can see how you want to let him have some things, but if it is going to make you uncomfortable, he should respect that. Maybe you could let him have some things in other areas to return the favor.

CvilleClaire

It's a tradition popular with people who have roots in eastern Europe (esp Poland) or southeast Asia.  In the US, it seems fairly popular in certain parts of the upper-midwest, PA, and Upstate NY (though I've seen people in Central CA talk about it, too).

If it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.  I've never seen it at a wedding and it would definitely get the side-eye from my family (Irish and French roots).

kelsey+brandon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:c5b6b8c2-ce6b-419a-a888-c600a5026955Post:51b282a9-ca27-4a0a-857e-4b9fd75d20ea">Re: money dance ??</a>:
[QUOTE]My family has no problem getting the party started without them. I find that to be a silly argument.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

<div>Mine either. They have more of a problem with stopping the party haha.</div><div>
</div><div>My family would seriously be mortified if we had one. Money isn't something you talk about, let alone ask others for by offering a dance. And even though 95% of my family is from the South, my mom's dad and stepmom live in/are from New York, so I'm not completely oblivious to Northern traditions and they've never been to a wedding with one either. It's something that my grandparents (on both sides) would never get over.</div>

SheilaDancer43

I have never been to a wedding that did this, and had never even heard of it until TK. We will not be doing one. Luckily, FI's family hasn't heard of it (as far as I know) because I bet they would want to do it, but my family would find it very tacky and wouldn't be happy about it. FI wouldn't want to do it anyway because he hates to dance. I would express your concerns to your FI, about how your family would be bothered by it. Something like that, with 2 families disagreeing about it, could end up badly--people not getting along because of a somewhat controversial "tradition".

Cassandra999

They were very common in MI as I was growning up.   I have not seen one in several years, so maybe they are not as common in OH.  

In the areas where it is normal, the guests find it a good opporunity to have a little bit of time to talk to the bride or groom.  

Personally we are not doing one, but only because it has never come up.  

BrooklynNovia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:c5b6b8c2-ce6b-419a-a888-c600a5026955Post:d04669f7-68d6-4f5a-888e-628da3b053bb">money dance ??</a>:
[QUOTE]So Fi family wants us to do the money dance...<strong>.which im not very happy for.</strong> He said eveyone in his family has done it and think is a tradition that we should not skip. My family has never done it, so i don't know how I feel about because we are having a formal reception and <strong>i just don't think it would be a good idea</strong>...but since FI has made me so happy approving everything I want for the wedding I may do it idk ...we will see Are any of you doing the money dance ??
Posted by julianahenao881[/QUOTE]
PP, I think the central issue is you don't think it's a good idea.  Would it make you uncomfortable?  Would it make your family uncomfortable?  That's what I'd share with my FI if I were in your shoes.

courtneyclare103

They are the norm around here but we will not being doing one. I don't like them. There is a questionnaire my band asks the couple to fill out and one question on it is actually "Are you doing a money dance?". I'm making it very clear to them that we're not and not to start one even if someone requests it.

DodgersBride

OP- I don't think you should do one. I know that your FI wants one but if you know that your family would not be pleased with it I wouldn't do it.

If he wants to use the getting the party stated excuse or spending time with guest then you could suggest just doing it but without money. Like you and FI go out to dance and have your DJ announce guest are more than welcome to share a dance with the B&G.

daria24

They are very common in PA, and I usually participate because it's nice to have a moment with your friend or relative and congratulate them. But we aren't doing one. It's very traditional in most eastern European families, and they used to keep the dance going until it was decided that the bride and groom got "enough" money to start out their married lives. Does it usually start off the dancing in some circles? Every time I've seen one it's been in the middle of the dancing portion, not early on.

kristin183

Cville-Interesting; my family has always done them and I never really thought about it being cultural (but my Dad's family is polish) I also grew up in Wyoming and a lot of stuff we did there is not the norm in other parts of the US

As I said my family has always done one and it was viewed as something nice to help out the Bride and Groom as they started their life together. I am not a big fan of them because growing up I would be pushed to go dance with the groom and as a shy child I found it mortifying. FI thinks it is rude to be "asking" for money.

I would talk it our with your FI and express your concerns and come to an agreement you are both happy with... there are things I am firm on and things I am easy going on.. same with FI... we just try to talk things out.

kks4471

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:c5b6b8c2-ce6b-419a-a888-c600a5026955Post:b141449b-4316-4ca0-8484-c1d161221dae">Re: money dance ??</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a tradition popular with people who have roots in eastern Europe (esp Poland) or southeast Asia.  In the US, it seems fairly popular in certain parts of the upper-midwest, PA, and Upstate NY (though I've seen people in Central CA talk about it, too).
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

I'm from upstate NY, and it's definitely <u>not</u> in my social circle :)  We won't be having one at our wedding either.  I went to a wedding in PA though, and they did have the money dance.  I just sat at my table, and let them enjoy their time.  To each their own!  OP, if you're uncomfortable, talk with your FI and see if you can avoid having the dance.

Hilraythebride

I had never heard of this and just looked it up, I think its a cute idea, but not for me.

MMRoberts11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:c5b6b8c2-ce6b-419a-a888-c600a5026955Post:e12f495c-12d5-4a9b-a8b7-9b7a1af38e28">Re: money dance ??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so glad that neither family involved with our wedding do dollar dances. If you feel that your family would find this offensive, I would try to portray that to your FI and FILs. It really turns some people off and they should be able to respect that.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

Agreed.  I also think it's tacky but most of that is probably just from it not being a tradition in my family or circle of friends.

Laura2988

I think it is tacky as well. I feel like you are asking for more money when your guests have already brought gifts. I am not a fan of it.