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African American Weddings

Update!

Nothing has really changed. He is gone for 28 days working and only home for 12. Not sure if we're gonna continue with counseling. We have to try to cram a few sessions in while he's at home.

We're just not understanding each other right now, I told him I'm terrified of getting married. But he thinks I'm just giving up and running away. I haven't seen to many positive examples of marriages in my life. Never really thought I would get married either. ( I haven't told him this). I'm not trying to run the streets or anything like that. (thats what he thinks).But marriage is a huge decision in my life.

Not sure if our relationship will continue after this. He hurt because I left. I told him I'm mentally going through a lot right now.

Re: Update!

  • CreoleBride30CreoleBride30 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2012
    Hi girl! Good morning. We must both have alot on our mind. I am sorry for what you are going through and will be praying for the both of you...for whatever that decision may be. You mentioned that you have not seen positive marriages. This may be a big obstacle for you but it does not have to be. I'm sure many of us can attest to the good and bad in marriage. As we all know, like is not a box of chIocolates! Lol! But we all have trials and tribulations. Marriage is not excluded from that. I don't know who you are as a person or your mindframe on marroage so I can't give a direct answer/solution to this. But I do know this in general: it will take work, communication, patience, being equally yolked not just in the spiritual sense...but being on one accord for not all but many things. You have to be able to communicate truthfully in love. And honestly, it seems like you two are doing just that by going to the sessions and getting it all out in the open BEFORE marriage. I commend and admire you two for that. I know you may be afraid, but don't let what others have done wrong determine your future...PERIOD! Whether that be marriage, child rearing, careers, etc etc!. With that being said, you do know what's best for you and you know what you need to do for what's best for you and him....being that u said you never wanted to or thought of getting married. Love you girl! You are in my thoughts and I pray your mind and heart will be at peace. Your Knottie sister, Chalya
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  • RealHappyGalRealHappyGal member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    Hey mama,
    {{HUGZZ}}

    Its really difficult but, you need to find out if the reason for the way you feel is because you havent seen good marriages and are afraid or u dont think this is the man for you.  Im marrying a man that has never seen marriage go right.  But, I have.  It is scary.  We all have our insecurities.  Lord knows I have mine, haveing been through a failed marriage already I find myself alone with the Lord sometimes asking him if I can do this this time.  If I wont fail this time.  If this is the man for me this time.  Am I a woman worth marrying?  But, all those thoughts are the enemy lying to you, you take them to God and he'll tell you the truth.
    If your hesitance is rooted in fear, I say meet that fear with forch head on.  If you have genuine concerns as to why this man isnt the best God could bring for you then you have a lot of thinking to do.

    You continue to be in my prayers
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  • Hey Hun,

    I sent you a PM because i was worried.. I hope you are okay.. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I truly believe that marriage conseling can help you get through this. But, you have to be open and not modist about what you say in there.. You know what I mean? You are there to make it work, and work out the kinks. As you know life is not peachy and you have to  go through somethings to get where you want to be, but use those obstacles as trials and tribulations that will only make you stronger. I totally know where you are coming from when it comes to not having successful marriages I can't name you one in my life, but please don't let other peoples problems become yours.. You know??? if you have this awesome man that is everything that you ever dreamed of, just take it slow, and day by day and always communicate with each other, that way, ya'll won't ever get lost. I hope you can get through this, Please communicate, he sees something in you and he sees something in ya'll, that's why he got on one knee.. I've never been married and i know that there are going to be tons of test, and yes i am scared just like you, but i couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else.. Please pray sistah, and ask God to get you through this, and ask him to show you and guide you.. And please talk to him and tell him about all your fears and worries and take things day by day..I'm here if you wanna chat.. I am praying for you..
    Key
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  • Sorry Mrshoward. I'm praying that you'll have enough strength to get through the storm. I agree with all the above posters. Don't let the memories of others create your path. You are your own destiny.
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  • Don't give the devil any credit sissy! Don't let him win! Your situation is very familiar to me....just keep praying, you will get your answers and they will be clear as crystal.....I will continue to pray for you....Love ya..
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  • ((Huggs)) Better to to be cautious on the front end, then end up divorced on the back end. Sending prayers your way.
    image Anniversary
  • sending major hugs and prayers your way i completely understand what you are going thru and of course its fine to want to be sure this is the right thing to do...God Bless you honey and i pray hes gives you the strengh and the right answers

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



  • In Response to Re: Update!:
    ((Huggs)) Better to to be cautious on the front end, then end up divorced on the back end. Sending prayers your way.
    Posted by 20pearls16
    so agree! prayers are going up and blessings will come done 
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