Firing my mom

MrsBoss2012

I'm about to fire her for real y'all. I vented about her a few months ago because she hates all my decisions and is very vocal about it. Since then I have cut back. Well today I tell her about another decision on the wedding that FI and I decided together. Lord why did I do that. She texts back and says it doesn't sound good. I text back thank you for your opinion but we agreed on this together. She writes back... I'm not finished! You need to start thinking about other people's opinions! Again I reply back, thank you for your opinion but we agreed on this together.

She keeps saying how I'm her only born daughter. My dad had 2 daughters before they met. So she keeps saying how special this is to her but she is maybe the least supportive person in my circle. I've been hooolding it and hooolllding it but I'm up and I'm so upset I want to call her right now! I will be calling her in the tomorrow to let her know she is hurting me with her words and mean responses to the wedding ideas. I plan to go into detail because all the things she has said still play over in my head. I will say I no longer will be updating her on the event nor do I need her to arrive a week early to help as we previously discussed. She will only add stress and won't be there to support me with encouraging words when I need it most.

So if you think I'm wrong speak now or forever hold your peace! Otherwise, mom is getting fired tomorrow.

MissusD1116

Aww! I know what you mean, my mom can be pretty negative as well. Not just with the wedding, but in general. I really don't like it at all! It's like she will say how something is good, and then point out a negative aspect as well. Dang, why can't you just say " that's nice honey." and let it end with that! I dont thing you are wrong at all with the way you feel, I think it would be good to let her know how you feel. In a certain way though..cause it's mommy....

happe2gether

I can REALLY understand you.  I think I'm really starting to believe that they have their own idea of what our wedding should look like and will fight tooth and nail to make it happen that way.  I'm in the same boat with you and am trying to go with the less is more theory.  Good luck. 

kaimah

Tracy, I think you will have to pray about this situation. Wedding planning with Mom can be an interesting time. I think they (mothers) are dealing with issues of letting go of their child and sometimes control issues. 

MrsBoss2012

See I KNEW my sisters would understand! I mean even if I want clowns and circus monkeys I feel like she should say...are you sure? Well if that's what ya'll want baby then do it. Its your wedding. Lol She keeps saying this is such an emotional time and my dad is having a hard time letting go. Me and him looking at each other and I'm like Uhh he looks fine and he's like I AM fine! That's your mama who can't let go. I prayed last night and I'll have my ears open in church this morning but I do have to let her know in a respectful way of course that she needs to stop.

MrsBoss2012

So I just got off the phone with mom....She denied saying hurtful things and then she tried to turn it and say that I shouldn't take it as hurtful but I need to think about what other people want. I said when I told you the colors you literally said "EWW" and when I showed you a picture of the dress before you saw it on me you said "it looks like a toilet paper dress." How am I not supposed to take that as hurtful? She wanted me to pick my bridesmaids dress color due to how pretty my MOH skin is. She wanted me to move my wedding date and bridal shower date because so-in-so is already busy. I said all of this and she was in denial. I said you would think you as the mother would tell people "well that's what my baby wants so that's how it is." I said if FI and I agree on it than that is what matters. No one else will remember September 2nd. That is our day. I told her I feel that in her head she thinks my wedding sucks because its nothing like hers was. She said "well you know what do your THANG! I'll just show up with my dress on. You don't have to tell me anything else if thats how you want it."

FI said he is proud of me and wishes I would have this same convo with my 3rd bridesmaid. Whew! That's another day. But I feel much better now. I truly thank my AAW sisters for their support! I don't mind someone questioning my decision or even offering another side as long as genuine support is behind it. My mom has gone to bat for me in every area of my life. I'm just so hurt we can't experience this wedding planning as mother-daughter should.

thedivav

I don't know any bride that didnt have some issue with thier mom during the planning of their wedding :-) Don't feel bad it's not just you

MrsBoss2012

In Response to Re:Firing my mom:[QUOTE]I don't know any bride that didnt have some issue with thier mom during the planning of their wedding
:
Don't feel bad it's not just you Posted by thedivav[/QUOTE]

What is the theory behind it? It's just crazy!

thedivav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_firing-my-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:22b8d509-c864-4141-bfcb-e243b006946aPost:e20f4677-d1c6-4014-9913-609d30530ed5">Re:Firing my mom</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Firing my mom:

What is the theory behind it? It's just crazy!
Posted by MrsBoss2012[/QUOTE]



Lol I have no idea lol
I had one Soror who was ready to strangle her mother by the wedding day lol
My mom is cool so far but she knows if she get out of line we won't talk
She also lives 800 miles from me

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_firing-my-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:22b8d509-c864-4141-bfcb-e243b006946aPost:faae7b65-c76d-4775-9a81-7b812d4f583e">Re:Firing my mom</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Firing my mom : After reading this thread and reading about the convo you had with your mom on the phone, I almost asked if we were sisters or something with a mom that lives two separate lives! LOl..cause I had the same convo with my mom which actually ended with me in tears...I hate when that happens. She stands her ground even though she knows she is wrong and I am left feeling like I am causing her stress. Since that conversation, although she never admitted anything things have been better and I have been stronger in my decisions when I discuss them with her. In their own way, <strong>I think they just want everything to be perfect but perfect in <em><u>their eyes and their vision</u></em> forgetting that you have a vision as well</strong>. <strong>Deal with it one day at a time and stay in prayer</strong>. I think I have just learnt through this process with mom that if I feel like I am walking into something with her that will cause me stress, I steer the convo in a different direction. And if I am unable to steer away fast enough, I literally smile at her comments, I am now conditioned to think that she is jsut being her and their is no way I could change that now. 
Posted by rowenac82[/QUOTE]

la<a href="http://www." rel="nofollow">www.</a> this.  couldn'tve said it better

T, i'm clapping from the bleachers.  I know that mustve taken a great deal of well, everything.  I'm kinda giggling at her because from your retelling she sounds like she got a little salt left in her system.   Ya'll will still be related on September 3rd, mama'll be alright lol.

20pearls16

Hang in there honey! Stand your ground, but just remember she still has to be your mom afterwards.

MrsBoss2012

Thanks again for the support! Ro...girl these women are stubborn! They may be long lost sisters. I bet the moms have some secret board where they get together and talk about our weddings and how silly they sound and how they will try to change our minds LOL

Yeah she'll still be mama in the end and that's why I have to back off now before it gets worse.

TL25

Glad you were able to stand up to your mom. Now please pass the "tough cookies" you ate before you made that call lol! My mom hasn't been too bad yet but I know once the day gets closer she will be getting on my last nerve.