Help (Long)

tcjames

In need of pure honesty from my AA ladies.

Many of you know after 14 yrs of marriage, my DH asked to remarry him, and he really wants me to have the ceremony I would have originally had. I want a "wedding ceremony" then a dinner & a movie themed anniversary party to follow, but on the net & TK there is conflicting info about vow renewal etiquette, I'M SO CONFUSED!! 

Here's a little background on our original nuptials. My mom had a stroke & his mom took ill in Cali a yr before our planned wedding. So we used our wedding money to pay their bills...we were the only only one's to do this (12 children between the 2 moms). NO complaints 'cause we would do it again in heartbeat! So we JOPed it and it was fabulous! He did all he could to make that weekend special, and I wouldn't change it for the world, and although I never spoke or complained about it deep down inside I still wanted my Pretty Princess moment.

So last week while talking to MIL she let it slip that our mom's have been trying to make it up to us for years, but they just couldn't afford it..WOW was all I could say!!

So ultimately I need to know Is wrong for me to have a formal vow renewal? I want it in a church with attendents, a big white dress, etc. I also don't want anyone to be in a huge long dresses & suits all night so wardrobe change will be in effect, and the ceremony will be very short 15- 30 minutes top. The party is just that a party...we will have a toast, cutting of cake (small heart shaped cake & cupcakes), & mothers 1st dance, then 1st dance (milestone celebration) after dinner to get the party started.

So the past couple of weeks I've been talking to DH, my sister & mother & they all say we're paying for it do what you want, but my girlfriend said she thought I was trying to redo my wedding, which is not what I'm trying to do at all.

So last night I was off in space & DH ask what's wrong, I tell him about the delimma he says " we did the right thing by taking care of our mom's 
in their time of need. You could have been selfish and said hell no we're having our wedding. That's why I love you, because you know family always come first & that's why you deserve & have earned the ceremony you always dreamed of".

Am I doing something wrong? Is what we want outrageous? Our family knows we been married for years so for them to think it's a wedding is a little crazy to me!

So what do you ladies think. I will asnwer any questions and reveal other ideas that I've been playing with if you need. Thanks bunches

msktn95

I think you should have the wedding that you want. I have been to vow renewals weddings before at church and reception to follow.  I don't think there is anything wrong with it.  If you and your husband agree, you should do it. This is something that you never got a chance to do before, I say go for it.  You only live once. If you don't have the wedding you want, you will never forgive yourself. This is your time to shine, this is your time to let everyone know that you love your husband so much you want to marry him again in STYLE!!!! 

ejagers

I'm no expert on this but I think you should do what makes you happy.  The opportunity has presented itself again and I think you should go for it! And congrats on 14 years of marriage!  That is A BIG DEAL!!!!!

mrsnana

I say go for it! I was once in the same boat and I said I don't care what other people think this is for me and my DH. and that's all that matters. If you too wanted to do this every year (and there is a celebrity couple that does, but I can't remember right now) go ahead and do so. This is celebrating what God has joined together and blessed for so many years and there is NO ettiqutte to that! GL!

mrsnana

It's Heidi Klum and Seal that renews their vows every anniversary!!!!

Carla1019

Regarding etiquette - You are allowed to wear the big dress and have the church/reception ceremony as long as you call it a vow renewal. I think you may have confused the comments on TK when people are already married and want to call their ceremony a wedding when it is actually a renewal. 

Go for it and do what ever makes your heart happy!

tcjames

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_long-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:699bbc52-e85a-4d75-84d5-6668c195272ePost:95fde27a-7fd2-46be-ac65-181801837398">Re: Help (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Regarding etiquette - You are allowed to wear the big dress and have the church/reception ceremony as long as you call it a vow renewal. I think you may have confused the comments on TK when people are already married and want to call their ceremony a wedding when it is actually a renewal.  Go for it and do what ever makes your heart happy!
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

There are some vicious (have a better word but will probably be censored...lol)  women on TK that have down right told me I had my wedding and that wearing a big dress, etc is tacky &  I will look foolish even though I called it a vow renewal. That's why I brought the question to you AA ladies.

cincy2011

Girl, do what you and your DH feel!  This is about you - do not let these silly ladies on TK (or "well meaning" girlfriends) make you feel like you're doing the wrong thing.  Have fun planning it, and I only wish you the best for your vow renewal!!!

tcjames

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_long-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:699bbc52-e85a-4d75-84d5-6668c195272ePost:cf7025b3-82db-4313-ab1a-cbadb279e920">Re: Help (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Girl, do what you and your DH feel!  This is about you - do not let these silly ladies on TK (or "well meaning" girlfriends) make you feel like you're doing the wrong thing.  Have fun planning it, and I only wish you the best for your vow renewal!!!
Posted by cincy2011[/QUOTE]

Cincy...you sound just like my sister. Did you want to shake me too? LOL & Thank you!!!

tcjames

Thank You ladies so much. I just needed Sista's I don't know to help me on this one. So I'm going getting back to planning now.

YOU LADIES ROCK!!!

Ky925

Some of the people on TK can be rude and vicious.  I have seen some of the posts where they say you can't wear a wedding dress, you can't have attendants etc.  It's your day!!  After 14 years of marriage I am quite sure everyone you are inviting is aware that you all are married.  Do you!!  Make the day you always dreamed of a reality.  This is far from tacky, I think it's beautiful!!  Kudos to you and your DH!!  Happy planning!!

cincy2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_long-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:699bbc52-e85a-4d75-84d5-6668c195272ePost:175d400b-d418-4105-953a-0ad367a83622">Re: Help (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help (Long) : Cincy...you sound just like my sister. Did you want to shake me too? LOL & Thank you!!!
Posted by tcjames[/QUOTE]

Hee hee!  Could you feel me shaking you through the computer??  LOL (j/k!)

tyboyd

This is the same thing I'm doing in 10 days. But we've only been married for 4 months. But, it's your money and your day!

kiyamurph

I swear some of these girls on here act like they know everything and they can't wait to jump on people to tell them what they can and can't do.  I say eff them and do what you want!  You already recognized it's a vow renewal and you can wear anything you want and do what you want!

prncsz

I say do what you feel is best. My mom and stepfather renewed their vows after 5 years of marriage and had a whole wedding. They had a ceremony in a church, attendants, she wore a wedding dress (blue just because she wanted to) but had a veil, the whole nine and a reception followed. They got married at the JOP originally. Now that they have been together about 17 years they are just throwing themselves a big formal party for their anniversary this year.

If you want the vow renewal to be the wedding you never had, I said go for it!

lsk40

Well I  feel like you have been married for 14 years you have something to celebrate do whatever you like I have never really seen a vow renewal without a big white dress

M1ssJ

Girl you deserve your Pretty Princess moment and more. Do what YOU want , how YOU want it. Sometimes etiquette is unettiquitelike lol

PB-Bride2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_long-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:699bbc52-e85a-4d75-84d5-6668c195272ePost:84eef144-cbb9-45e0-9742-cf2527371c25">Re: Help (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should have the wedding that you want. I have been to vow renewals weddings before at church and reception to follow.  I don't think there is anything wrong with it.  If you and your husband agree, you should do it. This is something that you never got a chance to do before, I say go for it.  You only live once. If you don't have the wedding you want, you will never forgive yourself. This is your time to shine, this is your time to let everyone know that you love your husband so much you want to marry him again in STYLE!!!!  :)
Posted by msktn95[/QUOTE]

This......Congratulations on 14 years of marriage and happy planning for your "BIG DAY".

tcjames

Once again Ladies Thank You SOOOO MUCHHH. Everything you have stated is just how we feel. With marriages lasting only long enough to change your underwear after the reception. We know we're blessed that we've lasted so long and the only drama come from those outside of the household. There has been a lot of trials & tribulations over the years but we know GOD has us sitting in the palms of his hands & with GOD guiding us "they can't stop us (in my jadakiss voice)". 

I'm sending blessings & prayers  to all the AA ladies that your marriages are as blessed, loving, fun, fulfilling, strong, long lasting and drama free as ours have been.

Thank You for being my TK Sista's !!! Cause Ya'll ROCK!!!