Bridesmaids...smh Kinda Long Vent

Tamikaw21

Should I just say to hell with my BMs or talk it out first?...
First of all, the ONLY reason I even have BMs is because my FI has 4 brothers and he wants them ALL to be GM.  So, I picked my cousin and a friend of 14 years to be BMs with my daughter being a jr BM.  They were so excited at first, couldnt wait to start planning with me and whatnot.  Our 1st meeting wasto dicuss the dresses, the friend was very playful and indesicive and my cousin was just so nonchalant about it, at the end of the meeting, they hadnt picked a dress.
That was a month ago, I have barely heard a word from either one of them, the friend is being real short with me, like Im annoying her and I cant even get in contact with my cousin.  Calls and text go unanswered...I've offically stopped trying with her...But HERE'S THE KICKER, when i called friend last week to see how she was doing and mention a few things about the wedding, she says 'OF COURSE YOU ONLY CALLED TO TALK ABOUT THE WEDDING'....THAT MADE MY HEAD SPIN!!!!...Cause not ONCE in our 14 year friendship have I not been there to listen to her rant and rave about her cheating, lying boyfriends.  Before my planning the wedding, the topic of ALL or convos where about her MEN!...it just kinda hurt me a little bit, but Im not going to stress...Im thinking about just telling them nevermind and only having the GM and my daughter...my only sibling is my brother and he's walking me down the aisle...IMO, no one else matters....

I feel a little better...

MrsSmith2Be02

Girl I feel you on that! I cut 2 BM out of my list (1 b/c FI didn't have the same number and he was making a big deal about symmetry and 2 b/c they aren't very supportive of our relationship and I didn't want that aura in the space that day).

MsAmeera25

Sounds like she is jealous...I mean who does that. I feel like you should cut them. I cut half my bridal party and i'm down to 3. I didn't want any negative Nancys hating next to me at the alter.

Carla1019

I'm sorry Tamika! The first thought that came to my mind is that all she is dealing with cheating men. I'm sure you don't talk a lot about your wedding but ladies like this can't stand to see another woman having her "happily ever after".

I'm seeing a pattern with many posts about BMs that have been cut. I believe that they really didn't want to be in the wedding in the first place. Instead of just saying so they act out. I'm going through the same thing.

2010Bride2be

1. Bridal party 'sides' don't  have to be even. Just b/c your FI has GM does not mean you have to have BM's or the same number.

2. In regards to your cousin, well if she hasnt been in touch with you or doesnt have her dress, she doesn't walk.

3. In regards to your friend, since you've been engaged and asked her to be a BM, have you once called her or visited with her just to chat or hang out, NWR? Regardless of the fact that you called to see how she was doing, if the conversation always somehow turns WR, that could be annoying to her, especially if she's going through something.

At the end of the day, I still don't understand why brides go through meetings with their BM's or through the hassle of trying to get all ladies to agree on a dress. Its your wedding. This is the one time that you can be a tad selfish and say 'this is the dress I've chosen' or choose a few dresses and allow them to choose the one that suits them best. If they don't have their dress by a certain date, they don't walk. However, think twice before dismissing a BM of their duties. Are you ready to sever the relationship for good? If so, then go ahead.

7E&G7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_bridesmaidssmh-kinda-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:72a4856d-852d-4000-b12f-2a347fb7be1cPost:6b93e84c-d236-47fc-91e3-9aa706ee5f5d">Re: Bridesmaids...smh Kinda Long Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry Tamika! The first thought that came to my mind is that all she is dealing with cheating men. I'm sure you don't talk a lot about your wedding but ladies like this can't stand to see another woman having her "happily ever after". I'm seeing a pattern with many posts about BMs that have been cut. I believe that they really didn't want to be in the wedding in the first place. Instead of just saying so they act out. I'm going through the same thing.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

I agree. In the beginning I cut out a very close friend which ended our friendship but it was also other issues why she was cut,then I cut out all friends because they were the one's acting up. I finally talked to each individually and then all of them when we had a night out.Everyone had there own reason or issue and bottom line I gave them an ultimatum, either be involved and happy or sit down and be a guest. I've learned that not everyone will be happy for your wedding or care as much as you do. I still have my wedding party and the drama has stopped so far, I think you should have a sit down and ask what their issues are and work from there. Only have people whom are genuinely happy fore your marriage stand beside you.

darkoa1

Sorry to hear, but I agree with everyone above. Sometimes its hard for people to be happy for others especially when they are going through things..whats the saying..."misery loves company." 

My advice is to of course speak to your bridesmaids, then give them a final deadline of when the bridesmaids dress has to be chosen and paid for! 

I was very nice and gave my bridesmaids dates of when we can all go dress shopping (everyone was not able to make it of course but hey as long as I gave them an option), three dresses were chosen and I chose the final dress. I then gave them 1 mth to pay 60% of the $ and to get their fittings done. The deadline is this Thursday and I've been reminding everyone. I also told everyone that if the $ is not due by the due date they can no longer be in my wedding party. They all agreed.

missowens

I completely understand where you're coming from regarding the disinterested bridesmaids.  I know my BM's world does not revolve around my wedding, but at the same time they could at least show some interest.  So anyway, I plan on having a talk with one of my BMs about her participation, and I have a feeling she might be CUT!  But if that makes the both of us happy, then so be it   Less stress for me.

Have a talk with your BM and see what is going on.  Good Luck

kikilay17

i went though the same thing with my best friend after we got engaged. she couldnt stand to hear about the wedding i had posted my vent on here and literally the next day she had made a 360 i dont know if she felt my energy or even read my vent but whatever happened worked and im thankful for it i didnt want to lose years of friendship. if you and your friend are really close you should tell her how you feel she may not realize shes acting the way she is because she is jealous. If you talk to her and she still acts that way than cute her loose