How do you ladies feel

MrsAllenToBe1123

About Pre-nups? I was on my local wedding board and someone wanted suggestion on good prenup lawyers.

I personally feel that if I have to worry or think about what would happen after a divorce...I rather not get married at all. Call me foolish but that's just my opinion. My intentions are to stay with my FH for the rest of my life. I have faith in it and I pray that it is God's will.

I do however with my FI have seperate bank accounts and 2 joint accounts (savings and checking).

I would love to hear you ladies opinions.

mahoganieyes

If I had some money then I could see a prenup. Let's keep it real...we pray that our marriage will last forever but that will not be the same for everyone. Divorce can bring out the worst in a person; so with that a prenup might be good for some couples. Take me as I am....a broke bride.

Kedeisha8

yup if i had moolah for sure but i am broke as a joke but prenup protects money made before n since i have none i am good here is to hoping my marriage last so money made during is safe

lil01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:0f08dd46-f689-46a3-822a-105d49cd4268">Re: How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]If I had some money then I could see a prenup. Let's keep it real...we pray that our marriage will last forever but that will not be the same for everyone. Divorce can bring out the worst in a person; so with that a prenup might be good for some couples.<strong> Take me as I am....a broke bride.</strong>
Posted by mahoganieyes[/QUOTE]


HA-HA!!! I feel ya!! Hubby wouldn't get nothing from me...lol. That's how I know he really loves me for who I am & not my bank account!

Fabbiegirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:82cb9c90-ab62-4ec4-b203-39dcdf91a6d9">How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]About Pre-nups? I was on my local wedding board and someone wanted suggestion on good prenup lawyers. I personally feel that if I have to worry or think about what would happen after a divorce...I rather not get married at all. Call me foolish but that's just my opinion. My intentions are to stay with my FH for the rest of my life. I have faith in it and I pray that it is God's will. I do however with my FI have seperate bank accounts and 2 joint accounts (savings and checking). I would love to hear you ladies opinions.
Posted by MrsAllenToBe1123[/QUOTE]

<div>The other day on "The View" one of the ladies who was a guest host said that you should marry someone you don't mind being divorced to.  I have actually been saying things like that for years.  Who actually marries with the intention of divorce?  Not a lot of people do.  Many plan on being married to the same person only once.  With US stats, that doesn't happen.  When I think about my FI, I think that if we were to divorce, we would be civil towards each other and look out for our best interests.  I say this because I see him with exes, and I know how I am with my exes.  When my ex and I broke up after 4 years, we tried to split in a way where both of us were not financially hurt.  Even after moving out, I still got assistance from my ex once.  My FI has been the same way in the past with an ex.  It speaks to character that we have.  </div><div>
</div><div>Ok, on prenups, I would look into it.  Financial people believe that prenups can even be for broke people.  If I did a prenup, it would be like this:</div><div>
</div><div>Upon divorce:</div><div>1. All assets acquired previous to marriage is that of the individual.</div><div>2.  All assets acquired during marriage will be split 50/50.</div><div>3.  All bets are off if one partner is being cheated on or in an abusive situation.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Soon2BSand

I don't need one... and not because I'm broke but more because I'm in this till death do us part. No need for a "just in case." 

That's also why I'm not hyphenating my name or anything. 

prncsz

I feel like it's a setup for divorce however fi and I have talked about. I have thousands of dollars in student loans and I didn't want fi to be held responsible for them should God forbid the unthinkable happens but he said he was not worried about it and that was the first and last conversation we had about it. He was like I know what the situation is going in and I am fine with that and I'm not planning on any divorces happening this is it.

mikimoto6

I think it makes sense if one party has property, a business, or other significant assets prior to marriage.  It isn't so much that you are planning for divorce, but making a good business decision.  My BFF got a prenup with fairly simple terms because she owned property and her husband was a songwriter/producer and had intelluectual property prior to their marriage.  It basically stipulated that their proerty prior to marriage remained separate and that assets acquired during the marriage would be divided equally if necessary.  I don't think she believes they will get divorced because she got a prenup. I think she just made a good business decision.

I would not protest if my FI asked me to sign one. I would just make sure that it was negoitated to terms that both of us agreed upon.  This is a first marriage for both of us and we expect it will be our last. However, it isn't a dealbreaker if he decides to ask.  

djscat

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:ac009e1d-d510-4130-bc15-54740db1348f">Re: How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't need one... and not because I'm broke but more because I'm in this till death do us part. No need for a "just in case."  That's also why I'm not hyphenating my name or anything. 
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

This!

pinkcottoncandy7

Its a vow. Case closed. No pre-nup.

MrsAllenToBe1123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:ac009e1d-d510-4130-bc15-54740db1348f">Re: How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't need one... and not because I'm broke but more because I'm in this till death do us part. No need for a "just in case."  That's also why I'm not hyphenating my name or anything. 
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

 I feel you girl!

eagles347

We didn't sign one, but I don't look down on anyone that does. Marriage is a job...it is a choice that you make to put in work every single day through the goods and the bads, but even the Holy Bible gives stipulations for ending a marriage. If someone has something that they feel needs to be protected just in case, so be it.

mrswac58

We are taking our vows very serious and until death do us part is what it's gonna be. There is no scripture that talks about a "just in case policy" so we aren't doing it. I don't have much. If anything, FI is the one that should want one but it was his idea not to do it in the first place.  

Fabbiegirl

LOL!  Y'all make it seem like there are people that get married with divorce in mind.  Don't we all get married to stay married?

LSAS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:ac009e1d-d510-4130-bc15-54740db1348f">Re: How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't need one... and not because I'm broke but more because I'm in this till death do us part. No need for a "just in case."  That's also why I'm not hyphenating my name or anything. 
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

This all the way....however I understand the reasons people get them. To each his own.

mahoganieyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:2c12ee3e-4670-4b64-88b8-63e5b587d2ad">Re: How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]We didn't sign one, but I don't look down on anyone that does. <strong><font color="#ff9900">Marriage is</font></strong> <font color="#ff9900">a job</font>...it is a choice that you make to put in work every single day through the goods and the bads, but even the Holy Bible gives stipulations for ending a marriage. If someone has something that they feel needs to be protected just in case, so be it.
Posted by eagles347[/QUOTE]

Amen! Either put in the work or quit. Like I said divorce, birth or a wedding brings out the worse. Look at some of the issues with custody or child support cases.

Ksk2012

I say... I canunderstand why people do it but it isnt for me. I will do more than my best to keep us together and I believe he will too.

Carla1019

I believe that what a person has before the wedding is what they should keep 100% in case of a divorce. I own a home and even though FI and I want a bigger home after this one is paid off I want to keep this house for rental income and I might move back to it in my golden years. I'll be dog gonit if I have to sell this home and give him half if I came in and found him with the maid. LOL!

Baesmom

Im like some of the other ladies here.... BROKE lol

Soon2BSand

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:1fbd3663-2978-43e4-a06b-5d5dd8c804ef">Re: How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]LOL!  Y'all make it seem like <strong>there are people that get married with divorce in mind. </strong> Don't we all get married to stay married?
Posted by Fabbiegirl[/QUOTE]
They do.<div>
</div><div>A mindset of a "rainy day" or "just in case" or whatever the terms are is just that...</div><div>
</div><div>I go in it with this will work because I'm willing to work at it. I'm willing to tough it out... and I'm willing to do what it takes to keep my marriage healthy. If we both have that mentality a prenup that discuss "what ifs" isn't nesc.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe it's because I've been divorced and I know not to take the vows I'm making lightly again. Ionno.</div>

sweetjess2011

If I had $ I dont think I could ask FI to sign a pre nup, I also think I would be hurt if he asked me to sign one. To think he or I was thinking "just in case" hurts, but were both broke and love one another for who we are. Were in this for life!!

Carla1019

Pre-nups are also used if your spouse has a business with partners and if he passes away you need something in writting that you don't lose his share of the business.

There are many reasons to have something in place, this doesn't mean people are waiting for a divorce. Anything can happen. Especially if your FH has children from a previous relationship. If something happens to him will you have to continue the child support? Every state is different but I don't blame a person for speaking with a lawyer to find out worse case scenarios.

wallacje

We didn't sign one,but neither one of us has any money. LOL.  Any wealth we have we will build together anyway.  I have property but that is still mine since its only in my name and was acquired before we got married, but if he wanted them he can have them too. I do plan on keeping my maiden name and adding his, I like both names, not a big deal.

I understand why people do them, I don't necessarily believe that it's because they thought they would get divorced, sometimes things just don't work no matter how hard you try.  If he asked me to sign one, I'd probably be irritated but sign it simply because there won't be a divorce in my book so its just another piece of paper.

Fabbiegirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:19f02ad2-ad7d-4b65-a7fe-7a87537fb490">Re: How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you ladies feel : They do. A mindset of a "rainy day" or "just in case" or whatever the terms are is just that... I go in it with this will work because I'm willing to work at it. I'm willing to tough it out... and I'm willing to do what it takes to keep my marriage healthy. If we both have that mentality a prenup that discuss "what ifs" isn't nesc. Maybe it's because <strong>I've been divorced </strong>and I know not to take the vows I'm making lightly again. Ionno.
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

If you have been divorced, this is what I mean.  Several of the pp stated they don't plan on getting divorced or they are in this for life.  On the day of your wedding and you take a vow (maybe this is my innocence), but you don't stand up there and say in your ,ind that you will be divorcing in however many years.  You vow in your heart that you will fight for your marriage and work hard to make it last.  Yet, that doesn't always happen.  Things happen and change with time.  People divorce.  No offense brides, but to say I don't plan on divorcing is a silly thing to say.  We don't plan bad things, but bad things do happen.  <span style="font-weight:bold;color:#ff0000;">To me a prenup is a way to be civil when we may not be emotionally able to do so.</span><span style="color:#000000;"> It means that when things go wrong, I made a decision in my love to care for you and myself.  As I stated earlier, I don't believe in pre-nups that say to leave another partner high and dry.  </span>So when we are divorcing, I will not let my anger, ill-will, anxst, worry, or sadness drive me to bitterness and nastiness to fight over material things.  I will let the love I had at the beginning to remind me that when the end comes we can part peacefully.  Yep, that sounds quite hippy to me.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

I think the wise thing to say is that my hubby and I will work 100/100 to carry one another through life even when one may not always feel like it.  We both will exhaust all possibilities before we call it quits, and I bet divorce will not happen because if you have to exhaust those possibilities, you will probably find each other again.  Just like the salt covenant. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

mikimoto6

I agree with the poster who stated that nobody plans for bad things to happen, but they still happen. (paraphrasing) No matter how good our intentions, marriage is still a business decision regardless of the emotional and spiritual aspects of the covenant. Were it not a business transaction on some level, we would not have to pay the fee for a marriage license nor go through the process of filing them if our emotional commitments were enough to validate our unions.  

M1ssJ

Fabbie you made an excellent point. I am for prenups. FI and I have nothing right now and both do not want a divorce. But people change and life happens and we will have assets. We plan on a prenup but look at it like car insurance, I don't plan on getting in an accident , I drive so I don't get in one, but you can't control all of the variables something can go wrong and if it does this plan will provide coverage

lil01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ladies-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8fe614d3-3c5a-4532-9ad3-29cb74380056Post:813b4f9e-a74e-41fb-8fd1-5fcf863b2b11">Re: How do you ladies feel</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you ladies feel : If you have been divorced, this is what I mean.  Several of the pp stated they don't plan on getting divorced or they are in this for life.  On the day of your wedding and you take a vow (maybe this is my innocence), but you don't stand up there and say in your ,ind that you will be divorcing in however many years.  You vow in your heart that you will fight for your marriage and work hard to make it last.  Yet, that doesn't always happen.  Things happen and change with time.  People divorce.  <strong>No offense brides, but to say I don't plan on divorcing is a silly thing to say.</strong>  We don't plan bad things, but bad things do happen.  To me a prenup is a way to be civil when we may not be emotionally able to do so. It means that when things go wrong, I made a decision in my love to care for you and myself.  As I stated earlier, I don't believe in pre-nups that say to leave another partner high and dry.  So when we are divorcing, I will not let my anger, ill-will, anxst, worry, or sadness drive me to bitterness and nastiness to fight over material things.  I will let the love I had at the beginning to remind me that when the end comes we can part peacefully.  Yep, that sounds quite hippy to me.  I think the wise thing to say is that my hubby and I will work 100/100 to carry one another through life even when one may not always feel like it.  We both will exhaust all possibilities before we call it quits, and I bet divorce will not happen because if you have to exhaust those possibilities, you will probably find each other again.  Just like the salt covenant.
Posted by Fabbiegirl[/QUOTE]

I disagree. I don't think its silly for one to say they don't plan on divorcing. Really...who would say they are planning on divorcing?? As the OP said, I think one's intentions are to remain married for the rest of their lives. I have said "I don't plan on divorcing" or "til death do us part", but trust, I am fully aware that things happen that are beyond our control and were not according to the plan. I'm not against prenups at all, but it just doesn't pertain to my current situation. If one day it becomes necessary, I would be more than willing to explore the option.

MrsAllenToBe1123

Loving the feedback ladies! I think I will post more touchy subjects every week I'm loving everyone's opinion!