I'm struggling with a decision...

Gift928

Kids or no kids at the wedding (ceremony & reception)?

FI and  i dont have a crazy amount of kids in our families. I'm not opposed to having them there, but another part of me thinks it might be a lil hectic. I'm trully so conflicted.

For those of you who decided to have an "adult only reception," what are your sentiments?
I'm equally interested in hearing from who had/are okay'ing kids at ur big event.

pinkcottoncandy7

I am having kids at mine, culturally we think its important to have kids at events because thats how they learn traditions and who they are. It'll probbaly be around 20 kids or so at mine. I worry about the cupcake tier and candy bar, LOL. But I told the parents to dress the kids in the wedding colors to try to make them feel more involved.

ellone400

we are having a adult reception only 1 child is invited thats the flowergirl who will carry  the ringbearer pillow a childplate was going to cost the same as the adult plate and i didnt want children around drinking adults anyway

mikimoto6

I am having an adult wedding/reception, with 2 exceptions.  My 2 BFF's since middle school have children. The youngest child is 6, but he has teenage siblings so he is used to being around older people.  The other children are 11, 12, 13, and 17. Techincally, the only real child at the wedding will be the 6 year old.  Since we don't have children and we are not extending invites to anyone else. Our wedding is on a Friday night, so we are not worried about people trying to bring their children.  My wedding is small (60 guests, including the 5 young people listed above if they choose to come) and my people know that.  They also know how to match names on invites to the number of guests being invited.

If you choose to have adults only, its your perogative and most definitely YOUR MONEY!!!!  

Gift928

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_im-struggling-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:a20f1860-856e-42ad-b00c-b170fe846b67Post:65eb230e-b681-48d2-ba37-99943fca17be">Re: I'm struggling with a decision...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having kids at mine, <strong>culturally we think its important to have kids at events because thats how they learn traditions and who they are</strong>. It'll probbaly be around 20 kids or so at mine. I worry about the cupcake tier and candy bar, LOL. But I told the parents to dress the kids in the wedding colors to try to make them feel more involved.
Posted by pinkcottoncandy7[/QUOTE]

I definitely agree with that. I'm from an African background and i always remeber going to every wedding my family was invited to and there's something abt those memories!!

My venue charges half price for kids. The most we'll have is 15-20 kids.

Carla1019

I am having adult only.

1. I have seen a wedding video where a baby started crying during the exchanging of vows.

2. Agree with PP, I don't feel comfortable with kids around when wine bottles are on the tables and an open bar

3. I want my guests to feel fully present and engaging with one another. If people are constantly worried about where their kids are I don't feel they will truly relax.

JMHO

flasweetheart

We wanted an adult only wedding aside from the kids that were in the wedding. But when we went through our guest list we found that there weren't really that many children among those who were invited. So right now it looks like we will only have maybe 10 children between 5-12 at our wedding plus one of my BM's 5 month old.

kiyamurph

We're doing an adult reception because our wedding is black tie and it's in the evening.  We both feel that that type of environment is not appropriate for children.  There will also be an open bar and when you mix that with it being super formal then I think the kids need to stay at home.  The only children present will be the two in the wedding party and one of the GM's has a newborn son, which newborns are always the exception to the rule.  

We are having 2 or 3 "kids" who are 16 and 17, but they have older siblings and I know they'll be okay.  We mostly just said no to the really little ones.  When people ask us why we're not allowing children, I always say, imagine if your job was having a black tie gala, would you bring your child?  In our eyes, it's the same thing.  If we were having an afternoon wedding that was more laid back, then that's a whole different story.

TNMurray

I was originally doing aduly only with just the 3 kids in the wedding. But then one kid after another asked if they needed a babysitter. It is only 3 additional kids and they are all the best kids I have ever met. 2 are actually sharing their first Bday weekend to be at my wedding. On baby I don't know and I am a lil nervous about that. So I allowed these childeren because they are very quiet babues. I think that parnts can go placs without their children I also wanted my friend to have a good time and not feel tied to their kids. 

BluIvory82

I respect everyone's decision to have kids at their wedding. Personally I am not having any children at my wedding because my family  (I am African)does not know the meaning of weddings are expensive. It is different if they bring a child or two, but NO, the family wants to bring a village. SMH Our wedding is an evening wedding anyways, so I want it to be that kind of atmosphere.

djscat

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_im-struggling-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:a20f1860-856e-42ad-b00c-b170fe846b67Post:2357dc78-8228-43c6-953a-6ecab78c3237">Re: I'm struggling with a decision...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having adult only. <strong>1. I have seen a wedding video where a baby started crying during the exchanging of vows</strong>. 2. Agree with PP, I don't feel comfortable with kids around when wine bottles are on the tables and an open bar 3. I want my guests to feel fully present and engaging with one another. If people are constantly worried about where their kids are I don't feel they will truly relax. JMHO
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

This right here is my main reason I am having an adult affair.

I do have a few exceptions.  His niece who is the flower girl she is 5.  The rest of our nieces and nephews who are all at least 13. I have about 8 teens and twenty year olds who are all well behaved and don't need their parents to "watch" them.  I will have a table for the "teens and twenty year olds" at the reception.  Also in my case I have a HUGE family and everyone has kids except me.  I was not willing to take on that extra added expense.   Since I have not sent out STDs yet I have "told" my family via facebook to save the date and that this will be an adult only affair.  I gave them 10 months to find a babysitter.  If they really want to come to the wedding they will find one. 

Gift928

Thanks for everyones input. Completely appreciate your honesty.

LMAO@ Bluivory - i feel you on the "village" issue. Good thing most of MY aunts and uncles are back home if not it would've been a mad house (it will be when i go home to celebrate with them in Dec).

I pray that whatever decision we make will be fine. I'm honestly leaning more towards having them.

Dancerppf

I went to a friend's wedding that had a ton of kids and the hall had another room next door. The bride hired "babysitters" and entertainment (a homeboy clown). The parents loved it as they got to relax. I noticed a few of them going next door to sneak a peek at their kids and the later it got i noticed more kids were in the main reception area but it was kid free for the important parts. If its within your budget to do so i suggest the same.

BluIvory82

LOL, I am so serious. You know how it is. Everybody has to come, even all the kids. SMH

chescam

I was totally against having kids, not even in the bridal party. Since family members are coming and want to make a vacation out of the trip we're including children but only immediate family.

M1ssJ

Is your wedding destination?  I know its expensive but I think its an important factor when you're planning. If someone has to travel and isn't familiar with the area finding  a sitter is hard. Consider this - would the cost of renting a hotel room (or two) and paying to have a nanny or 2 college kids baby sit with some pizas and movies be less expensive? One venue actually gave us an extra room for this purpose and we found  2 baby sitters for ($40 each ) and are also putting the older cousins (15-17) in there we'll bring our xbox, wii, and movies and the venue said ordering pizza for them was fine. In short, it saved a ton of money, the kids got to come but not be in the way.

Fabbiegirl

I will probably not have kids at my wedding, but I am not against it.  It's just up to whether the parents want to pay to bring them to Jamaica.  I say it's ok to have kids, but have things to entertain them.  Coloring books, crayons, etc.  At one point, I thought of having a TV and DVD player in a smaller room with a paid babysitter to show movies.

JKeyes2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_im-struggling-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:a20f1860-856e-42ad-b00c-b170fe846b67Post:65eb230e-b681-48d2-ba37-99943fca17be">Re: I'm struggling with a decision...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having kids at mine, <strong>culturally we think its important to have kids at events because thats how they learn traditions and who they are.</strong> It'll probbaly be around 20 kids or so at mine. I worry about the cupcake tier and candy bar, LOL. But I told the parents to dress the kids in the wedding colors to try to make them feel more involved.
Posted by pinkcottoncandy7[/QUOTE]

<div>Same here, As I child I was involved in wedding and attended a few. I think I overall learned that marriage is something big and family is always important and the bringing together of two families is a beautiful thing.</div><div>I have so many kids involved in my ceremony it is crazy. I want the kids to learn the depth of marriage and that it is something important to be cherished.</div>

lil01

It really depends on the ages of the children, how many, and your budget. We only had 6 children there (2 FGs, 2 RBs, my nephew, and hubby's niece). The age range was from 2-10. We only included wedding party kids & our siblings's kids. There were folks that wanted to bring their children, but we told them no & remained firm about only allowing our sibling's kids. They were fine. They danced all night long & there was no running around cause the parents were there to make sure they were not all over the place....and they knew I wasn't having that either....lol.

codom

originally we were doing adults only with the exception of the kids in the bridal party ( our kids and FI's 3nephews and niece) but invite after invite after invite we got rsvps that included their kids (this AFTER specifically stating on the invite that it was gonna be ADULT ONLY)  i'm over it at this point. i just want it to be as nice as possible....most ALL of the kids comming to the wedding are from split/broken homes and i think its important that they see what real love looks like and what can happen when you really love some1 ....i've had SO much fun with all my DIY projects and involving our kids so that they can see love up close....my soon to be step daughter asked us the other day WHY we were getting married like  it was the plague and when we asked her why we shouldnt she said cuz she doesnt know ANY married people and we'd just be the weird odd 1's out ....lol.....

ThunderKitten2011

We are doing adult only except for the wedding party (FG, RB and bell ringer, both FI's neices, who are teens, my 2 teenage sons and the sister of the RB). There were way too many kids in our fams shoot they would have been 50% of our list. Plus (being honest) some of these kids couldn't behave if you paid them and I am not having that. Plus I think I'd be totally teed off to have babies crying during the vows. But that's just me, lol! I told folks, think of this as a grown up night on the town. Especially since the after party is at a club.

missowens

I want an ADULT ONLY wedding!  My fiance' doesn't agree with this, but I know it'll work out better this way    However, there's always an exception to every rule, sooooooo.......  I will have my niece and 3 nephews at the wedding, I can't imagine my special day without them.

mahoganieyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_im-struggling-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:a20f1860-856e-42ad-b00c-b170fe846b67Post:9ae4950a-5a82-4da6-bba5-045373cae91b">Re: I'm struggling with a decision...</a>:
[QUOTE]We're doing an adult reception because our wedding is black tie and<strong> it's in</strong> <strong>the evening</strong>.  We both feel that <strong>that type of environment is not appropriate for</strong> <strong>children</strong>.  There will also be an open bar and when you mix that with it being super formal then I think the kids need to stay at home.  The only children present will be the two in the wedding party and one of the GM's has a newborn son, which newborns are always the exception to the rule.   We are having 2 or 3 "kids" who are 16 and 17, but they have older siblings and I know they'll be okay.  We mostly just said no to the really little ones.  When people ask us why we're not allowing children, I always say, imagine if your job was having a black tie gala, would you bring your child?  In our eyes, it's the same thing.  If we were having an afternoon wedding that was more laid back, then that's a whole different story.
Posted by kiyamurph[/QUOTE]

Same here!