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Gay Weddings

Disappointing & good news...

Disappointing news - About 6 months ago, my partner's cousin offered to do the photography for our wedding. She approached us about it and offered to do it - at that point we had not even thought about photography yet! She is someone we have both always been very close to. Well, my partner emailed her last week to confirm that she could still do it and that her daughter could still be one of our flower girls. She backed out. Apparently she has been going through a rough place in her own marriage and decided it would be best to get more involved in church again. She says that she learned a lot about relationships in the process. She renewed her relationship with G-d, and says that she can't participate in our wedding because she wants to respect what G-d intended for relationships... and by participating she would be "condoning it." However, she indicated to my partner that she would still come to the wedding. I don't want anyone to misunderstand and think that I have a problem with her religious beliefs, because I don't. I just feel kind of hurt that someone who has been so supportive of us all along has suddenly decided to change her mind. My dad decided to elope this weekend and I don't think I can go. He called me last night at 10:00 and told me this. I could fly into the nearest hub city and rent a car, but my sister (she's 16) would not be able to come because of the cost. I am still considering going depending on flight times, but it would be a ton of travel time and the logistics last minute are hard based on where he is getting married. Usually I'm pretty good at the travel planning because I travel a ton for work (last year my travel was over 90%). We talked about it and he understood. I think he is a little bit upset about it, but he seems to understand. I told him that maybe my sister and I could plan a weekend trip later in the year and we could go out to dinner and do some other things as a family to celebrate that they got married. I think the only person who IS going is my dad's fiancee's daughter because she lives very close to where they are getting married. Good news - My dad has had a history of pretending like my partner didn't exist. I would talk about her, and he would not respond. He did not respond favorably when I told him we were getting married. If he did ask about Lisa, he would not use her name. She said good morning to him once when we were visiting and he didn't respond. He has started to come around!!! Last week he asked about the wedding. He invited BOTH of us to Thanksgiving!

Re: Disappointing & good news...

  • mattmikemattmike member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That must be very uplifting to know that your dad is finally coming around to accept your relationship with your partner!I am sorry to hear that your partner's cousin has decided to back out of doing the photography. How has your other family reacted? My father and step-mother contacted me recently and told me to never contact them or their families ever again (that was spurred from me sending out "save-the-dates"), thus I understand where you are coming from. Hopefully you and your partner find a good photographer. There are many photographers out there that are very cost efficient. In fact, you could always find a photography student at a local college/university... many photography students do amazing work and are very cheap!
  • edited December 2011
    My other family had a mix of reactions. I hadn't come out to my grandmother or aunt on my dad's side yet, but a cousin decided it would help me if he outed me and told them about the wedding. It caused a huge mess, and my grandmother reacted rather poorly. I also was going to call my dad and tell him that night, but of course my grandmother called and told him before I had a chance. My dad also instilled some fear in them - at that point my partner wasn't working (we'd relocated for my job) and my dad made them all think that she was only marrying me for the money. I'm sure that's not exactly what he said, but they thought it would be a good idea to dramatize it. My grandmother is still not okay with it, but we had the "I love you no matter what" talk. My mom is pretty much against any marriage since her divorce. She loves my partner and will call her on the phone just to talk sometimes, which is really cool. At first she kept making up excuses as to why she couldn't come, but now she has changed her mind. OMG I'm so sorry to hear about what your family did. Do you think there is any chance that they will come around? I know it's hard, but just try to keep your chin up and hope for the best. It's kind of hard to think this way, but it helped me at one point - your wedding day is about you and celebrating a commitment with someone you love, and it's ultimately their loss if they don't want to share that with you. It's really hard to have that mindset, especially if you are close to people who are not being nice about it. It's strange how certain things can set people off - do you know why the save the dates was the catalyst? Thanks for the college tip, I hadn't even thought of that (and there is an arts college 2 blocks from our house!).
  • mattmikemattmike member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think grandparents always take it hardest -- many of them have "old world" views and truly do not understand homosexuality or same-sex marriages. That is great that your mom calls your partner just to chat. Thankfully my mother and step-father are very supportive of us and always have been. My mother and step-father love my partner more then they love me I think.. haha! When I told my father and step-mother about our wedding, they immediately said "do not send invites to the family". I think they are more ashamed/embarrassed of me then anything. Thus, as soon as family started to receive our Save-the-Dates, that is when my parents contacted me and told me to never speak to them or their families again. But as you said, I see it as their loss and there is nothing I can do. Perhaps one day they will come around, but I highly doubt it will be before our wedding. Oh well.. it is what it is.
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Your partner's cousin is just acting bizarre!  First she volunteers to photograph your wedding, then she decides she can't "condone" it by photographing it, but can still attend?  How is photographing it more "condoning" than attending?However, I'm glad your dad seems to be coming around.
  • edited December 2011
    2dBride, that is exactly why I am very confused! She has been excitedly talking about participating in the wedding for many months now, and now she has suddenly changed her mind. I also agree about attending vs. participating because I think that if someone is really that against us getting married that they would not want to attend either. Of course we will be happy to have her there because she's someone we've always been close to her - but I will continue to be confused!
  • edited December 2011
    I do have problems with my mom she will not be attending and so will my brother not be attending he is ok with me being gay but not having a wedding. I had ask my bestfriend to standup for me and he just took forever answering so I relive him of standing up for me but he said he could be at the wedding. Then he want to know how much the bible was going to be used in the cermony. I just don't understand how they can accept the fact that I am Gay but not accept the wedding.
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