Family issues...

YBnormal85

My partner and I are getting married on Sept. 28^th…I found out today my mother, four younger sisters and two brother in laws will not be attending the wedding. I expected them not to come honestly, as a result of them not supporting our relationship. None of them replied with an rsvp, I had to reach out to them to find out if they were coming. Basically the two youngest of my sisters are very much under my mothers control because of their ages, 14 and 16, and the older two 21 and 25 just listen to whatever my mom says….once I knew my mom wouldn’t be attending I wasn’t surprised to hear the rest of them “honestly didn’t know” if they would come. After years of my family not accepting the fact that I am gay I am not surprised most of my immediate family chose not to attend, however my partner seems quite upset by this ( understandably). My father ( who is still married to my mother) is coming, which is awesome, but we still will not have the 7 others there. I feel bad about this whole thing because it really seems to be affecting my partner. Her family is extremely supportive, so it’s hard for her to wrap her head around this. Has anyone else had to deal with something similar? I wish there was a way to help my partner feel better :-/

mmy101

I think "family issues" are pretty common on this board, as sad as that is! My now MIL was very disapproving (to put it nicely). Out of my partner's 60ish family members (biiiiggg family) only 3 replied with a yes. It was really hard for the both of us, but after lots of talking and crying, we both decided that it was their loss and not stress over it. I was more hurt and stressed than DP was it, I think she didn't expect much from them anyway.
     There is a lot of great advice on this board and some similar situations in past posts. It might not be the exact issue your having, but it still helped me deal. I think wedding planning brings up a lot of issues for non-supportive families. Her family couldn't pretend that we were just "friends" and it was just a "phase". It got to the point where I almost gave up, but then I thought about creating our own family with my partner, then her mother's actions just did not matter anymore. Good Luck! Sending good vibes!

shatima777

U know at the end of the day we get ONE life.. And although it hurts right now.. We have to live our life for us!!!!!! I totally understand what U  are going throught.  My Mom is NOT coming nor helping.. The crazy thing about that is, she will be on the cruise with us..

Anywho.. Have a Lovely Wedding, and may GOD bless U and ur partner  

YBnormal85

Thanks guys I'm still trying to figure out how to handle the situation.Typically im one to try the "kill em with kindness appoach", and I havent been mean towards my family about their decisions in any way...but at the same time I really do want to get the point across that we are both uspet by this, and really don't feel like its a great way to treat your family. I think the whole issue is harder for me because my little sister is getting married soon as well and of course everything is all about her wedding, and there is never any mention about our wedding...it's as if its not even happening. However, despite all of this I have lots of friends coming from my side to support me, and I am even more grateful for them now Plus, i have the best partner ever, and I am really enjoying planning our big day!

stormylipstick

I am in the same boat... Just found out last week or at least confirmed my Mom, whom btw has not helped one bit, is not coming stating "I love you, I love Mel but I do not agree with your lifestyle (7 yrs together btw) and I cannot support it." I think at least I have my answer 4 months out rather than waiting for the day of. I cried it makes me very sad but in the same note I am relieved because now I can have fun on my day without feeling judged. Our friends and my partners family will be attending and happy for us so that is what matters. It almost feels like in a way I had to come out all over again and getting the same silence in which I received many years ago but also as with coming out a huge weight has been lifted and I do not have to hid and I have support all around me even if it is not my Mom's. it is hard I know but you just have to relish in the love you have and know you do have support even if it is not your family you do have Family support in your in laws as I do and that I am grateful for! I do understand the hurt! Have fun planning your wedding and get you a surrogate Mom for your day that's what I'm doing!

stormylipstick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_family-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:44Discussion:fbf497ac-43b0-44f2-9d4d-da79ab1d3d3aPost:a8b4e686-c6d7-49b1-81ff-39278e99c829">Re: Family issues...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in the same boat... Just found out last week or at least confirmed my Mom, whom btw has not helped one bit, is not coming stating "I love you, I love Mel but I do not agree with your lifestyle (7 yrs together btw) and I cannot support it." I think at least I have my answer 4 months out rather than waiting for the day of. I cried it makes me very sad but in the same note I am relieved because now I can have fun on my day without feeling judged. Our friends and my partners family will be attending and happy for us so that is what matters. It almost feels like in a way I had to come out all over again and getting the same silence in which I received many years ago but also as with coming out a huge weight has been lifted and I do not have to hid and I have support all around me even if it is not my Mom's. it is hard I know but you just have to relish in the love you have and know you do have support even if it is not your family you do have Family support in your in laws as I do and that I am grateful for! I do understand the hurt! Have fun planning your wedding and get you a surrogate Mom for your day that's what I'm doing!
Posted by stormylipstick[/QUOTE]


Also My Mom is all about planning other things for my brother and sisters and even just friends and that hurts my feelings so I get you girl! She is attending a bridal shower today with a friend which she planned so... I get it!

jaesgirl

My heart goes out to you and your partner. I am so not looking forward to dealing with that situation either but i know eventually it will come to light as we get closer and closer to planning. My love is pretty strong about things and knows that things will work out for the best. Remember the bible says LOVE NEVER FAILS...keep your head up 

Mctaerin

My soon to be wife's love saying that family are very supportive, as are our friends. When it comes to my family, it's pretty 50/50. But unfortunately there's zero support from my parents and they will most likely not be attending. And while its heartbreaking not to have my dad walk me down the aisle or my mom to help me get dressed, this day is not about them. It's about me and my wife and our children. Anyone who can't see or appreciate that?.... Their loss!