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Storms weathered together

We are talking about this on my month board and I thought it would be a good topic for us.

What storms have you weathered with your FI/DH?


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Re: Storms weathered together

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    edited December 2011
    He has been there for me when a close family member got into some trouble with the law and had to get into AA, my brothers current deployment and when my parents were having some problems.

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    FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    When I went to UF I suffered from serious anxiety and depression. It was terrible. For a year and a half, our relationship was tough.. touch and go, basically. We made it through though and really came out stronger.

    I'm so happy our long distance days are over.

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    fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    About a week after we started dating, we found out his worship pastor was having an affair with the church secretary (FIL is the pastor).  It really rocked H's world.  Less than a week later, my 90 year old great grandfather died.  

    9 months after that, it came out that his BIL was also having an affair.  His sister is now divorced from him and they share custody of their 7 yr old son.

    Then there was the whole, him moving 1100 miles away from me in Virginia and his family in Maryland to Kansas to start his youth pastor position back in February.  The long distance portion of our engagement was so difficult and all we wanted was to be able to hug each other and hold hands and go see a movie together.  But, it's made these first few months of marriage even sweeter since we haven't taken being literally together for granted.  Not seeing each other for 4 months SUCKED!!!

    Since the wedding, we've been through finding out my brother got his girlfriend pregnant in June and their shotgun wedding 2 weeks ago, and a lot of junk going on at church.

    DH's first year as a youth pastor has not been a walk in the park, and it seems like we can't go more than a few weeks without someone having an issue with him.  There hasn't been a huge, middle of the night crisis {yet}, but I'm thinking that's not too far off.
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    faith415faith415 member
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    edited December 2011
    Long distance has been one of the biggest issues. We tend to get into petty arguments when we haven't seen each other for awhile or one of us is just in a bad mood. It's easy to take things the wrong way when you're not face to face. When I first moved up to UF, our long distance relationship grew from 1 hour to 4 hours and we never got to see each other since we were so busy with school. Luckily we got through that year and figured out how to make everything work!

    FI got mono his first semester of college, which ended up leading to a huge list of issues with his school. Basically as soon as we thought we had it figured out something else would happen pushing him further and further behind. He had to get some form signed last semester to check him off for being on track to graduate and was told that he was supposed to have taken a minor that no one told him about! Now he wont graduate till after the wedding and after 6 1/2 years of school!

    We will both be thrilled when all the college and long distance issues are behind us!
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    edited December 2011
    I love the authenticity of this post. 

    FI and I have gone through quite a bit. We were long distance for 2 years, handled all sorts of family isses and more. 

    Our most significant one was probably 2 years ago. We both felt called to take a 30 day fast from one another to seeks God's will for our relationship. God put 30 days on each of our hearts seperately. After this fast, we re-joined confident in his plans. No more than 6 weeks later we hit the roughest patch we have gone through thus far. I don't feel comfortable divulging details online, but basically skeletons came out of closets and the fall out was significant. 

    Now I can honestly say it was so encouraging how God prepared us for that and how we learned to handle these times. It won't be the last of rough patches but we are so much stronger for it. 
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    AllyG303AllyG303 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    What a great post!

    FI and I were long distance for 5 years while I was away at school and he was in the Air Force.  Him being in the Air Force was a huge struggle for us, not only because we saw each other just twice a year, but also because of the pull of his new "friends" that kept trying to convince him that long distance relationships never work.  There was also a week on one of his deployments where I couldn't get a hold of him and his base squadron had no information, so I had to cope with the very real fact that he could've been dead. 

    This past year FI was very sick and was undergoing many tests and screens for different diseases and cancers.  While they couldn't find any medical reason for his symptoms, it put a huge strain on us mentally, and is still straining us financially.  I also can't stop wondering if whatever it was is still in him somewhere. 

    We have also weathered many things from his past coming and also his family's bashings about him turning Christian and how his family didn't initially accept me because I was "changing him" and "taking him away from family".  Though his mommy dearest claims that those things are untrue, she still tries to put a wedge between us any chance she gets and I think having an unfortunate relationship with my FMIL puts a strain on FI and I as well.

    We think about it sometimes, and are surprised that how we came out of those things and continue to go through them, but those things have helped us to grow up a lot. 

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    edited December 2011
    Too, too many.
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    ravenrayravenray member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    There have been storms in our life together.  His mom really didn't like me for the first year we were dating, his family hated that he converted to Orthodoxy, My grandfather died, my grandma has bad dementia, we were in long distance for 4 1/2 months.  I am sure there are more but I can't remember now.  It has made us stronger and better because of it.  Got to love a man who will stick by your side through the worse! 

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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    edited December 2011
    I think from the beginning FI and I were running up against the wind. We became really close (just friends though) while he was dating this other girl, we'll call her B. Well, after they broke up, she hated me because she was convinced he dumped her because he had feelings for me. (When all actuality, it was because he just didn't have feelings for her anymore) Well it turns out that she and I ended up having to work very closely with each other, so that was extremely awkward. We started dating about 2-3 months after they broke up. And she was not happy. She went to his church and became close with his mom that way. So they were pretty much best friends. (Which was veryy awkward for me, just saying lol) They even continued to stay very close after FI broke up with B. Well, once FI and I started dating, B would tell his mother horrible things about me to try to get her to turn against me and eventually him too. Which put FI and I both in a really hard place. This girl was just horrible to me, all the time. For "stealing" her man, which I never did. I would never do that. And I never flaunted that I had him in front of her; that's just rude. Even after we got engaged, she would tell all her friends how she was sure he'd dump me and come running back to her. Uhh, no. To this day, she still hates me and thinks he'll choose her over me.

    Next: About 2 weeks before we got engaged, this girl I was formerly friends with decided that she hated me too, I guess. So she decided to tell FI's brother that I said all these horrible things about their family. (She and FBIL are friends) Well, she said that I called him a moocher (which I admit that sometimes I did and I have apologized for that) and that I said his entire family just blew their money on stupid stuff so FI would have to swoop in and pay off their bills for them. Well, for about a week, his family believed it and completely hated me. I remember just crying and crying all the time. But FI always reassured me that no matter what his family thought, he'd still love me forever. Which was really surprising to me and very comforting because his family is extremely important to him. But I was still upset because obviously if his family is so important to him, than I didn't want to be the wedge between them. Eventually FI proved to his family how vindictive this girl is and that we had proof of her saying she'd "ruin" me, which she did. And 2 weeks later, he proposed. =]

    FI's knee surgery would be the next thing. He tore his ACL last fall and had to have surgery in January. It prevented him from doing a lot of things he wanted to do, and I really think he was sort of depressed for a while. But we stuck together and he recovered so nicely and quickly.

    Last would be what we're going through right now. I'm 2 hours away from him all week and then I come home on weekends. All I really have to worry about right now is school and the wedding. He's working and going to school; his brother is still in high school, so he's 99% responsible for him (financially too, btw, because their mom moved 4 hours away to be with their stepdad). So he's constantly stressed. Being away from each other is hard because I miss him so much. I cry every time I have to leave him because I hate coming back up here (to my college) and being alone. I don't want to make friends because I'm only living here for a semester. And when I move I won't be on campus except for my classes. So that's sort of pointless. Plus I just don't really want to...So I guess it's my fault I'm all alone, but still...it sucks.
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    edited December 2011
    H stood by my side when I went through one of, if not the, hardest time in my life. At that point, he was just my BF, but he stuck by me and proved what a great guy he is. 

    Right now, a close family member of his is having some marital issues and we have been worrying about their children and family. But we will get through it together. 
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    iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am in agreement about long distance being a storm at times for us.  I knew he had to be the one to move (I had a much better job and a house) and he wasn't ready for it.  It was so hard for me to understand why he wouldn't move.  

    Also, after we had dated for about 9 months, my cousin passed away at age 23.  I was really close with him and it was devastating.  Joe was there for me while I grieved the loss.  It meant so much to me.  

    I've shared on the board before about how we have different opinions about children.  I would say that is a storm but since we feel differently about it, we are not really weathering it together.  I have accepted never having children because I would rather have him than children, but it still makes me really sad and I wish he understood that better.
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    MelissaC315MelissaC315 member
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    edited December 2011

    We've been through quite a bit together... but it definitely does make you stronger as a couple...

    The first big one is 6 months into our relationship his mother passed away from breast cancer. She had been sick for quite a while but was doing well and then took a sudden turn for the worse and passed shortly after. FI has said several times that God chose me to come into his life for a reason at that time and he could not have gotten through it without me. That was a really tough time but he leaned on me and I made sure to be there.

    He's been there for me through numerous health issues (including a lumpectomy, which I'm sure brought up all sorts of emotions from his mother's cancer). He held my hand in the surgery room and took care of me after. Having him there was soo important and showed me so much of his character.

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    azdancer8azdancer8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Wow, it's interesting to look back and think about the storms we've weathered together, and it's only been a little more than 2 years. The hardest part I think was being long distance for all of our dating - 3 to 4 hours away from each other.

    Right after we started dating I was dealing with gall bladder issues. I had no idea what I could and could not eat, I lost quite a bit of weight really fast, and was in pain frequently. I was also visiting lots of doctors and having many tests done. Matt was so supportive through all of it.

    Just a couple of weeks before our wedding, my grandfather passed away, and I really struggled with it because I had not known him. Matt helped me learn more about him, and always had just the right words for me.

    Matt's uncle had brain cancer, and has been going through radiation and chemotherapy. The cancer is gone now, but his uncle is still recuperating from the entire deal.

    Lately we've been struggling with Matt's job. Construction work is SO slow right now, and it's made life more stressful for him. But it has given me the opportunity to support him in ways I haven't been able to before. :)


    Yeah, we've weathered storms together, but God has always used them to bring us closer together. What blessings in disguise!

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    katiebakakatiebaka member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm really enjoying this post as well!

    Mike and I had been friends for a long time, and confessed our feelings to each other while he was studying abroad in Germany. We decided to wait to be officially dating until we were actually together and could go on a date, to make sure we could make the jump from friends to dating. About halfway through his last semester in Germany, his grandfather passed away. He was able to find a cheap flight home for the weekend, and we went on our first date. It was really difficult for him, losing his grandpa when he really hadn't been able to see him for about seven months since he was abroad, and because he came home for just a few days, and then had to go back for three more months. We did end up going on that date while he was home, though, so there was a silver lining -- and he is confident that it was the "silver lining" God brought him out of his loss.

    Buuuut then the first three months of our relationship were long-distance. He came home in July and we had a great month and a half, then I went abroad to London for three months. So of our first eight months of dating, we spent about two non-consecutive months on the same continent. I have to agree with another poster that being apart led to some petty arguments that were a challenge to get through or get over.

    Since then, we haven't had to weather too many tough storms. Right now is a bit of a challenge as I'm looking for a new job in my field and often come home upset about something that happened at my workplace (it's not what I want to be doing with my life, and I do not agree with many of the business practices--it's a very unwelcoming environment). It's made slightly more challenging due to the fact that he loves his job, but he's been very supportive and is doing his best to help me through this.
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    Purple&7Purple&7 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think our biggest storm so far has been the job situation.  This is really testing our relationship and I'm just ready for it to be over.  FI and I were long distance for awhile and I don't want to have to do that again, but it looks like we might have to. 
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    faith415faith415 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I keep thinking about this post and the more I think about it the more I remember storms we've faced and how we made it through. It blows me away to think about how God brings us through things and how he puts people in our lives to help us right when we need them. It also makes me so thankful for the man I'll get to call my husband!

    Great post @sprtychick!
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    mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hm. In the (almost) 3 years we've been together, there have been quite a few.

    I'm the first girl H has ever been with so his parents were not fond of me (espeically his dad) right away. They viewed me as a huuuge distraction from school and thought I was a waste of his time. So the first summer we were together, they shipped him off to Norway for 4 months. Not my idea of a good time! I ended up getting very, very sick during that summer and had emergency surgery. So not only was my favorite person not around to help me through that, he was on the other side of the world!

    I had an abusive boyfriend before H. He took serious advantage of me and caused a lot of emotional issues which we're pretty difficult for H to deal with at the beginning of our relationship. He encouraged me to seek counseling and stood by me when that was rough.

    A really close friend of mine who I met in the hospital died. H stuck around while I grieved that friend. It meant a lot because I knew he didn't understand. He's never had anyone even remotely close to him die.

    Those are just a few of the things and I'm realizing they're all "my" problems...I'm wondering if there's anything he went through that we dealt with together.
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    mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are weathering a storm with my son (H's step son). He is 9 years old and showing signs of behavioural issues. He as been showing these signs for a while and has led me to be a fervant prayer warrior on my son's behalf. My son's behaviour has tested our relationship even before we got married. It has caused a strain as my parenting style is different from his. What we had to do is really come together,pray and be consistent as well as supportive with one another when we discipline our 9 year old. We still continue to weather the storm but God is good and we will continue to look to Him for guidance, strength and patience during this challenging time.
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