"So, are you living together yet?"

ShadowCutter

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_living-together-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:5db6fd5d-411b-4048-8c33-aa52342309f1Post:2302242a-aa19-4523-a158-2d3a65ed91a9">Re: "So, are you living together yet?"</a>:
[QUOTE]And hey, it's good it comes up.  I mean, I'm not saying you're changing anyone's opinions, but the more people hear that some of us aren't living together before marriage, the better.  Because it does seem like you hear from society that it's not "first comes love, then comes marriage" instead it's "first comes a date, maybe some sex, then comes love, then comes living together, then comes marriage".  I like it the old way better. :) And even if someone doesn't agree with my religious beliefs, I also like them to know (in a totally non-judgmental way) that there is another option. Because I know a lot of girls especially feel pressured to do it the long, "modern" way, when in their heart of hearts they'd rather "first comes love, then comes marriage". But with Ryan in India, it's pretty obvious we're not living together. :) Though lots of people have asked where I'm going to stay when I visit him and if I say with him I often get interested looks until I ammend, "In his parent's guest bedroom."
Posted by RyansBelovedBride[/QUOTE]



This.

ShadowCutter

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_living-together-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:5db6fd5d-411b-4048-8c33-aa52342309f1Post:8288540e-5f28-40ac-82eb-dbe1427333b4">Re: "So, are you living together yet?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "So, are you living together yet?" : Okay, maybe the word "fake" was a bit extreme, but you seem to be avoiding saying the truth about why you aren't living together (here I assume it is because of your convictions about living together before marriage since that's what this thread is about, even though you didn't explicitly say so) by either saying "yeah the church thing" which puts blame on your church instead of being accountable for your own decisions, or "have luckly have the benefit of the fact that the new house is 10 minutes from FI's work but an hour from my school", also another "out", doesn't sound like that is the actual reason you aren't cohabitating.  Why not just tell people the reason you aren't living together?  Assuming it is a conviction/personal choice/religious following then it is a perfectly acceptable reason, I don't see why you are hesitant to share your opinions with them. Maybe I'm way off base but your original post made it sound like you were sloughing off the question by putting the blame on other things.
Posted by naomikb[/QUOTE]



Maybe your first comment was worded a little harshly, but yeah I agree, (OP) even though this type of conviction seems to be really rare, you're not the only one who holds it, and more to the point this is your life, your decision, and whatever your reasons are you shouldn't be ashamed or afraid to explain or just answer simply. Saying it's "the church thing" to me suggests that your concern is that you won't be allowed to get married in a church if you're living together already, which is some people's reason but I'm guessing from the context it's not yours. All you have to say is you don't believe in living together before marriage. If they ask why tell them you believe that God prefers it that way, or just that you prefer it that way. That's how you were raised, how you believe, etc. Whichever answer is your answer, they don't have to agree but if they're asking in a sincere non-mocking way I'm sure they'll just listen and accept it as your choice. Maybe they'll even be considering it themselves and afraid it's just not done anymore so they're looking for support.

ShadowCutter

What do you think about getting married by a JOP and then moving in together and then having a church wedding? Should church wedding come first? I thought it should but I'm getting really sick of living in my parents' house so I'm thinking.... But then the state doesn't care if we live together before we're married so maybe a state marriage shouldn't be enough for living together. What do you think?