Am I allowed to ask...? *Updated w/ question*

agape1cor813

Am I allowed to ask the married ladies about sex on this board? Or is that inappropriate? I'd like to have a Christian perspective on it, and I'm not finding much of that on The Nest.

QUESTION: Are any of the married ladies on here having a difficult time balancing certain sexual expectations (both yours and your husbands) with a level of idealism and romanticism that we all maintained pre-wedding? 

I also just want to say that this in no way means there is trouble in my own marriage, it was simply something I was thinking about and I wanted to see if I was the only one. I don't really get the chance to ask these questions of anyone otherwise.

DramaGeek

Feel free!  We've had conversations in the past about it, and I think most of us feel that if we're not comfortable with something we just won't answer.  What would you like to know?

GJones27

You can ask me, but send me a PM.  I will have a very different perspective and experience than almost all of the girls on this board.  But consult the other girls too, because your experience will probably be more like theirs.

drama1308

I'm not married yet, so I can't answer your question, BUT if I were married I would def. answer (probably in a PM)

LeahVB2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_am-allowed-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:898df9de-5f81-4292-8c72-ccd678651e25Post:d14b0d1e-6efc-47cc-b6f7-d370a70e23a2">Re: Am I allowed to ask...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Feel free!  We've had conversations in the past about it, and I think most of us feel that if we're not comfortable with something we just won't answer.  What would you like to know?
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Or if we want to answer but not on the board then most of time, we do PM you our answer.

SuMmErKuTiE

Ditto pp's.. feel free to ask! If you feel uncomfortable, feel free to send me a PM instead.

kitkat610

to answer your question, yes. I think for us though it is all  a period of adjustment because we were long distance for quite a while. Also, the months that we have been living together have been crazy busy.

Also, feel free to PM me.

amongthelilies25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_am-allowed-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:898df9de-5f81-4292-8c72-ccd678651e25Post:6a5b5c77-b091-4f68-b75d-97d55f2aaf33">Am I allowed to ask...? *Updated w/ question*</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I allowed to ask the married ladies about sex on this board? Or is that inappropriate? I'd like to have a Christian perspective on it, and I'm not finding much of that on The Nest. <font class="Apple-style-span" color="#ff00ff">QUESTION: Are any of the married ladies on here having a difficult time balancing certain sexual expectations (both yours and your husbands) with a level of idealism and romanticism that we all maintained pre-wedding?</font>  I also just want to say that this in no way means there is trouble in my own marriage, it was simply something I was thinking about and I wanted to see if I was the only one. I don't really get the chance to ask these questions of anyone otherwise.
Posted by agape1cor813[/QUOTE]

<div>i am really really nervous about this too. i feel like my FI has a lot of sexual expectations that idk if i can live up to it. i just remind myself that he loves me and that we are gonna learn and grow together with our sex lives together. </div>

DramaGeek

It's hard to remember that long ago, but yes, I think there was.  I think tv and movies give a lot of us our base for what to expect.  Hollywood definitely glamourizes sex, and there was nothing glamorous about it for a while!  Lots of fumbling, trying things that didn't work, etc.  The biggest surprise to me was the mess.  Hollywood definitely doesn't show you that!

ochemjenn

I never really believed in the romanticized Hollywood version.  I feel like this is something you kind of have to figure out, rather than have specific expectations beforehand.  Not that I didn't have and expectations, but they were very general. 

That said, I think for us reconsiling timing has been the biggest challenge.  It seems like in the movies both people are in the mood at the same time, but that is not the case in real life (at least for us).

As far as what dramageek said about fumbling, etc., feel free to laugh at yourselves.  Just make sure you're laughing together. 

Purple&7

I'm so happy somebody asked this question because I've been wondering the same thing!

azdancer8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_am-allowed-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:898df9de-5f81-4292-8c72-ccd678651e25Post:6a5b5c77-b091-4f68-b75d-97d55f2aaf33">Am I allowed to ask...? *Updated w/ question*</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I allowed to ask the married ladies about sex on this board? Or is that inappropriate? I'd like to have a Christian perspective on it, and I'm not finding much of that on The Nest. <strong>QUESTION: Are any of the married ladies on here having a difficult time balancing certain sexual expectations (both yours and your husbands) with a level of idealism and romanticism that we all maintained pre-wedding?</strong>  I also just want to say that this in no way means there is trouble in my own marriage, it was simply something I was thinking about and I wanted to see if I was the only one. I don't really get the chance to ask these questions of anyone otherwise.
Posted by agape1cor813[/QUOTE]

Ask away...we're all adults and can answer or not answer as we choose. ;)

I don't know that I ever really thought about sex pre-marriage (except for being rather scared of it). But we've been married for six months now, and I can say that, while we don't have it all figured out yet, the sex has gotten better and better the longer we've been married.

Yes, Hollywood makes it look so easy and glamorous, and it's not, definitely not at first anyways. But I think it's actually better in reality, because you're learning what works for the two of you as a couple. You'll fumble a bit, and laugh it off (hopefully) because it's a work in progress. There will be days where one of you wants sex and the other doesn't, or you're just too tired. It's up to you as a couple to decide whether to have sex even if one of you doesn't particularly feel like it. And I do think it's important to make time to be intimate with each other on a regular basis, even when life gets busy.

Also, have fun with it. Try a few different things to see what you like best as individuals and as a couple. And talk about what feels good and what doesn't. The better you communicate your needs, the better your partner can meet them - and this applies to more than just sex. ;)

Feel free to PM me if you have questions. This applies to anyone - not just the OP. I'm pretty willing to answer even the "awkward" ones. :)

kitkat610

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_am-allowed-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:898df9de-5f81-4292-8c72-ccd678651e25Post:fb7c3c89-a7c3-4498-9127-8219654b8399">Re: Am I allowed to ask...? *Updated w/ question*</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Am I allowed to ask...? *Updated w/ question* : i am really really nervous about this too. i feel like my FI has a lot of sexual expectations that idk if i can live up to it. i just remind myself that he loves me and that we are gonna learn and grow together with our sex lives together. 
Posted by amongthelilies25[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I was nervous about that too. It turned out he was more nervous than I was about not living up to my expectations :) Its a good thing to talk about especially since you are in the home stretch!</div><div>
</div><div>The hardest thing for me is that our physical relationship has changed so much from when we started dating. I feel like our time apart kind of trained us out of being physical. It's nice to not have pressure like I felt in previous relationships, but I need a little more. </div><div>PS  I will discuss with DH, but now would be silly bc I am about to leave again :(

</div>

Bett2012

Communication is key.

I'm not yet married, so this is a different situation, but I was feeling super stressed and scared about the wedding night, because I knew how excited FI is... I finally told him that I heard that it doesn't hurt guys, but it hurts girls alot the first few times at least, so I was really scared.. he immediately said, "we won't do anything we're both not comfortable with. I'm ok to not have sex on the wedding night if you're not ready."  Him saying that made me ready :P Pressure's off!