So, when FI and I decided we wanted to get married we definitely wanted a Christian wedding and for it to be in the eyes of God. Well, we talked to our SR pastor at our church about it who ripped me inside out. Which I did not expect, mind you. I probably cried for two or three days because I felt to raw and turned around. (We opened a lot of old wounds about me- something I, obviously, don't like to do). Well, in my childish, offended, frantic, emotional mood- I told FI to tell Pastor Joel that we weren't ready for him to do it but we still wanted him to pray at the wedding. Well, he had what I thought were ridiculous requests- membership, volunteering, personal counseling, etc. Turns out, he must have known what was going on because a few months later, I am doing everything he told me to do- mostly. (Still trying to find a couselor, or at least get one to email me back!!!!!)
Well, after that whole shi-bang, and I calmed down and FI calmed down we re-evaluated what we wanted.
FI brought up that he would like to have his childhood youth pastor do it. I was okay with that. But one of the problems that lies beneath is that this pastor, Rob, lives in Florida. We live in Ohio. So, we would have to pay to have him fly up and pay for a hotel room. Joel is local. So, that adds on at least $1000 on to our budget that we don't have.
Well, he flew down for a week to meet with Rob and discuss the wedding and our marriage and relationship. Okay, fine. NBD. Well, he came home and kept telling me he had to talk to me, he had to talk to me. He couldn't do it over the phone, but he had to talk to me. So, I got fed up and called Rob. I asked him what they talked about and he said, oh the whole living together thing?
I was shocked! I didn't know what to say!
Keep in mind, yes we do live in the same house, but we DO NOT live as a married couple. We do not have sex or do anything with any sort of sex involved at all.
I moved in with his parents in March because I left home and had nowhere else to go. They took me in as their own. (Abusive parents, I got sick of it and left.) Okay, it's 5 adults to a 2 bedroom condo. Like we could ever possibly have sex and no one would know it, anyways. I sleep in his sister's room with her in a bunk bed. Yes, a bunk bed.
Well, Rob told Alex that one of us had to move out. It was to protect his name. Fine, whatever. I don't agree with it, but whatever. So, I waited until FI got home that day before I exploded. And, I EXPLODED! I was a crying, mad, and hurt mess.
Rob told me that he would start looking for another family for me to live with. As if I wanted to be uprooted again. And financially, we cannot afford rent nor get approved for an apartment.
Meanwhile, I am praying about it and praying about my life. I have felt moved towards Joel and our church. Well, he is being stubborn and wants to stay with Rob regardless. FI is trying to prove Rob wrong. Idk why he can't just drop it.
Bottomline, FI has now turned into an a$$hole about the whole ordeal and I may just whack him.
I feel myself being pulled towards Joel, not Rob.
UGH!
Advice?
Sorry it's confusing and runs together. I could cry.