"Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand." Phillipians 2, The Message
These verses have always been key for me, because selfishness is something I have struggled with all my life. I really have to keep myself in check in this area and pray continually for humility.
How much more so have I needed this in the wedding planning, and I had a big reality check the past day or so. As brides planning the biggest day in our lives, it can be really difficult for us to stay grounded and not go "bridezilla", or not even in that extreme but just so focused on OUR wedding, that everything focuses aroung that. It seems every conversation I participate in right now is about the wedding, whether I initiate it or not. I have no problem with that, really I don't, but I don't want to get so caught up on my and FI's special day that I forgot to take those around me into consideration, even if its something as simple as asking how their day was or if there's anything pressing on their minds. Even if they aren't offering up the information, I should still be humble enough to ask them instead of letting them continually guide the conversation to the wedding.
This was no more clear to me than it was last night. FI's great grandmother is 99, would be 100 next summer. Aside from typical illnesses and ailments from aging, she's in great health and 100% lucid. However, she got an infection from a hip replacement and the doctor's say it really isn't looking good and that her time is probably coming to an end. FI isn't one so show much emotion, and he hasn't been around her much in the past several years so it isn't affecting him the same as it is as everyone at home. Not even thinking about what she was going through, I emailed my FMIL asking her if she could start getting family addresses together and any other people she'd like to have at the wedding as well. She sent me an email back asking if I could just wait since her grandmother was probably dying and she had a lot going on. Now FMIL get along great, she loves me and I love her but it was really a hit to my "bridal ego"...then I could not believe how completely insensitive I had been asking for that when she has so much going on. I wanted to cry, thinking of how I had let my agenda get in the way of what they are going through.
FI's brother is going to be flying him back home to OH this up coming weekend to have some family time and say goodbye to his great-grandma. I wanted to cry when he told me because I can't go ($$) and he'll get to see fall and again, it was a humility thing thinking of himself as an individual rather than a unit with myself. I want it to be "us" going up, but I need to realize this is something he has to do with his family, saying goodbye to her and having this moment with them. It is extremely hard thinking of him going through this without me, but again, it is putting him above myself and knowing that this is something he has to do on his own.
I don't know if anyone else has been needing to humble themselves at all during the process, but I'm hoping this helps someone at least, because it was something I really needed to allow God to teach me right now.