Christian Weddings

how many of you are....

... having alcohol at the reception?

me and my FI keep going back and forth. we were gonna do just beer and champagne.....then we though of just getting a cash bar and having all the guest pay for their own. 

now, i think i am deciding no alcohol at all and moving up the ceremony to 12 noon...so its not TOTALLY strange that we dont have alcohol.

what is everyone else doing?
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Re: how many of you are....

  • SE+MBSE+MB member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're not having alcohol at our wedding because of the money. We would have it if it was a little cheaper. Cash bar wasn't an option for us. Our wedding is 1:30 on a Sunday, so it's not strange.

    Plus, we don't drink. Most of our guests don't drink. If we had alcohol then we would have to pay for the total guest count to drink. So if only half of our guests drink, then we would still have to pay for everybody to drink regardless of how many actually drank.
  • edited December 2011
    ya..that is how we feel. me and my FI don't drink...so why pay for something that we do not partake in. 

    i am glad i am not the only one with this opinion. lol.
  • edited December 2011
    We're not having alochol at the reception because the church doesn't allow it. Even if we were having it at another location there would still be none. Neither family really drinks.
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  • squeakyducksqueakyduck member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My fiance's parent's don't drink at all. But we do, as do most of our guests. We are offering wine, champagne, and beer. Along with water, punch and maybe tea. 

    We are also having an afternoon wedding so there won't be as much as would be available at an evening event. 
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    we had the taboo cash bar.  our wedding was at 11am, adn the reception was 1230-4.  however, we had a lot of drinkers and we just couldnt afford to provide booze.
  • edited December 2011
    i wish i could just make a for sure decision. i keep going back and forth between a cash bar or no alcohol. 
  • golden1215golden1215 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:aff3683e-72bd-4221-8e07-aa887e430d7aPost:ba4c2542-a78e-44a3-a19f-3e41e48c67e2">Re: how many of you are....</a>:
    [QUOTE]ya..that is how we feel. <strong>me and my FI don't drink...so why pay for something that we do not partake in</strong>.  i am glad i am not the only one with this opinion. lol.
    Posted by amongthelilies25[/QUOTE]

    this is poor logic and rude hostess etiquette.  your reception is a thank you to guests so just because you dont like something doesnt mean your guests wont.  I dont like fish... like, at all... but did we have a fish meal option? of course.

    please do not do a cash bar, as again, a reception is a thank you to guests and people should not have to pay.  now if all you do is beer or beer and wine or champagne or whatever, its fine.  you dont have to go full out bar, but provide something for people.  and even at a brunch reception I think people would expect to be able to get a drink.  hello bloody marys and mimosas.... not saying you provide them, just saying no time of day is ever without alcohol to some extent.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    ya...this is how we feel:

    my mother is an alcoholic. me and my brothers were taken away when i was about 5...and then again when i was 14 years old. she has been in and our of  rehab and jail my entire life. 

    it is hard for me to rejoice with a substance that stole so much from me. 

    my FI wants to respect me in this...and also has been going to a ministry school and is worried about how alcohol will reflect his current standards. He use to party before he got saved and got into a lot of trouble because of it. 

    we are praying that our guest will respect our choices w/o me having to tell each and every one of them why. 
  • golden1215golden1215 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011

    will your mother be at the wedding?  If so, I would say it would be okay to not have anything- but no cash bar either, just lots of NA options like soda, juice, punch.  If she's not going to be there though, while I understand your sentiment, I would still offer something.  Alcohol did not steal your mother; your mother was an adult with free choice and she made poor ones, vodka did not come sneaking into her room at night and pour itself down her throat.  So again, denying guests a nice cold beer or a glass of whie wine, because of something they did not do, is just not the best policy IMO.  But its your wedding, so have the one that you are most comfortable with!!

    image
  • edited December 2011
    ya..i mean i understand where everyone comes from with wanting to accommodate my guests and to offer them alcohol since they came to the wedding and gave me a gift. 

    but...we have such strong values about it. i don't think we could. If my guests want to drink they can do it somewhere else. 

    we might still have champagne for toasting....but i doubt anything else. 
  • edited December 2011

    FI and I decided to only have 2 bottles of wine (1 red 1 white) per table and that is it. No cash or open bar. FI and I prayed about the situation (which I suggest you and FI do if you are unsure), and we received a clear message from God that we should not have an open bar. It was not an issue of money or anything like that... FI and I just did not feel comfortable serving unlimited alcohol to guests as we felt it was promoting drinking. FI is also in ministry and currently seeking a pastoral position, so open bar would probably reflect badly on FI and us as a couple. Just my opinion and experience though.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:aff3683e-72bd-4221-8e07-aa887e430d7aPost:2c593266-f8b3-4c5c-8076-2a4beffec3ff">Re: how many of you are....</a>:
    [QUOTE]FI and I decided to only have 2 bottles of wine (1 red 1 white) per table and that is it. No cash or open bar. FI and I prayed about the situation (which I suggest you and FI do if you are unsure), and we received a clear message from God that we should not have an open bar. It was not an issue of money or anything like that... FI and I just did not feel comfortable serving unlimited alcohol to guests as we felt it was promoting drinking. FI is also in ministry and currently seeking a pastoral position, so open bar would probably reflect badly on FI and us as a couple. Just my opinion and experience though.
    Posted by RNShellyF[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>this is EXACTLY where me and my FI stand. 

    </div>
  • naomikbnaomikb member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This might not help you (since you don't drink and the other complications with your mom) but to answer your original question, we are having an open bar with beer/wine/mixed drinks for our evening reception.  Cocktail hour, then wine with dinner, then open bar after dinner with dancing.

    It is definitely an expense but for us it's worth it - I wouldn't do a cash bar and would rather skimp on some other aspect of the wedding in order to pay for the bar.

    That being said, drinking is common with most of our friends and family, it would be strange if we didn't have alcohol.  It sounds like it may be different with your circle/family.

    As a guest, I would prefer if you hosted something where I didn't have to pay - either all non-alcoholic drinks OR champagne and non-alcoholic drinks OR champagne and wine and non-alcoholic drinks. Especially now if you're considering an early afternoon reception a dry reception wouldn't seem out of place at all.
  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We had a dry reception.  The church didn't allow it, but even when we planned to have the reception outside the church we weren't planning on serving any alcohol.  We have way too many alcoholics in our families, and at the time I was attending a university that didn't allow alcohol.  H and I both drink some, but we just didn't want to deal with it and neither of us see the need to have alcohol in order to have a good time.

    We did serve a ton of "fun" NA beverages, such as a lemon-peach cooler and hot apple cider, plus regular stuff like soda and water.  No one complained and everyone had a great time.  Contrary to popular belief, people even danced!  Like, lots of people, and for the whole time, too.
  • edited December 2011
    ya..my FI was worried that no one would dance. we are spending money on an AMAZING dj...but i think that ppl will dance. i mean...we are gonna dance...so i think ppl will join in. 

    we are going to have some great non-alcoholic drinks and maybe even a cute signature NA drink. (: 
  • biancajohanbiancajohan member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We won't have alcohol either for several reasons. We will have a small wedding of 50 people, 35 of them is family and rest of them are friends. Some of them have different views on alcohol and most of our friends will understand that, those that don't, will respect it as they know where we are coming from. Instead we decided to have cocktails (fancy ones) and special home-made drinks and a ginger toasting drink that almost tastes like wine but it's non-alcoholic. We will also serve water, coffee, etc.

  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We had wine and beer for the first 2 hours of the reception.  I did not want it but DH felt that guests on his side would expect it so we had it.  We grew up in homes with different perspectives on alcohol.  My parents both had parents who abused alcohol so they never drank it.  I was also member of a church where I had to agree to not drink alcohol as a church member.  ILs were not drinkers but don't have much of an opinion either way,  Most of my friends don't drink - most of his do.  I didn't want to have it out of respect for my parents, because of my worry about people driving after and because of the cost.  We also had to complete a contract that we were responsible for our guests with respect to the alcohol.  But I left it ultimately up to DH to decide.  I think that in the end it worked out fine and I'd probably do it that way again.

    While I agree that the reception is a way to thank your guests for attending, I do not feel that you are under any obligation to serve alcoholic drinks.  If you don't want to serve them for personal reasons, your guests should know you and should understand.  If I attended a wedding and there was no alcohol, I wouldn't think twice about it.
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  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We're not having alcohol at all...I think there are maybe 10 people on the guest list who would even consider drinking in front of my great-grandmother (and those would be the ones not related to me). 

    Other than that, it's FI's position as a youth pastor and a decision we have made about not having alcohol in our home that were behind the decision to not consider it for the reception.

    We're doing mocktails for the appetizer hour (recipes on my bio under "Reception", and then having sweet & unsweet tea, lemonade, and water with dinner.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:aff3683e-72bd-4221-8e07-aa887e430d7aPost:bccaeb96-0f6f-41c6-9a21-0198475db73d">Re: how many of you are....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: how many of you are.... : this is EXACTLY where me and my FI stand. 
    Posted by amongthelilies25[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad I read through this thread. FI and I drink, but not much. We are both ministry students (well, I decided to chane paths in the last couple of months so I guess I am not anymore but that is besides the point) and we were pretty uneasy about just letting people hit the booze at the reception. We are going to have alcohol at the request of certain important family members (including my parents, who are paying for everything) but I definitely want to suggest the idea of having one glass of wine or chapagne per table. That sounds pretty awesome.
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  • edited December 2011
    My FI and I are not having alcohol at our reception. Neither of our families drink, although our group of friends enjoys a beer/glass of wine modestly. I wouldn't be worried about any of our friends drinking, but I know some of our extended family doesn't think we have the freedom to drink responsibly so it is easier not doing that. It also doesn't hurt that it saves a ton of money.

    Our ceremony is at 1:30 and our reception will be froom ~3 to 6:30. We are having an "afternoon tea" reception, because we love British afternoon tea. So for us it makes sense not having alcohol, and no one attending the wedding would expect alcohol. Our group of friends is into swing dancing, so we have a small band coming to play jazz.swing music. They place we go in town to dance is alcohol-free too, so I'm not worried about people dancing.
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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    We are.  We are providing service wine during dinner and a cash bar.  I come from an area where cash bars are totally appropriate and what 95% of people do.  Alcohol is really expensive up here.  Even our wine is costing us over $2000.  I would love to serve open, but my parents are paying and feel it's really inappropriate to have unlimited free booze at a Christian wedding.  So this is our compromise. 

    It also just isn't in the budget, but if we were to do dry, we'd lose the drinkers to the bar at the club anyway, so we'd rather do cash and keep them on our side of the party.  Our families and friends know about it and are totally fine with it.  My MOH's wedding had an open bar tab of $15,000.  So ya... out of the budget, even wine and beer.   
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just read this (click) article on this exact issue. It's something to think about at least. It's a couple wanting to have alcohol at their wedding, but her FI's parents aren't supportive, and it's all from a Christian perspective.
  • mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am having alcohol at my wedding; mainly because we got a really good package. I also don't have any friends or family that will go overboard with alcohol so I am confident with their actions where alcohol is concerned. In any event, I have been to weddings without alcohol and I had a really good time so I am sure your wedding reception will be a great one!
  • mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:aff3683e-72bd-4221-8e07-aa887e430d7aPost:e83fff49-73ea-45b0-8c32-7c71665ffdb2">Re: how many of you are....</a>:
    [QUOTE]ya...this is how we feel: my mother is an alcoholic. me and my brothers were taken away when i was about 5...and then again when i was 14 years old. she has been in and our of  rehab and jail my entire life.  it is hard for me to rejoice with a substance that stole so much from me.  my FI wants to respect me in this...and also has been going to a ministry school and is worried about how alcohol will reflect his current standards. He use to party before he got saved and got into a lot of trouble because of it.  we are praying that our guest will respect our choices w/o me having to tell each and every one of them why. 
    Posted by amongthelilies25[/QUOTE]

    It sounds to me like you have already made your decision and if that is the decision that you are at peace with then stay with it.
  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We had a full open bar as has every other wedding we've ever been to with the exception of one being a cash bar (and mostly everyone was complaining that it was a cash bar). I can't imagine a wedding without it. A reception is a thank you to your guests, so your guests shouldn't have to open their wallets for food and drink at your wedding. Plus alcohol is usually associated with celebrating at a wedding and is expected.

    I will never understand people who don't drink or won't have alcohol at their wedding due to being Christians. Jesus turned water into wine in the Bible, and the Bible never says you can't drink, it just says not to become foolish. My parents are both very active in their church and in missions, and see no problem in enjoying a drink or two which they did at our wedding as well.
  • MrsTucker2011MrsTucker2011 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're doing a coffee/espresso 'open' bar instead of alcohol. We don't drink, and we found a venue that doesn't allow it so we're not the bad guys any more.
    For toasts, we're going to get peach sparkling apple cider which we tried for the first time on Christmas and we LOVE it. Now he brings a bottle over when we celebrate something so it's a special drink for us. =)
    Anniversary An engaged woman is always more agreeable than a disengaged. She is satisfied with herself. Her cares are over, and she feels that she may exert all her powers of pleasing without suspicion. All is safe with a lady engaged; no harm can be done. ~Jane Austen BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    We're still deciding on the issue of having a bar or not, and whether it will be open, consumption, or cash, but it was really good to read through your responses!   Glad you posted it.  :-) 
    July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
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  • edited December 2011
    We are planning on having alcohol. I personally do not drink very much, but I do occasionally. I do not feel as if it goes against anything Christian if people are drinking. The only stipulation is not to become overly drunk. I do not anticipate any of my guests becoming a problem with the alcohol either. I also agree with golden1215 on the etiquette issue. But that is for you to decide.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:aff3683e-72bd-4221-8e07-aa887e430d7aPost:1c1b9c04-0f8a-4384-9f31-32acf82d75cd">Re: how many of you are....</a>:
    [QUOTE]We're not having alcohol at all...I think there are maybe 10 people on the guest list who would even consider drinking in front of my great-grandmother (and those would be the ones not related to me).  Other than that, it's FI's position as a youth pastor and a decision we have made about not having alcohol in our home that were behind the decision to not consider it for the reception. We're doing mocktails for the appetizer hour (recipes on my bio under "Reception", and then having sweet & unsweet tea, lemonade, and water with dinner.
    Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>i have been looking up some cute mocktails idea. i am going to look under your bio to get ideas! (: thanks a lot!!! 

    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    I have zero intention of having alcohol at my reception.

    1.  I am against its consumption in general.

    2.  The worst wedding guest nightmare stories start with "there was an open bar and..."

    3.  It costs waaaaaay too much.

    4.  Our reception is taking place in a Baptist church's sanctuary.  I'm surprised they're letting us have a DJ and dancing, much less alcohol.
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