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Christian Weddings

posting on other boards makes me feel bad/annoyed

I've posted questions/concerns on other boards and i often get told i'm wrong, rude, a pushover, etc.  I would never tell somebody on TK that they are doing things wrong because it's not my wedding, but some people don't feel that way. 

for example, I asked a question about including maps to the reception in the invitations.  I said it was a 45 min drive from the church to the reception and got so much flack for having that!  i was told it's too long, it's rude, it's poor etiquette, etc.  this may be rude elsewhere, but in my circle and location, everyone does this. 
i was also told it's not okay to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception.  another thing that is okay in my area!

it's just a bit frustrating.

Re: posting on other boards makes me feel bad/annoyed

  • Having not read your post history....
    When you put information out there, they see it at face value. What they are telling you is *technically* correct, as far as etiquette. But they don't necessarily know how things are done in your circle. Maybe you live somewhere where a 45 minute drive is nothing (we drive that far to church every week.) And if you're having a church wedding, some people may attend the ceremony who are members of your church, even if they aren't "invited" because the church is open to any members. I don't know exactly how that works as far as invitations, though.
    I'm sorry it has been frustrating for you. I would suggest being careful with what you put on the other boards, as they have a tendency to be very black and white about things, and they also get these questions A LOT. So they can be rather abrupt about their replies. Good luck!
  • Yeah, that is why I never post on other boards. Especially the E board. It is ironic that there is no kindness or etiquette on the etiquette board. Anyways, 45 minutes is not long. It can sometimes take that long just to drive across a city, and if you want to get married in your church, there may not be a reception location nearby. But yeah, generally it is not polite to have ceremony only invites, but I have heard it is acceptable in some faith communities. I would just post here.
  • I only post in E late at night when there are fewer people around and mostly we just address the questions, without getting too judgy about them. I don't much like it when people are shamed for _asking the question_. "You're rude just for not knowing the answer" makes 0 sense.

    As for things like the distance to your reception venue, I treat off-topic etiquette issues raised by questions like this: If it's clear the plans are set, so all anything theknot says will just make the bride feel bad, I post like I did for you, if I'm early to the thread, or I leave it alone. [For others: I warned OP she was going to get flak, but I personally understood difficulties in finding reception venues close to churches.]

    If there's still a chance to change the plans to meet the etiquette rules, I try to say "by the way, this is the rule, you really should try to adjust your plans to match it." Which I think is what I did about your ceremony-only invites. I hope I wasn't harsh.
  • catwinecatwine member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited June 2012
    I'm from a small town where you just show up at the church for a wedding if you want to.  The church we are getting marrried in is my childhood church so there are bound to be people from the congregation there.  My parents may run into a former teacher of mine and say "btw- christina is getting married, you should come to the church" which is fine.  
    i've gone to several weddings because the bride said "you should come to the church" so I did and didn't take offense to being excluded from the reception. 

    i think i will refrain from posting on other boards for a while...you guys all give good advice!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_posting-on-other-boards-makes-me-feel-badannoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:cbb97ef3-2cb3-484e-a951-3cdf798698a7Post:2d211790-4a47-43f1-8837-a30f8f7f22fa">posting on other boards makes me feel bad/annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE] i was also told it's not okay to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception.  another thing that is okay in my area! it's just a bit frustrating.
    Posted by christinavy[/QUOTE]<div>
    [QUOTE]I'm from a small town where you just show up at the church for a wedding if you want to.  The church we are getting marrried in is my childhood church so there are bound to be people from the congregation there.  My parents may run into a former teacher of mine and say "btw- christina is getting married, you should come to the church" which is fine.   i've gone to several weddings because the bride said "you should come to the church" so I did and didn't take offense to being excluded from the reception.
    Posted by christinavy[/QUOTE]</div><div>These are two different things, though.  In the first one, it sounds like you're sending out invitations for the ceremony only, but not the reception.  Saying, "Please come watch us get married, but we don't want to feed you or spend time with you," is rude.  A congregant or community member attending an open ceremony, however, is completely different.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Weddings in our church are announced in the bulletin and open to the congregation.  The parents/couple usually include, "Reception is Private," if they're not doing Cake and Punch in the church fellowship hall.

    </div>
  • I dont see the big deal with 45 min especially when people have to take pictures etc anyway....

    I'd be leary of the E board myself ...been there done that ...and that's why i primarily stay on here ... it's much safer
    Love is All You Need
  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited June 2012
    I'm sorry you felt attacked or put down.
  • What Emily said.
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  • As PP said there are two different situations there. If its an open ceremony and people just show up then that's totally different! I do agree though that sending invites to only one the ceremony is where you risk offending people.
  • This is why I never post on any boards other than here. I'm super sensitive and I would probably feel attacked if someone said something to me in a "mean" way. 
  • After looking at the post you wrote, I don't really think anyone was that mean to you or attacking you. They were just telling you what your situation looked like to them. I might just have thicker skin though, because internet criticism, constructive at that, doesn't bother me. 
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