MOH problems

Gunther17

So I have two sisters and did not want to have to choose between the two of them on who i would appoint as my maid of honor so i decided to ask my cousin whom i am very close too... but now i am not so sure about my decision. I know i cant change my mind but i am trying to decide how to talk to her about it. Yesterday we had an addressing party that her and her mother were supposed to be at. Her mom showed up but she did not. So i texted her asking where she was and she was like "well i dont have good hand writing anyways and i wanted to go with my friend to her grandparents 50th anniversary so i wont be coming." and then a couple of weeks ago i asked her to go and get the dress i picked out and she told me that it cost too much and even asked me to buy it for her. At that point i told her that if she did not want to be in the wedding that was fine but she needed to tell me now so i could figure out something else i wasnt rude to her but i simply told her that. She agreed to buy it but wants to put it on my credit card at davids bridal and pay it off slowly... I dunno what to do with her. I dont even know what to think. I told her i was working on more stuff last night and asked if she could help and she told me that she really didnt feel like it and that she wanted to go to the lake with some friends. I have 96 days till my wedding and i need help... what do i do?

loveshine1

So I have two sisters and did not want to have to choose between the two of them on who i would appoint as my maid of honor so i decided to ask my cousin whom i am very close too... but now i am not so sure about my decision. I know i cant change my mind but i am trying to decide how to talk to her about it. Yesterday we had an addressing party that her and her mother were supposed to be at. Her mom showed up but she did not. So i texted her asking where she was and she was like "well i dont have good hand writing anyways and i wanted to go with my friend to her grandparents 50th anniversary so i wont be coming." and then a couple of weeks ago i asked her to go and get the dress i picked out and she told me that it cost too much and even asked me to buy it for her. At that point i told her that if she did not want to be in the wedding that was fine but she needed to tell me now so i could figure out something else i wasnt rude to her but i simply told her that. She agreed to buy it but wants to put it on my credit card at davids bridal and pay it off slowly... I dunno what to do with her. I dont even know what to think. I told her i was working on more stuff last night and asked if she could help and she told me that she really didnt feel like it and that she wanted to go to the lake with some friends. I have 96 days till my wedding and i need help... what do i do?

Cant_wait!

didn't you post a similar blockotext rant last night?

Future Mrs Butterworth

You need to realize that the only obligation she has is to show up on your wedding day in appointed gear. You can't really blame her for not being able to afford her dress.

katorigasuki

fire her and see what happens.

6fsn

Thanks LS.  Paragraphs are your friend Luky. If you can't do it yourself you hire someone.  I've never heard of an "addressing party."  If she doesn't want to do something it's not a big deal.  I'm surprised her mom came though.

TheDuckis

I'm giving you a pass because I feel really sorry for everything you're going through with you sister. But you should know that this board has its fair share of grammar snobs and sticklers, so you may want to read over what you post going forward. Remember that no one is as excited for your wedding as you are, and no one is required to do anything for your wedding other than show up in the dress you choose. See if you have other relatives who are willing and able to help, otherwise it's up to you and your FI.

Gunther17

Yea sorry I have a tendency to do that. The reason I am upset with her is not because she doesn't have the money. She does have the money. She just doesn't want to buy the dress...  The problem is she won't come around at all. She won't help at all. I respect her opinion and I would like it if she was there at least once in awhile. Just with some of the bigger things. I just want some tips on how to talk to her without upsetting her.

Gunther17

Once again sorry about the floodgate post. I will stop. Did not mean to upset anyone. Just stressed and most likely overreacting. Its always good to have people to bring me back to earth.

TheDuckis

Try hanging out with her for non-wedding related reasons. Go shopping or out to dinner together, and don't talk about the wedding. Make sure she knows you're still friends, and that you don't just see her as a helper. Quite honestly I'd rather go to an anniversary party and a lake house than work on my own wedding, so you can't fault her for having better things to do.

Future Mrs Butterworth

Sit her down and have a conversation. Rather than "you are" try "I feel" But really, she's not obligated to be a part of any of it. I mean, it would be nice if she wanted to be involved, but if she doesn't, you'll find other people who want to help. Also - just because she has money doesn't mean she's got money for the dress. I have money. It's all pretty much accounted for. Esp since I've paid for tuition for the semester. Know who knows I'm in school? Just about nobody. It's nobody's business. Maybe she has financial things she doesn't care to discuss with people outside the household. You know?

ReturnOfKuus

Addressing party?  As in, you wanted your bridal party to get together and do the sh*t work of addressing your invitations, and despite calling it a "party" your cousin wasn't fooled?  Good for her.

katorigasuki

She does have the money. She just doesn't want to buy the dress...::record screech::You do not get to decide how people choose to spend their money.  irregurdless of being the bride.

TheDuckis

You don't have to stop. We're all regulars and get a little prickly at times. But usually we're pretty nice. (See, Knot Annie? We're NICE!)

E Squared

[Obscure Suzanne Vega reference]My name is Luky.I live on the second floor.I posted a rant to youOn how my MoH could do so much more.I just came here for some adviceDon't give me trouble, don't wanna fightJust don't tell me that I'm wrongJust don't tell me my grammar's wrongJust don't tell me that I'm wrong.[ / end obscure Suzanne Vega reference ]

jessjo04

I had an addressing party. It was me, FI, and our good friend lexmark and his buddy dell. We even had wine. Ok, maybe just I had wine. Maybe you need to offer more booze.

Future Mrs Butterworth

Wz has a point. So does Jessjo. Why the hand-addressing? printers are your friend!

Gunther17

Yea I understand guys. Thank-you this all helps. I know I probably sound like a complainer right now. I shouldn't be. I am very lucky, just being stupid right now.  Oh and the addressing party was not required its just she previously told me she was coming and then last minute didn't show. It was not a big deal that she wasn't their I just wish she would have called or something. To the previous thing about last night. Its okay if you don't believe me but it is true. Please don't bash anything about that. It hurts.

MinM

::tips hat to E for awesome reference:: Our addressing party: me addressing invites to people from my family, friends, etc. He: addressing invite to people from his family, friends, etc. Your wedding = your work, unless you pay someone for their help. Wedding party =/= wedding slaves. She just not into you(r wedding).  

Future Mrs Butterworth

Luky, if you want to hang out here you'll have to loosen up a touch. So, tell us about yourself.

Gunther17

What do you want to know?

Future Mrs Butterworth

Whatever you want to tell us, I guess. How did you meet FI? How long have you guys been together? This place has been a graveyard since KA decided to banish us to the dropdown menu. We could use more regular posters.

TheDuckis

How old are you? How old is your FI?How long have you been together?Does your wedding have a theme? If so, what?Ribbon wands or Tears Of Joy packets?When buying your ring, did your FI go for quality or quantity? (You can't have both.)

MinM

Your SSN?

katorigasuki

wow.  TOJs and ribbon wands haven't been discussed for what seems to be decades.

Gunther17

That's too bad. Well... I have known my FI since middle school, but we didn't start dating or take an interest in each other until college. In fact we stopped talking in high-school but fate brought us back together because we some how ended up at the same college. The only two from our class of 500. We didn't start dating till the end of freshman year of college but we just clicked. I guess when you know you know. What about you?

Future Mrs Butterworth

Me? I met FI through my ex, oddly enough. We connected instantly too, but we just stayed friends for several years. After Ex and I broke up and I spent some time doing my own thing, we just couldn't stand it any longer. We've been together for a few years now. He's a great guy, still as connected as when we first met.

Gunther17

Oh and I guess a common theme in our wedding is Shamrocks... not really a theme but it carries throughout. He is Irish, his name is Patrick, and he told me he loved me for the first time on St. Patrick's day.... crazy and weird I know.

Gunther17

Thats neat Future Mrs. Butterworth. Sounds like you are really happy! That is awesome!

MinM

Is he going to wear a kilt? Will someone be playing the bag pipes? Does your FI have a tatoo of the Lucky Charms leprachaun or the Guiness logo?

katorigasuki

kilts and bagpipe are actually scottish.