Hey all you married folks...

Stephileigh84

How early is too early for cold feet before a wedding?

Future Mrs Butterworth

Before you're engaged, I'd say.

hmonkey

there is no good time.

jojobrn

I can honestly say, neither of us had cold feet. What's up?

Cant_wait!

There's no such thing as too early...

jessjo04

Eh, I had 'well, this is it' nerves right after we got engaged (a year before the wedding), then a day or two before, but nothing too bad.

Wonderw1fe

Wha...?

Stephileigh84

I dunno... maybe i'm just being moody today... but sometimes there are days that I look at him and honestly have no idea why we are getting married. Today is one of those days.

hmonkey

that's not cold feet.what's your problem with him?  is it something like his fly is down or that he has bad credit?does he know you have an issue?  have you discussed it with him?

Andy28

only nerves I ever had was marrying my ex-husband because I knew it was wrong and was too stupid to call it off.    When I got remarried, no nerves at all. I knew I was making the right decision.

VarunaTT

I had a WTF do I think I'm doing here am I really getting married moment, but I told myself yes and went on.  I don't think it was cold feet, more the enormity of it all hitting me.Why do you ask?

VarunaTT

Um, wow.I think you need to write that question down and look at it for awhile and try to answer it.I get that moody can make you do weird things, but if this is happening more than once and not just moody, I think you need to evaluate it for real.

jessjo04

I think you need to figure out if its you or him. One day I was so grumpy, I yelled at DH for eating tic tacs because of the noise. I wanted to punch him, obviously that was an issue with me, not him.

TheDuckis

That's a little red-flaggy to me. I think it's normal to have those moments of "I'm marrying a man who will ALWAYS leave his shoes by the front door instead of putting them in the closet." But if it's more along the lines of "I'm marrying a man who is ALWAYS going to have secret text conversations with a woman I don't know," you have a problem.

Stephileigh84

Oh yes, he knows. We have a knock down drag out fight every 3 or 4 weeks. "An Issue"? No, we have lots of issues.   P.S. Sorry for being Debbie Downer... And thanks everyone for talking...

jessjo04

:-/ That doesnt sound good.

hmonkey

what kinds of issues? there's "spits when he talks" and "drives drunk."  those are both issues, but one will make you do a lot of laundry, the other will wrap you around a tree.

TheDuckis

Every 3-4 weeks? Is it about the same issues over and over again? If so I'd call it off.

jojobrn

Get thee to counseling. You guys seem to have some issues to sort out.

VarunaTT

Are they the same issues over and over?  Are they resolvable issues or is the fighting going round and round?Honestly, at this point I'd go into some couples counseling and just prolong your engagement.  Unless either one of you don't want counseling and then I'd part.  Fighting every 3-4 weeks doesn't really sound like a wonderful way to live, does it?  And trust me, eventually you won't want to.  Breaking up now would be far less painful and legally messy than divorcing.

Stephileigh84

We found a counselor and are waiting for her to get back in touch with us about making an appointment.   It's always about the same general stuff... him being unattentive or not caring when I'm sad... me snapping on him for doing the same crap over and over (i.e. calling me a wench when he doesn't get his way)... we're both pretty moody with each other. When we fight, he can let everything go and be perfectly fine the next day... and I dwell on it and just get madder and madder. He's content with us just being together... happy or not. And I am... not.

VarunaTT

It sounds like you have a good plan.  I'd honestly put wedding planning on hold though.  You don't have to explain yourselves to anyone, just say "We had to move the date out and we're not sure when it'll be just yet".

hmonkey

how old are you?  how old is he?  and how long have you two been together?

jojobrn

Ditto Hmo. Calling someone names doesn't sound like he is at all mature enough for marriage.

Future Mrs Butterworth

Counseling is a very smart decision then. You shouldn't marry someone you have so many doubts about. Someone who is divorced. Really though, stick with your intuition.

ReturnOfKuus

Inattentiveness doesn't generally get better after the guy has you locked down, you know.

6fsn

Varuna gave excellent advice.  Delay the wedding and focus on the relationship right now.  Follow through with the counseling and see what happens. Every 3-4 weeks doesn't sound healthy.  Neither does name calling and such.  Definitely see a professional.

TheDuckis

I'm going to be the dissenting opinion and tell you to skip counseling. Just call it off. A marriage that needs professional help before it even gets off the ground isn't worth saving, IMO. Especially when it's over dumb crap. He shouldn't need a counselor to tell him to stop calling you names.

Stephileigh84

My gut tells me to bail. But tomorrow it could tell me something different, ya know?   We are both 25, and we've been together off an on for about seven years.   I'll give you an example... our last fight was about money. Specifically after we are married, we will live in my house. And for strange reason (that I have yet to hear) he doesn't think he should pay half of the mortgage... my mor. pymt is only 800 a month. And he makes 2.5 x more than I do.  But since it's MY house, it's MY primary responsibility. WTF kind of sense does that make?? He says after he sells his house he has too much stuff to buy. Like a hundred blu ray DVDs. Seriously. That's what he said the first thing he was going to do after he sold his place. He's already living here and contributes nothing to the bills. Not even groceries. And I'm pissed.

Future Mrs Butterworth

Run (don't walk) from this relationship. You do NOT want a man who isn't financially committed to your relationship.

Wonderw1fe

I agree with Duckis. Just stop.