Hey all you married folks...

TheDuckis

PLEASE DO NOT MARRY HIM. PLEASE THROW HIS THINGS ON THE LAWN AND TELL HIM TO GO LIVE AT HIS HOUSE THAT HE PAYS FOR.

Wonderw1fe

Wha@ the money thing. If you can't agree on this, it's going to be all downhill from here. He has "too much stuff to buy"? Wow. If you marry this man, you'll be in financial trouble 4-ever.

hmonkey

so you've been together since you were 18?  sounds like you are both stuck with how things were at 18, not now at 25 with adult responsibilities.why i asked how old you are and how long you've been together: whenever someone says that he is "moody", that is generally shorthand for "too immature to deal with his feelings in an appropriate way."because you say that you are both moody -- big red flag.

Cant_wait!

woah Stephi. This is way more serious than just cold feet. He's treating you like crap. The mortgage thing really pisses me off, that's NOT okay. I hope counseling helps.

jojobrn

Hell no. Now I know you've only told us a little bit about what is going on here, but the fact that he calls you names, doesn't contribute to costs around the house now and doesn't plan on it later are all serious red flags.Break the engagement while you get the counseling. If you can come out of counseling without that feeling in your gut that marrying him is a bad idea, then get engaged again and go forward.

Future Mrs Butterworth

I'm going to go over to Team Duckis (We'll call her Jacob, IHO New Moon) and say skip counseling, head straight to a mature breakup, and spend some time working on you as an individual.

ilovewhoseweddingisitanyway

Me thinks you're an idiot for agreeing to marry this guy. This didn't happen overnight, and sounds like things have been in this place since you got together. At 18. Ditto everyone on the run, don't walk, from this guy. I hear there's this show you could try to be on, that might help you with issues such as this...

TheDuckis

FMB, can my team be team Edward instead? I hate Jacob.

Schmoopita

Wow. This is not a healthy relationship and will only get worse. Do not marry this man unless you want to be abused for the rest of your life. I was on board with counseling until your last post. This doesn't sound like a relationship worth saving. Sorry about this, it sucks but better to get out now before you get married. Take it from someone who has been there, done that. I wish I would have taken my own advice before I got married the first time. Don't throw your life away for this relationship.

Andy28

no offense I just don't understand why get counseling even before you're married? If you're relationship is falling apart like this maybe it's not worth it. It doesn't always change anything.    I did it and I thought it was stupid because a person has to want to change. A counselor can only guide you, not tell you how to fix it.

Wonderw1fe

I can't believe you let him live with you and he doesn't contribute to the househole expenses. WTF? He's a freeloader! You know this won't change after marriage, right? It'll only get worse. Run now!

Cant_wait!

Stephi-I'll also add that I'm sorry. This can't be easy for you to hear/see. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Wonderw1fe

My guess is that you already know this relationship is doomed, and you're looking for internet validation. Well, here it is. Leave Him.

MandaGwenen

Your FI sounds a lot like my ex... and I thank God every day I didn't end up marrying him. Go with your gut and RUN. At best, he's immature and not ready for adulthood and the responsibilities thereof. At worst, he'll turn into a full-fledged abusive POS the minute you say "I do."

PMeg819

I'll be honest, I just skimmed this. All I have to say is that once your married, it's a hell of a lot harder to pick up and leave. And if this BS makes you want to leave now, go with your instinct.

jessjo04

He cares more about himself than he cares about you.

Future Mrs Butterworth

^What CW said. We're not trying to attack, though it may be coming across that way, it's just you're in a very precarious situation right now. On the one hand, you don't want to "throw away" 7 years together, on the other, deep down, you know we're right about the relationship being over already, and all you need to do is take that step. You can do it. It's hard, but you both should want more for yourselves than what the other is willing to give.

baconsmom

Leave, leave, leave. I know it'll be hard and you don't want to, but you REALLY don't want to end up divorcing in a year or two. He is not ready to be committed for life.

LnR70707

Yeah, the whole attitude about the mortgage pushes things over the edge, and revisiting the same arguments over and over isn't going to get any better.Also, together "on and off" is most cases is a giant red flag to me.  If there was a good enough reason to break up,  then it was probably better left that way.

HookaPants

Change your phone number, change you locks and send his sht back to his house.

VarunaTT

She's bailed on us.This is all good advice, Stephi.  See a counselor for yourself and get your self esteem up so that you don't have a bad partner.  It's the least you can do for yourself.

GBCK

Uh, this isn't a "he leaves the toilet seat up and it annoys me" or a "she doesn't always hear what I say:"This is a fundamental difference in roles.Right now?  He's showing you what you have to look forward too...that he will choose his wants over your wants, that he will choose his toys over pulling his share, etc.These aren't things that get better.  And, honestly, you're pretty clear that this ISN"T what you want.No more stringing along e/o, call it off now.

Stephileigh84

You guys didn't run me off... I had to go to work...   But I think you all may be right... I told him I'm staying at mom's tonight and I just got a text saying if I don't come home tonight that he's moving out and the wedding is off. I told him I wasn't coming home.

hmonkey

stephi, i am sorry.  but i'm glad for you.  this is a good thing.

GBCK

so he's willing to EITHER throw it all away over a disagreement OR he wants you to THINK he would--so using the fear of loosing him as a manipulation tool...Stand strong.(and for advice on calling things off, consider theregoesthebride.com)

Cant_wait!

Good for you, girl. Standing up for yourself when he is trying to control you. Keep us updated, we're always here for you to vent.Also, whatever you do, do not go to theregoesthebride.com that was recommended. It's depressing and I don't think it helps at all.

Future Mrs Butterworth

You should be very proud. It's a difficult step but you'll be SO much better off in the long run.

HookaPants

He'll get over it.

jojobrn

Stay strong, his response just goes further to prove he isn't ready for the commitment. Glad we could help you to trust your gut.

ReturnOfKuus

That makes me wonder if he wants out too.