Looking for some advice... (also XP with Etiquette)

ckonidak

 Cliff Notes: BM 2 didn’t respond to any bachelorette planning (being handled by MOH). Now BM2 is upset about the cost. MOH reamed her out in an email and cc’d me, the bride. Where does this leave me and how should I best handle the situation?  

Okay, this is a bit of a story but I’ll try to condense it. I’m the bride, and 2 of my BM’s live in the area, the MOH does not. MOH is a born party-planner, and she loves weddings, so I knew the bachelorette would be planned to a tee and god-knows-how intricate the plans are. MOH has been keeping emailing back and forth with the other BM’s about plans and what she wanted to do (to try and gauge if she was going too all-out or if they’d be okay with the costs she was looking at). It sounds like BM 2 has pretty much been out of contact and not responding to any emails for planning/budgeting, so MOH and BM 1have planned what they can without her. Well, I hear today (by way of a cc: in an email response from MOH to BM2) that BM2 is now saying things are getting too expensive for her, and politely asking if she can take part in less of the night because the cost is too much. MOH responds with “well you didn’t stay in touch at all during the planning so you could have told me this before now…”  So… um… I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, if anything. I’ve been kept out of the loop thus far on planning, other than hearing now and then that BM2 isnt really communicating. I feel bad because I know MOH has put her heart and soul into this party, and god knows she’s spending more than she should, but that’s how she is. I guess I just don’t know what to do, or if I should get involved at all. I’ve offered to help pay (but to be honest, it’ll be a stretch for me because I didn’t budget for it), and I don’t mind cutting back, but I have no idea what we’re doing or what the plans are, so how can I help?  Normally I’d say I should keep my nose out of it, but I was cc’d on that email for a reason, and now my bridal party is at wits end.  Just no fun. Any and all insights would be appreciated. I’m just at a loss as to what to do. Oh, and the party, is in 3 weeks.  

ETA: In case it’s not clear, I haven’t been a part of the planning process for this at all. Just addresses for the invites. Otherwise, I’ve been uninvolved.

zoiesmurf

I personally would stay out of it, unles they both ask you to step in. They are adults, I'm assuming, and can work things out themselves. It sucks that BM2 wasn't responsive to plans about the bach party, but if she can't afford the costs, then she can't afford it.

Maybe if they ask you to get involved, see if it's too late to scale the party back a bit, or offer to pitch in what BM2 can't afford, if you can afford it.

It sucks if MOH and BM1 end up picking up the slack, as that is money they hadn't planned on spending, but they probably should have kept that in mind when they discovered that BM2 was unresponsive to the planning emails.

HTH and GL! Hopefully they can work it out without you getting involved.

Tbird87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_looking-advice-also-xp-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:a1ea6f08-741a-4955-bacb-fabb18e67668Post:b384c12d-1ee2-4f3e-8b60-21995f6fc7bc">Looking for some advice... (also XP with Etiquette)</a>:
[QUOTE]  I feel bad because I know MOH has put her heart and soul into this party, and god knows she’s spending more than she should, but that’s how she is. 
Posted by ckonidak[/QUOTE]

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</div><div>I think the advice (from the E board) to stay out of it is pretty good. This makes me feel bad for BM2 though, not MOH.  It's not fair for MOH to expect BM2 put in the same amount of time or money.  </div><div>
</div><div>I would be tempted to email BM2 letting her know you realize MOH is being unreasonable and that you really appreaciate her being in the wedding party.  But it's probably safer to ignore the email. </div><div>
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sofiabrian

This sort of happened to me also regarding the bachelorette party....

MOH emailed the other three BM to get ideas, and to make plans. The whole night was a surprise for me. SIL didn't respond to a SINGLE email! I knew about it, but sort of stayed out of it. At one point, a BM called SIL to ask about her thoughts. SIL essentially said, she was NOT doing anything that will embarass her. When I heard of this, I was of course upset, but still stayed out of it. The night before the bachelorette party, I asked SIL if she was meeting at hotel, and if she wanted a ride? She told me she was only coming for dinner, because the rest of the night was too expensive and she didn't feel comfortable with what was planned. In the end she did come, partly because her ride there was another gal who was participating in all events of the evening. But SIL was such a Debbie Downer, but I didn't let her ruin my night!! I never said anything and neither did any of the other BMs. The other BMs were also very upset with SIL, but they all took the same attitude as me, and we had a BLAST!! 

I wish I could be more help, and offer better advise. But I think the main thing I took out of this, was that I wasnt' going to let anyone ruin things for me. SIL could be a brat, but that was her deal, not mine or rest of group. And try to stay out of it as much has possible. When it came to money, DH helped pay for SIL. He was looking out to make sure she didn't affect things for me. 

Good Luck!

Here are a pic of the FUN crew

ckonidak

Sorry for the delayed response but just wanted to thank you girls for your advice. I'm doing by best to keep both sides happy as I can understand both sides... finger's crossed that it doesn't blow up in our faces. I told MOH to take a week off of any wedding-planning (as she's obsessive and hitting the verge of crazy) so hopefully she can unwind a bit. She's stressed over my wedding more than I am at this point!