Groom Dragging his heals don't know where to start!

kate&jeremy14

It took him 6 years to propose. Now we are 14 months out from the wedding with an unknown budget. I know that it typically takes a year to plan a wedding, but around here someparts take a year, and others take a week. I don't know where to start, and when I ask my fiance for any opinions or ideas he just says, "I dunno." I'm not asking him things like what kind of flowers do you want? I'm asking him things like when and how much can he afford and indoor vs. outdoor. I know he doesn't want to help much or know the details, but he's paying for 2/3rds, so I need to know at least how much he can throw down. Help!

Wzz

if he is paying for 2/3, but you haven't discussed a budget, then how do you know that he is actually pauiong 66% of the wedding costs?

that said, you'll be fine when you figure out a starting point. to me, that is budget. do you know anyone who recently got married, within the last few years? do you know how much their weddings may have cost? that can give you an idea of how much to plan for a budget.

then think of a realistic amount you are willing to spend. THEN think of how long it will take for you and your FI to save that amount. that gives you a timeframe on when to set your wedding date for.

it shoudl get a little easier after that. stupid sound of music songs are in my head right now. let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start....you know the rest.

lyndsay782

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_groom-dragging-his-heals-dont-know-where-to-start?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:142a06e2-b947-4038-99f7-5bbc426e7cb8Post:ea87a50a-6515-4990-8306-5bbfbb5111db">Re: Groom Dragging his heals don't know where to start!</a>:
[QUOTE]stupid sound of music songs are in my head right now. let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start....you know the rest.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

<div>Now it's stuck in my head too...  Dang it. </div><div>
</div><div>OP: Have you had the financial talk with him?  You need to do that first if you haven't already.  I've pretty detailed about our money, and my FI knew that I'd have an exact amount figured out.  Find out what  your FI is willing ot contribute, and what you can contribute and go from there.</div><div>
</div><div>And not just 2/3 of the total, but what that total actually is. </div><div>
</div><div>EDITED: (To add the last sentence)</div>

Ella and Pedro

 I don't know where to start, and when I ask my fiance for any opinions or ideas he just says, "I dunno." 

The problem is, nobody really has any concrete information here.  Of course he does not know, you both don't know, really.   You need to make a clear budget based on data not guesses or wishes.  Start with a list of things a wedding includes from your POV:

Dress
Engagement Ring
Wedding Rings
Officiant
Venue
Florist
Tuxedo
Food/Catering
Bartender/Alcohol
Cake
Music/DJ
etc.

Now research each of these *in your area* and get quotes from three vendors.  I.E. three officiants (in our area they are an average of $500.00.  I live in an expensive, urban area. Maybe your area has the officiant at a different rate. Maybe it's a specific church you'd use and there is no bidding - but just a question of booking the minister or priest or rabbi, but you get the idea). 

Then, make a wedding binder with a spreadsheet or some other organization of the data and other key points (i.e. the only dates that your specific church or mosque or temple are available) and THAT is what you present to your fiance.

Too much work?  He should do some research too? Fine.  Tell him. Show him.  Ask him.  COMMUNICATE

Good luck!

kerbohl

I second the making a spreadsheet.  What FI and I did was look at three different options for halls and work out how much each option would cost, then decide what worked best for our budget.  We also have on our spreadsheet costs not related to halls/venues to work with.  But you FI has to get on board with this - he can't sit back and say "dunno" on something as important as the budget.  Maybe feel him out saying "I heard the average cost of weddings in our area is X.  What do you think about that".  Maybe that will get him talking about it?

mrslucento

Sit him down, and tell him, that you refuse to celebrate any part of the engagement until he gives you a basic amount of what he can chip in (if he says up to $5,000, that's a good starting point) and his absolute no-no's for place, time of year, and indoor/outdoor. (for example, he refuses to do anything between Sept and Feb b/c it's football season, or he refuses to have a big fancy church wedding, etc.
Your second step then will be to work from there and plan the wedding for at least 8 months from the time that you have at least 50% of the budget amount saved up.
Your third and final step should be the most fun for him, ask him specifically what he DOES want to do in regards to planning. Does he like working with computers? Ask him if he'd like to create a short video of you two goofing off to send to everyone as a save-the-date, or if he loves music, let him pick the playlist for the band/dj (my hubby did this) as long as he adds some of your choices and you can veto up to a few of his.
It's called compromise for a reason.